Some background:
I often go to dance parties and mostly to those organized by my dance school. Unfortunately, most of the times, while I do talk to people, dance with strangers, hang around people I have met through these events, etc. I find myself to be really closed, superficial/formal/platonic and too much "into my head". This happens even though I have grown very familiar with the place and the people of the school, and even though I have built confidence through pretty solid dance skill.
Situation:
Anyway. That last time I went to the party alone, because I knew most people I know would have been already there. But, due to some misunderstanding, I was seated to a table where I knew no one. Specifically, there were 2 all-girl groups not knowing each other, and I was sitting between them. After some pretty fast internal negotiations ("Dude you have to talk to them, don't be a creep"), I started talking to both groups, teasing, talking, introducing one group to the other, trying to get some reactions, etc. Soon I was very open, very expressive, making all of the girls laugh. But most of all, I was feeling I was having a great time. I don't know if they were having an equally great time, but I didn't care and maybe there were a couple negative cues that flew around, but I totally ignored them at that time. I mean, this could have been a great situation to try techniques and stuff, but instead I quickly said to myself "fuck it man. Just have fun. And it goes as it goes."
Since that night, I am trying to analyze what happened. Because it was pretty phenomenal to see myself, always struggling socially, always hardly talking to even people I know, now talking to that many girls, being the center of attention, and having a good time with absolutely no over-analysis. The only thing that I could think of that might have played a role was that 1) there were no acquaintances/friends seated on the same table and 2) there were no other males on the same table.
So I am sitting here, thinking... Can this maybe be explained? For me it was like a quite big epiphany. There must be some deeper issue that other. I always had self-image issues, but it never occurred to me that I was just comparing myself to my friends. Maybe there was also that social anxiety where people who know me would judge my interactions and that's why I could not act freely. To be honest, I don't think I am the leader of any group of my friends. I mean, I am not the guy who is picked all the time, but I am definitely not the leader either. Or maybe all this is bullshit, and it was just one time that I just forced myself to interact freely with girls. What do you guys think? have you ever experienced something like that? In what way have you tried to fix your inner issues.
