Question- How do you express interest in a particular woman amongst a group when you are out without acting differently than normal?

Quick backstory. I am a dental student graduating in 2018, the new 2019 graduates just matriculated and started at our school. Each class has roughly 150 students, so everyone knows everything and everyone relatively quickly. If there was a particular girl I had interest in, how do I go about nightlife and focusing on her without clearly spending extra time and energy on her?

If I was normally out I would just go for all the girls, be friendly, and cruise around. If there is one in particular I want to focus on, it makes me not want to do that with other girls right in front of her. This leaves me then not being myself, and honestly acting exclusive to a girl I have no commitment or reason to act that way with. For those of you that say, "f it your right you just answered your question pursue them all," I don't want to come off as a guy that just rolls around and goes for any girl, if I sleep with a classmate of hers she will know that, and who knows if that would make me off limits. I have no desire to make myself the sloppy guy.

Those of you that have done well in small groups like grad school, how to you pick one and go for her in a non-creepy and non obvious manner? A way that hopefully avoids you coming off as a creep to her, and more importantly one that keeps your options with other girls open in case she doesn't work out.

TLDR: Small class. Want to pursue a girl. Don't want to obviously be soloing her. But at same time don't want to close doors with other girls by being too restrictive on what I do while focusing on her.

[–]Morokweng 1 point2 points3 points 10 years ago (1 child) | Copy Link

Maybe the problem is that you're 'cruising around', 'being friendly', not making any moves. Fuck off with this shit. Its very simple. Go to the girl that you're interested in, fucking ask her out. If she says yes, then go out with her. If not then go out with someone else. Honest and direct, nobody can fault you for that.

And er, yeah.. I wouldn't worry too much about alienating all the girls by sleeping with too many of them... Casanova. How about focusing on the task of sleeping with the one you actually like? Your fears of what happens when you have astronomical success are unwarrented, as that success is nothing more than an idle fantasy, and its paralizing you from doing anything at all.

You're only going to get a reputation for being 'that guy' if you're seen as dishonest. You're trying to play shitty games, telling one girl this, and another girl that, and then one day they compare notes and sink you. So in the unlikely event that you do end up sleeping with a series of your classmates, and you weren't being a dickhead and lying to them, you were honest with your intents and actions, then it certainly won't make you less attractive to the rest of them.

[–]lovedoctor11[S] 0 points1 point2 points 10 years ago* (0 children) | Copy Link

Thank you very much for the well thought out reply. The honesty thing is huge and I like that viewpoint.

Where it is hard for me to hear you out though is the asking the girls out. I'm at a bar with a bunch of people, its hard enough to talk. Now you think I should go up to her and ask her out? I'm assuming you mean after some conversation right?

Either way, what is hard for me about that is the mixed messages I get from being that way with girls. So far, and maybe this is just me, every girl I put more interest into and try to make plans with is actually turned off. The ones I "go for" are usually not the ones I get, and from the many girls I've talked to about this its because girls don't like a guy showing interest in them like that. I think that its weird, and perhaps not actually true, but I have experienced that and I'm timid on the whole asking out now.

Edit: wanted to add this. The whole alienating thing in the small class is more real than it might seem. Its not so much the other girls saying no to me afterwards, its the ones I have slept with kinda hovering me at the bar, which has absolutely happened to me. By no means have I gotten with all these girls in my class, but the ones I have slept with sometimes cock block me when they are at the bar too. It just adds a level of awkwardness I don't like so I was going to try to avoid it if possible with the younger class. But to your point, that scenario is unlikely and I should keep my interests open, right on.

Comments