Hello everyone.

This subreddit has been more than a PUA den for quite some time now, seduction has grown in the direction of helping people on the path of self-improvement. Still, this might not be the type of post that is best suited for here, but many of you guys are the people who I resonate with and I don't see a better place for me to share my thoughts and get some feedback. So...

I've always been a social and outgoing person, an active person and very importantly - a very self-aware person. I've made many friendships, I've had enthusiasm about doing things, different things. These days... I won't beat around the bush - in the last 7-8 months I've lost my spark a bit.

As a result, many things have suffered. The good thing is that I manage to push myself still and I try to become the better version of myself, given the situation. So I still try to be social, even if I don't feel like it and I do speak to random women/people, but it feels like a bit of a chore and I lose momentum quickly. I still play the guitar now and then, but most of the times I lack the enthusiasm and it's just meh. I still start side projects (think reordering my library, gardening, building an arcade, etc.) now and then, but it's so rare that I don't feel like I've done anything worth mentioning recently. I'm in a relationship and I've seen attraction drop with the same rates as my zest for life, the time that she wants to spend with me and even the sex have decreased.

Now, I want to clarify the bolded a bit part, regarding my losing of spark. It's not a deep hole with no climbing out, I'm not a night-walker at all times, going around as a lifeless zombie. I'm still a pretty fun and social person most of the time. It's more like a pool of water, that's just a foot too deep for me and I'm bouncing from the bottom, getting some air from the surface and then hitting the bottom again. I have bouts of motivation, I'm feeling amazing, I start planning all of the things that I'm going to do in the following weeks. These past few days, however, I'm hitting the bottom - I'm having bad workouts at the gym, I don't feel like doing anything or seeing anyone, I have to be very self-aware to control my negative state and I manage to do it in front of others, but not when I'm alone with my thoughts and it's very hard to be present. And I'm fucking scared that all of the times I'm hitting the bottom, I'm causing irreparable damage to my relationship. Heck, I'm scared that even when I'm in my mediocre state I'm doing that, simply because my baseline is so high.

I'm well aware that all of this is the product of my current state of mind and that my perspective will be very different in a while, still, I need to explain the way I'm feeling to someone that doesn't have the bias of being close to me. Hell, even writing this makes me want to pick myself up from the fucking mud, man up and give it my fucking best. Yeah, that's how it goes. But still, I can't refute the fact, that even if I do that, I'm still doing it from a place of willpower and not my natural passion for life... My spark. Sure, it will come back to some extent as a result of making myself to do stuff, but I'm so fucking confused as to why it's coming and going in the first place...

If you want a take-away from this rant:
Your state of mind/soul is the king of the palace of your being. If you have a passion for life, everything you do is going to reflect that and people are going to naturally gravitate towards you. If you don't, you're going to vent on r/seduction.

Oh well, time to man up again...