Hellos bros, it's been like 1 month since my post about me confessing about my suicide thoughts, I still have breakdowns now and then, I mean feeling ok for 1 month, feeling suicidal for 3 days and ok for the next month and repeat.

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I've been trying to get better at school, I try to study 5 pages of math every day. After like what? 3 weeks? I noticed that my subconscious stopped calling me dumb, and now calling me smart, so maybe my self-esteem increased. I put on a little weight because I just focus all my day on studying.

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About the recommendations you guys made, I read the jordans Peterson book, and "The 4 agreements", I don't know if they helped me or not honestly, maybe they did, maybe they didn't. Maybe they did subconsciously.

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I still can't go out and meet new people. At my school we have this event called "The dinner", where everyone brings something from home to eat, I made 30 rolls of sushi, which they disappeared in 20m, I asked around the people eating it if they liked it. There were a lot of people but they didn't seem my type, maybe it's just me making excuses not to interact with them, I asked some chick from my class that I'm interested, if she was going to "the dinner", sadly she didn't, shame, i wanted to spend some time with her, maybe I send her an email asking for a date.

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Now that the most exams are done, I'm going to focus on exercising to try to enter the Marines and become better, and keep studying. Socially, I don't know what to do, I'm probably going to just spend my summer alone, study, exercise, play and sleep.

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Thanks for hearing me about bros.