Just a brief summery on what progress I've made since my previous post.

I've made a few post here. For anyone that will look into it, the progress I was making with the previous HB was a dead end. Turned out to be a dud. Meet up once and was just ignoring me from then on. Ah well. Anyway after I brushed that off I figured I still needed to make improvements with appearance and social life. Out of the 2 that I have improved is appearance. For social gatherings, my schedule is to conflicting with that. It's from work and school.

Since my last post I have enrolled into school going for a computer science degree and have lost some more weight. To the point where I can make out my rib cage, it's been a long time since I was able to do that. I am currently 265-270 pounds, although I have been slacking these past few weeks due to laziness and other priorities. Trying to make it to 230. I have a 6'3, broad frame. I need a 60 inch jacket to have it fit my shoulders. (This I figure isn't really important, just trying to paint a better picture of myself.) In school for obvious reasons. Job and more money, eventually. But in it I am trying to take advantage of the social setting. I am really introverted. Sometimes to the point where I get nervous around people and panic a little on the inside. I then try to eject the scene and I am then home alone by myself. I sometimes prefer being alone, I am the type to kick it and read a good book and study up on material for my courses. Which had paid a bit of dividends. I am somewhat seen as the smart one in the group I am partnered with for my labs. I have yet to receive below a 95 on an exam or assignment. From that I am able to practice my "value". I haven't been able to meet any new girls with this of my interest. Getting to talk to people has become a bit easier for me but this is a bit of a struggle for me to break me being an AFC. I just don't think I am a smart guy. Its that or it that I don't like to be looked at as flawless. I just get that impression from some people.

The problems I've pinpointed that, what I feel, are most difficult to overcome my AFC is currently are, 1) confidence, 2) speech (I sometimes get a bit of a stutter and speak way to quick. I have improved with this slightly and have bettered my vocab), and 3) I guess the best word(s) are style/identity. I'm at the place in life where I am discovering who I really am. Not trying to make this a sob story or sound like a bitch, I was bullied for quite sometime. At school, home, and was the punching bag of the friends group I was involved, until I had enough and moved. This went on until I was 22 years old. I always thought it was normal or was just simply my place to be. I was always trying to please everyone and unnecessarily went out of my way for a lot of people. Which placed the "nice guy" status on me and had a hard time to differentiate being a good friend or being used. There are a few other things involved that will take to long to explain and in general rather not talk about. This lead to a way of thinking that just led me to believe that I am the label that was placed upon me, an AFC (in pickup terms). I am 24, a male, a virgin, and socially constructing myself into the person I want to embrace. Now I am training in a sense. Its kind of like when Luke meet Yoda and is in his training but with no pussy involved.

I've tried my best to manage my money and set up to buy a better wardrobe and other needed necessities. I have maybe 6 outfits that I can make my self look GOOD. Changed my hairstyle to a faux hawk (it has for whatever reason made me more comfortable to be in group settings. I guess I consider myself odd and having an odd hairstyle helps me better identify my presence in social settings) Also have had issues with body acne and have been trying products left and right. I have improved the appearance of my back. (Any other tips here I would love to hear. I found that potassium alum helps a bunch.) These habits have put me on a better level with appearance. Which should have already been put into place, I know, but I am trying to shake off my old way of thinking. Which made me think I was stupid waste of space which I know is simply not true. It only is true if I allow it and don't take measures to fix that.

As for preparing myself. I have not been able to look over the advice posted on here to often. Again laziness, school, and work. The last full piece of material I've looked through is the Tao of Badass. I found it to be "eh". I would say it helped me better understand social situations and explained the process of escalation during a conversation. It's been a while since I've looked it over so this could be off. That aside, I've been trying to become shameless. Whenever I'm with people I just say the first thing that pops into my head. Really trying to be comfortable with myself. Especially around women. Before I always had a filter on, trying to impress them, always saying nice things, nothing ever to mean, and never called them out when it was needed. A perfect example happened today. I meet this girl named Katie a while ago. I feel good chemistry but I know if it went to a relationship, it would suck. I would rate her as a HB7. Humble personality and is a type that isn't scared to say whatever and would strip on stage (she has several times). Not trying to fuck her. She has a BF and I don't intentionally try and break that. I say intentionally because if she was the one to offer or initiate sex, I would not turn it down. I have her around to get myself saying shameless things around beautiful women. 2 lines from earlier, not sure if it's the best examples or attempts. We're both talking and catching up.

Katie: So whats been up. Anything new?

Me: Nothing really new other what I've been learning in school. Other than that just working. Paying off bills and trying to save money and boxing whenever I can.

To cut this part short, I tell her a brief summary on what I've learned. She tells me the same with her schooling. Personal life and other general stuff.

(where I am trying to execute shamelessness)

Me: Yeah, it's a heavy load of work. I haven't been able to get out much. I'm so worked that all I want to do now is push my priorities to the side. Go out, drink, smoke, and eat pussy.

Katie: HAHA. Yeah, I know what you mean. But I admire that you're able that your pulling this off.

More shit was said until the next part that I remember.

Katie: So I meet this cute girl the other night.

Me: Really now? How cute?

Katie: Really cute. I was at a party and we started hanging out. I'm just texting her to see if there is anything going on tonight.

Me: You can invite her to the threesome we're gonna have. (Said this with a big grin in a serious but obviously sarcastic tone.)

Katie: Ooooo...

Me:What? Should we invite more?(again, trying to get comfortable to being shameless around hot women. Kind of trying to put on a Daniel Tosh's "I just don't give a fuck". Trying to make my mind work in a way in that they aren't entitled to special treatment)

Katie: HAHAHA! Yeah, that's gonna happen.

Me: Without you it seems. (I don't expect this to work, at least that's not my objective at the moment.)

I can't really remember what was said after. Just a few laughs and jokes here and there.

The reason this post is so god damn long is that I am planning to go to the beach for spring break. Going a weekend and I'm on a mission. With this new comfort, style, and future material I will read up on, I am at least going for a kiss close. Yes that is what I'm shooting for at least. I've got a number close back in the day, so I know I am capable of that. I'm going up to shoot for that or finally get laid. I'm trying not to get ahead of myself but I want to make that a possibility while I'm there. How I going to get this done in 2 or 3 days at the beach, I have no idea yet. I'll make a few practice runs while I'm in town for the 3 weeks before spring break and read vigorously on everything I can find here and else where. I'll re-read Tao of badass again and I got the magic bullets as well.

I guess this will be my training camp before my "big fight". I'm going to put myself in the same state of mind of the guy who did the rejection therapy and just brush off and bounce back quick. Its some article I looked over here and yahoo.

I'm not trying to make this into a big thing here on seddit, I hope not at least. What I'm trying to do is show everyone I've seen on here that have similar situations as me that we can become better. That your perception is your reality and that you can make it anything. You need to push your self further and in the right direction.

I just refuse to accept "this" any longer. I am going to do my best and give everything I have to finally harness the abilities needed to succeed during my trip and hone them afterward to use later in life. The best way I can describe this place I'm in, imagine being my age (24) and you still see things and look at the world like you did when you were 15/16 years old. I've aged but I haven't grown. Its not necessarily a bad place, but I don't belong in that place anymore. I've over stayed my welcome and need to grow.