This is a seduction topic I feel very strongly about.

Let me clarify my understanding of these terms first: Inner Game is the way you see and understand your reality. It’s your self-esteem. It’s the way you give yourself value, the way you realize that you are the master of your fate and that you deserve to be happy.

Outer Game is the physical aspect of seduction. It’s the way you talk, your tonality. It’s your body language, the way you hold your arms while talking, the way you look at the girl. These can either be learned or innate abilities.

I am a supporter of solid, sustainable Inner Game and see Outer Game as a direct consequence of a deep sense of self-confidence, self-awareness and self-esteem for that matter.

As soon as you’re aware that what you’re saying has value, as soon as you know that you’re not depending on your conversational partner’s reaction, as soon as you don’t have to lie anymore and you’re starting your conversations with complete, unaltered truth — you’re laying all your cards on the table. You are now vulnerable. The girl you’re talking to could now rip you to pieces.

That fact that you’re taking that risk says a lot about you. It shows that you’re confident. You’re aware of the danger and yet your standing there, confidently looking at her and giving her the feeling she has no power to attack you. Whatever she does, you will not be fazed by her actions. This makes you attractive. And this is the direct consequence of solid Inner Game.

This also lowers your need for canned openers. Why would you need a pre-formulated standard phrase that might not even be true in order to get a girls attention when you really know that it doesn’t really matter what you say? When you know that you will not value less because of what she might think of the thing you just said?

Because it truly doesn’t matter what you say. You could literally say “Bluuurrgggghhh wabba wabba ding dong” and still get her number within the following minutes. That’s because of Outer Game, the direct consequence of what we just talked about. If your mindset is strong, if you truly believe in yourself and if you truly value yourself — no one can do you harm. And you’re not scared of making a fool of yourself anymore. You focus on having fun with the person you’re talking to.

The modern approach in the pick-up industry is therefore a little bit difficult for me to understand. I think we’re usually choosing the wrong starting point. Step one would be to really strengthen our Inner Game and only afterwards look at and analyze the direct consequence of it (physical appearance, body language and given sentence structures or openers). The opposite is being taught at the moment — beginners try to confront themselves with their fears (approaching and rejection) and are “deadening that feeling” to a certain degree.

The point I’m making is: What’s real and what’s fake? I feel like I’ve seen lots of professional PUAs where I don’t believe that their Inner Game is actually on par with what they’re trying to display on the outside. Isn’t it still the same insecure, 15 year old boy who’s sad because he doesn’t get that girl he likes? Has he really changed now only because he now knows a ton of openers and can adequately demonstrate high value when needed?

Or does he actually know that his honest opinion can be of value and that his self-confidence relies much more on the way he sees himself than on the way other’s do?

Because that should be the ultimate goal.

(I also shared this post on my blog, for those who are interested.)