I’ve realized something about myself and wanted to see if anyone else relates. When I walk or move through places, women stare at me a lot. Like hard, no break eye contact. It makes me think I’m attractive, but when I actually talk to them, it’s like everything dies. They’re polite, friendly, but not flirty or interested.

What’s confusing is that I’ve always felt like I’m good looking, but the way people react doesn’t match that. Even at work, I told some female coworkers my body count and they said they couldn’t believe it, like they didn’t think I could get that many women. It kind of hit me that maybe I’m not “that guy” I thought I was.

I’ve also noticed when I’m in new environments, I feel confident and grounded. But once I get comfortable, I start being goofy, people pleasing, and trying to make everyone like me. I think that kills my presence because I start performing instead of just being.

Someone helped me realize the key is to “just observe, don’t perform.” When I’m calm, present, and not trying, people notice. But the moment I start seeking validation, it all fades.

Anyone else deal with this? How do you stay grounded and stop performing once you start feeling comfortable around people?