Starting the transformation

trpswallowed · 2015-08-07T15:04:05+00:00

Her: You upset with me babe?

You: Oh yeah, I'm insane with rage...you left the cap off the toothpaste.

Her: Seriously... you just left kinda abruptly this morning.

You: Early bird catches the worm. TTYL

she claims I need to find balance between making myself a priority and the family

"You're right , this family is really impinging on my me time (mischievous smile). Who are you people again?"

At this point in my head I want to bring up she goes to work out 2 evenings a week and has plenty of nights where I stay home with the kids while she goes out.

Exactly why you disregard without any seriousness.

This morning I am "very handsome"

"lucky you!"

"You're just realizing this?"

"Watch out world"

and when I get to work I thank her via text for filling up my car last night

She go out of her way to thank you for every little thing you do? Was she not driving your car and using gas in the first place?

You have to be careful at first when you start to make gains with soft dread, etc. that you don't start over-thanking and gratefulling(sic) and losing ground.

Once everything is where you want it to be. You can coast a bit. But don't move your foot off the gas.

trpswallowed · 2015-08-07T15:04:19+00:00

Turn your phone on silent. You're busy at work and can't be available whenever.

Check it before lunch, and just before you leave

Get prepared for the moment when you actively despise her, and the main event.

Remember, I'd it's not in your frame, is amusing, funny or intriguing.

mrpCamper · 2015-08-07T15:24:34+00:00

At this point in my head I want to bring up she goes to work out 2 evenings a week and has plenty of nights where I stay home with the kids while she goes out.

We all do and we all have to fight that urge. You will not win the argument even when you are right. You win by not arguing.

If a tree falls in the woods and no one is around to hear it, is the husband still wrong?

marxistbacon · 2015-08-07T16:10:28+00:00

and the bait comes out.

Ahhh, but you are no longer the prey. You are watching the lioness detachedly, from a distance, hearing Marlon Perkin's voice in your head. "The male, seeing that there is no actual threat, retires to sleep, renewing his strength for the morning's hunt."

You're on the right track here. You don't have to go full explanation about the meeting and the late wake up and all that... just say "yeah, had some stuff to take care of at work", or even just "nope, all good". You CAN explain if you like, but you're not under an obligation to explain and defend every action that she deems suspicious, unusual, or just hamsters into some kind of insecurity.

trpswallowed · 2015-08-07T15:01:14+00:00

Her: You upset with me babe? Me: Nope, why do you ask?

Not a bad response, but I probably would have gone with some A/A. "Upset? Well, let's just say my skin is starting to turn green and I just ripped my shirt!!! Hulk smash!! ;)"

I seriously doubt she would have sent the 2nd text that then led to you DEERing.

At this point in my head I want to bring up she goes to work out 2 evenings a week and has plenty of nights where I stay home with the kids while she goes out.

No good comes from trying to be logical to women. She'd just hamster this into some new argument, or some reason why she deserves it, but you don't... Don't engage.

I realize she is trying to start an argument/discussion at 1 in the morning so I just say after her spiel, "I hear you" and STFU and go to bed. I can feel the hamster.

Great response.

Redneck001 · 2015-08-07T18:37:47+00:00

Any pointers here?

Put your foot down and stand your ground on your gym time. She doesn't get to tell you when and how often you go. That's your time. Now, don't be a dick about it and leave her in a lurch with the kids, but you can find the time to go and make it work.

My wife and I trade off (she goes first, then me, or vice versa), our we go together and take the kid with us. The kid has a little program I created for her that takes about 45 minutes. Or I'll go in the mornings before work. But the point is, don't give any ground on your gym time.

KyfhoMyoba · 2015-08-09T01:27:05+00:00

plenty of nights where I stay home with the kids while she goes out.

WTF?! What's the deal here, OP? GNOs?

debashis22 · 2015-08-08T19:39:38+00:00

I see her point on one thing only here. It's about you doing gym time in the evenings. Have you considered trying to get in when and if they open at 5am? I do that 6 days a week for 2 hours and it hasn't affected anything since everyone's still asleep at 7. We have a live in nanny though so it makes our lives easier

Title	Starting the transformation
Author	trpswallowed
Upvotes	2
Comments	20
Date	August 7, 2015 2:50 PM UTC (10 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/MarriedRedPill
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/marriedredpill/comments/3g4vai/starting_the_transformation/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/MarriedRedPill/starting-the-transformation.201273 https://theredarchive.com/post/201273

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