Hi, so my story is that about 6 months ago I got dumped from an 11-year relationship, sort of unexpectedly. (I didn't "fuck up".. she just wasn't interested anymore. In that sense.. I fucked up, by not meeting her subtle, badly-expressed needs, but that's another story.)

anyways, so I've gone and put myself in a pretty difficult situation. I'm 32, and this happened right at the end up my studies, and so I was offered a job in another country, in a big city, where they speak my second language. I figured that moving away and putting myself in a situation where I had to meet new people would be a good thing. Overall I still think it was the right decision.

However, I've been here a month and find myself having a pretty difficult time, because frankly I'm not particularly good at just walking up to new people and talking to them without any context, so I'm finding it quite hard to meet people, especially girls. It's been 7 months and I'm feeling like the best thing at this point would be to move on, find someone new, but although I can speak this language, it is just not as natural for me. Combined with my own shyness, this is sort of a problem. I know that I have to just suck it up and start talking to random strangers, but it seems very hard to do. I've spent whole nights at afterhours clubs and not talked to anyone -- that's how bad it is. (Although I had a great time dancing..) How do I get over it and just talk to people who I don't know?

Obviously I'd like to meet girls, but I'd settle for just meeting people at this point... I left my whole social network back in my home city and don't really know many people here. Part of the problem is that I sound funny when I speak to people. I can express myself enough to make others comfortable, which you'd think would be helpful, but then they get comfortable enough to start talking fast and I have to pretend I'm keeping up. It gets awkward pretty quickly, and makes it difficult to remain in control of the conversation (if with one person) or involved in the conversation (if in a group).

I guess I feel a bit in over my head. Suddenly finding myself single in my 30s was not something I expected or am really ready for, and it sucks, but I'm trying to suck it up and just take it as it goes, but I guess I'm getting a little impatient with my own inability to hold my own. I haven't had to think about "dating" in years and was, frankly, never good at it in the first place. Thinking back to how I met my ex-gf, it was through a huge group of friends, and was very much a 20s kind of thing, because we were all going to parties all the time and having a great time. I don't think I can easily reproduce that now, everyone I know is married and has kids and I'm finding myself going out alone.

I might try meeting some expats using meetup websites, but I'd actually enjoy the challenge of meeting the natives if I can just get over the awkwardness somehow.