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[–]yokull 91 points92 points93 points 6 years ago (2 children) | Copy Link
Time and place are key. Also, mad respect for the self reflection!
[–][deleted] 16 points17 points18 points 6 years ago (1 child) | Copy Link
Thanks you man I don’t think I’ll do that mistake again
[–]yokull 4 points5 points6 points 6 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
For sure. Good luck!
[–]MinePopsSeverely 25 points26 points27 points 6 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
Self-awareness is key!
[–][deleted] 15 points16 points17 points 6 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
Yes I think she got scared. She was alone and it was dark and she probably didn’t see you coming. Do not beat yourself up for doing it, you learned something from this experience and that’s more than many others are able to do. Women are very aware of their safety so always keep that in mind. Good luck!
[–]Daisycoddles 8 points9 points10 points 6 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
Good you acknowledged that. It really could’ve been bad timing, not you necessarily. So keep trying, keep an open mind, & better luck next time, in the time and place!
[–][deleted] 7 points8 points9 points 5 years ago (1 child) | Copy Link
Even if it was noon, if you spent 10+min lurking a girl you look like a creep. Don't waste time 'analyzing' , just act on the spot or let it go
[–][deleted] 0 points1 point2 points 5 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
That’s exactly what happened
[–]PopeIzalith 1 point2 points3 points 5 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
Good self reflection! A lot of guys would just be pissed and not take the time to analyze his surroundings. Confidence is key, but can sometimes come off as aggression. Time and place make all the difference!
[–]GrandMasterB19 7 points8 points9 points 6 years ago* (8 children) | Copy Link
There's two angles to this you need to remember. One is that this was a bad way to appraoch a woman, but you realized that and you learned from it. Do not beat yourself up for being a "creep." You simply made a mistake. Two is that a few decades ago this probably wouldn't have been a big deal, but between coronavirus, political correctness, feminism, sexual harassment in the media, and all the other fearmongerering going on, people are more afraid of each other and suspicious of each other than ever before. Certain media empires beat women over the head day in and day out about how "toxic" men are. This stuff seeps into people's subconsciouses and it shapes their perception of the world. So even though you were well-meaning, you have to be aware of how the culture and its respective social dynamics are changing.
[–]brystephor 2 points3 points4 points 6 years ago (3 children) | Copy Link
tbf something being okay X years ago isn't really a justification or good way to think. it just means the thinking (or lack there of) is very outdated.
[–]GrandMasterB19 0 points1 point2 points 6 years ago (2 children) | Copy Link
I never said it was a justification or a good way to think. I said it was considered normal behavior back then, but it's not considered normal behavior now. Just because something is outdated doesn't mean it's bad. Just because something is current doesn't mean it's good either. But it does mean that many people will have to catch up to the new standards. And a few decades from now, everyone will look back on the current cultural standards of 2020 as obsolete and outdated, so really it's all relative to perspective.
Out of everything I wrote, is that really all you took away from my comment?
[–]brystephor -2 points-1 points0 points 5 years ago (1 child) | Copy Link
No, it's the only thing I had something to say about though. I'm not gonna respond to every line of text lmao. And I'm not gonna respond to anything other than the quoted line here either lmao
[–]GrandMasterB19 0 points1 point2 points 5 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
Just seems like this all went over your head, but I'm glad you find it so amusing that you're laughing your ass off about it.
[–]charizardine -3 points-2 points-1 points 5 years ago (3 children) | Copy Link
Social norms haven't changed. We never liked you harassing us or lurking at us at night and approaching us alone at our cars. There's just less fear to talk about it. So please stop convincing yourself that it's a new world.
[–]GrandMasterB19 0 points1 point2 points 5 years ago* (2 children) | Copy Link
Looks like we found the fear stricken sexist.
It used to be a social norm for people to approach each other and have conversations with each other, day or night, regardless of gender. There's not less fear to talk about it, there's just more fear in general. People are more scared of each other now that ever before. Whether you're convinced of this or not it's the truth.
[–]charizardine -2 points-1 points0 points 5 years ago (1 child) | Copy Link
"Fear stricken sexist"? What? Not acknowledging the problems and fears women have to face (forever) doesn't help anybody. Fortunately most men and women do. Good luck with your "everything was better in the old days" self-pity.
Yeah, I know, you think you have me all figured out.
Look at it this way:
You used "we" and "us" as euphemisms to speak on the behalf of all women. You used "you" as a euphemism to generalize the behaviors of all men. You referred to a man getting something out of HIS car in front of his OWN house as "harassing us or lurking at us," after he saw a girl he liked and tried to approach her. I already explained to him why his behavior was creepy and inappropriate, he's learned from his mistake and won't repeated it again. I acknowledged the fears of women long before you showed up.
The language and cynical tone you choose to use says a lot more about your opinions and your personal perception of the world than it does about the actions of an entire species of people. But by all means, keep having your "men are dangerous and women are vitcims" pity party.
[–]wavyWwhite 2 points3 points4 points 6 years ago (1 child) | Copy Link
"maybe" she was scared .... holy cow, boy :D
[–]Yeahboi42069123 5 points6 points7 points 6 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
Calm down. He took the rejection well, self-reflected on what had happened, identified the problems and admitted to them so he doesn’t repeat those mistakes.
Comments like ‘holy cow, boy :D’ neither help nor contribute.
I find it's usually better to approach women in groups. Helps them feel more comfortable and avoids situations like this.
So had you approached them both at once, things might have gone better.
[–]biscuitgypsy40 0 points1 point2 points 5 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
Realizing what the situation could have been instead of just feeling rejected is a good step on your part. Conversations happen best when they are natural and the person feels safe.
[–]PrototypeAaron -1 points0 points1 point 5 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
Her talking to a friend Yea some creep try to come and talk to me. I just left cause he seemed sketchy This guy on Reddit So I understand why you shouldn't approach a solo female at 12 at night
[–]charizardine -1 points0 points1 point 5 years ago (1 child) | Copy Link
Good job! It's not about you, every woman would be afraid in this situation. And it's okay to make a mistake. Win win if you choose situations where she feels save.
[–][deleted] 1 point2 points3 points 5 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
I mean I understand her reaction next time I won’t make the same mistake
[–]STD_Tyler -5 points-4 points-3 points 6 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
Looks like you are new to this...
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