I was thinking today about a good way to describe vulnerability. There is an article HERE.

I wasn't able to very well describe vulnerability in a visual sense as some may think in.

So today I came up with a semi good visual.

The pores of the skin tighten or widen depending on circumstances. The skin itself is a sheet with these pores.

So think of vulnerability of yourself as how thick your skin is and what pain it can withstand. The more situations you put your skin into where it must withstand more than plain old air and water the more callus and able it becomes to withstanding pain. If you endure a great amount of force without building up to it the skin will tear and you will feel extreme pain. If you build up to it you can take almost anything.

Now lets say right below the skin you generate a pool of happiness. Some generate more happiness on their own than others. They can receive it as well through the pores in the skin.

So confidence would be how thick your skin is and how much it can take before it breaks. For those that do not allow their skin to be shown are the people who are not being vulnerable and taking advantage of their confidence. It is a wall around the skin, making the skin weak and fragile and easily harmed as it is never worked to gain the callus it needs for protection.

The inner pool of happiness generates happiness but the pores allow in happiness as well. The more an interaction is going well the more the pores open up (the more you open yourself up to ability to be harmed).

Now the question I have is this... if you can gain confidence by failure and gaining a callus to pain... how does one increase the ability to produce a spring of happiness from within so as to less rely on outside stimulus to be happy?

I realized lately that I am able to take a lot of pain but because of depression and boredom I feel as if I am unable to produce happiness as I used to. If I can find ways to produce happiness by activities or just by an epiphany or two I would be greatly thrilled.

So If you have ideas on how to increase happiness from within please let me know?

NOTES: I know I am skilled in life, accomplished much, can accomplish much, but still feel... almost neutral. Drinking generally makes me a happy drunk but I do not wish to rely on drinking to make me happy. I don't need it for courage I need it to boost my mood. Strange it seems.

Summary Confidence and happiness are not the same. Confidence and vulnerability are extremely similar in that confidence is merely a scale of how vulnerable you are. Happiness should be generated from within and accepted by others.