So I've met a girl and I'm constantly in touch with her because of reasons I won't discuss but we interact with each other every day and I've noticed very strong signals that she likes me a lot. She's a real sweetie so I'm still sceptical because she seems to be nice to everyone but I have my evidence based reasons to think she likes me a lot more than any random dude.

I liked her immediately HOWEVER, I kept being cold because a.) I felt like that and b.) I didn't want to obsess over her. It attracted her more and that attracted me even more.

Well, long story short, eventually I found myself obsessing over her (as I do) before even trying to take her out (ofc y not).

Now she makes me insanely nervous because I feel so invested in her. I tried to ask her out but I was in such a sorry emotional state I felt the black hole in my chest consuming the whole planet around me and I only showed her something of mutual interest that I wanted to show her and called it a day (a shitty one).

I will meet her soon out of our usual context tho, and I want to puth forth a statement that I really like her, that she gets me going and I want to spend time with her in man-woman interaction instead of our usual context (which is NOT friendship)

BUT since I have this huge oneitis, I keep struggling even with the thought of talking to her. I was looking for advice and I was replaying the past weeks of my interaction with her and where I felt the emotional upper hand while dealing with her.

I figured out I was cold because I kept my distance because I didn't have a clue whether or not I want to invest something in her. I kept my cool and ignored her most of the time. I viewed her as a potential threat and that kept me cool. And on top of that what came to my mind were the words of my friend who said "you just need to be a jerk to women" which is of course kinda nonsense we all heard but then I thought about it and it... clicked.

How much of a JERK can you be really? Not literally, not rationally - but emotionally? How much can you convince yourself to HATE someone? It's probably not that easy. So by this logic...

You really need to think about her in a NEGATIVE WAY. You have to intentionally view your oneitis as kind of a threat - which she is, she is a threat to your emotional system if you're as clingy obsessive and idealistic as I am.

Think about how would it feel if you just dumped her. The moment you idealize when you want to ask her out? Just don't think about asking her out. Think about dumping her and her missing all the stuff she liked about you. Think about how would she feel if you came to say that you don't really belong to each other. You get rejected? Instantly reject her in your mind for whatever reason and MOVE ON. DICTATE YOUR STATE OF MIND.

Be a JERK to her in your thoughts. Look at her as you would look at a stray dog. She might bite you - she might become your family. You don't know.

I personally feel absolutely nothing when I think about her like this and it cures my oneitis nearly instantly. After imagining that, my emotions normalize and I can breathe.

Your brain will rewire the lovestory that's on repeat in your brain, infecting it with bullshit, into a WHO KNOWS situation. You won't feel so powerless and awkward. Instead it feels kinda sexy. Allows you to focus on the physical attraction of her rather than your mental masturbation of love which is offputting for every female under the sun. It also helps me stay present and calm.

The truth is - you don't know if you like her as much as your emotions try to tell you. Even if you do, she can still become like absolutely god awful person who will hurt you intentionally (in my case this would be hilarious cause she's the sweetest person I've ever met - objectively hands down never seen a human act like that before) and you keep obsessing over her with no certainty in anything.

TL;DR - keep your distance and if you can't, then in case of oneitis, make her as unlovable in your thoughts as possible. Straight up try to hate her for anything and see if it helps.