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yoooosam
[–]Moderatorrecyclablebanthas[🍰] 0 points1 point2 points 5 years ago (9 children) | Copy Link
What I did wrong was not keeping constant eye contact and I know she can feel I am a bit shaky because I am still a bit nervous when talking.
It's tough to say because a lot of details are actually left out from the part where you actually talk to her and what her responses were to you talking to her.
But off hand, it just sounds like your nervousness affected the interaction.
Are you involved in any social events that recur regularly?
[–]yoooosam[S] 0 points1 point2 points 5 years ago (8 children) | Copy Link
Umm what do u mean by details. I am not sure I understand. You are right I am still definitely nervous and not super relax or laid back. Umm no not really I just go to boxing classes. Don't know if that's a social events lool
[–]Moderatorrecyclablebanthas[🍰] 0 points1 point2 points 5 years ago (7 children) | Copy Link
1
Umm what do u mean by details. I am not sure I understand.
Actually we could dig into some details you had, it was just a long post. :P
2
She had a la vie en rose bag so I run up after her with " girl with the la vie en rose bag"
This sort of opener can actually be pretty good.
3
to which she turned and replied yeah. Right off the bat I knew she was low interest but fuck it. practice. Me : I just thought u were cute ( she had mask on so I had no clue lol ) what's ur name
A focus on observation can help you greatly here in this sort of situation.
She had a mask on so you could have commented on that. You could have gone with something like, "Just checking that you're complying with the mask policy here ma'am." Just something that shows awareness of the situation would be fine in those first seconds.
Saying you thought she was cute, revealed that you had nothing to say. Plus you couldn't see her face and she knew that, so what you really said to her was, "I liked your ass," and she would know that. Which could unintentionally have made you seem desperate.
4
Her : gives name Her : aww thanks I am flattered. Me : so what u were just shopping around nothing interesting Her : yeah just finished shopping.
Her : gives name Her : aww thanks I am flattered.
Me : so what u were just shopping around nothing interesting
Her : yeah just finished shopping.
Saying she is flattered, is a nothing response really. I mean, what else can she say in that situation? You were a normal dude obviously, but a few dudes here or there get aggro as fuck when a girl doesn't respond positively enough to a line like, "I thought you were cute, etc."
At this point, she has already started to write you off due to the opener. But with better use of observation, you can totally avoid this sort of start.
You could have asked if she was shopping for back to school and then commented on the whole mess regarding schools reopening.
Overall, you have good confidence but giving yourself better material in conversation will help you, and you'll only get that if you can bring your focus to observation.
5
Saw she was wearing the n95 mask so I asked if it was the n95 Her : I don't know I just stole it from my dad. Me : oh woow so fuck him right he can get corona but at least I am safe Her: laughs
This was better! Good observation and good to bring it to the mask.
The only thing I'd say is that saying "fuck your dad," is a risky move with someone you just met. Like, I know you're joking, but that something that personal is a risk to be saved for later on if you're going to do it at all.
6
At this point I saw her nails ( they weren't that long but I had nothing else to say so) Me: I don't get those nails they are long as fuck but u can't do shit with them Her : smiles. What no they are pretty short. Look Me : it's kinda long. Are the even practical ? Her : laughs. Ofc they are and they are short. So I put my hand next to her and I am like no no that's short. That seemed to really make her laugh.
At this point I saw her nails ( they weren't that long but I had nothing else to say so)
Me: I don't get those nails they are long as fuck but u can't do shit with them
Her : smiles. What no they are pretty short. Look
Me : it's kinda long. Are the even practical ?
Her : laughs. Ofc they are and they are short. So I put my hand next to her and I am like no no that's short. That seemed to really make her laugh.
Jokingly debating her about her nails could unintentionally come off like you were gaslighting her and "negging" her. Which isn't the greatest impression to give. You were intending to joke but it could have come off as judgmental when you just met her.
It would have been better to transition to something more personal, which could have been easy: the whole "are you back to school shopping" could have led to a lot of personal things she might have opened up about, if you weren't being judgmental in your humor and she felt comfortable.
Like she would have mentioned her school plans and that could easily have been a good discussion!
Going off on a tangent about her nails and possibly insulting her, didn't help you.
7
Me : so any plans for tonight Her : yeah just to get home Me : ok well how does coffee sound Her : ohh I am flattered but I have a bf I laughed and whished her a good day.
Me : so any plans for tonight
Her : yeah just to get home
Me : ok well how does coffee sound Her : ohh I am flattered but I have a bf I laughed and whished her a good day.
Up to this point, the basis of your interaction with her consisted of you basically saying, "I opened you because of your ass," "fuck your dad," and basically insulting her nails.
Like that wasn't what you meant at ALL, I get it. But based on how she responded, there was little in that conversation that had motivated her to want more.
So to ask her if she wants to get coffee after that..... comes off desperate and lacking in awareness as to how things were going.
8
You are right I am still definitely nervous and not super relax or laid back. Umm no not really I just go to boxing classes. Don't know if that's a social events lool
It can help to have more practice interacting socially in relaxed, low pressure settings with men and women.
Granted, it's kind of hard these days to always find such gatherings of strangers meeting up with strangers. But making the most of the interactions available as we do normal things like shopping, is certainly possible if one can focus on observation and using what one observes in conversation.
[–]yoooosam[S] 0 points1 point2 points 5 years ago (6 children) | Copy Link
Woooow wooow wooow loool. I honestly didn't see it like that at all. I see now how from someone else point of view it would seem like it was a garbage interaction. To be completely honest I went up to her because of her ass yes but I get that I should haven't said she is cute when I couldn't see her face. As for the nails things that's an interesting take cuz I feel like that's where she laughed most and give the most positive vibes. The thing about insulting her nails and the mask and such is that I thought I was teasing her cuz that's how I usually am with female friends. None of them seem to give a shit and they roast me back so I thought I was doing good. U right thought maybe dial it back a little.
[–]Moderatorrecyclablebanthas[🍰] 0 points1 point2 points 5 years ago (5 children) | Copy Link
I thought I was teasing her cuz that's how I usually am with female friends.
But this was a girl you just met, whereas you're talking about people you already have a relationship or connection with.
Going about it this way with someone you just met is a gamble at best. Some people will be fine with it. Some people won't because you haven't already established yourself with them. Like they'll consider it being too personal, too quick. Almost presumptuous?
Plus, since you just met her and she's in a public place and not wanting to make a scene, she's more likely to fake laugh just to get through the interaction.
Your confidence is perhaps better than you think because of how you seem to easily ask her about coffee, just a little adjustment in the earlier part of the interaction can grease the wheels a little bit and make it more likely that you'll get a positive response by the time you get to that point next time.
[–]yoooosam[S] 0 points1 point2 points 5 years ago (4 children) | Copy Link
Yeah now I understand that. I just really never thought of it that way. However I just feel that if I don't tease or wtv then I won't have anything to say and the convo will be very boring. Should I just go for boring and safe for now untill I learn to properly tease ?
[–]Moderatorrecyclablebanthas[🍰] 0 points1 point2 points 5 years ago (2 children) | Copy Link
....... if I don't tease or wtv then I won't have anything to say.....
Look at what you reported about this interaction..... You describe how you used observations to come up with quite a bit of things that you said.
You commented on her mask and nails. You asked about her shopping.
This shows that you are perfectly good at observing and working that into conversation. You had plenty to say without having to neg her about her nails or joke quite that hard about her dad. Some examples:
You could still have joked about her dad not having a mask or being surprised when he can't find it, just minus the fuck him part. This is playing it safe while still joking around.
You could have just as easily asked her if she was shopping for a back to school. Seeing as how a lot of schools are online these days, you could have made some comment about back to school, zoom edition. There are so many directions you could have gone with it.
And again, once you see the easy ways you could have transitioned from shopping to more personal things like going to school, you realize that you had plenty to talk about that would have been more meaningful than taking jabs at her over her nails and then asking her out to coffee.
Often one of the real issues that we face as men, is finding ways to deal with our own feelings of inadequacy, lack of confidence, insecurity, etc.
One of the easiest and most common reactions to these negative feelings, is to take jabs at the people around us.
It's an easy way to feel better about ourselves, but to those around us who aren't insecure, it can easily show that we are insecure, which isn't a good look.
But if we focus on taking care of ourselves better in order to address these feelings, we will have a more lasting solution to the insecurity.
[–]yoooosam[S] 1 point2 points3 points 5 years ago (1 child) | Copy Link
First thank you for taking the time to write this up. I appreciate it. As per the first point I think you are right. I should focus instead of what I did do right and try to improve the other facets of my game. The dad thing was bad I can agree with that 100%. Actually I remember when I said in the interaction right there and then I felt it was too much lool. Will definitely dial it back then. Like you said I should have transitioned into more topics. Could have easily talked about school like u said. The one thing I still don't get is the nail because she laughed pretty hard at the one. And I don't think it was to diffuse the situation cuz she didn't laugh to diffuse the situation when I said that dad joke. Regardless like I said I am going to play it more safe for now until I learn how to tease " correctly" per say. 2. Completely agree. I don't care about rejection. Shit happens and most girls won't be receptive as you are a complete stranger. And especially that I am still developing my game it will be most likely alot of rejections at first. I can accept that. What I can't accept tbh it's disrespect. Regardless I like what u said and I agree that I should work on myself more in all areas.
[–]Moderatorrecyclablebanthas[🍰] 0 points1 point2 points 5 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
Actually I remember when I said in the interaction right there and then I felt it was too much lool.
To be absolutely clear, a lot of guys here, including myself, have gone too far as we learned.
Not all of us even realize at the time that we went too far. The fact that you did, is actually HUGE. ;)
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[–]Moderatorrecyclablebanthas[🍰] 0 points1 point2 points (9 children) | Copy Link
[–]yoooosam[S] 0 points1 point2 points (8 children) | Copy Link
[–]Moderatorrecyclablebanthas[🍰] 0 points1 point2 points (7 children) | Copy Link
[–]yoooosam[S] 0 points1 point2 points (6 children) | Copy Link
[–]Moderatorrecyclablebanthas[🍰] 0 points1 point2 points (5 children) | Copy Link
[–]yoooosam[S] 0 points1 point2 points (4 children) | Copy Link
[–]Moderatorrecyclablebanthas[🍰] 0 points1 point2 points (2 children) | Copy Link
[–]yoooosam[S] 1 point2 points3 points (1 child) | Copy Link
[–]Moderatorrecyclablebanthas[🍰] 0 points1 point2 points (0 children) | Copy Link