Daygame - cold approaches, how to create context?

CainPrice · 2019-06-21T14:20:33+00:00

Being able to make 2-3 minutes of inane small-talk with a stranger is a skill you have to practice. The older you get and the more things you've done with your life, the more interesting things you'll know about and have to talk about. You'll actually have things to contribute to conversations and be interested in a larger number of things people talk about with you.

For now, it can't hurt to have something to talk about loosely pre-planned, meaning if a woman doesn't respond with anything you can use or segue off of, you at least know what you can say next when you ask her about something random and she responds in an uninteresting way.

But being able to have those organic conversations is a great skill to develop, even beyond the realm of picking up women.

The general daygame arc is to walk up to a woman (make sure she sees you coming. Don't pounce on her from behind). Say hi or excuse me or something just to get her to look up at you (it's weird to just start blurting out your random opener while she's looking away from you and hasn't acknowledged you yet). Then ask her something non-personal and indirect - like if she's at a coffee shop sipping tea, ask her if the tea here is any good. Don't ask what she ordered, if she comes here often, what she's up to today, how her day is going, or anything like that. And don't say anything about yourself either. The opener needs to be non-personal.

If she responds with 2 words or less, a bland tone of voice, doesn't make eye contact, etc., then she's not interested. Thank her and move on. But if she looks at you, her eyes light up, she smiles, and she says more than she needs to indicating that she's trying to start a conversation, it's on. That's when you segue into something, whatever fits your life - that's good to hear because you're trying to quit coffee, it's been a week, and your head is killing you...that's good because you just had the worst cup of tea ever this morning at the last coffee shop you were in...that's good because you just got back from Japan and don't understand the fascination and just want a simple cup of plain old American brown stuff. Whatever. Lay something out there and see what parts of what you say she nibbles on. That's what you talk about as you extend the conversation.

If you've been talking for 2-3 minutes and she's smiling and enjoying the conversation, don't let things drag on and get awkward. Mention that you need to get back to work, but "You seem nice. We should grab a drink some time. Give me your number?" No tension or awkwardness here - you both know why you were really talking to her, and if you have a nice conversation but chicken out and don't ask for her number, that would be much weirder than asking for it.

If she declines and says she has a boyfriend, that's not your fault. That's hers. She knew why you were talking to her and should have brushed you off two seconds after hello. That's what girls with boyfriends do when they're in happy relationships they don't want to lose. She was entertaining your attention to see if you were interesting. She knew exactly what she was doing. No need for you to be embarrassed. She's the one who should be embarrassed about fishing for new guys while she's in a relationship.

teveza11 · 2019-06-21T14:18:54+00:00

As to whether or not daygame works at all.

My last 10 girlfriends or extended hook-ups.

I haven't thought of putting numbers on it, but it looks like 40% were cold approaches. Half of them were cold approaches with no IOIs and the other half cold approaches after IOIs. I only met TWO of them previously before hooking up, the two girls in school.

Current: Cold approach - no IOI (daygame)

Before her: Girl approached me in a club, I took it to the next level though

Before her: Female friend hooked me up - she saw my picture and my female friend had her call me, she also showed me her friend's picture.

Before her: Cold approach - IOI, smile (daygame)

Before her: Same class in school

Before her: Her friend talked to me on her behalf at a club

Before her: Cold approach - no IOI (daygame)

Before her: Cold approach - after IOI (clubbing)

Before her: Met at school (I took the initiative and made it happen though)

BlackCoffee88 · 2019-06-21T19:58:33+00:00

Think of this cold approaching shit like joining lobbies in a video game. You enter a lobby and the game starts if both players "ready up." Sometimes the other player doesn't ready up, or they just leave the lobby. Do you get butthurt by this? hell no, you just find another lobby with a player willing to "ready up" and play the game. The object of this game is to win the frame battle. She either submits or she quits. Next time you see an IOI, think "Here comes a new challenger."

After the opener you need to start thinking about saying socially calibrated things that are relevant to her. What did you notice about her that drew you to her? Observe the way she dresses and make cold reads. Observe the way she acts and make cold reads. Girls care about what other people think of them. You need to keep making her talk, start a conversation relevant to her from what you observed, expand on the topic as far as you can go, branch off to another relevant topic and expand again. If you can keep this up for 10 minutes, number close. Think socially calibrated and relevant. Girls don't care that much about what you have to say about yourself, but they do care what you have to say about them.

teveza11 · 2019-06-21T14:08:46+00:00

I think the only way to create them is practice.

There is no formula. A lot of men, especially those who are logic-oriented, are looking for a handbook with certain things to say.

I've gotten to the point that more than half of my cold approaches end in a number of exchanging contact information.

But that is also because I am more selective and usually only cold approach those who have shown an IOI.

I don't cold approach much though now, because I already have my first string, second string, and minor leagues of prospects.

Before I filled up my rosters, I would cold approach with no IOIs and success was much less likely.

The BEST way to cold approach is when you make eye contact or get what might be (or might not be) an IOI. If you get one of these, then approach. At that point, the girl is wanting you to approach so everything falls into place if you were correct in evaluating the IOI. But lets be honest, even the best of us misjudges IOIs routinely, so often times, there is no interest.

If you are someone who never or rarely gets IOIs you still need to cold approach. That was me. I made it a goal to get at least one number a day, since I didn't get one IOI a day, I was cold approaching girls, getting every excuse in the book "I have a boyfriend" "I don't have a phone right now" "I don't even know you" and even some shitty looks and comments.

Ugly girls will treat you worse than pretty girls. Don't waste time on ugly girls, only cold approach 5s and above. I only do 7s and above myself, but have approached all kinds of girls just for experience.

I've had every reason in the world to start talking to girls and have said all sorts of things, one time, that I had no idea what to say, I said the lame cliche "do I know you from somewhere" because we kept making eye contact. She said "nice line" and started laughing, but since she liked me anyways, we still talked and it was all good.

A rule with cold approaches though, disengage if there is no interest, and don't be disrespectful. If you are ballsy enough to cold approach, you also need to stay out of trouble.

I am curious to see what other people say, but to me, its just the spur of the moment, what ever comes to you, after trying it a few dozen times.

Title	Daygame - cold approaches, how to create context?
Author	M_Ronin
Upvotes	9
Comments	12
Date	June 21, 2019 1:38 PM UTC (7 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/askTRP
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/asktrp/comments/c3antn/daygame_cold_approaches_how_to_create_context/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/askTRP/daygame-cold-approaches-how-to-create-context.242932 https://theredarchive.com/post/242932

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