Our Brain works by forming neurological pathways, the more we use those pathways, the more they solidify and more "shorter" they become. And since our brains are lazy and want to conserve energy, they take the shortest neurological path to figure out the solution to a problem. Another point to remember is our brain works through association. If you are asked to remember something, your mind will go blank, but if you are given the task to remember something about an apple, your mind will get flooded with images of apple, with its taste, with its smell, maybe you will remember biting into insect that had made that apple its home and that will make you feel sick, and then you may remember the time you were sick etc. This is your brain working in action from one neural path to another always taking the shortest path.

But what happens when it is faced with scenarios that it a has not faced before, brain works the same way, it takes shortest neurological pathway to solve the problem, the difference is what those pathways are. And those neural pathways form your identity.

Level 1: Instincts.

This is the most basic level of identity. Its simple, when you are an infant and you are faced with uncomfortable situation, you just bawl your eyes out until an adult comes and sooth you. That's the most basic pathway there is feel bad-> cry ->get soothed.

As you get older, other instincts come in play, you get defensive, aggressive, seek validation etc because if you don't the adults that feed you might tell you to fuck off. This is where need to DEER comes from, this is where attention seeking comes from, this is where being a validation whore comes from.

(Also that's where women with personality disorders like BPD are stuck, either they are not able to form neurological connections that surpass those instincts or they never learned the skills to help them do it.)

Level 2: Morality

But to function in society you can't just rely on instincts, so you are given principles or guidelines for your conduct, in other words you are "taught" morality. Taught is term used loosely, as may it mean your parents actually teaching you, (like your father teaching to not steal or lie), or you are taught through carrot of praise, compliments, inclusion in tribe etc or stick of shame, guilt, punishments etc.

One of the example here is "The real man trope", where they reward your sense of masculinity when you serve the purpose of women, like protecting them during a fire, or taking care of single mother's child who is ready to settle down after she had been ran through. And you are punished by your masculinity being shamed, like a real man won't leave his wife because she is fat so you are not a real man.

One of the most egregious perpetrator of this morality programming is church, go to christianmarriage sub and you will find that men are shamed for wanting virgins or women without past, and forgiveness is used as a tool for reward or punishment. If you don't forgive you are not a good christian (read shame, guilt, exclusion from the tribe here). As you may very well know morality, keep men in relationships they hate because they took vows, if you are not willing to walk away you don't have any power.

Level 3: Frame

But wait a second you don't need to rely on your instincts or morality to get you through life. Your brain has neat little thing called conscious decision making. It is important as you may need to learn new skills so you have the options to consciously form your own new neurological pathways that are not dependent on your instincts and morality. But brain does not work in vacuum so you need some guiding principle to guide you.

Lets call that guiding principle your vision, something you want to achieve. It can be anything, neat little thing about it is that its yours, no one get any input regarding it. Now what happens when you have that strong vision, you are able to frame your reality around it.

Arnold put it the best "every rep that I did and every set that I did, inched me closer to achieving my vision", He could frame getting tired and being in pain at the gym as a good thing, while anyone else would feel sorry for himself.

If you have the vision of being a HVM, you can frame your own reality around it, You can frame shit tests not as bitchy behavior but as tests for your frame, You would not need to DEER because it is not congruent with your vision.

It will free you from the trap of morality, yes leaving your fat, prude girlfriend/wife who wouldn't do anything to improve herself is not what "real man" would do. But you would not care what whether you are a "real man" or not in the view of society.

If it is in line with your vision, you will not care. So how do you hold frame. well you ask yourself, is what I am doing congruent to my vision, if no then there is no need to waste time on it. (Now you may need to defend your vision, and you do it by AA, AM, fogging etc). As you ask this question over and over again from yourself, it will become second nature to you.

Should I argue with my girlfriend, I mean I feel outraged ->is it congruent with my vision?

Should I not go to gym today I am tired what will one day do anyways-> is it congruent with my vision?

Should I watch porn today it been too long and I am horny-> is it congruent to my vision?

Should I leave my wife, yeah she is fat and has not blown me in 10 years but I took vows and I should take responsibility as a real man-> is it congruent to my vision?

Should I go and talk to that beautiful woman, I mean I have very bad approach anxiety maybe I should just read some field reports and do it next time-> is it congruent to my vision?

And by practice your vision becomes your identity, not your instincts, not the morality the society teaches you.

That's when your mind is in your control. When you can frame your reality around you according to your own vision, that's when you truly become your own mental point of origin.

That's when you are truly free.