[Questions] Need advice on last night, not beginner

I'm a 19 year old guy in 1st year of college, go out with my friends to clubs/bars. I have kissed, danced, gotten numbers and so on, but last night wasn't it. We go out in a street full of clubs where other students do, the girls are generally really confident.

Started off with a girl sitting at the bar, all went well but she was 4 years older than me, at least the conversation was good, seemed generally interested.

Second one is more interesting, approached with "that blouse really does it", said to me in a playful way "this, a blouse?", told her "honestly, i have no clue" introduced, started talking (what i do is play guessing games, my solution to not asking too much questions, let them guess about me, worked out well). Also tried a test on me by calling me gay, didn't pick up on it. My friend came to me awkwardly, didn't say anything, went away, then another friend came. Talked a bit, didn't introduce himself. Then the girl said to me "i really like that you're so straightforward, but you're too much of an asshole". I don't know if i should pick up on that, should i? Or was it a test? She said it with smile, we went away. Also i vaguely remember she might of said that she likes my friend instead of me, not quite sure, seems odd because he didn't say anything.

So things got even worse and i started feeling like shit, approached some alone in the street, no success. Wasn't really feeling it anymore.

I know someone from another friends group of mine that has that genuine smile when he goes out. Really looks like he's having fun everytime and girls just fucking love it. Showed me the importance of having fun, last time we went out i felt like a boss and had a lot more success.

The group i went out with are really inexperienced with women, can't approach one alone. These friends from last night weren't my best, but can't say no to a night out. One of them got drunk enough to drag girls by the neck in clubs trying to "seduce" them. Yeah. Other friends were awkwardly standing there, best fun we had was taking pictures of our casanova friend. So he was strangling one girl and told the girl's friend "i really feel for your friend", thought i'd show some social awareness, got a friendly laugh in return but didn't know how to follow it up.

Then i was really not feeling it anymore, especially after a girl straight up stepped away from me after my opener. I know when i'm not having fun i have a facial expression like im about to kill someone. Also my dance moves felt really forced and awkward.

Also i still don't get club game. To me it looks like a room of randomly placed guys and girls. There were 2 girls talking to eachother, tried to strike up by asking each of them "is that your best friend?" but failed to follow it up. Also, how do you generally get a girls attention? Pat on the shoulder? Straight up lean in and say it in her ear?

What could i have done better? Can i (partly) blame the outcome on my friends or the way i was feeling?

[–]SSJZoroDWolverine 0 points1 point2 points 11 years ago (4 children) | Copy Link

Looks like you took things a little too seriously last night. A girl called you an asshole. So what? She said it with a smile, so obviously she was just messing with you. Shit testing you even. I would've said something like "At least I'm a fun asshole." And kept going. As long as she's smiling and sticking around, keep going.

If you're not feeling it when you approach, try just approaching girls and purposely fail. That way you can start amusing yourself and start being fun again.

In clubs you gotta move fast and you gotta have high energy. Time moves much faster in a club. The 15 minutes you and your friends are just standing around when you first come in? Consider that an hour in "club time". In a club, you wanna start interacting with people right away because people are observing you whether you are aware or not. High five people, ask girls to join you and your friends on the dance floor, go have a funny dance battle with someone, etc. You want people to see you being social and having a good time. Also, be loud. In a club with loud music, you wanna yell things and keep it short and sweet when you approach. "HEY YOU, LETS DANCE!" or "I LIKE YOU'RE FACE!" are some of my go-to lines.

Lastly, don't blame your friends on having a bad night. It's not their fault, no matter how bad they are. It's always yourself. You need to develop into someone who has a good time and can pull girls regardless of who you're with and what they're doing.

[–]zjxyovf 0 points1 point2 points 11 years ago (3 children) | Copy Link

First off, thanks for advice. Maybe i did take things a bit too seriously.

The first one i should've kept going, i had seen through the first shit tests she gave me but not the asshole one, now i regret that i hadn't keep going, don't even remember why i went away.

I've actually had in mind to come to random girls and stutter "d d do you come here often?". Great idea, failing on purpose.

Well, it's hard to make a good impression on others if my friend goes strangling girls when we get in a club. Things get awkward. Tell me, how do i develop myself into someone that always has a good time? Those friends were just full of negativity because we got rejected. What i hate the most is when i get laughed at when i fail by some friend that hasn't approached a girl once in his life. Doesn't fully bring me down, but isn't motivating either. I mean, you can't fake having a good time, right? I have friends that are really positive and have fun all the time no matter what, they really bring that vibe over to me and things are great.

[–]SSJZoroDWolverine 2 points3 points4 points 11 years ago (2 children) | Copy Link

Don't think of it as "faking" a good time. Think of a good time as something you generate in yourself. Because its all about you. You're friends could be the funnest people, but if you're in a shitty mood while you're with them, you're still gonna have a shitty time. Vice versa. You're friends could be the most depressing people to be around, but if you're Mr. Positive-Life-of-the-Party Guy, it's not gonna phase you. Obviously easier said than done, but it is something you can practice and eventually master.

One thing is you have to practice having a humorous "who gives a shit?" attitude towards anything negative. Your friend laughed at you for getting rejected, for example. Who gives a shit? Matter of fact, you should be laughing along with him. One, because getting rejected is hilarious. And two, your friend is obviously not doing any better so its funny he's laughing at you. Find the humor in the failure. And then approach again and again.

Also, practice being unreactive and just doing what YOU want to do. You're letting your friends' attitudes and actions dictate your feelings too much. You know what I do when my friends are being negative while we're out at a bar or a club? I ditch them and meet other people and continue approaching. I come back to them whenever I need a break or if I just wanna check up on them, but then I go back and keep approaching and socializing. You don't have to stick around the negativity bubble if you don't want to man. Do YOU.

[–]zjxyovf 0 points1 point2 points 11 years ago (1 child) | Copy Link

[–]SSJZoroDWolverine 0 points1 point2 points 11 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link

Title	[Questions] Need advice on last night, not beginner
Author	zjxyovf
Upvotes	2
Comments	5
Date	June 22, 2015 10:24 PM UTC (11 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/seduction
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/seduction/comments/3argae/questions_need_advice_on_last_night_not_beginner/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/seduction/questions-need-advice-on-last-night-not-beginner.1389947 https://theredarchive.com/post/1389947

Comments