Why am I so afraid?

destiny24 · 2014-10-31T21:34:03+00:00

You're afraid because you care too much about what the women think about you. You start worrying about everything you are saying, wearing, and doing. You aren't nervous around your friends because you don't really care what they think. You could say something funny, say something unfunny, say something smart, say something dumb, you can say just about anything around your friends and it wouldn't change a damn thing. Why? Because you have no outcome that you are trying to achieve. You are literally just being yourself. When you are talking to girls you want a specific outcome, so now you start overthinking every possible scenario in your head and it eventually starts freaking you out. "What if she thinks I'm dumb?" "What if she laughs at my outfit?" "What if my joke isn't funny?" You start worrying about all this shit you normally wouldn't even think about around friends. Hell, that situation goes beyond girls. Whenever you worry about someone's opinion on you, you're going to start overthinking and cause yourself to panic.

How to conquer the fear? It's not so much conquering it, but having a certain realization. Not everyone is going to like you. Period. You could be the nicest, hottest, richest, funniest man in the world. Some people STILL won't like you. So it's silly to worry about a woman's opinion about you. I like to use a stand-up metaphor when giving out advice on seduction. Think of any stand-up comedian. When you go out to a bar/club or any place to meet women, you are doing a stand-up routine. You put on some nice clothes, you go up to the mic, you say your jokes, you thank the crowd and then you sit back down. Simple. Some people are going to laugh and think you're hilarious, some people won't laugh at all. It's nothing personal, some people just won't find you funny. So it's nothing to dwell over. However, if a comedian keeps telling jokes and NO ONE is laughing, then he knows there is something wrong with his routine and it needs to be changed. It's the same with girls...some girls just won't be into you no matter how hard you try, but if you find that NO girls are into you after approaching there may be a different problem.

So in short, just relax man. "Be yourself" is a cliche saying for a reason. When you're talking to a girl, just talk to her as if she was one of your friends. She'll either be into you or she won't. If she isn't? Shrug it off, move on to the next cute girl you notice.

ThrowawayPUA · 2014-10-31T22:41:56+00:00

Try to understand the difference between fear and anxiety. I don't think you're truly afraid of beautiful women. If you were at the grocery store and the cashier was hot, you wouldn't have a bit of trouble doing a transaction with her. But that's because you don't want anything more than completing a simple transaction. You don't have fantasies and hopes that she can fulfill your lusts and desires.

So what you are feeling is anxiety, and the reason is that you are sexually excited. Good. If a woman didn't sexually excite you, there wouldn't be any point in trying to seduce her. Try to understand that that anxious feeling is not a signal you should run and hide, it is a signal that you should go and approach. But just start simple and don't walk into an approach with all your desires and dreams looming over you. Clear that from your head. Stay focused on the woman, rather than what you're thinking about the woman. Just approach and have a simple, pleasant conversation with her, without any hidden agenda. That's where it all starts, for any seduction.

elyory · 2014-11-01T04:14:01+00:00

Fear will allways be there, the trick is to act even whit the fear you have. My first aproach i was scared as fuck, (i bealive i think too much) i just took a long breath before aproaching and went in, not giving my mind time to think. The thing is, just do it till just stop fealling weird, the first times you say a joke or express you opinions you might be afraid, but after doing it 10, 20, 100 times it will feel like just normal.

Petherton · 2014-11-01T19:42:40+00:00

The male brain evolved over squillions of years on the plains of Africa to be nervous of approaching hot chicks. Those who weren't nervous were removed from the gene-pool at the hands of the jealous men who the chicks belonged to.

You will always have this fear. The trick is to feel the fear and do it anyway. You will get rejected. Each time, analyse what happened, and work out what you should have done to have got further. Keep feeling the fear, and eventually it becomes an adrenalin rush that works in your favour by making your brain think faster, and bring to mind all your best game. Embrace rejection as a learning-opportunity.

apackofwankers · 2014-11-01T20:43:31+00:00

Which outcome are you afraid will happen?

That you will be rejected?

That they wont like you?

Make that outcome your goal. Try to be rejected, try to make them dislike you.

Once you have mastered being rejected or disliked, you should be able to turn that off and try for a different goal. You wont be afraid of being rejected or disliked though.

sunnydiv · 2014-11-01T02:16:06+00:00

I know this is not a popular advice, but if you are a daily fapper, i recommend /r/nofap that really changed my life

Title	Why am I so afraid?
Author	[deleted]
Upvotes	9
Comments	9
Date	October 31, 2014 8:57 PM UTC (11 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/seduction
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/seduction/comments/2kx6w8/why_am_i_so_afraid/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/seduction/why-am-i-so-afraid.1378893 https://theredarchive.com/post/1378893

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