First some background on me and what I think is responsible for oneitis. Perhaps you can find some similarities between this and your own life, helping you to clarify what has/had caused oneitis for you.

I am a 20 year old male with limited experience in dealing with the opposite sex. Meaning I have never,to this day been kissed or even been to an explicit coffee date. This is the case mostly due to being bulied through most of my school years as well as first being interested in girls later than most at 16 years.

This had undoubtedly created a scarcity mindset when it comes to women. Rejection had been the default for many years. Through my junior high years I studied hard to learn more about people and what caused them to act the way they did. Establishing friendships with men became easier to the point where they now seem to happen on their own. Fostering non sexual relationships with women has also become much easier through the years to the point where I have quite a few lady friends.

This September I started approaching a girl. Long story short, she has and still is dodging me since then. Facing rejection once again made me apathetic to other women and feeling like I had the charm of an anvil. At around the same time I even had a one night stand opportunity (with an Irish girl, which is quite an exotic nationality where I live) which I wouldn't have thought possible based on the self image I had built through my "track record". I completely ignored that "in favor" of that "one girl".

Since then it all became a downward spiral with momentary glimpses at a confident state of mind, which seems to have only ended last Friday. With many lost opportunities I only realised in retrospect, when I wasn't staring down at the world through the beauty of that girls eyes.

Like most of oneitises, the lying and dodging had to be completely blown out of proportion for me to stop being hang up on her and get on with my life. It's been a few days since then and I noticed as well as have been told by women that I am exhibiting a certain Je ne sais quoi or air if you will. Of course a small change in appearance may have been the cause (finally being able to tie hair in ponytail, which is said to suit my style) but I feel more focused, ambitious and willing to fuck up.

Since last Friday I had chicks block my getting off the bus in time just to chat me up, as well as a chick in a bar very close to what I consider an 8 "accidentally" put her ass right in my face when she dropped her cigs. Not saying it happened on it's own. I made strong, confident eye contact with them.

I could have done more, granted and many of the more experienced members might nit think it a big deal. My state of mind allowed me to "get it" and make these women see something worthwhile in me.

I share most of this not to brag (as there is much to be done) or to validate some newfound confidence. I just wanted to say how if a kissless, dateless 20 year old with self esteem issues can get the fuck over it, you certainly can. And if you think it's going to be a long ride building your confidence up after some loss be it real or imagined like mine, you'd be surprised!

We all have our lives ahead of us and I do believe people feeling "disadvantaged" by not being natural or for whatever reason, should put themselves out there and let others see them for the amazing people they are.

It might take work, but that's how man has always bent the world to his will.