Hello one and all, I know this is probably a controversial question but I deeply hope we can all have a respectful, productive discussion about it. I do not mean any harm and come to you all with genuine curiosity because I very much want a traditional relationship and I am deeply in love with a man who labels himself traditional. He wants control and I’ve never been with anyone like him before.

My question is… where do we draw the line at surrendering? What crosses from leadership to control? What crosses from masculinity into abuse? And can a man who is objectively “abusive” by many outsiders opinions… in fact just be a man who is terribly frustrated by a woman who won’t properly surrender? I’ve attempted to surrender whole heartedly but my love, who I am no longer with, and separated from… gets easily frustrated by questions or concerns or feelings or thoughts or even just any kind of reply that doesn’t involve total agreement and complete trust.

I’ve tried my heart out to provide what he says he needs but it feels like the goalpost keeps moving. It feels like he’ll never be satisfied. My main focus is in discussing traditional relationships in general, how far is too far? What should they look like and feel like? How should I behave? I’m willing to answer any questions and I come to you all openly wanting to improve but also wanting clarity on if this relationship should be let go or if I was not conducting myself appropriately for it to succeed. I have no shame and my armor is off, so feel free to pick me apart if you want.

I am in full agreement that his behaviors went too far when he didn’t get his way because he struggles severely with emotional regulation. I vaguely remember getting advice here in the past and I think it was to end the relationship, which is presently over/on pause…. But we both still love each other deeply and neither can envision how to move on. I find the prospect of continuing the relationship and losing the relationship to be equally scary. Some of you may remember me or some of my post history.

I apologize if this is wrong of me but I’m on the precipice of being totally out of this relationship once and for all and after seeing him Friday while he came to pick up stuff, I feel so many emotions and questions. I keep coming back to “What if?” — And I’m just looking for clarity on if I should continue down the path of totally ending it, or if we should try again, after some time apart. I feel dumb even saying these things, and trust me, I know that no one here has the answers but I believe in learning and growing from open conversation, so hopefully this is okay.

Thank you all in advance. And feel free to ask any questions. Primarily my goal was a hypothetical, general conversation about what defines traditional and what crosses into too far, but I am also more than open to discussing my situation specifically.