So I haven’t had sex, for a long time…let’s just leave it at that. I’ve been out of the game for a while but for some reason, I woke up today and decided I want to get some action.

Please don’t say things like “the ones worth taking are with their man”. and “just be happy you don’t have to spend money.” At this point, finding someone is a matter of mental health. It’s not healthy for someone to be alone for this long. I’m not looking for a future wife, I’m looking for a fun night. If something clicks and on the off chance I end up finding something more or just a friend then hey, that’s a bonus.

I’ve heard today is easy mode for picking up girls. Could you give me some tips? I’ve never went out “cold calling” girls (or cold approaching, I forget what y’all call it.) I’m just a humble beginner that’s looking for some beginner tips to improve his odds. Nothing elaborate, just a simple method that gives a newbie a shot.

I’ve heard bars are best. Is that true? What sort of town should I go to? I want the most desperation possible. At my disposal I have the following: rich areas, college towns, and middle class areas. I got poor areas too but that would be Detroit. Alcohol, Detroit, and an airhead suburban guy are a recipe for getting caught lacking.

If there are any places better than bars, let me know. As far as doing the deed goes, due to my inexperience, I’m pretty much clueless on what to do if we start getting frisky. Is there a good, lighthearted way to get her to take the lead without turning her off? Fingering has always been a mystery to me. I can put them in and do okay, but rubbing the button was something I never figured out. I’m pretty sure I could figure out how to eat it good again though. Cowgirl would be best. For some reason, I was never able to get it in with doggystyle. It just doesn’t work.