I would just like to have a discussion on seeking personal validation through relationships. Specifically, I'm talking about determining or judging your intrinsic "worth" based off of your romantic relationships. That is, the notion that the capacity a romantic partner has to accept/want you is somehow deterministic of your value.

A little background on me. I struggled with this concept all through high school and most of college. Any rejection I received felt like an immense personal blow and resulted in my avoidance of situations where rejection was possible. Not until my late college years did I realize the viscous circle. A lot of the rejections I received were most likely a result of my (accurately) perceived insecurity. Completing the circle, those rejections served only to reaffirm my beliefs that I was somehow "unworthy" resulting in further insecurity.

Changing this way of thinking was not easy. It took a ton of self-reflection and a few lucky encounters where my insecurity was not immediately evident to the woman to get to the point where I realized that I was capable of being a desirable man. It has been a constant battle to accept this.

Fast forward to today - I am 24 years old, a young gun in a promising career field. I work out 5 days a week, play an instrument and generally try to improve myself on a daily basis. However, I still struggle sometimes with these feelings of inadequacy and insecurity. I think everyone does to an extent. I moved to a new area recently and got into the best relationship I've ever had. I was confident, secure with myself, and felt like a man around her. Unfortunately, it ended due to circumstances completely outside our control which had nothing to do with me. But still those negative feelings lurk, threatening to bubble to the surface.

How do you guys deal with these negative feelings? Have you ever felt like me and managed to completely conquer those feelings? I have definitely improved, but I hate how they creep back up every time I get into/out of a relationship. Reading self-improvement material and focusing on improving my state of mind (positive thinking) has really helped me deal with this. What do you do to cope? Most importantly - how do we get to the point where our determination of worth is not tied to a relationship? Please discuss.