I have an extreme case of oneitis. My wife has recently told me that she no longer finds me attractive and has put a stop to sex (about three months now). She is seeing a counselor and says she is trying to "fix herself". She doesn't want to get a divorce (I think primarily because of the kids and family blow back from both sides). She's going out with her friends and I'm becoming consumed with jealousy and suspicion. I do really doubt that she's banging someone else, but I imagine she's flirting with guys (and I would guess that cheating is only a matter of time if things don't improve).

I just can't get past the feeling that there is not another attractive chick that would would find me attractive. And when I rationally think about it, it seems ridiculous.

-I'm in my low 40s (ok, a bit on the older side) -shaved head (due to balding), but told I wear it well, like a not-so-pointy Patrick Stewart -5'9, 160lbs, ~19% body fat, athletic build, exercise and run often, eat like a champ -Good job in management pulling in good cash (>150k) -Have fun with a group and have been told I'm funny. -even put my picture on r/rateme and got quite a few good responses on my appearance. I didn't get many hard ratings, but the few I did get were 7's and 8's.

I had some alpha when we got married, but became beta over 16 years of marriage (due to my complete lack of RP knowledge).

In my current beta state, I feel so down on myself because I have absolutely zero validation. My wife does not find me attractive, no random women would ever just give me a compliment, women don't seem to response to my futile efforts of approaching (due to extreme approach anxiety), I can't remember the last time anyone has ever complimented the way I look (even though I just lost 25 lbs). I'm far from TRP Pro, but I expect that alphas require no validation, or they provide self-validation. How do I get to this state? I'm guessing the answer to that is: Focus on yourself, get hobbies, kick ass at something (<<<<FUCK, god help me do this).

My wife really gets off on a guy paying her a compliment (just not me). She was really excited and had to tell me that some mexican guy (I have nothing against mexicans) at the car detailers said she looked hot (and not a manager or anyone important, just some guy probably getting paid cash to vacuum cars).

I am mainly venting here because I feel like I'm loosing it. Having trouble controlling my thoughts and focusing on anything. Sleep is tough, intermittent, with bad dreams. Work is a blessing, as it's the only thing that seems to get my mind of the thought of being alone and pussyless for the rest of my life.

Even reading my own post, I would say "WTF is this guys problem. Fucking man up and deal. You just gave every reason why you shouldn't feel this way, but you wont listen to yourself, who the fuck will you listen to then??". I guess when you feel no one else values you, you lose value in your self and any trust in your own opinion.

EDIT: I've read MMSL, No More Mr. Nice Guy, Mindfull Attaction Plan, and part way through Game. I'm doing the MAP now, have identified my red areas, but not sure it's going to help my self confidence, approach anxiety, oneitis.