Never really posted much but am really on my knees so it cant hurt. UK 34m. We was together 14 years after meeting 1st day of university. We have a son 3.5 years and 2 days before asking for a divorce (after an argument that night) she finally said she wanted another baby with me so our son could have the sibling i so badly wanted for him.
She acted asif everything was normal after this and i paid her out the house and she bought another within 2 months. We was still talking and i was trying to reconsile then a friend saw her on hinge with a pretty cringe/ desperate looking profile which totally rocked me and had me suicidal and kind of still does as i never expected that of her(shes a good looking girl and out of my league)
I changed jobs last year and took a huge pay cut to be closer to home with the view of us having another child. She earns more than me.

I am struggling with not seeing my son 60% of the time and how easily she disposed of our life. Im from london and moved up north so she is surrounded by her friends and family and i am not at all, so when i have my son its just me and him which is great but i am worried he will get bored of me when he has all her family/ friends and his cousins around him
When hes with his mum.
I was put on sertraline when the hinge profile happened and it made me much worse. 2 months later i am weaning off them. Also the job i have is a daily struggle but adhd and low self confidence makes is hard for me to get a different one. I can barely pay the mortgage as it is. Any advice? Help please, i want to stay for my son but cant see any light