For five years now I’ve been cold approaching women several times a week. My eccentric obsession with the pastime has led me to numerous paradigm shattering realizations that have changed how I understand social interaction.

 

To be clear, this article isn’t a feel-good listicle, it reveals the harsh truths about the mindsets and behaviors that separate the men who achieve success with women from those who don’t.

 

Lesson 1: Those Who Play the Numbers Game Win

 

When people ask, “Is pickup just a numbers game?” They are implying that it shouldn’t be. My response, “It is a numbers game. So the fuck what?”

 

Even if you’re neither smooth nor charming, if you face rejection enough times, some girls will want to sleep with you.

 

Yeah, James Bond would have a higher pickup batting average than captain neckbeard; but if a guy with James Bond level charisma never risked rejection, his batting average would be 0.0.

 

This is so blatantly obvious that it shouldn’t need to be said. You can’t win if you don’t play; and you are not playing the game if you’re not working volume. Yet, of the dozens of guys I’ve winged with, only a few risked rejection with enough women to get noteworthy results.

 

To make sure you play the numbers game effectively, set a goal to get a real rejection every night you go out. I do this by asking at least fives girls for their numbers (you can start with less). By doing this, I’m forcing myself to take a risk that can lead me to get rejected; but I’m also forcing myself to take a chance that might get me a date with a girl.

 

Most ‘pickup guys’ dip their toes in the water when they go out. They approach a few girls, but they either eject themselves from their interactions way too early or they just make friendly conversation for the whole night without ever moving things forward.

 

Tl;dr- If you want success with women, play the numbers. To do so, you must face the risk of rejection. Set a goal to ask for at least one girl’s number each time you go out to force yourself to actually risk failure, and therefore, also risk success.

 

Lesson 2: It’s hard to Admit That You’re Shooting yourself In The Foot

 

Numerous times, I’ve called out my wings by telling them they weren’t taking enough risks when meeting women. When I do this, they almost always respond defensively: they make some kind of excuse. They won’t admit to me, or to themselves, that they aren’t taking enough action.

 

The guys who get better over time are always those who are open-minded to their own flaws and mistakes. This awareness is hard to develop, though. Admitting that you’re making mistakes requires that you put yourself in an emotionally vulnerable position. To avoid this discomfort, we convince ourselves we’re doing the right thing even when we’re not.

 

If you’re not playing the numbers game, and actually taking risks with women, it’s because it is so much easier to convince yourself you are making progress by doing a few half-assed approaches and ejecting after three minutes (or even not going out at all). Thinking this entitles you to feel like you’re making progress without actually having to risk rejection.

 

It’s essential to be aware of the fact that your brain is biased to take the easy way out. When you become aware that you’re shooting yourself in the foot, it’s easy to stop mindlessly pulling the trigger.

 

The first time I went out to meet women I meandered around a local mall for two hours while on the verge of having a panic attack. My goal was simply to ask a stranger for the time of day. I told myself that this was a fucking weird thing to ask, and I worried that whoever I approached would say,” Why don’t you just look at your cellphone? What are you doing? Are you a creepy pickup artist or something? Security! I’ve been approached by a pickup artist, escort him out!”

 

After two hours I didn’t manage to talk to a single stranger. At the end of the day I walked home, feeling totally defeated. After this experience, I told myself I needed to learn more material to conquer my approach anxiety and to feel less awkward. I told myself I wasn’t ready to go out and meet women in the real world.

 

I read numerous books and watched hundreds of hours of videos. I had no idea that I was shooting myself in the foot with an elaborate rationalization.

 

Truthfully, I was terrified of feeling the anxiety I experienced in that mall again. My mind came up with a clever excuse to make me feel like I was taking action without actually doing so. I didn’t attempt to approach a woman again for 6 months; all because I rationalized an excuse to avoid feeling emotionally vulnerable again.

 

The first step to combatting this patter is awareness. When you’re open-minded to the possibility that you might be shooting yourself in the foot, you can’t keep making that mistake because it stops making sense to do so.

 

Secondly, I made a rule that if I’m not going out regularly, I assume my reasoning for staying home is bullshit. In my reality, unless I’m in a long-term relationship, there’s no good excuse to not go out: I assume my excuses are really rationalizations disguised as good logic.

 

Finally, I keep myself accountable with effective field reports. A field report allows you to analyze why you did what you did when you went out, and to do so from a detached, logical perspective; a sort of bird’s eye view. Writing a field report gives you an opportunity to call yourself out on your bullshit and rationalizations.

 

In my field reports, I have a section in which I write about whether I faced my negative emotions: I write about whether I stayed in my comfort zone, and if I did, I figure out the reason I did so. The next time the same rationalization comes up, I’m aware that it’s illogical, and it’s that much easier to act despite it.

 

Tl;dr- It’s extremely easy to tell yourself that you’re making progress when you’re not. If I’m not going out regularly I assume my excuse is bullshit and go out anyway, at least for 30 minutes a few times a week.

 

PS: (pt 2 covers women's biggest turn-on and the power of leading, you can subscribe to the newsletter at http://socialinception.net/ to get access to them when they're released.