I’ve always struggled with self confidence issues, and have always had issues with “nice guy” tendencies in the past. I think a lot of the nice guy persona was to hide the fact that I was truly just not confident in what I wanted in life, and what I wanted from women and the more I mature the more I realize that. I wanted to hook up and date girls, but I was too insecure to reach out and face that rejection in order to find the girls who wanted that as well. I was simply waiting for a woman, and faking the relationship part just to get to the companionship to fill the void of my own lack of security.

Within the past year, and with the help of this sub; I’ve taken a liking to really focusing on why my success with women used to be very low and I can say it boils down to a couple of things.

  1. Not being truthful with myself on what I want from women

  2. Not living in the moment with no expectations

  3. Not focusing on bettering myself because of my own personal reasons.

Narrowing down my focus down to these three things and really hunkering down on these issues has dramatically improved how I see myself, and how others perceive me. To give a little insight:

  1. Not being truthful with myself on what I want from women Women don’t seem to like a guy who is hiding his true intentions. They want a man who gives off the energy that he has certain goals and aspirations in life that he refuses to let go of, and has placed certain things in categories of importance. Wealth, success, girlfriend, material items, etc. I’m a male that is stimulated by the mental aspect of people, and females I like tend to read energy and emotions. Energy and emotions are almost impossible to fake, and most competent females can read certain signs that come off as red flags. Women want to have sex with us just as much as men want to with women. They just want to feel like what they’re doing is with somebody who doesn’t expect anything more than what they expect out of the current situation (in regards to day game and what not). When i didnt have a higher purpose, as a nice guy, i was placing women as the highest on my totem pole of importance because I didn’t have anything else important to focus on. Women were my driving force and it created a toxic mentality that had me focusing on women as a reward for my efforts in life. As of recently I’ve focused on my friendships, my work, dreams, family, and a lot of that stuff gives me a deeper sense of value. I no longer reach out to women for that validation because I’ve found things that give me that validation. Women now are enhancers to this thing I have called “Life”, and I love it.

  2. Not living in the moment with no expectations I used to have an issue with always wondering “what’s next”. It stemmed from, again, not having any purpose in my life. I was always seeking out the quick thrills, and what other quick thrill than to put it into a girl after a night of hanging out. I had some great success from the ages of 20-24 but as I’ve gotten older; the women around me have matured and don’t want a guy who’s just “wanna come over and watch Netflix”. They just aren’t that easy if they’re worth it in bed. I was seriously lacking in my activities to do, and it’s still something I struggled with because I just lacked any kind of personality. I was simply a party goer with no real life outside of the party. I’ve found that sacrificing my time spent playing video games sometimes to spend time with my family, friends, and other things has increased my overall mental energy. I have more to talk about and it seems to have opened up my options when having conversation. I feel more natural talking to girls because hanging out with the people I’m closest to are the ones who accept me the most. If I value their opinions the most out of anybody else; why would I place a female who I just met above that? Anything she judges me negatively on is simply just that, and if it’s a deal breaker for her then so be it. I am a product of my best friends and family. I don’t plan on changing that for a girl because I am always trying to be the best person I can be for myself. Not her. The focus on myself has created this strong energy inside me that I can feel and it lets me know “no matter what they’re thinking about you; be yourself”. It’s reduced my anxiety and my overthinking that comes from worrying about every little thing that comes out of my mouth. I find this to be such a dramatic difference in my overall persona.

  3. Not focusing on bettering myself because of my own personal reasons. I think this was the biggest thing for me that really opened me up and allowed other people to see that I want more for myself because I want it. Not because other people are judging me, and I want to please them. Sometimes it gets hard to dig deep into ourselves, and figure out who we really want to be. We want to accept ourselves for who we are and let it stay that way. The problem with that mentality is that you start to stagnate. We’re ever evolving creatures that need to progress at a rate that constantly challenges our own minds, and allows us to always be bigger than what we’ve been. It’s just so tricky balancing it out. Striving for who you want to be, but also accepting yourself for who you are. I really had trouble with this as my father never accepted me for who I was. There wasn’t any balance. He only saw “who I could be”. It dug this pit into my self confidence that always was worrying about “why I’m not good enough”. It took years and years of self therapy to just accept that I can never be perfect, but I can always be good enough if I keep in my head that I just need to move forward. It’s not a race, or a fight. It’s a pace.

Despite this sub being about the art of attracting women; it really is a self help sub that allows us as men (and women 😉) to figure out what they can do better as people to attract the opposite sex. A woman is never the end goal, but if it were not for women - we’d be cavemen with no drive in life. Women make the world go around and for some dumb reason I tried to convince myself that it was not the case, and settled for the “I am who I am and a woman can accept me for that or not” mentality. It’s toxic, it’s a loser mentality, and it does nothing but stagnant you. I no longer want to be the guy that’s average. I want to be the best version of me so I can attract women who can feel that energy, and want to open up to me sexually or mentally because they can see that I have a higher purpose in life.

If you find yourself just weighed down with the tragedies of life; you’re not alone in this never ending battle. Be a better person for yourself if you want a woman to be attracted to you. That energy you start to give off will be infectious, and you’ll be the guy that women want to know more about. I hope one day that my efforts will pay off in the end, and I hope one day I’ll be laying in bed thankful for the woman by my side who I choose to spend the rest of my life with as a reminder to never stop being better. Women really do make the world go round and us men can never stop moving if we want to find a woman. Thank you guys who post here to help guys like me. I’m forever grateful.