The following is a medium to long read (5-7 min) about why some men never go on second dates. There's a TL;DR at the bottom for those who have less time.

How many of us have been in this situation? You go on a first date and think it went well. You come home and text the person about how much fun it was and how’d you’d like to see them again. And then you wait. And three days go by and there’s no reply. Frustrated, you try to call or text her again. A day later, she texts back saying that it isn’t going to work out. Or worse, the reply never comes. You’re left wondering what went wrong!

Failure to attract

They key reason you are not getting a second date is that you failed to capture her attraction. Beneath all the conversation and first date rituals lies the core of attraction. When I talk about attraction here, I am talking about turning your date on sexually, turning her on with some intrigue and a general vibe of fun. Attraction here doesn’t just mean that having good looks. That may help you a little bit, but you need to be able to arouse her interest and turn her on in other ways. Here’s how you do it.

Relax and be present

A major complaint women have about the first date is when the man is too nervous. This means that he is too inwardly focussed and not outwardly present. People who don’t get second dates are the ones who approach the first one as a sequence of steps. Never treat a date as it’s some kind of flowchart. The best approach would be to let your mind and body relax and focus on what is going on in the present moment. Being in the here and now promotes spontaneity and your conversations and actions can easily turn creative. Being present makes you relax more which in turn makes you more present, it’s a feedback loop.

Chances are, this is not a new skill to be learned. Remember when you were hanging out with a friend whom you’ve know for a long time? Were you thinking about what to say or how to act during your conversation? Most likely not. Next time when you are on a date and feel really nervous about what to say, imagine that you’ve known her for many years and that she is a good friend. Watch how the conversation transforms.

Turn off your topic filters

Are you too cautious to talk about risky topics? There is no use in talking about how sunny it was today or how much it snowed last night. These get boring after the first five minutes. Stop internally monitoring everything you are going to say. Instead why don’t you speak your mind? I admit it, it can be intimidating to open up like that at first, but it can also be utterly rewarding when you are not trying determine what to talk about and what to avoid.

Also turning off your usual topic filters can lead to some interesting conversational territories. My first date conversations sometimes lead into exciting topics such as recreational drug use, embarrassing sexual experiences, deepest fears, truth or dares. Hell, I often ask about past awkward first dates on my first date.

Engage physically

This is number one reason why most women feel less attracted to you. You should be comfortable placing a few touches here and there on your date. Ideally she responds to these by reciprocating or complying with it. It is best to start with a few innocuous touches like your hand on her thigh or shoulder for a few seconds and then gradually escalate to more intimate areas. If there is resistance on her side, just acknowledge it. That doesn’t mean you verbally apologize. You don’t have to openly ask whether she thought it was weird or not. Just assume good faith. She will definitely pull back or tell you if she is being bothered by it. This is a precursor to the kiss. And if things are going great and you are connecting with her through your words and your touches then it is time to go in for a kiss. Don’t wait for a big moment. It can sometimes be as easy as telling that you feel like kissing her while holding strong eye contact. And then just waiting to see the reaction. Most of time there’s silence but she might show her receptivity with a smile or meeting your gaze. Some will even acknowledge it with a verbal yes. And there are times when the girl will say that she doesn't feel that way. If that is the case, say you are glad you got that one off and proceed with something else. Don’t let it upset you, she may not feel ready yet. A lot of advice out there places a ton of importance on the first date kiss. Your date is not a failure if you didn’t kiss her.

Give her some space

When the date is over and you are back home, do not be eager to please her now. Nor try to ask her out immediately for a second date. Wait for the feelings to grow in her. Let her miss you and your texts. If she hasn’t initiated a text or called you after 2-3 days, giver her a ring and tell her that you would like to see her again, sometime the following week. Women liked to be desired but initially they also want to ensure that a man isn’t too available. They want someone who they think has other options and has picked them out of those. Do not be stuck to the phone waiting for her reply. Go and meet other women.

What a solid first date looks like.

Every date is different, but a general template of a good first date looks like this. You meet up in a bar and order the first round of drinks. If the girl offers to pay, just tell her she can get the next round. You settle in, ask a few introductory questions and then delve into more inquisitive ones. If you are just asking questions and receiving answers, you are doing it wrong. Be sure to give her ample space to ask questions and get to know you as well. This means pulling back sometimes and being ok with a few seconds of silence. Let her do some of the work too. Sometimes you can weave a story or two without her asking a question, that makes you look creative and interesting.

At some point, you casually start to touch her. This will be in the most safe places like the thighs or shoulders. Depending on how she reacts, you move in a bit closer. You can know if the girl is into you by how much she laughs during the date, how inquisitive she is about you and her responses to those slight touches. After that it’s time to change venues or take a walk and may be grab some (cheap) food. If the girl agrees with your suggestion of changing venues or accompanies you on a walk, it is a good sign that she’s liking your company and that the date is going well. Kudos to you. When you feel like that’s the case, just go in for a kiss at some point. In case there is a strong sexual attraction the kissing might even turn into a make out session. If that happens, ask her if she wants to come home with you for a nightcap. Should you encounter resistance, don’t push too much. If your aim is just to increase your lay-count then it puts too much pressure on you and her. Not a very comfortable setting for a good first date. Aim to create a good connection with her so she’s looking forward to see you again. Send her off with a quick intimate hug and a kiss and possibly text her right away about how you enjoyed the time you spent with her. That’s it. Give her the required space for the feelings to grow. If she felt an attraction towards you then there will definitely be a second date.

P.S. Sometimes even when things go really well on a first date you might not end up having a second date. She could have just gotten back together with her ex, or decide to take some time off dating. In those cases, if the first date was genuine, she would usually be upfront with her situation. Don’t take this personally.

TL;DR: To get a second date, do this on your first date -- Be more relaxed and present, turn off your topic filters, engage her physically and giver her some space.