Ok I'll skip a lot of the preamble and all the depressing stuff and just say that I've been battling a pornography addiction (not hardcore porn I avoid that brain poison) that has made me very complacent with regards to dating women. When it comes to addiction, it's true that the person usually doesn't receive pleasure from that activity, it's just that they have an underlying issue that they are not facing.

I'm extremely shy and I've been socially stunted my whole life. I also don't really see myself as being attractive by any means so that adds in another factor. The idea is just completely lost on me. Add this together and its pretty clear I've never really flirted or "seduced" girl, or acted on any of my attractions.

So, where am I going with this? I started doing door dash for a living and I get out and about more often, and man, have I seen some really stunning girls out there. There was this really pretty girl walking her dog, and I couldn't help but look at her face and after a few seconds she made eye contact and gave me a really pleasant smile. I smiled back and in the last split second she looked uncomfortable and looked away and I realized my mask was covering my mouth so it probably looked like I was just staring at her (lol) but I felt like I missed out and I couldn't stop thinking about her. The fact that she looked up and smiled at me made me realize I'm not the bridge troll that I thought I was, and it makes me wish I had the nerve to act on my feelings more often.

So I think I may be ready. Is there any way I can use this "delivery boy" persona to my advantage? I don't technically work for anybody so I don't have to worry about that and there's just enough anonymity that I don't have to worry about embarrassing myself too much. Idk I'm just sick of dating being this like, monolithic impossible fucking thing in life. I want to have a couple successes so I don't have to worry about it anymore.