I don't think I understand.

If I be true to myself, I think I would repel people. But I never tried it and I have no idea "how I would naturally act" around people. Should I be true to myself around people and do whatever I feel like doing? I'm not really social so it can hinder my progress. What if I'm always feeling down and what if I want to hurt people because they hurt me before? I feel positive only a few hours a day and that's after working out.

Deep down I don't care about people. I rather avoid them. I didn't have good experience with them so far. When I'm talking with a co-worker, I don't care about him/her. I only care about 1 person out of 80 people and that is because I'd fuck her. I've not been true to myself regarding people. I tried to connect to people by asking questions and making statements. Deep down I don't care about them for them. But I want their validation and attention. I think I need some friends too.