So i will pre face this by saying its gonna be a long post, however i do not want sympathy rather guidance in the form of solid advice and tips. To do so i will touch on who i am, how i was raised, my life experiences and encounters and where i am now (28).

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Upbringing

So i was raised by a single mother for the first 7 years of my life, my mum got desperate and married in her mid 30s to a man she failed to properly vet and that she met at church ( i am nigerian english so church is a big thing). He was abusive to her and despite me calling the police on him multiple times my mum always stayed with him. This knocked my confidence a bit because he was so dominant but negatively it made be submissive as i wasnt allowed to go out much because i had to babysit my siblings and do all the chores. i was and still am resentful in some ways, especially as i wanted revenge when i grew up but he has stopped being physically abusive. i am also pretty sure i was never acknowledged as having ADHD and this has impacted me later in life still.

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Friends

I'm a pretty big guy not in height (5 '10) but stocky and have always been pretty good looking ( 8/10) so I was popular in school. i hung out with the gangs until my mum stepped in and then the tier below that. I wasn't able to form meaningful relationships with them as i would be out with them 1/2 times a month and they were always chatting about what they did before leaving me left out. this coupled with my submissive kind of nature meant i was always challenged ( got into loads of fights at school but never lost ) and bantered and dissed, i was a big guy but i behaved like a little guy. this followed me into university etc... the same thing happened at my only professional job and i got depressed there as well as university, more on that later.

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Girls

Despite this i did well with girls, girls were always checking me out and wanting me and i went with them but i was always simping ( love letters, orbiting etc.). i even actively wanted a relationship going into my first year at university which was the worst thing. i met my next door neighbor who i dug straight away and we got into something, however my "housemate/friend" was always testing me. Whilst we were seeing each other he slapped her ass right in front of me and everyone, lifted her up for hugs they had pictures together and i was like to her why didn't you put ,me as your main pic on FB and i only did something when he was chatting to her on a counter and i got pulled off from killing him. i didn't do anything before because i was worried about upsetting the friendship group and house dynamic which was dumb.

We end up spending several years together until the final year of university and loads of stuff in between. i smoked loads of weed and did fuck all because of my freedom and yes this made me paranoid. i text a girl i orbited in front of her, she went to stay at an ex's one time that she's mates with ( so dumb) before accepting me asking her out, i stayed over and saw sexual messages between her and another guy she used to sleep with and still stayed, i got with a gilr that fancied me in front of everyone and she stayed. it was toxic and eventually we ended things.

Post

Since then i saw the error of my ways and how naive and weak i was and things like her smirking when i asked her a question and i got angry..

i went subconsciously red pill somewhat and fucked loads of girls at university by being my usual self but working out like crazy ( gym, cardio plus 400 sit ups, push ups, curls too). i haven't been in a relationship since and have no desire until i find someone that i would think is a unicorn like some of my friends. But my desire to be wanted still burns as i feel like i have no family ( 6 siblings and all half), i didn't do well in loads of jobs and whilst i was doing well and went back to university and now i have a good job i hope to progress in.

The pandemic messed up my life a bit as i had to move home, but ive started to hit the gym again and feeling good and will move out soon so can start spinning plates again. However im about 40kg (80lbs) overweight even though it doesn't show that bad as im stocky. i discovered this by chance by watching some YouTube videos. ive also started no fap and have two plates still but out of town a bit

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Basically what im saying is how do i actually apply red pill to mylife as its easy to read it.

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How do i get respect from my peers and friends and women and stop being submissive despite my size ( ive ordered NMMNG)

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TLDR: tips to focus on to self improve after a lifetime of making excuses, lack of focus, disrespect and laziness.

Thanks in advance