Recently I've been seeing a girl I really like (hereafter Raven). We're not 100% exclusive but it seems headed in that direction. We'll see.

One thing I like about Raven: she knows about shit testing and I've trained her to telegraph it.

Early on we had good conversations about dating and relationships. I tell her she's lucky she met me right around the time I went to this David Deida workshop. She agrees.

Deida's thesis is that women will always test you, regardless of how long the relationship has lasted; and that a man must learn to just accept this and deal with it if he wants the relationship to last. Wishing it away leads only to frustration.

Anyway, a few times early on when she shit-tested me I just said, "there you go shit-testing me again" and ignored the question. She's always laughed and gave me a hug.

The happy result of this is that Raven flat-out tells me when she's testing me.

On the flip side, I feel free to do seemingly beta things like tell her she's the sexiest girl in the world. Not in response to a question, but just out of the blue. It always spikes her attraction. She frequently tells me I'm the most attractive man she's ever met. (This from a professional dancer who lived many years in New York and is smoking hot. She's been hit on by a lot of guys, many of whom I'm sure are more conventionally attractive and financially successful than I am.)

So what's the point of this post?

Honestly, I'm not sure. It's just not something I've encountered before and am curious what others think. A couple of additional data points:

  • She is in her thirties and so has been around the dating block, ergo she has a better understanding of her own desires (spare me lectures about the cock carousel)
  • She explicitly says she is not a feminist and agrees that feminism has created a nation of wimpy guys
  • Nonetheless she's very successful and independent - owns her own business and loves her work