This might not belong here, but I haven't a clue to go?

Working myself out of a rut, been hitting the gym, eating well, reading more seduction and motivational material, writing more, engaging in more conversations though still not getting any indicators, i even started having ideas for a blog to discuss my rise out of depression for two years and how it can help others get out of it...

or so i thought...

i read No More Mr. Nice Guy since ive seen it posted here often a few weeks ago, a lot of the stuff resonated with me, any other good recs?

this past week, ive been waking up with a horrible feeling even with my mild successes ive had, i never had thoughts of wanting to end my life ever, but it was just so strong.

it's bizarre, sometimes when i look down my eyes just water up i don't know why

i know this is going to sound beta and weak, and i know few take mental health especially for men as a serious issue, but im asking if anyone is willing to talk to me for a bit or listen or advise or rant or virtual fist bump, im 23, a virgin, jobless college grad from bay area, just someone to talk to?

TL;DR One step forward in life one way, ten steps back another, overcoming depressing thoughts, DAE feel the same and thoughts to get back up?