Terrible/non-existent performance at a bar a few nights ago... Going to another bar tonight and would appreciate advice.

IntensePancakes · 2013-07-28T05:08:02+00:00

You have a lot to learn. Learning seduction is a very gradual process that takes time. You can't expect results the first time you go out. I'll point out a few things you did wrong just for the sake of learning from your mistakes, but really there is lot you need to do before you can expect results.

-You talk about having social proof as "one less thing to worry about"-- you shouldn't be worried about anything. You should be there to have fun.

-Whatever it takes, get comfortable dancing. It's not hard, and once you are it does wonders for your game as well as your all around confidence.

-Like you said, everyone is kind of doing their own thing at clubs. They are high energy places, and girls want to talk to guys that are high energy as well. By wandering around without your friends you forfeited your social proof and sunk to an energy level way below the rest of the club. Not even the greatest PUAs could attract women in this manner, it just doesn't work.

As for what you should do now, the first thing you need to do is become comfortable with going out to bars/clubs in the first place. The next couple times you go out, FORGET women and seduction. Just focus on having a good time with your friends. If you end up talking to women that's great, but don't sweat it at all if not. After you've done that a couple times, then you can think about what you should or shouldn't be doing in terms of seduction.

Also some reading I would recommend is Models by Mark Manson. It is a great basis for the mindset that you truly need while practicing seduction. If you have any questions about anything feel free to PM me.

VMikeL · 2013-07-28T05:07:37+00:00

I expected a lot more results since I had social proof

Did you? Where? Who?

Groups can be, and almost always are easier than individuals, definitely safer and less predatory too. These guidelines shift depending on experience, style and ability, but at your level, I encourage you to approach a group and not an individual, whether individual on their own or individual in a group.

Last night alone, I was dancing with my group and a guy random comes from behind (facepalm), and starts hitting on my female friend. I spin her aroundc hug her and move her to the other side and she thanks me. He didn't bother with me, or any of the rest of us, so not only did I blow him out, so did the she.

Later on in the night, a Sleezy regualr AFC wanna be PUA tries to talk to my hard case friend while I had my back turned at the bar, instant rejection. This happened twice again. The only reason I'm friends wih her is through mutual friends. That is the power of groups. When someone else accepts you, it is SO much easier to get through to them.

leftajar · 2013-07-28T06:20:19+00:00

I think what would help you most right now is generally being more social.

Try this, wherever you sit with your friends, talk to the other group next to you.

Eavesdrop on whatever conversation is going on, and then hop in during a lull. Just have something cool to say. If it runs out of steam, ask how they know each other. Then introduce yourself. Boom! Now you're instantly in with them.

If things go well, and you feel like your friends would like the group, introduce everybody and merge groups. "Hey, you guys are cool, you guys gotta meet my friends..." (Don't do that if your friends are lame though)

That's how you get "in" with a group. Everybody's drinking, they're open to friendly interactions.

Master-level is when you flow through the social scene, following the energy and netting hotties along the way.

Diffuse_ie · 2013-07-28T14:40:08+00:00

I was in a similar situation this weekend. I got invited to a country bar where there was a lot of face to face dancing as well as line dancing. I am not a good dancer by any means. Even when it comes to grinding, I don't know what the hell I am doing. I wasn't gonna let that stop me however. First of all, dress nicely. I can't tell you how much it boosts my confidence when I wear a button up shirt with a skinny tie or something. From what I read, it seems like you didn't even try to approach a girl that night. You let approach anxiety get the best of you, which is expected the first few times you try seduction.

When I went out a couple nights ago, some of the guys met a group of girls and all started talking to them. I stayed back because I wanted to approach the girls individually like you did -that never happened. I noticed that all of the girls wanted to dance, but none of the guys knew how/were too embarrassed. That was when I used an opener from Seddit that I knew would help me down the line; "Why aren't you dancing with anyone?" I used this on HB8 whose face I recognized from high school. Instant smile. Openers are important, and you have to speak with tone. I can't expect a girl to reciprocate if I state "hey, uh, my name Mike. would you like to dance?"

So that girl told me she wasn't dancing because she didn't know how to, but judging by her countenance I knew she was waiting for someone to just ask. I playfully told her I was a terrible dancer so it would be fine if she danced with me. Cue smile, and "okay!" OP you need to begin doing things you're currently uncomfortable with. When it comes to approaching a girl in a group, I like to make eye contact with the one I want to attract, and even if she looks like a deer in the headlights I make sure I speak with great tone and posture, it makes anything I say seem more endearing and self-assured.

Title	Terrible/non-existent performance at a bar a few nights ago... Going to another bar tonight and would appreciate advice.
Author	peeelos
Upvotes	5
Comments	8
Date	July 28, 2013 12:23 AM UTC (13 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/seduction
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/seduction/comments/1j6ujc/terriblenonexistent_performance_at_a_bar_a_few/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/seduction/terriblenon-existent-performance-at-a-bar-a-few.1356049 https://theredarchive.com/post/1356049

Comments