throw-away account

This sub has been my best friend for the past few weeks and I really enjoy what you guys are doing here, so thanks.

background;; The past couple of nights I have been listening to Models on Audible and upon completion was feeling empowered and motivated to work on myself. I loved all the points Mark made in the text and honestly can't wait to listen to it again - and find other readings that expand / compliment what he says about seduction.

Vulnerability;; My main reason I have to make this post is to get this off of my chest. I refuse to be this vulnerable in front of people I know (about this issue), as it makes me look like a total tool and someone who isn't capable of making logical decisions. I've really been beating myself up the past few nights because of a mistake I made Sunday. I was out drinking with a buddy, who will play a part in "reverse oneitis" later, and drank a little too much - then decided to drive home. Thank god nobody was on the roads or with me at the time. But I was on a phone with my buddy, didn't see a red light, or that the light I was coming to consisted of a T-intersection. It was snowing too, so as I did notice I slammed on my breaks and wasn't able to stop... I stared in horror as I was about to run this light, unable to turn right or left.. and slammed into a green box (that was public property). It tore up my car, or rather my parents car, pretty badly.. and I still haven't had the nerve to tell them about it. I plan on letting them know tomorrow that it did happen, just not how it happened. I'll stick with another story, and pretend it happened when I call them. This relates to vulnerability because it's really tearing my ego apart - not the accident, but the fact that I could let something like this happen in the first place. Mark, author of Models, likes the attitude of thinking of things happening as "a gift," usually when referring to being rejected or being polarizing in a certain way that generates a hurtful response from an approach - this is a gift because you learned something new about yourself that you may not have been able to find out on your own. I think of this as a gift, as I learned my lesson about drinking and driving - and that maybe when I drink too much I don't have good judgement. It's also a gift because nobody was hurt, nobody witnessed, and i'm left with a result that I can lie about. I know the truth, and can't let something like that happen ever again - nothing is worth going through that again.

Reverse Oneitis;; I moved to a new city for college, where I had been working a lot and going to school for a full year without even attempting to date or pick up. The girl who I had been crushing on, admittedly only to myself, approached me and asked for my number. The next few nights she came over, we hung out, and I didn't have the balls to have sex with her. In my head I didn't want to rush her into anything, whatever. Somewhere along the way I caught feelings, would text her too often, and say whatever it was that I could to make her notice me.. We didn't hang out for a long time - but I assumed it was because she truly was busy and didn't have the time to come over or go get a drink with me.. No, I was just too needy and took her words for value, when really she probably never wanted to talk to me again after all that.. Well the time comes, I say oh well, and to this day it has been two months since we've seen each other outside of work. I start my seduction / self-help journey here, and learn her apparent unattraction to me has made my uninterested in her. I've gone out quite a bit since, met a few girls, had real genuine exchange of words with beautiful women (women who I never thought would give me the time of day), made out with a girl (really grossly at a bar), gotten phone numbers, and been rejected. Everything has been going well. Ms. Oneitis must have sensed my attitude change and now wants to hang out... But she doesn't ask very smoothly and made me uncomfortable when I read her text. She wants to go hang out with me, and another guy she had hooked up with in the past (same guy I went out with last Sunday) to have drinks. To me, this is an instant red flag.. I tell her I don't want to anymore, sorry... but maybe "X" does. She texts me the whole next day with things like "Are you mad at me?" ":(?" ect.. I tell her no, but if she wants to hang out we can't "be just friends.. that won't work for me".. anyway she has texted me a lot in the last couple of days.. asking why I don't want to hang out.. and a lot of my response has been nothing.. I don't want to hurt the girl or make her feel bad, but I also don't even want to talk to her anymore.. but she continues to text me like she's going to change my mind.. She would always text me back when I was being needy as hell with her, but she would never want to hang out again.. now she wants to and I'm just not interested and can't get her to leave me alone.