Okay seddit, let's talk about an awkward 17m, who's good with boys but bad with girls.

So I had ( kinda still have) that oneitis for one girl in my class, yeah it sucks (after reading all this stuff I know my mistakes with her, sad I can't remove them. But whatever, mistakes have to be made!). Ignoring her since a few months because you guys made me realize that it's simply not worth it and why would you pursue a friendship, which is hurting you every day ? Lately I try to become a overall more appreciated guy, talking to nearly everybody in my class now and get more socialized. I'm hitting the gym, dress properly and became more confident, at least I imagine that. But I've got one big problem.

I go out into the city, often alone, because I don't think that my friends would appreciate that, what I want to become. Hell, I did not even tell them that I want to change me. I go out with a mind like "today you approach at least five girls" but then I puss out. Like a little kid. Goddamn, I nearly stare into the eyes of every stranger that passes by, try to make eye contact and win the "eye contact game". Today for example, a beautiful girl sitting right in front of me, I could have easily talked to her but no, I'm telling myself "she's already having a boyfriend, she is too old for you etc.". I did not even ask her how old she is, apparently it's very difficult for me to determine the age of the girls here. Like it would've been the easiest thing ever for me to talk to her. But no, I puss out.

I puss out a lot I think. Last weekend I got my first kiss from a girl I made out with, after she sent me some HUGE IOI's several times. But I did not pursue and escalated with her in consequenze of me being a pussy. Like she was really into me and I lost attraction by saying "I'm not a good kisser" and staying awkward afterwards. Could've escalated really easily. She was fucking drunk. So easy. Missed oppurtunity.

I'm reading a lot about this whole pickup stuff but I feel like reading is not enough. I know it is not enough. But I puss out. I don't have balls even though I'm quite tall and goodlooking and always assume attraction, this oneitis girl killed my confidence. To be honest I've never been much around with girls, I want to change that so badly. I maybe be one of these guys, who are complaining a lot, who are overthinking and overanalyzing the situations.

Advice how to not puss out ? I read a lot of articles about approach anxiety and I'm completly aware that it's fucking insane. It's crazy. But I puss out. Fuck it !