Those who have been doing pickup for a little while will probably recognize some changes in their personality/lifestyle/energy/chi/whatever. For me, I realized yet another way that dealing with shit tests and amogs has helped me to make faster and more 'correct' (not sure how else to describe it) decisions without making a big deal out of shit or being a bitch about dealing with a situation. For me, pickup forced me to be an action-taker, whereas my natural state is a programmer (which is awesome for me I love it, but really like the yang to pickup's yin).

Anyhow, today, I went to a career fair at my university and towards the end this is what happened. Now, judge me if you want, if it makes you feel better about yourself, and yes I'll admit sometimes (nowadays after pickup) I am somewhat more numb and less sensitive and every once in a while I (not on purpose) doing something that is a little dickish. I used to feel enormous guilt when I did something that put someone out, and this allowed others to take the lead in almost any situation. I truly thank the pickup community for bringing me out of that horrible and extremely unhealthy place.

Anyhow, back to the story, so everyone was leaving and there were a few guys/women at some sales/business/military-contract table who were not very open to talk to me when I stopped by before then. They were screwing around as I was on my way out, when one of the women at another table down that row asked if they wanted a stress ball. It was the last fucking stress ball. I like those things, I like to bounce them when I walk around and do shit, it's de-stressing just like it's supposed to be. So they say yes throw it over.

Now I didn't even think about what happened next, instinctively I just wanted the ball and cut back between the tables in that split second after she threw it and I intercepted that fucker. I honestly didn't even realize that I'd done it until after the fact, it was just like I want I take. I'd NEVER done that before. Before I'd probably have broken down and felt guilty for weeks on end about how I acted immaturely and should know better, etc. A summary of what I felt after I got the ball -- lol. That's it, just, 'lol'. One of the guys, real big amog, was trying to get me to play baseball with it while he held an umbrella like a bat (like I'm throwing this ball at him and expecting him to actually give it back to me afterward lol). My reaction again -- lol. I just looked at him/them and just laughed very casually, very disarmingly. Self-amused. Not threatening, not mocking, not proving a point, just amused.

TLDR: I'm really starting to feel a numbness to bullshit, like an inner peace, that guides me, let's me shrug off that which truly doesn't matter, and say fuck you sometimes to it, and then attack ruthlessly when I need to and when it does matter. I'm starting to see gains in my life after doing pickup.