What does it feel like when arrive at a point where you feel forced to make a decision that compromises what you believe in?

There are certain things we just don’t do. There are times you just have to suck it up and get through it. Bullshit. We’ve all had that experience and we’ve all found ways to compromise on someone else’s expectations. The difference is, we usually find a way to make things work, or to compromise on things that don’t make us feel awful about ourselves. We can usually suffer in some way that does not completely cost us our dignity, but for some, life doesn’t always go that way. They run out of avenues and become trapped at a place they do not wish to go. The humiliation becomes a very part of their identity.

Being blunt and honest is easy when you realize how easy it is to be a scumbag. It’s just a lot easier to empathize with the people around you when you’ve suffered yourself. That being said, it’s pretty easy to assume that people who haven’t suffered like you are aren’t suffering at all. For example, a poor person is likely to think a rich person doesn’t need to work very hard, i.e., the work needed to succeed is less. A rich person is likely to think a poor person is poor because they are lazy. Wait, what? They are both accusing each other of not working as hard as their own group. Why are we always belittling each other’s experiences? The ultimate humiliation of the poor is being out on the street as a public spectacle, a show for everyone to see, abandoned by society and family alike, but the rich face a different kind of humiliation. They give and they give and still it is not enough. Someone will always find a way to assume they are selfish and greedy. The rich know that they are lucky, fortunate, even blessed, but every move they make is scrutinized and every dollar left unprotected is swallowed up by the vultures of society. And when they suffer, nobody cares. The rich could die and we would rejoice. Both the poor and the rich become hardened when these realities become all-encompassing. The poor become bitter, desperate, and willing to do anything to survive and the rich build walls, physically and emotionally.

The same thing can be said about the topic of feminism and identity politics. Self-identified feminists, as a whole, have become so emotionally charged that they have lost their ability to be objective as to where the finish line actually is. I am so happy to see more and more women dropping the label of being feminist, not because I think the goals of feminism are bad, but because it has become PETTY! I love feminism, just not today’s feminism. The irony is that as a society, we have been fighting on a collective level for individual rights to improve society while completely ignoring strategies to make our society collectively stronger. Nope, instead, we’ve fanned the flames to a point where many men have felt that is pointless to open their mouths at all. How does this relate to humiliation? As a man (who is aware of this and agrees with this stance), you have a choice on this matter. You can speak your mind and be an asshole, yet keep your integrity, or you can keep your mouth shut and remain safe avoiding financial or social issues. The humiliation is that you have to choose an evil. Either you are an asshole or you are weak. It is challenging, but not impossible to avoid the dichotomy. As a woman, you can be a feminist and become an ideologue and a victim of the patriarchy or you can reject its modern interpretation and be loved by men, but perhaps seen as a sellout or as the other. I am aware there is some black and white thinking in this paragraph, but it is for the sake of my point. If you feel the need to educate me on my generalizations, I’m all ears.

At the end of the day, it is so much easier to be tribal than it is to stand on your own two feet and be objective about what is happening around you. Being objective is a goal and nobody is perfect at it, but if you find yourself claiming that your enemies are evil, you’re probably on the wrong side of the truth. The fact is, there needs to be empathy to all people. Not just those who are on the “right” side of an argument. There needs to be openness. There needs to be just a certain level of understanding for how difficult it is to objective and how easy it is to get caught up in your own little prison of perception. Besides, you might learn a little by experiencing a different way of thinking or feeling about the world.