Link to free presentation

-- Summary --

Introduction:

This presentation is literally 14 years in the making. All of my past speeches were earlier evolutions of this -- it's final form. Every guy in my community currently practicing these three things is reaching new heights in every aspect of his life, including the best dating life he's ever had.

Pillar 1 - Instinctual Presence

One's present experience includes their current sensory experience, but the often forgotten half of that present experience is a person's instinctual reaction to that sensory experience.

We often encounter things in our sensory experience that triggers feelings that we can describe as "overwhelming." We get into our head and generally sabotage ourselves in these situations.

We try to avoid or fix our feelings when they become too uncomfortable -- when all we're doing is avoiding a part of ourselves and sending the message to ourselves and everyone else that something's wrong with us and needs to be fixed.

Instead, we practice facing and embracing our full range of instinctual experience, especially when it gets uncomfortable. We ignore the bullshit distraction in our head and put our full focus on the uncomfortable feelings in our body while taking deep, full body breaths. We do this until that tension in our body releases and we become okay with all of the additional energy in our body. We then use the additional energy from a calm, grounded place to achieve whatever we got that extra energy for in the first place.

Pillar 2 - Honest Expression

It's a fundamental need of every human being to express their feelings and have them acknowledged by other human beings.

The problem is that most of us run our expression through our head where it becomes neutered. We think of the best, more clever, more appropriate way to say something, or we tell ourselves our feelings are dumb and we shouldn't say anything at all. Our expression becomes bland and robotic, and we can't seem to truly connect with anyone.

Simply expressing your raw, vulnerable feelings without filter is a shocking shift for a lot of adults who've been boxing in their expression in various ways over the years. When you first begin practicing in this way you're going to say dumb shit that you should probably apologize for. You can't be good at anything unless you're bad at it first.

This is why it's best to begin practicing this new, unfiltered form of expression with friends and family who'll still love us if we say something dumb, or strangers we'll never see again. Whatever you're feeling (after practicing the first pillar and grounding yourself) put it out there to whoever's closest with as little filter as possible. Grow your social intelligence through experience, not based on what your fears tell you.

A key thing to keep in mind is that not everyone will like your honest expression. It will rub some people the wrong way. BUT, it will also attract the people who truly appreciate your unique expression -- people you have natural chemistry with, your tribe. Your bland, filtered expression won't rub anyone the wrong way, but it won't attract the people you're supposed to attract either.

Pillar 3 - Sexual Acknowledgement

The third pillar is simply applying the first and second pillars to your sexuality. It's a separate pillar, however, because most of us our so disconnected from our sexuality it requires special attention.

I recommend (at first) thinking of your sexuality as a separate mode where you don't care about all of the platonic things that we've trained ourselves to focus on. Instead, allow yourself to go into a sexual mode where you look at yourself and everyone else as exclusively sexual beings.

Pay attention to your sexual feelings, typically happening in your lower body as compared to platonic feelings which are more upper body. Notice the people who trigger more of these feelings. Notice the specific things about them that trigger more of your sexual feelings. Notice how these feelings are not dependent on another person's objective attractiveness, but rather on subconscious things we can't control.

Before you worry about expressing these feelings, focus on applying the first pillar to any discomfort that often follows these feelings until we can express these feelings from a grounded, pleasure filled place. Then, we express these feelings through our eye contact, words, and physical expression.

Remember that while we do want connections from that platonic place, in romantic situations you need to be comfortable stepping into and communicating from that purely sexual place as well.

Bonus - Unofficial 4th Pillar of Dating Success

Not an official pillar because the other three apply to every area of your life while this only applies to dating, but it's important.

The truth is that you won't have chemistry with the average person. The average date is a nice conversation with not much natural chemistry that's still better than watching a movie by yourself again.

A lot of guys will beat themselves up if the date didn't go crazy well, thinking that they did something wrong. The truth is you probably won't have chemistry with the next person you go out with. Our success isn't based on something we can't control, we base that on how well we executed the three pillars on our date.

This is a numbers game. If we go on 5-7 dates, now there's a very strong likelihood that at least one of those dates will have a solid spark, as long as you've stayed grounded and expressed your platonic and sexual feelings genuinely.

Don't feel bad when you have an average date, expect it.

Q&A

Question 1: When do you decide you'd gain more from the experience of being in a relationship vs the experience of playing the field?

Answer: We discuss the importance of not settling in our romantic relationships, or any other area of our lives. What we're ultimately looking for is someone we have the highest levels of both platonic and sexual chemistry with. Platonic in that they're our best friend who we love doing most things with. Sexual in that we can't stop getting hard around this person. After that we have to look at both of our mental and emotional health to see if either of us have more work to do in that area, and then whether our values and life goals align. If those align then give it a shot! The other key factor is that this decision-making process can only be done successfully from a place of abundance where we have other options to compare this connection to instead of a place of scarcity where we overvalue the other person because they cured our loneliness.

Question 2: It's tough to practice this stuff in person right now with covid restrictions. Can I do anything aside from being frustrated?

Answer: The fastest/easiest way to improve your in-person game is online dating. When you look at a woman's profile you can practice the three pillars, sending a message that taps into your platonic and sexual feelings. You can practice messaging from a place where you actually care about the questions you're asking and express whatever it is you honestly feel when she says something vs saying what you think is a good thing to send. You can practice tapping into your sexual side and expressing yourself from that place. You can find people who like your unique expressions of these things, and people who don't. You can do this all from the safety/comfort of your bed. And then there's the countless dates you can setup for yourself to practice all of this in person. I love spontaneously meeting people in person more than anything, but it's not the fastest way to get better overall at this stuff. The more women respond to your sexual expression with blushing emojis and "Thanks!", the more confident you'll feel approaching a women with those feelings in person.

Question 3: When you go to a woman's place there might be a lot of logistical factors there that can make that environment more unsexy, and more difficult to create a sexual vibe in. What can I do in these situations?

Answer: The real question is what the communication was like before you got to her place. If you had some very nice, yet very platonic communication before, then the chances of things suddenly getting more sexual are still there, but much more unlikely. If you've been practicing the 3rd pillar and have had a lot of flirtatious, sexual exchanges before this, then the vast majority of unsexy logistical things won't matter.

Question 4: In today's environment, how can we practice expressing our unfiltered sexuality without accidentally going to far and getting cancelled?

Answer: This goes back to the "social intelligence" bit I mentioned in the 2nd pillar. There's certain things we should all have a basic understanding of. In most situations, walking up to a random woman and saying, "your tits are giving me a boner" isn't going to elicit the most positive response. The question then becomes, how can we express that feeling as strongly as possible, while keeping it in the boundaries of what's socially acceptable. Instead, we might say "That shirt looks amazing on you" with a look in our eye that informs her that her tits are giving us a boner. At the end of the day sexual expression is a compliment. Keep it classy and you can't go wrong.

Question 5: I give a lot of compliments and try to be as genuine as possible with all of them, but my friends say I'm flirting with everyone and am insincere. What's the problem?

Answer: It sounds like you're giving away your compliments cheaply. To use a metal detector example, the detector will beep more loudly based on how much metal it detects. So a bottle cap might set off a little beep, whereas something truly valuable will set off much louder beeps. When you give a compliment to every single person that sets off the slightest emotional beep, it's like you're digging up the entire beach for every bottle cap. Instead, learn to be more discerning with your feelings, only expressing them when it's the kind of "beep" that truly deserves you to stop whatever else you're doing and take action.

Tl; dr: Regularly practice instinctual presence, honest expression, and sexual acknowledgement and this shit gets really simple.

I hope this has a very positive impact on your life, and welcome any and all questions below!

Another link to the free presentation

Edit: My first reddit gold! Thank you!