Deciding on number of children while also considering your husband’s needs

well-ilikeit · 2024-05-04T18:50:10+00:00

I would take it one child at a time and you need to wait until both parents can agree they are ready to add another kid to the family.

Wife_and_Mama · 2024-05-04T20:40:33+00:00

My husband and I agreed that three kids was probably our max, four if we got three of one gender. I always said I wanted four, but everyone always told me I'd change my mind. I was willing to compromise, since we wanted to be done by a certain age and didn't really think we'd have time for four. Then we had to deal with infertility and thought we'd be lucky to have any at all.

Long story short, after IVF twin girls in 2021, the baby boy we were told we couldn't conceive naturally in 2022, and my final FET baby boy two weeks ago, we have the two girls and two boys I always wanted. How did we get here? We just took it one pregnancy at a time. After twins, I was told I couldn't have more, so we tried to accept that that might be all we got. When my son was conceived, we felt so blessed and just prayed for my health. When that pregnancy went well, we discussed our timeline and how we felt we could get one more in before the deadline and decided to go through with it together. We've once again been told I shouldn't have more, for entirely new reasons, so we are definitely done.

You'd have never convinced my husband or anyone who's met him that he'd have four kids under three one day, but he's thrilled. Life changes. People change. Health issues and time can limit your choices. Just don't try to set hard limits and see how things go as time passes.

_Pumpkin_Muffin · 2024-05-05T11:49:46+00:00

And I want to make sure my husband has time to do some things that he would maybe sometimes secretly resent if he didn’t end up getting time to do them. We as women have to anticipate everyone’s needs for a healthy household.

Mmh. I don't think a woman's role is to anticipate a need in the sense of "assuming that my husband would secretely be resentful". I think for a healthy household both partners should be able to openly discuss this issues, especially when making a lifelong, life-changing decision as having a child.

My take: pregnancies come one at a time, so take one at a time. Fixating on a predetermined number of kids is impractical. Having kids as a life season can potentially last 20+ years, and a lot can happen in 20 years. Besides, a(nother) child is never guaranteed.

AutoModerator · 2024-05-04T18:09:56+00:00

Title: Deciding on number of children while also considering your husband’s needs

Author intonine

Full text: Does anyone have advice on how they weighed and considered their husband’s bandwidth when you decide how many kids you want to have? There are lots of motives for having kids. And I believe a child is a gift and a delight. They take resources, though. I’m talking more than finances. Mental bandwidth, emotional, and physical energy. (Kind of like the “spoons theory” for anyone who has had a chronic illness.)

My husband wants me to be happy, and he loves our children. Sometimes he doesn’t speak up or display that he needs anything until he is overwhelmed. I suspect a lot of men are like this.

I want to look at the whole picture when we decide to have more kids. I want to look at our kids’ short term and long term needs. My short term ability to be present with my kids. And I want to make sure my husband has time to do some things that he would maybe sometimes secretly resent if he didn’t end up getting time to do them. We as women have to anticipate everyone’s needs for a healthy household.

And yeah, there are needs, and there are wants. And we are all human and need some things in order to not live a resentful life.

When do you see your husband struggling to persevere with supporting a family?

What did you end up doing?

And most importantly, did anyone ultimately have less kids than you wanted because you prioritized your husband’s needs? How’s it going for you?

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Title	Deciding on number of children while also considering your husband’s needs
Author	intonine
Upvotes	10
Comments	8
Date	May 4, 2024 6:09 PM UTC (2 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/RedPillWomen
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/RedPillWomen/comments/1ck6jsg/deciding_on_number_of_children_while_also/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/RedPillWomen/deciding-on-number-of-children-while-also.1517379 https://theredarchive.com/post/1517379

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