A lot of dating coaches say that you need confidence to get the girl. They are completely right,but alot of times these dating coaches never dissected what confidence means.

Let me give you an example. I have a female friend. Her personality is the princess with hard to get. She loves to tease men.

I was in the club one night with her and a bunch of friends. I was just standing at the bar just looking,then she comes and stands like 5 feet in front of me and starts twerking in front of me, so me without missing a heartbeat walk up behind her and slapped her ass. I then turned around walked away and just acted like it was no big deal and continued talking with my friends. Then she comes and starts slapping my ass.

This is the problem. I had confidence when I did this,but what did I do exactly? These are the things I notice dating coaches don't talk about. I will break down what I did in this situation later in this post. What is confidence?

This is my definition of what confidence is. It's the ability to control all your emotions and remain cool,collected,which comes off as confident. Don't act too happy because that sounds desperate,don't be too nervous because that comes off as creepy. Don't look too serious because that's just makes her uncomfortable(stalker). When you feel too much of one emotion,it gets uncomfortable to the women. When you see PUA get girls,they are in control of their emotions,they are comfortable,calm, relaxed,that's confidence. You need to be relaxed and confident when approaching women. Every time you approach a women,monitor your emotions. If you feel one of these negative emotions,then you are starting off wrong. Start with just talking to women in general,not even to pick them up. Practice controlling your emotions around women and practice socializing. Approach women and say something like,"Hello,my name is John, I would appreciate it if I can talk to you for a few minutes just to practice my social skills". Even just to talk to them you need to be confident or else they won't want to talk to you because you might be giving them a negative emotion/vibe.

The second part of this is that just because you feel confident,doesn't mean she feels comfortable around you. Now you need to control her emotions. You need to read her facial expressions/body language/vibes. As you approach her with confidence,monitor her emotions. Does she look nervous,intimidated,upset,calm,relaxed?

If she looks calm and relaxed then you are off to a good start and you can start doing your thing.

But if she looks nervous,intimidated. She still has her guard up and you will need to bring her guard down. You need to bring her guard down,make her feel comfortable and relaxed around you,make her feel safe. Say something like, "I'm sorry to bother you, I apologize in advance if I did something to offend you. You look at little bit unease,what seems to bother you?".

If you come across a confident women then be careful. They are the worst. The confident women can show all interest in you,give you all the green flags,smiling around you. Then when you speak to her,she puts you down angrily,mocks you. Women know how to mask their emotions. Why did she do this? Because she is testing your emotions. I explained before that confidence is the ability to control your emotions and to be calm in bad situations. Women know this and this is why she did this. A man that can control his emotions is confident and women love this. If you can handle being roasted/mocked by a women,that means you have control over your emotions.

Women always have a guard up. Now to read how high her guard up is by reading her emotions. If she being a diva around you, the guard is high. If she's happy,the guard could be high also. At this point you don't know until she insults you. Men!always keep your guard up the whole time talking to her,never drop your guard.

If she throws you an insult saying,"You're to short for me". Respond by roasting yourself and agreeing with her saying,"You're right,explains why some women don't want to give me a chance. But I feel bad for them because they are judging me by my height and not judging me by my heart,everyone needs love, and I have lots to give, too bad women don't see this side of me in the first impression". In this response I gave alot of emotions. After saying this,I controlled her emotions,I made her feel more comfortable,relaxed,dropping her guard.But.... to make this work you need to be talking confidently. You can't use my response to a girl talking all nervous and intimidated and expect to get the same result as I did talking all relaxed,calm,and confident.

When a guy approaches a girl. A girl will try to find his weakness and insult the guy to test his confidence. You as a guy need to know what your weaknesses are so you will be able to come back with a response. You're short,ugly,loner,can't dress. Never drop your guard.

But the biggest piece of advice for you men is to control your emotions. This is the most difficult part. When a women insults you,control your emotions,don't get offended. This is the problem with men and they don't understand why they couldn't get that girl. You lose control of your emotions and women can see this and get turned off because you are not confident anymore.

One last thing for this part is if you approach a women and she insults you. She might not be interested in general. That's why you need to not get offended, and respond with words to control her emotions to make her calm down. After this,if she is still insulting then just forget her and go to the next women.

When you approach a women,your emotions start to raise,maybe you feel mesmerized by her,or you feel like hating her a bit because she has a diva attitude,or you are nervous because she is really attractive. Don't let your emotions control you. Try and reject emotions and think positively,this comes off as confident.

Going back to my example of what I did when I slapped that girls ass in the club is this. She went up in front of me and started twerking in front of me. At this point I knew what kind of emotion she was feeling because she was having a good time in the club. Maybe she did it on purpose for me to watch,or maybe not. The reason I slapped her ass was because I assumed she was doing it on purpose to tease me. So I went up and slapped her ass then started walking away and talking to my friends as if nothing happened while my friend watched the whole thing. I teased her back. I was relaxed, calm,confident in my whole process. The way I walked up to her,the way I slapped her ass,the way I walked back and talked to my friends.

Now I'll use the same scenario with a non confident guy doing it. He goes up slaps her ass and stands their. Now she looks back and sees him,she thinks he's a creeper and gets offended. Now you slap her ass and you got nervous doing it,she looks back and she sees you got nervous,now you look like a loser and she gets mad about slapping her ass.

A non confident guy can do an approach and fail. But the confident guy can do the exact same approach and succeed. Dating coaches don't explain what they did exactly. Dating coaches just say,do this and it will work,and these dating coaches themselves don't know what they did either,they just know it works. What happened,it's the control of the emotions. You need to be confident, and you need to control the women's emotions also to succedd.

Being confident is being yourself and owning your personality. Everyone has their own personality. Everyone's pickup game will be different because everyone has their own style. My friend is also really good at picking up girls and his style is being very blunt,a bit offensive. But he owns his personality with confidence,he controls his emotions,looks calm,relaxed,when he talks to women and it works,best part about is he is not good looking. He is probably a 5 and can get 10s. Looks don't matter,confidence does. My personality is a nice guy,polite,easy going. I own it, I don't get offended when people insult me,I agree with them and I try to calm them down with my words, and it works. I'm probably a 7. I control my emotions. But also, don't show pride,showing pride is a weakness. If you can control your emotions,that would be a great achievement,but also don't show pride,egoism,and don't boost yourself. Girls can detect this and that is a turn of also.

Once you approach the women and it's off to a good start. You are confident and she likes being around you. Talk for like 10 minutes. Once you know she likes you,the rest becomes easy and you start making moves on her. Remember,you need to be confident,and she needs to be comfortable around you. You can start by complimenting her hair and stroking her hair. If she doesn't get offended,you are doing good, grab her hands and compliment her manicure,if she responds positively,you are doing good. If you are stroking her hair,grabbing her hands all nervous,scared etc. She will run away. Flirting becomes easy once you learn to control your emotions.

If you want to learn how to control your emotions. You need to put yourself in uncomfortable positions. Talk to girls, get mocked/roasted by friends/co workers, go online and don't get offended by people's post about you. By taking in all this abuse,you also need to respond positively to their negatively. By responding positively to their negatively this increases your confidence because you don't care about what people think of you and this is the bottom line of confidence. Not caring about what people think of you. You will stumble and fail at first,but that's what practice is for. Also,everytime you do this,you need to observe your emotions and reflect back on them why you reacted that way. You might be correct reacting emotionally the way you want,but the other person might not see their own flaws. No one is perfect. You just need to be the bigger man.

When you get emotional,emotions cloud your judgment. When you can control your emotions,you can judge easily and be more confident.

This is what I learned over the years. I'm more confident,can talk to girls,I'm more sociable in social gatherings. I had to learn to take in negativity and turn it to positivity to be able to talk to all kinds of people. Which I understand is difficult.