Anyone here gone from submissive disgusting cuckold thoughts to enjoying being dominant with women? Why am I like this?

boogerboy23 · 2017-05-16T15:35:00+00:00

Well I don't have the answers to everything but I like being dominant, and it has to do with power and control. Just like rape, rape is a crime of power and control (text book definition) except rape is illegal. Dominance comes from within, it's like having a natural drive to compete and win. Dude no offense but you paint your girls nails? Wtf? Seems like you are her bitch and she is walking all over you and tbh if that is true it's because you are letting her. I mean I don't have a lot of self esteem myself but when it comes to interactions it's important to set boundaries.

chachaChad · 2017-05-16T15:33:40+00:00

OK. Not a therapist but here are my thoughts.

The first thing to do is relax. You're going to be be OK. You say you're not holding out well but it sounds like you're under a tremendous amount of pressure and haven't been feeling well. Just hang on. Things won't always be this way if you don't want them to be.

Your kinks are a reflection of your inner thoughts. In your case, I think you're correct that your insecurities about your own masculinity cause you feel this way. Most likely these feelings come from some experience you had when you were younger and have stuck with you and evolved over the years. There is a concept called mastery where abused people will seek out and repeat experiences that led to the their abuse in order to master them this time around from a position of strength. It's not always conscience and it's not always a good thing. I.E. I knew a survivor of childhood sexual abuse that would literary put her self in situations where she could be abused again.

You're under a lot of stress and you're seeking to run and hide from it by changing your mood through arousal. This isn't a good way to get your work done. Don't let your demons destroy your life.

Get yourself into counseling. It will help you understand where these feelings come from and why you feel this way and possibly help to feel more confident and more in control of your life. This is far too important to leave to internet therapy but in the meantime start reading the sidebar.

throwaway092f · 2017-05-16T15:33:24+00:00

You need to stop glorifying women. Engage in various situations with women, ask them questions about their hobbies, life goals, see how they act in tricky situations. If you have your shit together you will realize how shallow and helpless most of them are. Dominating those emotionally-driven creatures seems more appealing when you look at it from that point of view. Also, girls poop too

d4nonymous · 2017-05-16T16:49:11+00:00

I've suggested this before and I'll suggest it again: Read "No More Mr. Nice Guy" by Dr. Glover.

That was my introduction into the TRP world and really helped to unpack a lot of the childhood experiences I had that led me to be so soft. If you implement his break-through activities along with going to a therapist, I'm confident you'll be amazed by the results.

SocialJusticeWhiner · 2017-05-16T17:12:45+00:00

/u/d4nonymous and /u/chachaChad both have excellent suggestions. You need to get into a therapist, I think older males who have been around a bit are the best bet. Women are typically too open and may not see an issue with what you're going through.

It sounds like your life has been really stressful and thus you're very stressed. Perhaps you could use these feelings as a way of saying wow I'm really stressed I need to spend some time meditating (highly recommended) or whatever in order to reduce stress.

In no more Mr nice guy he talks about maturation and thinking of nothing, just emerging yourself in the feeling with no fantasy or porn. This may be a good exercise for you. If you can't cum like that then just take a break and try again the next day. When you masturbate to cuckold or femdom porn/fantasy you're reinforcing those circuits in your head that femdom/cuckold is rewarding, so don't do that.

Jordan Peterson's self-authoring program is amazing. It will really help you coupled with therapy.

You need to make a list or all the things that are stressing you out from most important and urgent to least. Then start killing the most urgent important things.

Also prioritize exercise. Even if it's just going for a walk till you're healthy again. If I have time I'll come back and post more later.

BigFllagelatedCock · 2017-05-16T16:34:00+00:00

The problem lies in your first sentence.

Why do you not think you're a man?Looks like you're still operating on social constructs.Women tell men that they are not a man because they want you to do their dirty work for them.You and only you define the definition of being a man. Stop caring about being a man and enjoy life.No one in the end will care about you having been a man in the end.

MattyAnon · 2017-05-16T18:22:34+00:00

I've seen posts about guys with cuckold and femdom fetishes, but I still can't figure out WHY I am like this, and WHY I have these thoughts in the first place.

Partly it's an evolutionary adaptation. Partly it's a social adaptation. The problem with some of these fetishes is that they become addictive.

and I'm getting a sort of anxious arousal at the though of going to do chores for my girlfriend at her house, and painting her nails whilst she ignores me on her phone.

Yeah, sounds like a femdom fetish. If this is how you are, make sure to keep it purely sexual because otherwise it will develop into a full cuckolding thing and you really don't wanna go there. Switching things around occasionally is fine.... but ALL women respond to dominant men. If you play the submissive role all the time, she'll start to respond to alpha characteristics in others.

There are no truly dominant women, it's not in their nature. The ones that seem to be dominant are opportunists who figure it's a good way to meet men (these are usually fat) or broken/insecure women who need to be in charge (they are usually just bossy) or provider hunters who see it as a way to get the security they want. Or disullusioned feminists (urgh).

You will not find a young, attractive, sane sexually dominant woman.

Are sexual dominant men dominant because that's how they are, or have they had lots of little personal victories which lead them to be that way?

Both.

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