oneitis..

HappyJerk · 2013-10-23T03:54:59+00:00

She has rejected my offers on a date on a couple of occasions.

End it end it end it. You're at the bottom of rung of the friendzone, where the girl basically calls you for attention, gets it, and doesn't even bother meeting you. If she won't go on a date with you then end it.

Jessie_James · 2013-10-23T14:29:00+00:00

Ok, you have not given a ton of details, but this sounds a lot like a pretty typical scenario. Don't take what I am saying personally, I just write like this to get my point across quickly. Ok?

You need to realize that most women cannot or will not tell a guy like you to go away or leave her alone. They do this because you are immature and inexperienced, and they are worried that you will get extremely upset, or you will increase your pressure and not leave her alone. Either way, most women have learned that many guys like you turn into stalkers when faced with rejection. Chances are she has warned all her friends to stay away from you as well.

You are already well on the path to being a stalker. Unwanted attention, pushing a sexual connection, she's refused you many times. How long do you think it'll be until she calls the cops on you? Maybe never, but maybe tomorrow. You gotta back off buddy.

Besides, is that really the reputation you want? One that you're a creep who can't take a hint, is pushy and disrespectful, and doesn't know when to quit? Do you really think she has not told everyone she knows how creepy and pushy you are? Now that you have backed down, do you think any other woman she knows is going to give you the time of day?

Let me break this down for you:

So I've been talking/texting/FaceTime this girl for the past 3 weeks pretty much every night from 10-2 that I met online.

This is 100% classic friendzone behavior.

She has rejected my offers on a date on a couple of occasions.

Now, THIS was a GREAT move to ask her out. That should be the goal of talking to a woman - to get her phone number, and ask her out on a date as soon as possible, AND - most importantly - to judge her reaction. Your goal when meeting women is to DISQUALIFY them as quickly as possible. You got a no from her (and more than once!) but continue to push her? Why? Because you're a disrespectful moron?

Let's flip this around. Let's say you know some gay guy, and he IM's you every night from 10-2. He gets you to talk dirty, gets you in bed (by some fucked up miracle), and keeps pressuring you to be his boyfriend. You, presumably, find him unattractive but know that if you tell him to go away he'll break down like a big baby, maybe he'll spread rumors about the two of you which would be very embarrassing, or maybe he'll just pressure you more.

Do you "give in" and let this gay guy fuck you? Can he actually change your mind? Are you really so weak-minded that you would let that happen even though he is being completely disrespectful of your decision?

No? Someone else can't change your mind?

Guess what? You CANNOT CHANGE HER MIND using the techniques you are using. You're making things worse, not learning how to date women, and are basically doing everything wrong.

she says she's not that type of girl if I go further

This is what we call a MAJOR FUCKING HINT. Hello? Are you paying attention? She's telling you to fucking stop already. Get a clue here.

She'll text throughout the day but not really know depth.

She is engineering this unimportant contact as a way to get you to back the fuck off. She knows if she cuts you off outright, you'll probably blow up her phone. She does not want that, but she's had it happen with other guys before, so she's playing you at this point.

She is in control here. Not you.

I finally texted to stop wasting my time.

While that was rude, and you're blaming her for your mistakes, it shows you're a giant asshole who doesn't understand everything that went wrong was YOUR fault. You should have apologized for being a pushy, self-centered, arrogant jerk. Because it sounds like you acted like it with her.

Should I keep going?

Uh .. no. You need to learn to work SMARTER, not HARDER. All this "effort" you put in has soundly nailed your failure with her. You needed to start lighter and bail sooner. Imagine if you had known she would not put out on day one, what could you have done then? Maybe moved on and asked out another woman? In three weeks, if you had met a new woman every day, you could have potentially met TWENTY-ONE women and found more than one who is into you and what you both want.

So how do you fix this?

You need to sit down and take an inventory of everything you've done - chatted online for WEEKS, IGNORED her refusals to go on a date, PUSH sexual behaviors with her, IGNORE her hints that she is not into it, and is trying to LET YOU DOWN EASY.

See all those things? Those are FAILURES. Those are falling down. Those are major mistakes. You need to apologize to her for being a creep, delete her info, and move on and NEVER DO THOSE THINGS AGAIN.

Everything you have done is wrong, and this is why you are stuck in a corner. You need to turn around and do the opposite to get success (with another woman, you're totally done here.)

From now on you should meet a woman, make small talk for 5-10 minutes (maybe a little longer if online), and if you have things in common ask for her phone number. At that point wait a few days and contact her again, make small talk for 5 minutes, and if all still feels like she is excited to talk to you, ask her on a date. Have a plan - a time, day, and place, and keep it simple and less than $20. You want to judge if she will meet with you in person.

You want to do this as quickly as possible. less effort equals more results. Why waste 21 days when you could do the same thing in 21 minutes?

If she likes you, she will accept. Game on, now you tell her okay you'll see her then. Cut back on the texting. The DATE is when you get to know her, in person, not on your phone or computer!

If she does not like you, she will make an excuse. It can be any excuse, but typically things like "Let me think about it" or "How about you call me that afternoon and I will let you know" or "Can I bring a friend" or "I have to work" (and she does not offer a time when she is free - known as a "counter-offer"), or "I'm not feeling well", etc.

Now if she made an excuse, politely thank her and tell her you understand, and maybe you'll see her around. Then delete her info and move on.

If she accepted the date, you go out, use kino, get to know her, see if the two of you have anything in common (music, art, sports, education, work, whatever!) and have any real-life chemistry. You know, when you look at her she smiles and is coy and looks down. Or when you touch her back or waist she does not pull away. At the end of the date when you've both had a great time and you try to kiss her (slowly) she does not pull away? Did you make a connection? Good! Ask her out again!

If you didn't, that is good too because then you know you don't need to ask her on a second date! Think of all the time, effort, and money you have saved by disqualifying an uninterested woman!

It's that easy. Women are VERY EASY TO UNDERSTAND. The communicate with ACTIONS NOT WORDS. No matter what she says, if she won't go on a date with you, YOU'RE DONE! Stop right there and move on!

Otherwise, you will get known as the desperate guy who is stupid, disrespectful, creepy, and probably going to be a stalker. Don't get that reputation! You can do so much better by spending less time and effort on a woman who is not interested.

I hope that helps. I went through the same thing when I was starting out, and it was so frustrating. Jennifer was her name, she was a smoking hot blonde, and it was EXACTLY like what you are going through. I finally got a clue and moved on and landed Aimee who was far, far better, and a LOT more kinky. I am so glad I got a clue. You will too!

Good luck! :)

plasticFish · 2013-10-23T03:21:35+00:00

read up about text game 1 and 2 on the right side of seddit.

but really... you've already identified your problem with your title haha. Spending all your precious golden and potentially amorous youth on a screen that's no bigger than the palm of your hand is a huge waste of time IMO.

Go out more.

youngjakers · 2013-10-23T13:37:38+00:00

Keep going, because I'm certain that this as an aspect of her rape fantasy. She wants you to force her to have sex with you. The whole idea of non-procreative sex might have been drilled into her as morally wrong by her family. And gathering from this information you've presented here, she'll probably prefer anal penetration.

Just kidding.

Get out of there and maintain your integrity. There are a lot of 18 year olds to have consensual sex with.

joshsway · 2013-10-23T12:46:03+00:00

Sounds like one-itis and you need to end it. Never get into texting games until you have met the woman.. text for logistics. In terms of overcoming oneitis...my site has a few articles on oneitis including a recent one on overcoming difficult oneitis .. check them out.

2013-10-23T16:58:04+00:00

All she wants from you is attention, and all you are giving her is attention.

Stop.

WishfulTraveler · 2013-10-23T03:44:01+00:00

Move on IMO and get out more. Slim down the FaceTime/Talking to 1-2 times a week and never on the weekends and actually do stuff during the week. Have something fun and exciting you can actually talk about and share with her. Chicks dig passion. If she really likes you, shes going to hate not being able to talk to you as often and it will bug her. If she says something like I wish you were free or w/e and she wants to Facetime you or w/e have something that your doing that you can actually invite her to. You want to close with her which means you need to actually meet her in person. Just make that your goal and go from there. If shes mentioned anything she really wants to do or a movie she wants to see or some bs like that I would try and make that happen.

Also I think you should give it about a month before moving completely on. There are plenty of fish in the sea but at the same time, just because a girl isn't ready to be hooked now, doesn't mean that in a couple of months she won't be more interested. Play the long game with this one but diversify and develop other options.

Title	oneitis..
Author	OvandoFTW
Upvotes	3
Comments	14
Date	October 23, 2013 3:03 AM UTC (12 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/seduction
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/seduction/comments/1p0wyn/oneitis/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/seduction/oneitis.1360407 https://theredarchive.com/post/1360407

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