I've been lurking on here for a few months. I enjoy posts that advocate self-improvement and boosting self-confidence. The ones that talk about charm, charisma, kindness, confidence, compassion, etc. But I noticed that there are some pretty dark stuff that pops up sometimes.

The main reason I'm making this is because I've noticed that in my own life, there are guys who definitely read the stuff here or related material on the internet (including some acquaintances and not so close friends). I don't have much going for me. I'm a decently charismatic person that has average attractiveness. My wit is ok and I can hold great conversations with anyone I meet. Sometimes guys approach me and I have a good feeling that they're into seduction or related topics because they would ask me things like "Are you pulling?" or "Wow. You have good game.". At first I thought it was just typical college talk then I found /r/seduction and made sense of it.

But a lot of guys are approaching my female friends and negging them. They berate them to a point that they are VISIBLY uncomfortable and I have to do intervene. This sounds like "white knighting" but it isn't. When I have a friend who is on the brink of tears then I want to placate the situation.

I've grown an empathy for this community. Men who want to better themselves and make an impact in the world around them is a powerful and admirable thing to do if it's an impact that will better those around them. It really sucks because I feel like I have a foot in both doors of the way how people usually live and the way the seddit community lives. I want the best for everyone.

Some heads up tips

  • Many people who don't read the /r/seduction, pick up, game or related material on the internet still know of it. It's natural to know when someone is trying to manipulate you. The strings can literally be felt for every action they take. It's an uncomfortable feeling. We can't make sense of it but it affects our actions. There has been times where I've gone out and after multiple failed attempts from guys trying to game my friends, we just leave the venue go back to our apartments and talk about the night and these guys usually come up in the conversation topic (in a condescending way). A friend of mine would talk about how a guy's attempt to hit on her failed but at least he had a wingman. After a failed number attempt, a different female friend looked at me and whispered "Was he trying to get my number? That was really bad.". There are times my girlfriend goes out and text me about how awful the guy's game at a party is. Most people are aware of what is going on. It isn't a secret at all.

  • Many take on the advice to find "naturals" and befriend them or watch them to learn how to talk to women. This behavior is noticeable. Like extremely noticeable. I have a few friends who don't know anything about game or seduction and they're successful with women and talking to people in general. My acquaintance, who is terribly awkward and used to ask me if I knew about game or day game, analyzes my friend who has a natural affinity of attracting people. My friend recently asked me "Hey, do you know why (acquaintance name) keeps staring at me? It's really creepy." Just like manipulation, people can feel when they're being watched. It's an unnerving and creepy feeling.

  • If a guy is with a girl and they're having a pretty hot time, don't go in. I guess this tip stems from my own frustration of approaching a girl then there are guys who watch the girl or I like vultures and sees that I'm making a move then proceeds to make a move. It makes it harder for the person who put their balls on the line to actually have fun. Kills the guy's value and makes the girl more hesitant.

an example would be when I invite an acquaintance to hang out with my friend group and this girl in the group and I have been having sexual tension for a while. I put my arm around her and the guy literally puts his arm on top of mine. Awkward looks ensues from the girl and I.

Another example would be at a party, I approach a girl and have a light and fun conversation. The instant I talk to her, 2 guys interrupt me and start talking to her. I stay for a sentence or two then excuses myself. After I leave, I still look at how the interaction goes and the 2 guys end up leaving the girl. I talk to her again and she starts grinding with me. One of the guys from before comes up and tries to wriggle his body between my crotch and her rump so I shove this guy away.

It's just not cool and frustrating. I know that sometimes we have our own self-doubts and would like to see successes before we go in. But just take life by the horns, it's a lot more fun.

  • Negging doesn't really work. Negging only works but in a much more conceptual way relating social calibration and building of sexual attraction. This is explained well by social_scrying.

Just from my bias experience with negging. It's not really cool to insult random strangers. I know none of my friends or I stick around when someone backhand compliments us or insults us straight in our face.

  • You can't make someone love you. I feel like Hitch sometimes but sometimes acquaintances or friends would ask me if they can make a girl fall for them. People are attracted to others for what they do and what they provide. Not for some technique or behavior that they do sparingly. It's good to get real. So ask yourself why you want to be with this person and what value can she provide you and that you can provide her. A lot of times, if we look at the situation objectively, we figure out "Mmm. Maybe it wouldn't be such a good idea if her and I was dating.."

My end note is to keep trying. Keep trying to improve yourself, better yourself and the people around you. But be aware of the implications of certain activities and tendencies. With pick up and game, it's blatantly obvious when someone is trying it. But for a lot of guys who don't have social awareness to pick up on things social cues or how to act in a certain type of setting, they tend to not realize this then crash and burn. I've seen people who were literally mindblown when they saw how I could tell if a girl was or wasn't interested in me. It's less about reading behaviors and more about emotions. We are humans, we have emotions. Just feel the situation out. Literally (not with your hands, but emotionally).