• Always escalate.
  • Tell her you will always escalate.

Have this conversation with her.

You: "Look, tell me something, do you want a pet for a boyfriend"

Her: "No. What do you mean?"

You: "If I do everything you want, I'd pretty much be your pet wouldn't I?"

Her: "Yeah, but I don't want you to do that."

You: "Do you want to settle everything by fighting?"

Her: "No of course not."

You: "Do you like fighting?"

Her: "No I hate it."

You: "How did our last X fights end?"

Her: "We just stopped fighting."

You: "Yeah, because I agreed to do what you want. That's how they all end."

Her: "No. I compromised when you wanted to Y."

You: "Why'd you do that?"

Her: "Because I wanted us to stop fighting!"

You: "Exactly - Unless I fight with you, you won't respect what I want to do. I end up doing what you want, and you have a pet for a boyfriend, which you don't want."

Her: "Well I don't want to fight all the time either."

You: " I know. That's why I'm going to make sure I always escalate whenever you fight with me. No exceptions. I don't even want to yell at you. I'll just leave, and I'll stay gone until you're ready to be an adult about it. Eventually, if I'm gone long enough, we'd be broken-up. So if you fight - I will escalate it all the way. If you know that - you won't fight with me. Now, how many fights have I started? When was the last time I yelled at you because you weren't doing something I liked?"

Her: "Like, well... never, I dunno, I can't remember."

You: "Exactly. Since I don't start the fights, if I make sure you never start them, we won't ever fight. So I'm doing this because I don't want to fight."

Her: "Well, I don't really like this idea."

You: "Why because you like yelling at me?"

Her: "Well no, it's just that..."

You: "... that you want to have the option?"

Her: "No!"

You: "Then it doesn't matter. You don't want to fight, so just don't do it. But to help you make sure you don't do something you don't want to do, and that you don't end up with a pet for a boyfriend, I'm going to escalate every time, and I'm going to escalate all the way to the end. So just don't do it."

Her: "Okay."

I did that with a girl with BPD. It worked for her. It can work for anyone. She started fighting thrice after that, and then stopped entirely.