After reading more RP content, my life changed overnight… I wish.

Things got worse before they got better. My nice guy conditioning led me to reject RP for myself for a few weeks. It felt too dirty and non-Christian to pursue the dark triad. I couldn’t help but read more though. It made sense for what I saw in the world. It truly felt like I was seeing relationship dynamics correctly for the first time.

I got angry when I started to come around. It explained the time I was failing financially and depressed and wanted a sweet and comforting wife, she treated me terribly and rejected how I felt.

It explained her confusion with what to do when I failed with porn and how my validation seeking from her either before or after porn made things worse.

My conditioning made me think that I could not treat my wife like anything except what a nice guy would, because I was supposed to “love” her.

I eventually came across RPChristians. I started heavily reading the content. It revealed I needed more purpose than “loving” my wife.

I thought my wife was rarely into sex and the exception to what I was reading, then I “let loose” in sex. I think it was partly, or maybe even mostly anger. Seeing the truth in others and not getting what I felt I deserved. I was a little uncertain afterwards, and we went to bed. The next day she was the most touchy feely she has ever been and was all over me in church, grabbing my crotch etc.

I felt like I cracked the code and was partly happy, but was also SO ANGRY. Why did I have to suffer all this time up until now? Why was this also true for my woman? I was in the anger phase starting here for a very long time…

Reading the rational male, I realized the guy at my church who was flirting with my wife and multiple other women was the AMOG. I tried to AMOG him a few times unsuccessfully (lol). After getting angry about it for a little bit, I decided to learn from him instead.

I also met Red Curious for lunch, I learned he lived fairly close. I wanted to meet him and see what someone who was RP and Christian looked like. If you know RC, you know he is not normal, lol. But he was close enough to normal.

I started doing more of the breaking free exercises from NMMNG. One of them was doing a weekend away. I remember planning the trip and wanting sex before leaving. The norm in our sex life was we both had to be out of the shower clean for sex. I was getting a fury of sh*t tests for doing something for myself, but I initiated before leaving anyway and I was “unclean”. She gave me even more of a fury of sh*t tests. I carried on and as I was out the door she apologized and initiated. This was another new thing of not being squeaky clean, and me not getting mad at rejection leading to more sex. The norm up to this point was I would get mad at my wife when saying no to sex, my eyes were opened even more. I felt extremely validated.

I was calibrating how poorly I should treat her, sometimes being outright rude for no reason, and feeling weird about it. There was a clear correlation at the time of the worse I treated her the more sex I got.

We spent some time jockeying for who was leading the relationship. Divorce was thrown around a few times by her. I would have seen Divorce as a failure. The closest thing I had to a main event was she was acting a little crazy with sh*t tests and I told her to get away from our kid and out of the house until she could act rationally and respect me. After some yelling and lot’s of tears, she apologized and stopped fighting me to lead.

Shortly after this my ego got the best of me. I was getting some semblance of a sex life and started slipping back into old behaviors. In retrospect, I had a lot of sexual success for being a mediocre dancing monkey. I also had a lot of progress without doing any of it for God.

I was doing some hard work of lifting again, putting the fork down so I wasn’t obese, changing my ingrained habits from childhood, all without explicitly pursuing God.

This is my concern for many of you on RPC. I just wanted sex at the end of the day and was jumping through the hoops I thought God wanted so I could get what I wanted. God wants all of our heart, mind, and soul. At one point I gave it all to him in college, but I let the world distract me.

I’m talking to you, reddit reader. Don’t let the world distract you. “But seek first His kingdom and His righteousness, and all these things will be added to you.” (Matt 6:33). God will provide all you need if you trust him.

If you are trapped in worldly thinking and want to change I will make myself available to you. Reach out here or on Discord.

God used this place to help me see how to truly lead my wife and get the sex I want. I am so glad it was a bait and switch to a better life with him.

I didn’t intend to get preachy at the end, regardless, that’s the chunk of my story for today.

The Men’s Bible study is starting Dec 4th at 11:30am EST and will run for about 3 months every week (except Christmas and likely off New Years). We will be meeting in the Discord so stop by there and post an introduction.

In the meantime, post your story below, and if you really want to make me smile, post an OYS on Reddit or Discord.

I will leave you with one of my favorite songs right now, the Lord’s prayer. It’s all his:

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=36hBlBGVFSs