Guys, please bare with me. I am going to be venting here and asking questions, please help me dig myself out of this hellhole i put myself in.

I am beta as fuck, I have Oneitis and overall am in terrible shape right now. It is hard to even admit this but it's even harder to deny it at this point because the truth is rearing it's ugly face everyday to remind me that am a loser.

The first time I caught Oneitis was l0 yrs ago, it continued for 6 yrs, 6 fucking yrs of misery. It finally ended when I decided to change my life completely and come to the United States.

The move and long distance coupled with no contact with my Oneitis did the trick. The chains were finally broken. Then my ex Oneitis started reaching out, and I told her I was in the U.S. she kept chatting until I blocked her and moved on. That's it, one Oneitis dead and burried.. I didn't know another one was about to be born...

2 yrs later I met another girl here, I thought this time will be different.. Except it wasn't. And what's better! She's from my own country! I didn't know I let my excitement blind me to the fact that I was repeating the same mistakes.

Things like being super nice - flirty but nice at the same time. It was a younger girl so that worked for a bit -she's 9 yrs my junior. After 3 months I Ltr'd her and the beta me came out in full swing... She'd come to my house and I would cook great meals everytime, we'd sometimes order food as well but she loved my cooking... I still remember how her face light up when I suprised her with the first home cooked meal... She thought she found the perfect beta bux husband... Started talking about marriage extensively and persistently.... After I came to TRP and noticed how people qualify their Ltrs based on whether they cook for them and clean the house, I felt like a complete loser for being the one who's doing the cooking.

The beta behavior continued, we started going on expensive dates, bought her a diamond ring on her birthday - I thought it was Ok to reward her, after all she's been a good girl, and extremely submissive so why not right? .. Well as many here in TRP would agree, it was the wrong move and possibly the begining of the end.

A sudden change in behavior, attitude, entitlement all came out, she never liked expensive dates at first, in fact she was the one telling me not to go to places like that as she wasn't used to them. Didn't know how to use a knife and fork, didn't know what scallops or lobsters were so she felt embarrassed and thought people were looking at her etc I said fine, so we started hanging out in the house more..

The bad behavior continued for few months, which was what prompted me to seek answers. Then I started faking alphaness, took what I wanted from TRP and applied. Worked for a period of time, until finally my mask fell off and broke and that was the end of it.

Oneitis is a terminal disease, I survived it once, this time I don't know if I'll survive it.

2.5 months since the breakup and am still a mess. I am reading the books, sidebar etc lifting, focusing on work and the more I read the more I get depressed, the books are not helping me at all.

I feel like a loser writing this but am in desperate need to help myself before it's too late. Am not young anymore and this is what is causing me the most pain and stress. I am not in my early 20s where I can take my time to learn from my mistakes. It seems that am incapable of learning ever!

And what makes things even worse is the fact I started my life from scratch in a new country, at the age of 30, now am almost 34 with nothing to my name, no mortgage no house no car. The only thing I was lucky to get was a six figure job but it did little to boost my Self esteem which is at an all time low.

Just thinking alone at night and looking at a 34 yr old man struggling with Oneitis for a 25 yr old woman puts me in a state where I feel that I can't be helped anymore.

How can someone change after they've reached this age? Is there even point in trying?

Or am I just destined to live the rest of my sorry ass life being a bluepilled cuck?

For those who unplugged at an old age, if any were successful at it. How did you do it? Pls guide me.

The sidebar is not helping me, the rational male drives me insane, lifting calms me down for a few hours then back to normal depressive mode.

TL:DR

34 yr old man extremely stressed and can't swallow the pill and thinking about giving up. Need advice from old red pillers how did u guys unplug? And how did u get over Oneitis?