The entire time I studied pickup, I was under the assumption that I was in control. If I was hot enough, if I was funny enough, charming enough, tall enough, I could get any girl I wanted. Then I would feel loved. I just needed to workout more and eat better and get a better car and a better job and better hobbies and better skill and do more fun things and be... better. As long as I kept working at it I would sleep with more and hotter women.

After three years I've realized only half was true. Being hotter meant I got hotter girls, but it didn't change the number of opportunities I had. I realized I had no control at all.

You cannot control other people. They will decide whether they want to fuck you, whether they love you, and you have no ability to influence or change that. That's not to mention the universe and all the crazy shit it will throw at you. Even if a girl thinks you're the hottest piece of ass she's ever seen it don't matter if she's on her period! If a girl rejects you, doesn't want to sleep with you, ignores a text, doesn't laugh at your joke, moves away from you, whatever, there is a 99% chance it has nothing to do with you. Shes probably thinks your hot! There are billions of reasons you won't get affection. (It does mean you should respect her saying no. Don't be a creep).

This also means that if a girl does want to sleep with you there's a 99% chance it has little to do with you. Say she hasn't gotten laid in three weeks, she's tipsy, she just got done doing karaoke for the first time making her excited and she thinks the way you chew on the little straw that comes with your rum and coke is adorable. So when you ask her to come home with you, she says yes.

The only thing you can do is be open and vulnerable. This means walking up to a girl and saying you think she is beautiful (because you mean it). This means holding her hand, putting your arm around her back, putting your hand on her knee, her thigh... her upper thigh. This means inviting her back to your place. This means knowing what you want sexually and making a move. This means letting her into your life. This means sharing with her your feelings and history. This means allowing her to know you, the real you, the one that's funny and charming but also afraid and a little lonely. Because this is what it means to be loved.

Stop trying to control everything. Be open and vulnerable to life around you and I guarantee you will have wonderful, wonderful relationships from one night to all your life.