I've rarely been to a bar by myself. I've had WAY to much social anxiety to talk to walk up to people and talk to them, much less women I find attractive. Going to a bar by myself pretty much meant me on my sitting on my phone and drinking lonley, not talking to others. After my first successful night out at Karaoke (see footnote), I decided it was time to head out on a friday night and have some fun.

It's important to note I've been building up to this for awhile. I finally read The Game this week (devoured it in less than three days) and I have been reading /u/TofuTofu's Above the Game posts. In all that reading one thing stuck with me: authenticity.

Being shy I tend to keep a lot of things to myself. This week I've been trying to speak what's on my mind. While I was running I saw a girl I found attractive, so I told her. My car broke down today and I was pretty upset about it, so I told my parents how i was feeling (a rare occurrence).

I've always felt like I'm am awesome. I have that confidence in myself, but not enough to show it. This week that changed. I stopped worrying what people think and started acting on and speaking my thoughts.

So tonight I went to my new favorite bar and had a blast. I:

  • Started the night by opening on a lonely girl at the bar. I opened from behind though (Derp. I totally see why this is a big no-no now). She was not interested.
  • Played darts with some dudes who were there for their friend's birthday.
  • Watched Drew Stubbs hit a walk-off double in the bottom of the ninth (GO TRIBE!!!!!!)
  • Had a drink with a dude who just got a new job (yay for him!)
  • Made small-talk with a dude about basketball.
  • Had a long in-depth conversation with nerdy twin brothers about my novel that I'm working on. We talked about technology, the distopia genre, the internet and information (all related to my novel).
  • Talked to an older couple about politics. They loved me. :3

All of this I couldn't of even have comprehended doing even a few weeks ago. I followed a few rules tonight:

  • The three-second rule: Find a girl (or group of people!) you're interested in? Open on them in three seconds.
  • Be Authentic! Dont hold anything back. Be tactful, yes, but don't shy away from saying or doing something because of anxiety.
  • Be more like Soul. Soul's the guy I want to become. I took the name from my ability to sing (again, see footnote).

Here's where it gets interesting:

HB6, Tall Blonde with long curly hair (my type) keeps making eye contact. I actually walk past her twice, getting IOIs each time. I follow the three-second rule to the best of my ability (i.e. I suck it up and go talk to her). I go up to her and say.

  • Me: "Hi! I've been trying to come up to something to say to you, but I can't. So Hi. I'm Soul" (I said my real name, just using here for anonymity).
  • HB7: Hi. This is my boyfriend (points to the person standing directly next to her.)

Well fuck me in the ass. I finally get up the courage to open on a girl and her boyfriend is standing right there! Worst. Fucking. Nightmare.

So I do the only thing I can do and go all-in. I play it off to the best of my ability. I ignore the girl I opened on and jump into the booth she's standing by and start talking to her friends. Playing the whole "Hi how are you? I totally didn't just hit on your friend and get hardcore rejected".

Luckily they turned out to be really cool people! They are are pretty big League of Legends players, which is a game I LOVE. As soon as they say LoL I give both the dudes double high-fives and we talk about league. Awkwardness Zone Averted! Woo!

We talk for awhile and the group dissipates. After awhile and a refresher of beer I go outside and see them talking so I go up to them. A black haired HB6 is sitting next to them. I realize they are friends so I open on her using my story about getting rejected by blond HB6. Turns out Blond and Black HB6 are best friends. Huh.

Random drunk HB7 who nobody knows comes over and starts kissing HB6, stealing my thunder. I realize I've been butted out, so I turn around and find other people to talk to and bide my time. Eventually I'm able to work my way back into the group and random drunk HB7 leaves.

I sit down next to her and we talk and laugh at her drunk friends. She's a writer. I'm writing a novel. I like her laugh. I escalate a bit of keno (just a bit :#), and before she goes I ask for her number, she agrees.

Now I feel like my first number close should be a HUGE deal, but honestly it was just a natural progression of the night and the conversation. She was a cool chick I was having fun with and I wanted to see her again, so I got her number. It wasn't this big thing.

Now there's so many layers here that can be broken down into game speak. I gained social proof through her friends. I created attraction through push-pull. I escalated Kino. etc. etc. But what really happened is that I was authentic. I had fun not to get women, but for the sake of having fun. That was what lead me to a number close.

We're already texting and I'm excited to see her again.

Even without the # close my first night out solo was a success. That was just the cherry on top.

-- Soul out.

You can find me first FR here. TL;DR: I'm recovering from being an obese dude with social anxiety disorder. These FR are as much my journey of personal improvement as they are about meeting women. That's what this community is really about at it's core anyway.