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marxistbacon Archive

View 4 posts and 733 comments by marxistbacon on TheRedPill subreddit and various other subreddits related to The Red Pill community.
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1

Hi, I'm Troy McClure. You may remember from films such as "Hotel by the Highway". A couple of you guys have reached out to me in the last month (thanks!) so I thought I'd post an update in OYS. This is all about my own shit - things with the wifey are fairly solid at the moment after a combination of hard conversations, her going into therapy, and my stopping enabling the boozing. Plus a lot of insight and ownership on her part. What I want to address is what I wasn't owning - myself. Yeah, she …
/r/MarriedRedPill15/03/16 05:59 PM
1

Good luck amigo. Thanks for the effort you've put in here - your thoughts and perspective, and individual comments, have certainly been useful to me. Wind at your back and all that.
/r/MarriedRedPill02/03/16 01:16 PM
5

Ahh, the classic game of "Let's You and Him Fight".
/r/TheRedPill28/02/16 06:07 PM
1

Yeah, boundaries are important and I've been poor at defending them. I've had almost your exact suggested conversation many times. But without solid enforcement, they're just words.
/r/MarriedRedPill09/02/16 08:24 PM
1

she is acting alpha as hell. Because of her IDGAF while drinking Yeah, that's pretty much it. Weird way of looking at it, but it fits. Again, you cannot talk to a drunk Bingo. Stupid me for losing sight of that. That's me getting sucked into an argument and losing sight of the big picture. Aka bye-bye frame. Question, after a few drinks is she some of the best sex of your life? Do you find yourself drinking a little more than before you met her? Have you noticed that after a hard night of drinki…
/r/MarriedRedPill09/02/16 07:17 PM
1

Thanks for the well thought out advice and comments. You're right about the choices. Good to know it worked out for you, and that it can be done.
/r/MarriedRedPill09/02/16 06:58 PM
1

Good perspective.
/r/MarriedRedPill09/02/16 06:05 PM
5

This is something you should make clear to her. [...] not view you as a weakling who will tolerate anything. I sure as fuck wasn't crawling back, asking for things to be all right. I told her flat out that the only reason she had this chance to sit in front of me and talk to me again was that I took my vows seriously and I was willing to keep going forward together subject to what I said about counselling and behaviour. She was on the phone trying to line up a psych appointment a couple minutes …
/r/MarriedRedPill09/02/16 06:03 PM
3

Because instead of handling my shit, I got frustrated and fell into a self-destructive mode of my own, and wound up just enabling the whole thing.
/r/MarriedRedPill09/02/16 05:41 PM
1

Yes. Truth.
/r/MarriedRedPill09/02/16 05:39 PM
1

Dumb move here. You're telling me. The results of your suggestion could be catastrophic for you: [...] Yeah, acting from my own anger and frustration at the situation clouded my judgement in a big way.
/r/MarriedRedPill09/02/16 05:38 PM
2

Grain of truth, or is she totally off the deep end? I love my kids with the love of a father for his kids. I love my wife with the belief that romantic love is an illusion, it's work to be put in, and a commitment to be made. I cut my kids more slack, and am much quicker to snap hard on a shit test from my wife. Does she have any insight into her drunken behavior the day after these events? Yes, it's not the first time we've spoken about it. She can be quite lucid and self-reflective. However, t…
/r/MarriedRedPill09/02/16 05:36 PM
3

just a victim puke Fuck me if you didn't nail it. I'm not sure what the covert contract part of it was (probably look at me world, RP guy here, my reationship better be perfect), but the whole thing from title to text reads passive, passive, passive. I don't see much "captaining" in your post Me neither. Thanks for the plain talk. She called his bluff Yes, that was fucking stupid of me. Basically playing a game of chicken with a drunken state-sanctioned 18-wheel truck.
/r/MarriedRedPill09/02/16 05:28 PM
1

Thx for the link.
/r/MarriedRedPill09/02/16 05:24 PM
2

canadian senate LOL. You mean like Patrick Brazeau?
/r/MarriedRedPill09/02/16 05:23 PM
5

Jack, thanks for this. The analogy is dead-on; I've known the kids thing was a pretty serious issue for a while but this captures the depth of it better than I figured. When in the cold light of day, she knows it's jealousy and unhelpful and all that stuff. We've talked about it often, on the day after she goes off one of her little tirades. But that talking never resolved shit. About the PUA thing - you're right to an extent. A couple months back, when Neil Strauss apologized to the that female…
/r/MarriedRedPill09/02/16 05:21 PM
1

True on all fronts. As BPP mentioned elsewhere, I lost an opportunity to provide comfort via the "she is better than me" talk and, although I've addressed it many many times in the past, always turned it into a head-to-head confrontation. Bad call.
/r/MarriedRedPill09/02/16 05:09 PM
1

We are assuming that OP wants to be the leader in his family. Therefore, he assumes all responsibility for any failure of his team to perform. He is either an effective leader, or an ineffective leader. Damn straight that's what I want. And you're dead right on my responsibility. I'm not responsible for the precise words out of her mouth, but I own the conditions that allowed them to sprout.
/r/MarriedRedPill09/02/16 05:07 PM
2

but this story looks like one may put just a teensy-weensy bit of fault on her. Yes, but I fucked up big time too. I think it was TTB who said "you don't get what you want, you get what you tolerate". I got exactly that. Missed a LOT of chances to provide comfort when she is gnawing at you about loving the ex-more because you never talked to her like that. Fuck me, you're right. I never even though of that. I was more focussed on shutting down the shit that comfort. My error. If you still are in…
/r/MarriedRedPill09/02/16 05:04 PM
7

To man the fuck up. Decide what I want and make it happen. Kick the fucking elephant right in the nutsack. We spoke this morning. I told her my non-negotiables. Counselling, stop the drinking, I won't be putting up with verbal abuse. She was sober and meek. I am not ejecting without giving myself a fair shot at making things work first. For my own growth, not out of some romantic oneitis. Perhaps I'll reconsider this but for now that's where I'm at. Also, will talk to a lawyer to get a better id…
/r/MarriedRedPill09/02/16 05:01 PM
12

This is your fault, I want you to understand that first and foremost. When I read you first line, my first thought was to smile and eye-roll and give a "here goes Mr Extreme Ownership again, I coulda guessed what TTB would say". But that's just my ego talking. You're right on all counts. I could have been in any of a number of different scenarios right now, but this one right here is the result of all the cumulative decisions I've made. It's on me. Pointing out making the wrong call when I knew …
/r/MarriedRedPill09/02/16 01:49 PM
1

In this case, alcohol is the window into what she is really thinking feeling I think there's a lot of truth to this. The same thing has occurred to me before. It reflects poorly on me for either being such a useless cunt myself that she'd feel this way, or for choosing a woman with such a poor mindset.
/r/MarriedRedPill09/02/16 07:32 AM
11

This is a good point. But as John Steinbeck wrote — 'It is one of the triumphs of the human that he can know a thing and still not believe it.'
/r/MarriedRedPill09/02/16 07:08 AM
4

LOL, tbp is the last of my worries, bless their little hearts :-)
/r/MarriedRedPill09/02/16 07:05 AM
1

You have a lot of work to do on yourself before you even begin to think about trying to right this ship. And this ship looks more like the Costa Concordia than the Loveboat at this point. You are one seriously desperate, low self-esteem, walk-all-over-me kind of guy. Seriously - what would would motivate a guy to get married after only three weeks other than desperation and idiocy? What would motivate a guy to let his wife not-fuck him, not-hug him, not-listen to him and put up with it for seven…
/r/askMRP05/02/16 02:36 PM
0

What has gotten into you? I don't recognize you anymore! [she ask in a positive way]. Big smile. "You like it baby?... Well, come over here and show me how much you like it..." Then you give her a big kiss, grab her ass, and take it from there. Edit: and start lifting now. Running removes fat but doesn't build muscle. Lifting builds muscle AND removes fat which is awesome.
/r/askMRP30/01/16 05:58 PM
3

are going to nuke the whole thing. OK, I just posted in another response about these fears of yours. but she is going forward with planning our wedding Leading you like a lamb to the slaughter. She's cut off sex, she gets drunk and ignores you, and she generally doesn't have any meaningful conversation with you.. Does she add ANYTHING positive to your life that a generic roommate wouldn't? And yet you're going to go out of your way to reward this behaviour by marrying her and taking her to the g…
/r/MarriedRedPill30/01/16 05:37 PM
1

I think alot of these principles on here are very dangerous to the relationship if not implemented correctly. Two things to consider in response to that point. Firstly, that's your anxiety talking. Are you afraid of losing her and you'll never find another? Are you afraid of doing any little thing that might piss her off? Well then, that's a biug part of your problem right there. As Ferris Bueller said almost 30 years ago about his friend Cameron: If things don't change for him, he's gonna marry…
/r/MarriedRedPill30/01/16 05:25 PM
1

My point was more about asking how she views getting YOU off. If it's just a duty hand job that she only does out of obligation so as to not sink the relationship entirely, then what I'm seeing is that the sore vagina is part of a whole complex of symptoms that indicate "she's just not into you". Even though she's friendly and you have lunch together and snuggle and watch netflix and shit, you're just not doing it for her - something has changed the way she views you. OTOH, if she wakes you up a…
/r/MarriedRedPill30/01/16 05:14 PM
2

Agreed that OP has a ways to go - let's hope he takes it slow and does the right things. I'm curious, though, how you got the the the conclusion that "This is a traumatized woman". I'm on board with the "if he's broken then she's broken too" implication, and the booze isn't a good sign either. Going from kinky sex (which could arguable indicate some past trauma, but that's a stretch without knowing more) to almost nothing is also not good but I could read that transition as being OP going from A…
/r/MarriedRedPill30/01/16 05:07 PM
5

Find someone on the side to fill that void so I am better prepared emotionally Arrgh. You're kinda missing the whole point here. Filling the void should come from YOU, not from someone else's validation. "Validation" here meaning emotional or sexual gratification, but it's still looking for fulfillment in the worst possible place: someone else. When you expect fulfillment from someone else, you're constantly at their mercy - they can pull it away at any moment and shatter your world. Plus, peopl…
/r/MarriedRedPill30/01/16 05:00 PM
10

So if you knew she was useless at maps, you expected her to manage it? Bad leadership. Or you had no idea she was that useless? Well now you either have a "teachable moment" (hah! jk) or know which task shouldn't be delegated. C/FO doesn't imply the FO is universally qualified to do anything and everything.
/r/MarriedRedPill30/01/16 04:21 PM
1

If she was into YOU she would be into IT. And even though it might be brief, it wouldn't be starfish (lack of enthusiasm, lying there until you get off so she can go back to watching the let night show). It's also possible that this vaginitis is a psychosomatic response to YOU. There's a possibility that once you get your act together it will mysteriously clear up. When she gets you off without the PIV, is it because she's filled with lust and just can't wait to get her man off and make him sati…
/r/MarriedRedPill30/01/16 03:49 PM
3

Trust me, nothing changes for the better after marriage simply due to the act of getting married. The "conventional story" is that once you commit to her with a wedding, she all of sudden loves you and respects you more, and your life gets better in some intangible way (that she absolutely knows is real, but I'll be damned if any guy can actually put his finger on what these improvements are exactly). You know the one food guaranteed to reduce sex drive in a woman? Wedding cake. What I'm saying …
/r/MarriedRedPill30/01/16 03:39 PM
1

Not sure If I agree with this assessment. OK. True, my comment is more of a digression down one little rabbit hole than a solid assessment of the whole post. But OP is only as strong as his weakest link, and being overly reactive to tears is one of those. the part that I see, is where he seems to be doing this to change her into what he thinks he wants. Ahh... in line with your "mental models" (solid post btw). OP isn't talking about what he wants, Good insight. On rereading the original post wi…
/r/MarriedRedPill29/01/16 06:41 PM
1

This may be something you already know, but I get the feeling you might not have connected all the dots with it yet. There are two parts to it. It's as much about realizing that you aren't responsible for someone else's emotions and that you don't need to take care of them for her, as much as it is about how you choose to deal with her in the moment. The first part isn't really TRP or MRP as it is basic psychology - most decent self help books (if you're willing to admit the existence of such a …
/r/MarriedRedPill29/01/16 03:01 PM
2

This really stood out for me: I would be gone for 10-15 minutes when she came home from work. This had her crying You realize how fucking pathetic and manipulative this is, right? I looked into your history and she's 21? She's basically acting like a little child, and in all honesty at 21 she's still an adolescent. And the thing is, that you (at 24) are not really that far ahead of her. You're probably so used to dealing with women of this age group behaving this childishly that it seems normal …
/r/MarriedRedPill29/01/16 04:34 AM
1

The experience of being calm and detached in the face of her victim puking was indescribable. Glorious, isn't it? I love reading FRs with little gems like this. Overall, pretty great FR. Not sure I agree with the need to speak so explicitly about "i can't have your O for you" and "let go and follow me". Even though it's dead truth, sometimes that stuff can come across poorly - think somewhere between preachy or condescending or (possibly) inauthentic. But as another post here today described, YM…
/r/MarriedRedPill29/01/16 04:10 AM
1

Dressing up (beyond not being in dirty rags) seems to really be just appearances with no health benefits. Why the fuck would you expect it have health benefits? You might as well write "dressing up obviously won't help solve any quantum physics problems, so why bother?". You're using language games to display some funny thinking. And writing "just appearances" you're again displaying the same reality denial. All things considered, given two equal wife candidates (demure, high libido, deferential…
/r/askMRP26/01/16 03:18 PM
2

Shit. My first thought is no, never got back to try to make things work with a miserable psycho bitch. When you describe how your kids act when going back to her house, though, I get why you're second guessing yourself. But you sound so happy when you talk about your new life, and so happy when you talk about how your kids are with you, you realize you'd be throwing all that away, right? Killing all the 10/10 aspects of your and your kids' life so that you can level all aspects of everybody's li…
/r/MarriedRedPill26/01/16 02:54 PM
1

Feel the anger. It's normal and comes once you understand how it happened to you. Then let the anger burn itself out. The past is done, gone, buried. Now you know how you got to be where you are right now, chart your own course, one in which your parents no longer control your instincts, actions, and responses. The book "No More Mr Nice Guy" is pretty good for explaining how the female-validation-seeking behaviour gets developed, and has some strategies to help get past it.
/r/TheRedPill24/01/16 07:40 PM
2

This is a pattern for me. Seeing the pattern is the first step in identifying the specific problem and fixing it. I'm sure if I nexted my wife is have the same problem with any other woman. Truth. You know what to do - work on you.
/r/MarriedRedPill24/01/16 03:33 PM
2

I think I'm upset because she doesn't care about me. I get upset about that too sometimes. But that's women for ya. Women don't love or care in the same way men do. You're living in a fantasy world if you think any woman "cares" about you in the sense that most men use the word. If you keep feeling sorry for yourself because she "doesn't care about me" you're just amplifying a self-inflicted victim puke. And that victim puke will come out in a little tantrum of "oh yeah, well I'll show her...". …
/r/MarriedRedPill24/01/16 03:26 PM
2

The WISNIFG approach is one tool you can use to improve your situation; it's not the whole solution. Using assertive language isn't a tool to game her hamster. Rather, it's simply the best shot you have of getting your own needs met and being seen as a solid and forthright kind of a guy. Being passive, aggressive, or passive-aggressive won't get you needs met without a lot of extra unpleasantness and bad feelings all around and will lower your status in the eyes of people you interact with in th…
/r/MarriedRedPill23/01/16 12:27 AM
1

It can be useful, in the beginning, to see where your beliefs come from. So clearly you can look back and see how you were raised thinking that sex was wrong, had to be done in secret, and wasn't a common human activity. This all makes sense as contributing to the beliefs you have now. But the past is done and gone, and all you can do now is reprogram yourself with new beliefs - that sex is as natural an activity between husband and wife as kissing is. Only humans have the mental (dis-?)ability …
/r/MarriedRedPill22/01/16 02:54 PM
2

The new baby thing I get. It takes a lot of calm to deal with, and when you top off the lack of sleep and baby cluelessness with the other woman guilt and the unhappiness with the Mrs then you've got a triple whammy of nerves. Frustration is an emotion, caused by your beliefs. Most likely that you're mad at yourself as much as at the baby because you believe you should know how to make him stop, or you believe he shouldn't be crying this much, or whatever. You're not holding frame when faced wit…
/r/MarriedRedPill22/01/16 01:15 PM
2

I'm so beta I want to sit around writing this girl poetry and muse about how she might be "the one" but I know better. Aargh. Now I see where your username comes from. Could it get any worse? My son is just two months old, Sigh. Yes, yes it can. You need to fucking decide which camp you're in. My wife sat me down and "had a chat" with me Sigh (again). There are two problems here. One is that you let your wife bitch-slap you around. Two is that you're such a useless tool that she thinks that's ac…
/r/MarriedRedPill22/01/16 08:59 AM
1

I'm not going to break up with her because of what she provides for me. What exactly does she provide for you? I mean, given that you never see her since you're deployed and all.
/r/MarriedRedPill22/01/16 08:42 AM
1

My wife is ultra conservative You're making excuses for her in order to support your belief that her pussy is worth of being put on a pedestal.
/r/MarriedRedPill22/01/16 08:38 AM
2

Hey, LCR, glad to see you back trying to improve your situation again. The last ten months are in the past, don't beat yourself up about them. The only actions you can take are right now, so take them. Fix your diet, get to the gym, finish the sidebar reading. I like that you're going to get on top of the basic shit, like your insurance. That kind of shit needs to get done for it's own sake, it gives you awareness of your own circumstances, and you sure as fuck don't need your harpy wife attacki…
/r/MarriedRedPill22/01/16 08:37 AM
2

I lurk here because it helps me keep perspective and motivates me to try to be as low-maintenance and giving as I can. After reading this, I was going to say that for a chick, this almost qualifies as awareness worthy of an Own Your Shit post of it's own. my SO should be more accepting of my shortcomings because [...] That was, until you wrote this part. LOL.
/r/MarriedRedPill22/01/16 08:08 AM
6

Skimmed your relationships #5 post. All the stuff you wrote about what you and your wide "discovered" in therapy (her losing attraction for you because you lost sight of yourself) sounded so textbook MRP "alpha slides into beta-dom" that I almost thought it had to be some kind of black-knighting troll post. It was the absolute stereotype of every beta marriage gone bad. But glad you both realized what happened and that you were able to turn yourself around, and by extension, turn your marriage a…
/r/MarriedRedPill22/01/16 07:50 AM
1

OK, obligatory reference to a great intro on the elements of frame (and look up the subsequent parts as well). Keeping your composure is really a side effect of having frame, although it's often confused with having frame itself. "Frame" itself is a neat wordplay as it connotes both frame as in "picture frame" - i.e. whose view of the world, whose angle, whose perspective you're seeing things from, as well as "frame of a building" meaning solid, resilience to external pressure, and so on.
/r/askMRP20/01/16 02:37 AM
1

Damn, that Zappa interview was great. Thanks - he definitely held frame like a champ.
/r/askMRP20/01/16 02:33 AM
10

There's a lot of truth to that idea. It parallels the idea that you attract a relationship partner who is exactly who you expect or think you deserve. No matter that your flimsy ego mind keeps thinking "I deserve better" or "I could be more" it's your actual deep programming and beliefs that connected you with this shitty person. First step in improving your life is improving yourself, which begins by improving the shit that's in your own mind.
/r/TheRedPill18/01/16 03:09 PM
2

I'm considering playing the engagement card when I get back. So because things are bad now, you want to lock in that state of being and be stuck there forever? That's almost as shitty as the woman deciding "we're not happy now, I'm afraid he'll leave, so I should make us have a baby now to lock him in." And in general, being engaged or being married doe NOT magically change your relationship, no matter what the Disney-industrial complex tells you. You'll still be dealing with EXACTLY the same is…
/r/MarriedRedPill16/01/16 02:24 PM
4

Half dozen times in four years? Four kids? Reminds me of that opening scene from Monty Python's "Meaning of Life". Shit...feel for you, man. But seriously, it happens, especially when you've been saving it up for so long. No big deal. Don't hamster it into an apocalyptic event. I'd just laugh and A&A "Damn! Since when did you get so tight? " or some shit. And from another forties dude...when you start getting laid 4-5 a week, your T- levels are going to shoot up and that gray will disappear and …
/r/askMRP15/01/16 11:40 PM
1

My point was to invite you to realize that you're hamstering - calling yourself confident while admitting you're still looking for validation from her. Being confident in 2 out of 3 aspects is splitting hairs here - still not confident. When you hamster, you can't make progress because you don't admit your weaknesses. Once you face it, you can take focussed action.
/r/MarriedRedPill15/01/16 04:15 AM
1

How do you reconcile these two statements? "Never been accused of lacking internal confidence" with " My problem (a long standing one in RP hindsight) is my validation seeking from LTR-women. " Seems to me that as long as the second one holds, the truth of the first one is suspect. Why would you need validation if you already have all the confidence you need, and believe that your worth comes intrinsically from your own self?
/r/MarriedRedPill14/01/16 07:40 PM
3

Neo: "Why do my eyes hurt?" Morpheus: "You've never used them before." Unfortunately we can't just plug a cable into your brain until you know King Fu. Next best thing is to read the sidebar, read all the other recommendations, read the top posts. Take it slow and with the right destination in mind, you can rebuild yourself.
/r/askMRP12/01/16 09:03 PM
2

This was a great breakdown. You obviously have dissected and learned from your past with a RP lens quite thoroughly. What I read is that of the three human aspects (those being mind, body, spirit), you have the mind part and body part well in hand. Meaning that your book knowledge and analytical skills are great and you've used them to drive your body where you want, in diet and fitness. But everything you describe in your "shit I'm not owning" paragraph, which is where the real meat lies, is yo…
/r/MarriedRedPill12/01/16 04:21 AM
1

Congrats on waking up. Small advice - you're going to feel angry, bitter, disillusioned. Don't let that come out in your interactions or it'll make things worse. Don't go into full-on RedPill Rambo mode from day one - the shock will likely do more damage to the relationship which will make it even harder for you to get your shit together. Slow and steady wins the race. Read the three sidebar books from marriedredpill (NMMNG, WISNIFG, MMSLP). Don't tell her what you're doing or about TRP - first …
/r/MarriedRedPill07/01/16 03:31 PM
6

You remember that pedophile joke from the front page a couple days ago? ("They say 2 out of every three people is a pedophile! Not me -- I live next to two smoking hot ten-year olds:-)") If someone said that to you with a little chuckle, you might get a hoot out of it - they're making fun of an obviously sick and twisted way of viewing the world, akin to a mental cancer. But if someone said that to you in a deadpan voice and didn't see why you were either laughing or finding it wildly inappropri…
/r/TheRedPill07/01/16 03:20 PM
1

Agree 100% with your assessment that she's both bat-shit crazy and behaving unacceptably. She respects you zero, respects your boundaries zero, and places her own feelz and wants at the top of the pyramid. She doesn't sound like a woman worth long-term commitment. Q: Why is divorce so expensive? A: Because it's worth it. Basic options: 1) Work through it and move on. 2) Leave tonight. 3) Leave soon but not tonight. 4) Leave when your contract ends . Option 1 is bullshit. I don't see any amount o…
/r/askMRP02/01/16 03:05 PM
4

Helluva story. Thanks for sharing. Amazing how things make so much sense in hindsight, and then you just shake your head, muttering "what the Hell was I thinking?".
/r/TheRedPill24/12/15 02:14 PM
4

Triple bonus points for V.
/r/askMRP16/12/15 12:27 PM
2

There's nothing wrong with enjoying it when she gets all dressed up sexy-like. Telling yourself that it shouldn't matter if she's dressed as a cleaning lady (not hot) or a pole dancer (hot) is the same bullshit as "fat acceptance" - denying a physical reality for you. If you like her dressed up as a slut, then hell yeah, enjoy it. But the difference is, that it's just fun, nothing more. It's not an obsession, it's not a belief that all non-pole-dancing-dressed women are substandard, it's not a t…
/r/askMRP15/12/15 02:41 PM
3

That's how a woman wins a girls night out - not with a bang, but with the most inflated ego. I literally laughed aloud at this. I never put it in those words, but it's so true. How fucked up is that, to have to "win" an evening with your friends? The size of that ego... staggering.
/r/MarriedRedPill14/12/15 04:42 PM
2

I don't see any specific question here. What I see is a guy who can't handle conflict, is looking for valid "excuses" to DEER with, and who basically doesn't have any idea what he wants to accomplish, let alone accomplish it. Sure, your wife is using aggressive power-bitch talk with all the "What I need is..." and put-downs about you playing like a little boy. And so your first response to that is that you are stuck and can't deal with it? Damn, that solid frame is a veritable house of cards. De…
/r/askMRP11/12/15 05:06 PM
3

She asked me if I wished she was more of a drama queen so we would have really intense confrontations like that. Yup. Drama is like crack to most of them. A little bit of envy too perhaps, with tingles at watching you submit her friend's emotional breakdown until it tapped out. Nice work.
/r/MarriedRedPill11/12/15 01:13 PM
2

I can hear it coming across even when you write; you have a lot of run-on sentences and tend to keep going without pausing to phrase things out. At home my dad and his side of the family we've always been rapid speakers and my mom's grown accustomed to it, but whenever I go out, I'm in class or at work and I speak I often find myself having to repeat what I said because I talk too fast for others to understand me. Jesus, I can only imagine this sentence spoken fast. It's bad enough in text form.…
/r/askTRP10/12/15 02:36 PM
1

You can't change him. You can only change yourself and how you react. When you do his homework for him, you're teaching him that his shitty behaviour has a positive reward, which only reinforces it to happen again. His emotional manipulation only works if you allow it to work. If you have a hard time dealing with him when he tries to lay a guilt trip on you, that's your fault - you're allowing yourself to get sucked into his frame. The book "when i say no i feel guilty" by smith talks a lot abou…
/r/askTRP10/12/15 12:49 PM
3

On rereading your post and looking at a couple of the replies you've made to the other guys' comments, a few more things and some clarifications come to mind. You spend a hell of a lot of time in your post and response describing how your girlfriend thinks, what she feels, how she reacts to things. This is exactly why /u/Sepean pointed out that you have a weak frame. You see your relationship through her eyes seemingly more than through your own. Reread your post, counting up the "she feels" and…
/r/MarriedRedPill07/12/15 10:03 PM
10

No emotional range, wouldn't know the difference between existing and not existing, insecure. Crying inconsolably to sleep at night without explanation? I'm reading serious depression between the lines. No surprise you chose a fixer-upper as an LTR while you were still dealing with abandonment issues and shit yourself. If you find one broken person in a relationship, you always find two. She doesn't sound like a good long term choice. Not to slag her TRP-style for being damaged, but it sounds li…
/r/MarriedRedPill07/12/15 03:13 AM
1

There i find peace This is a lot more than many people find. Don't underestimate the power of making yourself happy, don't start thinking of it as a bad thing. There's always going to be more than one path you can take in life, and there's always going to be the opportunity to wonder if the other path would have been better. Only you can be the judge. Nothing wrong with being a little obsessed with lifting if you're happy there. Do you feel fulfilled by the social relationships you have? Would y…
/r/askTRP06/12/15 03:58 PM
4

I am 100% against the large proportion of bad advice given on the DB subreddit. One could argue that a sub full of people who got themselves into a bad situation by making a lot of poor choices (including committing to a person with a lot of problems themselves) would tend to have a lot of broken advice. The thing is, that a lot of the "common sense" you talk about won't be seen as common sense my most until you get your head in the right place, whether by a lot of self reflection or hitting roc…
/r/MarriedRedPill30/11/15 03:25 AM
2

Hey dude, glad to hear it's going better for you. I remember your earlier appearance here and in exrp, and some of the skepticism you had. Glad you found something useful for your situation. I simply said a few times ago ill say it when i feel it not when you go fishing for it. Fine line between over compensating/acting out while you're still in the anger phase and just being your own dude. But overall sounds like you're doing much better. Best of luck.
/r/MarriedRedPill30/11/15 02:52 AM
2

Stephan Molyneux coined the phrase "estrogen-based parasites" after breaking down the redpill truth about a guy's grandparents on an episode of his call-in show. Poor guy was like "Holy shit, Jesus, you're right!". Long but a good listen, segment starts around 3:15.
/r/askTRP28/11/15 07:11 PM
5

so if I know it's going to end like that, I think it's better not to go after it. Self-defeating, self-fulfilling prophesy. Lose that mindset. Just go for it. She doesn't always have to cum and it doesn't always have to be a long, slow, romantic session where you dominate her with your masculine yet loving gaze as you build together to a mutually satisfying climax. It's ok to just fuck sometimes. When I'm horny I fantasise about hot, sex, and Then today as we were watching some family videos I t…
/r/askMRP28/11/15 03:44 PM
2

I enjoyed reading this post, as it sounds like OP and I had a lot in common both in the formative years as well as in the path of realizations in the unplugging stage. It provides a little sense of a kindred spirit out there. However, as a couple others have pointed out, it doesn't advise me in any particular thing I don't already know. It's more of a "chicken soup for the RP soul" kind of post, and as such, I'll enjoy the brief feel-good moment, and I don't mind seeing a few like it every now a…
/r/MarriedRedPill25/11/15 02:26 AM
1

Went to the gym for the first time ever a couple of weeks ago and spent a whole week after in a world of pain. Don't let this hold you up. The first time I ever did squats, I was almost unable to walk for the next two days. And it was light weight - easily less than half what I do now. But the second time I did it, it hurt a lot less. The third time it was no big deal. It will pass, don't let that hold you up or make excuses. I need to learn/relearn how to talk to women, This was a cool talk tha…
/r/MarriedRedPill20/11/15 05:07 PM
2

There's something here that strikes me as off. She said some sharp shit. That woman knows how to run daggers and fine paper cuts on my heart. But I was truly unaffected. The very fact that you describe them as daggers and cuts suggests that you're not as unaffected as you think you are. You're spending a lot of time describing how you're proud of how you're suppressing your surface anger. That pride is you stroking your ego. And those daggers and cuts are showing how fragile your ego still is. "…
/r/MarriedRedPill20/11/15 03:50 PM
1

THIS IS MY FAULT for not taking control from the start and giving her a safe environment. When we say that things in a relationship are YOUR FAULT, that's because people generally try to foist the blame of everything that happens to them onto their parterr, their childhood, their boss, their history, what have you, instead of themselves. These people generally need a kick in the ass to start getting their head straight. But there are some things that are basic facts, like if you were born with o…
/r/askMRP20/11/15 03:36 PM
2

I always think I'm going to say something clever Bzzt.. wrong answer. Don't argue at all. Women tend to argue to release emotion, the get a buzz from it, they enjoy the drama, and it's all coming from how they FEEL at the moment which may well be the exact opposite of how they felt an hour before that. Trying to point out contradictions or "win" an argument is futile. You're attacking emotion with logic which is like trying to put out an electrical fire with a haddock. She's "winning" the moment…
/r/askMRP20/11/15 03:21 PM
1

I am defensive. It's really just my personality. This is bullshit. One of the things you will start to learn as you read more, analyse yourself, and decide where you want to go in your life, is that you are in fact in control of your personality and you can change it for the better. Blaming some aspect of yourself as if it's a fixed, immutable obstacle is not helpful and is actually pretty blind. It's that same personality and same set of wrong beliefs and attitudes that have led you into your u…
/r/askMRP19/11/15 04:05 PM
2

I never had that WTF experience about religion, since I was raised in a religion-free household. It just never made any sense to me from the beginning. I can count on one hand (on one finger, in fact), the number of people I can honestly say have turned out great people directly because of their faith, so I won't completely discount the potential it may have, despite the large number of sanctimonious judgmental assholes you can find in many religious communities. But I can imagine that it would …
/r/MarriedRedPill18/11/15 03:52 PM
2

I totally get where you're coming from and respect that. I think we actually have a lot in common in our worldviews regarding hedonism, religion, and materialism. How is religion a set of tools to living a better life? I may have been imprecise. A better way of phrasing my assertion would be that it's a set of tools which claims to or is intended to give you a better life. I don't actually agree that religion does this (in fact, I used to be that flaming atheist who phoned up televangelist hotli…
/r/MarriedRedPill18/11/15 03:24 PM
1

These are really interesting questions. I'm not a bible guy myself but I find the discussion intriguing. On the one hand, TRP/MRP is nothing more than a human-owned belief system and a set of tools to attain a better life, which is pretty much what a religion is. So discussion relating the two is expected. It provides another facet of explanation, hence it's a tool for convincing your opponent (wife) of the validity of this course of action, given that she presumably shares the belief system. Pl…
/r/MarriedRedPill18/11/15 01:35 PM
1

She's using your cheating as hamster food to justify her doing what she wants to be doing anyways - getting tingles from her ex. And now she also gets to play the "how far can I push it?" game for extra drama and excitement You're trying to control her directly, whereas you want to set and enforce boundaries instead. A subtle difference. You can't control her or her feeling. There's no mention of what you said would happen if she texted her ex back, and all you did was get annoyed. No consequenc…
/r/MarriedRedPill18/11/15 01:21 PM
2

Make an alt account, post a form check on fitness. Maybe something related to your posture/form.
/r/askMRP16/11/15 06:56 PM
2

You're controlling, jealous, emotional, prone to fighting with her, you go back on your word, and you live with your parents. Jesus, could you be any more of a trainwreck? No wonder she wants to move on. but the issue is if I LTR another girl shes going to be exactly the same if i cant kill my BP self... This is the ONLY thing you've said that shows any kind of self awareness or insight. Use this to motivate you to start actually living your life differently than you've been doing. I mean, serio…
/r/askMRP16/11/15 02:09 AM
6

Tonight she told me that we need to be obedient to God and that she will not have sex outside of marriage. One massive glorious ascendant shit test with wings and a choir. You either nuke it or nuke her. Does she think I'm going to propose so we can continue having sex? LOL... if you propose you're handing her your nuts on a platter and then going out on to the garage every night for a month to build her a special,hand crafted and detailed oiled mahogany pedestal for her pussy.
/r/askMRP16/11/15 02:01 AM
3

. God damn. [...] I think I am in the middle of a mental crisis LOL. We've all been there. It'll get better. You'll probably hit what we call "the anger phase" soon enough once you start to discover a lot of how things work through TRP. Just try to keep the anger in check and keep yourself cool and calm in your dealings with the missus or you'll be sabotaging and undoing what you're trying to achieve. Hang tight and best of luck man.
/r/MarriedRedPill16/11/15 01:51 AM
-1

My comeback is to that line would be "yeah, sweetie, I'm still waiting for a taste of that honey" delivered with a little smile and a lewd smirk.
/r/MarriedRedPill16/11/15 01:43 AM
-1

She used to say "you attract bees with honey" LOL that's a funny one. What about your bees? Your time, your attention, your salary, the stable future you offer to her? Shouldn't she be offering YOU the honey?
/r/MarriedRedPill16/11/15 01:16 AM
1

None of the specifics (fireplace, fridge, bathroom) actually matter - it's the pattern that's there. And this is exactly the pattern that MRP exists to fix. First problem is the way you handle her bitching you out for this stuff. Angry, resentful, hurt, confused, annoyed that she doesn't see what you've done for her? If any of these ring true you need to work on your attitude to the point where you can see this for whiny entitled behaviour and stop tolerating it and start shutting it down. Lots …
/r/MarriedRedPill16/11/15 01:12 AM
5

Cringe.
/r/askTRP14/11/15 02:25 PM
3

So there are two factors at play here: boundaries and IDGAF. You asked mainly about boundaries (how to effect change in her/the external world) but the best answer you've gotten so far from /u/[deleted] asks why you are giving AF (recommending that you make a change in yourself). I think they both come into play, but you need to work on yourself first, where you have 100% agency, before you get into setting your boundaries based on emotional resonses. You want to master yourself before you try t…
/r/askMRP10/11/15 01:23 PM
2

You're right: train wreck. Where to begin? You're probably tempted to frame all of this in a redpill/vs/bluepill light, since you're posting this in TRP. But to be charitable, you're only 18, and you have very, very limited relationship and life experience. Chalk some of this up to learning from the school of hard knocks. Just make sure to learn and not repeat. You CHOSE to drink that tequila and get fucked up. That's 100% on you. Her not waiting for you at the train in a slinky dress late at ni…
/r/TheRedPill09/11/15 05:17 PM
2

My wife feels Yeah? Good for her. How do YOU feel? I do tend to be quite critical Does being this critical make your life better or worse? In your own opinion (which may factor in the interactions you have with others, but is not defined by them). Is it simply a matter of acta non-verba? Usually, yes.
/r/askMRP05/11/15 01:04 PM
2

Denial of sex! And that's just the beginning.
/r/MarriedRedPill03/11/15 10:30 PM
1

Oh my god... it's full of frames! Just don't expect your wife to open the pod bay doors for you. This is not even about my wife. It's about everybody else as well! It's kind of a shock to the system when you start to see the world in a new way. It's actually about you. Your wife and everybody else just happen to be there, but it's about you, not them.
/r/MarriedRedPill02/11/15 02:45 PM
1

Is there a benefit in knowing the truth? To dwell on the past? No. It's gone, done, unchangeable. To learn from the past, taking a lesson from it about your own behaviour, your wife's nature, or something else? Maybe, but there will be a price to dredging these events up. Is the potential lesson worth the price, knowing what you know today? The lesson may be nothing more than you've already learned through TRP.
/r/MarriedRedPill30/10/15 02:23 PM
5

STFU is basically a safety rule, for people who can't handle a "hard conversation" or can't avoid being baited by "false or ridiculous" statements into a huge argument which ultimately makes things worse. By preventing 99% of communication (STFU), the side effect is that you also prevent the self-destructive communication. However, once you've mastered yourself enough that you can respond to her rather than react to her, STFU is just a guideline rather than the be-all and end-all of relationship…
/r/askMRP29/10/15 02:21 PM
2

Damn, that was a nice video.
/r/MarriedRedPill28/10/15 08:35 PM
9

welching on sex promises There's no such thing. Sex comes from the moment. Not from a binding contract, verbal or otherwise. When a woman says she wants sex, that's her emotions talking. And a woman's emotions change every two minutes. Be happy that she was in a place of wanting to pleasure you at that time - that's great progress - but keep in mind that every minute is a brand new minute for a whole new emotion for her. Footprints on a beach, about as lasting and about as meaningful. I took car…
/r/askMRP23/10/15 09:05 PM
4

I used to think that stuff played a role in my life. Parents, exes, childhood, all that. The subtlety is, it played a role in my old life, not my current one. But old life is gone. Today that shit is nothing more than historical curiosity. Zero fucks given about it. Only thing is now and what I can do today.
/r/MarriedRedPill23/10/15 08:37 PM
2

When I read "dog pisses on the floors" and "getting new hardwood floors installed" I was totally expecting this to be an FR about putting the dog down.
/r/askMRP23/10/15 01:26 PM
2

Last-Minute Resistance. Basically a feeble attempt to push you back in order that she doesn't have to suffer the "shame" of appearing too eager (or test you, or some other twisted reason) , even though she may still want to. Not to be confused with the Hard No.
/r/MarriedRedPill22/10/15 08:36 PM
1

I think /u/NiftyDolphin is onto something with the need for drama and the gain of social currency. When you say she plays the victim -read about the "victim triangle" (wikipedia is OK), it's a well known dysfucntional behaviour pattern/cycle. She gets many psychological benefits from "playing" this pattern (or "game" as these patterns are sometimes called). She gets to play "poor me" to her friends, she gets some emotions pumping (even though they're negative ones), she gets to vent her frustrat…
/r/MarriedRedPill22/10/15 08:30 PM
3

It's been a while since I read anything on MRP that's left me feeling more bleak and depressed than this post. I read your history. Your wife is a real gem. Medicated, ADD, up, down, abusive, harping, manipulative, conniving bitch. Shaved clean so you're enticed to marry her and knock her up then back to wookie-style snatch and no sex for 10 months. Nasty, fucking nasty. And that therapy story - these kind of chicks will reject anything the therapist points out - counselling was all about her co…
/r/MarriedRedPill22/10/15 02:40 AM
1

and becomes incorporated into her body so that his organs can fertilize her eggs TIL I was basically just an anglerfish in my first marriage.
/r/MarriedRedPill21/10/15 09:14 PM
0

Sweet baby Jesus. I couldn't get past the first paragraph. No idea what he said. "Gender dimorphism"? What's that, like chicks with dicks? Just the mere existence of that essay speaks volumes about the fundamental blue pill problem: being stuck inside your own head, thinking it all means something, instead of just living.
/r/MarriedRedPill21/10/15 05:25 PM
1

I really liked the description of peak experiences as being something you can do alone, or maybe with guys. That really resonated with me. The best experiences of my life, the moments where I've experienced absolutely awesome transcendent moments, have never been with a woman. And I wouldn't change them if I could.
/r/MarriedRedPill21/10/15 04:35 PM
1

I'm with /u/jacktenofhearts on the value of personal, individual therapy. Even though, in theory, you can read a lot of self-help books, do a lot of reflecting, and come to some sane conclusions, it helps a LOT to have someone guide you through the process with discussion that is based of your own personal experiences. And similarly to what /u/The_Litz described, the lady I saw kept telling me "so why does it matter so much what SHE thinks"... one of the principles you keep hearing over and over…
/r/askMRP20/10/15 02:07 PM
1

It sucks that you experienced all that pain and confusion. But sometimes it takes a kick in the balls before you start to learn from your mistakes, and start getting your shit together. She ended up giving me an ultimatium that set me up to fail. Yeah. You can't negotiate desire. Now you know that much, at least. I am going to get in shape, read more often, learn to play the guitar, learn to pick up women, and live my life how it should have been years ago. But tonight, I am four beers in and mi…
/r/MarriedRedPill20/10/15 03:13 AM
1

Holy shit - thought I was reading the script from a dysfuctional family sitcom, probably starring Al Bundy somewhere. Hope I get to see it on youtube when the neighbor posts it :-) At 18, sure, the kid is still in your house under your rule, but is also adult enough to take the heat for his own bad decisions. Was having a chat with a buddy about his kid (same age) who was fucking up, smoking pot, and running off when confronted and stuff. Hard to just yell at them and shake your fist in the air …
/r/MarriedRedPill20/10/15 02:54 AM
2

You ever drive somewhere new with a GPS while you're a little distracted? Just following along the directions from the voice? And you get somewhere, but when it's time to go, you know you're only a kilometer from the highway but you have no fucking clue how to get back home unless the GPS is turned on and you're lost. You've been too busy just turning left and right according to the voice that you don't have any mental context of where you actually are. Same with some of the posters here who hav…
/r/MarriedRedPill18/10/15 05:47 PM
2

Congratulations. You feel the same as 90% of the unhappily married guys out there. And passive. So damn passive. You've read, you like what you read, and you're full of "I know I should, I know I should" and "I gotta start, I gotta start...". That's not going to get you far. Knowledge without action and practice is only 10 percent of it. Fuck that "I wish it could be me" stuff. Make it you. Just list out the stuff you're gonna do and start doing it. It's really that simple.
/r/MarriedRedPill18/10/15 05:38 PM
2

I just like how their heads look, mounted on the wall above the fireplace.
/r/TheRedPill17/10/15 12:19 AM
3

After seeing a couple other comments here, I read your post history. You haven't just been a beta. You've been a passive victim. Your wife pushes you around. Your wife's kid pushes you around. Your wife's ex is almost pushing you around by proxy. Now the court system is pushing you around. Bullying and victim victim victim. And now you're looking for a magic bullet. Found TRP - great, the advice and the guys there will solve this for me. Found MRP - OK, the 12 levels of dread will solve this for…
/r/MarriedRedPill16/10/15 07:29 PM
2

4,5,6 - you're taking your first baby steps. Excellent. But the fear, the conditioning, the anxiety! The fear is a lie, like most of the shit in your mind. Ignore it and keep doing your thing. 10 - "waited for my wife to come home" should read "did some shit I wanted to do on my own time, then she came home" 15 - big difference between leading by fear and intimidation and force than by leading through example/respect Being alpha is a fucking ton of work. I think you mean to say "Being beta is li…
/r/MarriedRedPill16/10/15 03:08 PM
6

Yep. You can be a solid dude with with his shit together and have some empathy - much better than codependent.
/r/MarriedRedPill13/10/15 01:16 PM
1

She texted you she's sorry. She texted you she's afraid. She texted you she wants you back. These are all her emotions, nothing more. But they are affecting you, confusing you, making you doubt yourself. See how invested in her emotional state you are? I think you misunderstand the meaning of her emotions. They are nothing more, and nothing less, than what she's feeling at the time. And only at that time. They might be up at 6pm and down at 9pm. They might be rageful on moment, conciliatory the …
/r/askMRP13/10/15 01:08 PM
1

They say kids like what you do while pregnant. She's afraid he will turn gay. LOL. This logic is right up there with "If she float's, she's a witch!" And they say women can be irrational.
/r/askMRP10/10/15 02:08 PM
3

I used to consume a lot, but it was all coming from wrong places in my head - pedestalization (wrong belief), fantasy (these women were hotter than anything I could get in real life), the secret shame (shouldn't be watching this), and insecurity (belief that the only way to get great sex would be with a pro/stripper/actress, imagining the control and power vicariously). And of course, the fact that since I wasn't getting any, I needed the release. After findin TRP and changing a LOT of the ways …
/r/askMRP09/10/15 01:56 PM
1

I'm like... I'm sorry? https://www.reddit.com/r/marriedredpill/comments/3e37f3/im_not_sorry/
/r/askMRP07/10/15 12:55 PM
2

These talks are in person, not for text. "Sounds important; let's talk when we get home." Your analysis and right to assert yourself (e.g. calling her on dictating what you SHOULD believe - cue WISNIFG, reminding you that SHOULD is usually a judgment word) is correct in a rational sense. And you can frame it in your mind this way. But how you choose to COMMUNICATE this with her will generally not work if ou approach it as a logical argument to be won, as a piece of persuasive rhetoric. You need …
/r/askMRP07/10/15 12:15 PM
2

do you know what the hamster is? "The hamster eats logic and shits out new hamsters." - /u/strategos_autokrator . Best MRP quote of all time.
/r/askMRP07/10/15 12:07 PM
1

+1. Came her to basically say this, but /u/FearDearg2015 said it well already. To add on a couple other thoughts: Slow down not just for its own sake, but because you still sound emotional. Not sappy emotional, or implying it's a bad thing, but in turmoil like everything is going through your head at once. Sometimes that can bring moments of extreme clarity, but other times it can lead you to make a decision that you wouldn't have made in the cold light of your own reason. You've spent years in …
/r/askMRP07/10/15 12:01 PM
1

Just start somewhere, anywhere. Tutorials and youtube stuff are great nowadays. The main thing is getting some experience which gives you the ability and the confidence to do the next thing easier and so on. The other main thing is your attitude. Home repair projects always seem to have a way of needing one extra thing from the hardware store, or having one little twist to it that wasn't in the youtube video. Just roll with it, decide you'll get it done anyways, and don't get discouraged. At the…
/r/askMRP06/10/15 10:48 PM
2

on the way through a midlife crisis Search here for 'midlife crisis' - the name is kind of a societal shaming tactic for men finally trying to take stock of where they are after being sold a bill of goods. "Look, he claims to be unhappy and wants to try playing guitar again, that thing which gave him so much joy when he was younger! It's so cute, he must be having his mid-life crisis!". Fuck that. those steps from MMSLP seemed to me a way towards attempting to improve the relationship or bust. T…
/r/askMRP06/10/15 08:06 PM
0

So basically, this vomit post is to substitute my wife with all of you Don't care how many flowers you get me, I'm still not gonna put out either. The book tells me to accept who i am and share. Not to put up walls. There's walls and then there's walls. Think the Berlin Wall and the retaining wall around a sewage treatment tank. Tearing the walls down and sharing something about your life and your vision - great. Deutsche Einheit! Tearing the walls down so she sees what a validation-seeking pile…
/r/askMRP06/10/15 04:26 PM
3

I opened this thread, based on the title, to rip you a new asshole for blaming nebulous external forces for your own situation. But (sigh of relief) I see the title is a little tongue in cheek. But still, what kind of semi victim puke is this for a guy who's been TRP'ing for the years? What do you want from this post? More importantly, what do you want from yourself and your life? I don;t hear much there. Just describing how you got to where you are now (past) and what you feel about your wife t…
/r/askMRP06/10/15 01:41 PM
2

Anger comes a lot of time from a mismatch between what you actually experience and what you believe you should experience. You have limited control over what you experience, but you can change your beliefs. If your wife snaps over nothing and you believe your wife needs to be rational all the time, expect that she treats you like a king all the time, that you deserve better than this no matter how you act now or have acted in the past, and voila, all of sudden there's a huge gap between what you…
/r/MarriedRedPill06/10/15 01:15 PM
1

I got a lot out of seeing someone, way back before I found TRP. The therapist was great and totally focused on me (not a couples counselor). I basically went to one because I didn't know what else to do. It's interesting to ask how much/how fast I would have "got better" (hah! still a lifelong work in progress) had I found TRP and read NMMNG and so on instead. It would have been essential that I realized that I was fucked (not just my ex-wife, not just the relationship) and needed to fix myself …
/r/MarriedRedPill05/10/15 08:50 PM
4

Solid. I really like this line - it encapsulates so much, and so many other things flow from it: The red pill is a sexual strategy and the core of the strategy is to be a quality man.
/r/MarriedRedPill05/10/15 11:49 AM
5

Wow. You're in quite the state. Despite saying you're not angry, your other words speak volumes ("I'm going to ENOJY THE DECLINE. WHY NOT?"). You're also depressed, probably feeling powerless and confused on top of it all. And this state of mind has persisted for probably years... I feel for you. And you say you've been doing TRP things like STFU and not giving her unlimited respect and admiration - that's a good start. But I like to think that TRP is only half about knowledge of women and how t…
/r/MarriedRedPill04/10/15 02:58 PM
0

True, in that case a lot of bad stuff. But the pin has already been pulled on that grenade. Who knows if/when it'll go off? IMHO better to handle one variable at a time (work on his frame/relationship) rather than throwing as many possible unknowns into the mix for solution before he has the self-knowledge and frame to handle them.
/r/MarriedRedPill04/10/15 02:28 AM
1

Light bulbs are coming on... solid realizations.
/r/MarriedRedPill04/10/15 02:25 AM
-1

Feeling overwhelmed is normal, and so is a lot of anger and wanting to smack yourself upside the head for things you just now realized were hugely counterproductive. It takes time for the dust to settle and your head to clear up a bit. One rule of thumb we often throw around is that it'll take 1 month per year of relationship to make the transition, so if you've been together, exhibiting the same core tendencies for 13 years this may take a year of slowly growing into your new self and new role …
/r/MarriedRedPill03/10/15 04:52 PM
1

Take it slow. And by slow, I mean sloooooooow. I know that right now, you're full of confusion and hurt at how your marriage is turning out, and maybe some anger and guilt at your own conduct, and some anger and frustration at your wife. Do NOT let this emotional rush push you into making big dramatic irreversible life altering changes just yet. Read, reflect, lurk, and keep quit for a while. If you need to vent, vent here to the guys. And as far as the specific note, yes, honesty about what you…
/r/MarriedRedPill03/10/15 04:35 PM
0

This is absolutely hilarious. Love the science project feel of the whole thing, and the textbook reactions. Props.
/r/MarriedRedPill03/10/15 01:21 PM
7

The temptation to change everything and spill your guts is strong. This is EXACTLY where you STFU. Figure out what the fuck you're doing first. Then STFU.
/r/MarriedRedPill03/10/15 04:55 AM
2

All I read here is anger, anger, anger. Your complete radio silence about logistics: read these comments about what STFU actually means. Someone once told me to consider when interacting with your SO: "if a random person in the street did/said that to you, would you accept it, find it normal, or think it was crap". You said below that you were feeling IDGAF and not angry but then said "just want to laugh in her face and tell her how ugly she looks with tears streaming down her cheeks.". Would yo…
/r/askMRP03/10/15 12:19 AM
3

Solid post. And I certainly recognized parts of my own transition in there too. Learning to internalize a new attitude and change your thinking is not trivial, and until it actually becomes you at the deepest level, you're always thinking about it and trying to resolve the conflict between the old preconditioned feelings you have with the new attitude you're trying to adopt. And you just can't always resolve it right, and you make bad calls, and are overly reactive at times. You talk about being…
/r/MarriedRedPill02/10/15 02:46 PM
1

Slightly academic answer. Was reading some stuff on CBT a while ago. Psychologists treating, say, someone who was in a serious car accident and having PTSD symptoms will measure progress by making a statement (like "It's just a matter of time before I get hit by a car again", or "I feel anxious every time I see a red car in the street") and then ask you to rate how much you agree with that statement on a scale of 0-100%. They will ask the same question every week and see how the numbers move. Cl…
/r/askMRP01/10/15 04:07 PM
-1

LMAO. I just reread the answers you've been getting here, looking specifically for the "abusive" advice that we've been giving an "abusive cack" such as yourself. (And WTF is a "cack" even?). Lemme recap said advice... your marriage may well be over consider a divorce improve yourself to remove codepencency issues the fact that your wife is having an emotional affair may signal a number of bad things about your relationship Yup, abusive, abusive, abusive, and abusive. Bless their little hearts.
/r/askMRP01/10/15 03:29 PM
3

You're coming at this from the point of view of "I have something to hide; should I hide it?". That's weak and defensive. Own your shit one way or the other for one of the following reasons: a) you absolutely own your recent purchases and you don't give a shit if she sees them on the list because there's nothing wrong with buying a couple of self help books, or b) you think her demanding to see the account statement after she's been systematically nickle-and-diming the household into the toilet …
/r/askMRP01/10/15 02:27 PM
2

No idea if this is salvageable. But I will say that YOU are salvageable, and if you don't salvage yourself, the rest of your life will be just as bad as it is now because even if things tank with your wife and you start over, you'll just find the kind of woman who recreates the familiar patterns and you'll wind up back at square one. And if you can start to salvage yourself, then maybe you can improve things now. Reread your post above, and take note of which things you highlighted (i.e. marked …
/r/askMRP01/10/15 02:14 PM
3

TL;DR no. So your dilemma is between asserting what you believe is right (telling her to get stuffed, no way), and what you think you owe her/what she thinks is fair. The thing is, she's not asking you for this because it's fair. She's asking you for this because she's angry and she thinks she use the leverage of "what's fair is fair" to play her game, which is to either piss you off, catch you out in a lie, try to find something that she can call frivolous, etc. So the second horn of your dilem…
/r/askMRP01/10/15 01:47 PM
2

Your list sounds pretty good, and covers a lot of the external basic self-improvements we suggest. I pretty much checked the same boxes myself years ago, yet my relationship was completely fucked. I was blinded by the external attributes (career, degree) to the lack of my own internal attributes. Having a winning hand means not only that you look like a new Ferrari on the outside, but that the engine inside runs smoothly, reliably, starts every time, and doesn't overheat. When it comes to a rela…
/r/MarriedRedPill30/09/15 05:11 PM
9

Ending it won't change shit about you, except give you something else to feel bad about while denying you the chance to cut your teeth on a whole new program of strengthening your character. You'll just attract another codependent woman and repeat the whole cycle again. Read the three books on the sidebar and work hard on yourself until one day, you look back at this post can't believe you were ever this much of a wounded woe-is-me boy, excusing everything shitty she does to you because (blubber…
/r/MarriedRedPill29/09/15 06:12 PM
2

Basically I agree with almost everything, but I don't get why you guys make such a fuzz about it. For my understanding almost everything is common sense. Excellent. But remember that a lot of common sense is really learned, not innate knowledge. Common sense used to be that the earth was flat, and that demons in the night air caused disease. Many, many men are taught by the movies, by magazine articles, by TV shows, by priests and ministers, that the man's job in a marriage is to respect the wom…
/r/MarriedRedPill29/09/15 04:33 PM
6

According to the arbitrary rules maintained by his wife, Homer committed a transgression punishable by the loss of his family. Homer’s misdeed is that he objectified a woman. His punishment? Shame and emasculation; The key points right here. It's infuriating, disheartening, embittering, and sad to hear the world as it actually is, reduced to such simple and direct facts as this. Meditate on them. I would say thanks for this analysis except I'm too depressed now.
/r/TheRedPill29/09/15 12:31 PM
1

Anger can be really enlightening, if you follow it. Sometimes it's nothing more than being mad and you "get through it" just by letting it come and then it simply ebbs away. But often, anger masks a deeper feeling of hurt. Layers of an onion and all that - peel back the anger layer to find the underlying hurt. Was this anger related to feeling hurt that she didn't respect your feelings over having another kid? Was it that you felt hurt that she changed her mind or something and owed you a commit…
/r/askMRP28/09/15 10:21 PM
3

Do the math. "Sparingly" might be, what, once a month? You could fuck a hooker at that rate for, say, $250 a month. There's your known, 100% reproducible lower limit on sex and upper limit on cost. But that's what you'll spend taking your g/f out to diner and drinks once a week, listening to her lie to your face about how she doesn't feel anything for Chad. Than after drinks, you can go home a little tipsy and try for those one-in-four chances that she doesn't give you a Hard No. Now, after thos…
/r/MarriedRedPill28/09/15 03:10 PM
3

the girls who I didn't really care about, loved me the most. The girls I loved, treated me like shit. Looks like you've just rediscovered the universal principle in relationships. "Whoever cares the least, has the most power." See this explanation.
/r/MarriedRedPill28/09/15 02:39 PM
2

Does this shit actually happen?? Damn right it does. I once sat in a bar commiserating with a random dude over women, and divorce, and life. He told me about the time he voluntarily went to jail after him and his wife got into it one night and she called 9-1-1. He didn't think it was "fair" that she would have to spend the night in jail even though by all accounts, she was the one who started it and she was the one who was hitting him. Story straight out of TRP. My point? That social conditionin…
/r/MarriedRedPill28/09/15 02:26 PM
2

Placing the children first leads to 'CoParenting' which leads to simply 'CoExistence'. Absolutely. But my experience ran deeper and darker than that. The combination of "placing the children first" and "the mother knows what children need because she's the sainted mother" turned into a power play and a constant state of oppression of anything that I thought, I did, I wanted, I expressed, because she always felt she could play the trump card of "I know what's best for the children and that ain't …
/r/MarriedRedPill28/09/15 02:09 PM
3

You took the list of red flags right out of my mouth. You only forgot to add obsessively clingy (phoned Chad six times in the course of 3-4 hours leaving desparate messages to no response) to finish with the cherry on the cake of personality flaws.
/r/MarriedRedPill28/09/15 02:03 PM
4

Awesome thread indeed. LOL... if I knew 10 years ago what I knew now, the divorce would have been that much sooner and I would have been that much happier years ago. Some bitches just aren't worth the time, period.
/r/MarriedRedPill25/09/15 03:52 AM
1

Two issues for you: 1. the gym, and 2. the fact that you "felt like telling her to fuck off, putting the house on the market, split the proceeds, bend over and take divorce rape like a man. At least I felt like this last night." The real issue is #2 - you're coming here about #1 because you're still so wound up about #2. Only you can say what your anger comes from, but you need to deal with it before you put your foot up your own ass. Honestly, the gym is just a logistical issue. Not a big deal …
/r/askMRP24/09/15 10:00 PM
2

So don't confuse the two. Just to be crystal clear and there's no confusion, /u/Archwinger was being a little tongue-in-cheek with his advice. Meaning, go ahead and try it, but it's the polar opposite of what 99% of the guys here will suggest, including himself. But as he rightly points out, this is 100% your life and at the end of the day, we're just a bunch of strangers on the internet. mired by people posting offensive shit A lot o guys here are very, very passionate about TRP because of how …
/r/MarriedRedPill24/09/15 09:07 PM
1

Honestly, I'd suggest No More Nr Nice Guy as your starting point. It's really a more nicely presented, "legitimate" (i.e. written by a practicing mainstream psychologist) version of the advice you're getting here, and lays out both the problem (men believe women are sooo special that they need to do anything and everything to make them happy, and this leads to all kinds of toxic relationship dynamics), as well as solutions (very similar to what you're getting here, but presented with more gentle…
/r/MarriedRedPill24/09/15 08:56 PM
2

I'd love to know more about Psyc 101 issue that you are mentioning. These are covered really well in the two books listed in the sidebar (No More Mr Nice Guy, and When I Say No I Feel Guilty), and to a certain extent in MMSLP. But to give you areally brief flavour of what I'm talking about: in any relationship, when you find one broken partner, you ALWAYS find the other partner is broken as well. Now this "brokenness" may be abandonment issues, entitlement and irresponsibility, "daddy issues", c…
/r/MarriedRedPill24/09/15 08:38 PM
2

I'm thinking the turkey who posted this comment just stumbled here through /r/random whlie looking for meaningless ways to click away his/her life on reddit contributing nothing but little snippets of trivial commentary to anything that catches the eye. Look at the post history.
/r/MarriedRedPill24/09/15 02:26 PM
3

Sweet. I also think they get sometimes get hot for "drama" and arguments - that's where the whole "make-up sex" idea comes from. In their mind, the fact that you stopped counts as drama. And you left it pure and unadulterated by not whining about it afterwards, i.e. not letting the air out of the balloon of desire.
/r/MarriedRedPill24/09/15 01:38 PM
2

Make sure she wears that little plaid skirt. Damn!
/r/TheRedPill24/09/15 01:31 PM
3

Holy shit. Just for a lark, I went over to the deadbedrooms post to see what the response was. There were 18 posts there (and 30+ here as of now) which generally fell into the following camps: TRP is a bunch of assholes (not helpful relationship advice) go see a counsellor (not actual advice, just telling you to go somewhere else for advice) shaming you (both morally: it is morally wrong to leaver her, and on a technicality: what kind of an assole refers to a child of unknown gender as "IT") (ag…
/r/MarriedRedPill24/09/15 01:16 PM
1

https://youtu.be/qCDDBjdJLjY
/r/MarriedRedPill23/09/15 03:47 PM
2

Hey LCR, good to know you're still working at it. Now I finally have the guts to tell her I don't need her advices, No you don't. You let her keep you on the phone longer than you wanted because you were afraid to hang up. You made a lame-assed attempt at A&A which she probably interpreted as caving into her demand anyway because you were too afraid to actually A&A it clearly and unambiguously or it might have REALLY pissed her off. You were too afraid to just say thanks bu no thanks. You claim …
/r/askMRP23/09/15 03:42 PM
4

Your first post is only twenty three days ago. That's like the blink of an eye. You think all that shit she was feeling about not wanting to stay with you and not feeling attracted to you has completely disappeared in that time? She's still feeling and acting out on those deep emotions even though she may be slowly changing, but it's still only at the surface level. Why didn't you spend the time looking for your guitar part online, or looking into new guitars, instead of throwing your MAP goal b…
/r/MarriedRedPill23/09/15 03:03 PM
2

It's like deciding to buy a ridiculously expensive supercar/sportscar as a teenager, taking out a loan at a ridiculous interest rate that will take you twenty five years to pay back, knowing that the car loses 50% of it's value the moment it rolls off the lot so you're stuck with it forever. And doing this before you even have a drivers license or have learned whether you can drive a stick or not. You don't even know know whether you're going to wind up working in a place where it snows 6 months…
/r/askMRP23/09/15 02:23 PM
2

start planning how awesome the trip is gonna be for you. Enjoy the present moment: you've booked a trip to take your family on. Exactly. Makes me think of this awesome post from a couple months back.
/r/askMRP22/09/15 02:20 PM
3

Generally, men talk too much, especially to their wives. There's a lot of social conditioning Exactly. I was raised in the 80's and the prevailing thing I remember reading from magazine articles and books and stuff as a teenager was that women want a man who is both strong and vulnerable. The man who isn't afraid to cry in front of her. The man who knows his own weaknesses and isn't afraid to share them with her. Barf. Gag. Choke.
/r/askMRP22/09/15 02:13 PM
10

definitely on the right track sounds good more or less but YMMV - I'll elaborate more Of course you still say "good morning" and so on. The really important part of STFU is that you stop pouring your heart out to her about your unhappiness or your annoyance or your discontent about your relationship. And you keep quiet as a way to avoid getting sucked into a long bullshit argument. When you talk to her, you're doing one of two things: talking from your emotions, or talking with your rational min…
/r/askMRP22/09/15 01:33 PM
2

It's one thing to be physical to turn her on and show dominance (like picking her up over your shoulder to carry her to the bedroom for sexy-times). But by being physical with her when you're having an argument is happening, it's just allowing emotion to become physical which is a bad, bad, slippery slope to real violence. Plus, when you demonstrate that it's OK to get physical when you're upset, it just sets the stage for her to do EXACTLY the same thing to you - by kicking you in the head duri…
/r/MarriedRedPill20/09/15 05:29 PM
3

She tells me very sternly that she needs to talk to me. I get up and follow her to the garage. LOL. This is the female, emotional version of the dad taking the kid out back to the woodshed for a thrashing. Your day sounds like a lot of work. A lot of work. The spinning instructor thing - that's gold right there. Quality dread. Amazing how fast someone else's actions (some chick admiring you lift) gets permuted into "you're an asshole". Makes me think of the hamster's ability to avoid taking resp…
/r/MarriedRedPill20/09/15 01:51 PM
3

Great acknowledgement and a good start. The best way to get past the anxiety you feel about saying "no", is to actually start saying "no". Little by little, you'll see that the world doesn't actually end, and that even if she get's pissy or upset over it, that it's still not the end of the world. One thing to keep in mind is to maintain sensible "no" boundaries. If you start saying "no" to every single thing you'll be much more of a dick than is actually necessary. That's not enforcing boundarie…
/r/MarriedRedPill19/09/15 04:54 PM
2

By a massage, I assume you mean a regular massage, not a happy ending one, which would be a whole 'nother level of shit. That being said, the STD test is just another level of bullshit on top of your standard shit testing. It doesn't need to be DEER'ed or addressed other than by dismissing how ridiculous it is. It's just an adult version of the three year-old's "I'm going to hold my breath until I pass out if you don't do this"... it sounds frightening if you were to take it literally, but as so…
/r/MarriedRedPill19/09/15 04:43 PM
8

I enjoy the hell out of the movie. But I agree with your core assessment. Admittedly he does all kind of off the wall fun stuff. But ultimately, Phil spends his time chasing after what Rita says it would take to become her ideal man. Not in the sense that he's learning French poetry to become the well rounded man of the world, but in the sense that Rita said she liked French poetry so he spends weeks/months/whatever memorizing it. That aspect of him chasing after her based on trying to be 100% c…
/r/TheRedPill19/09/15 01:26 AM
2

The journey of a thousand miles begins with a single step. Leaving is easy; rebuilding yourself and your attitude and "cleaning house" inside your mind is the next, and harder, step. I encourage you to look at your own part in making the relationship what it was - it's NEVER as clear cut as "I was 100% perfect but she was 100% a bitch". Then figure out what needs to change to avoid that, and keep reminding yourself of the actual things you want from a woman and your next relationship. That being…
/r/askMRP16/09/15 12:36 PM
2

I want this relationship to work but: No. No you don't. You want a real relationship. One in which she's emotionally available. One in which she's sexually available. One in which you're not constantly controlled, manipulated, blamed, and shamed. One in which she doesn't throw tantrums and physically threaten you. On with a woman who has at least a moderate sense of personal responsibility and doesn't lie to absolve herself of it. That's what a real relationship is. Not what you're describing. S…
/r/askMRP15/09/15 03:13 PM
2

If you want to meet, then meet. If not, then let her know you decided not to. Figure out what YOU want and do it. If you want to meet, just don't spend hours puking out your feelz. Decide what your expectations are, and what you plan to do, lay it out, and go from there. But you don't need to make big grandiose mission statements about how you're changing for the better and turning the ship around and it was all your fault yadda yadda... save that for the guys here. In short, less talking, more …
/r/MarriedRedPill10/09/15 03:01 PM
1

I don't know if I should hold fast or listen to the First Officer, even if I know the First Officer sucks at financial management. So you're considering backtracking on your vision of a sound financial future, and of knowingly making a poor decision because... she sent you a nasty text? I think you know what to do. My wife said one of the cruelest, shittiest things she’s ever said to me and I just sat there and nodded and STFU A really basic interpretation of "holding frame" is being able to not…
/r/MarriedRedPill10/09/15 02:13 PM
3

I care way too much about other people's opinions of me. Did you read this post? An awesome example of one guy understanding this. And it's not just about ignoring other people's opinions because you focus and concentrate on doing that. It's about having such a stong opinion of your own worth that you know that other peoples opinions don't really count for much.
/r/MarriedRedPill10/09/15 02:06 PM
1

Being angry at yourself is bullshit. It's toxic and self defeating. Look at your mistakes, learn from them, then fucking well forgive yourself and move on. "Yeah, I did some stupid shit, but that was then and this is now, and I'm a better, smarter man now. I'm not going to hold this grudge against myself any longer because it does not help me in any way, and it actively makes my life worse." You're going to make more mistakes and bad decisions when you're angry. Both for yourself and for any cha…
/r/MarriedRedPill10/09/15 02:01 PM
1

or being ok with having " failed" I had this mindset too, before I split with my ex, that leaving was a failure, and would mean I was a failure too. Leaving a shitty thing is not failure. If you were served a lousy meal at a restaurant that you ventured into based on the decor and nice sign outside, would you stay for dessert? No, you'd get the cheque and go to somewhere better. Your new mindset is that you want what is best for you - you only have this one single life to live, and the choices y…
/r/MarriedRedPill10/09/15 01:57 PM
-1

Jesus. What an inspiring story. I'm going to save this one to read over again. Who lets themselves slide into filth and apathy, neglecting basic chores and obligations, and assuming that everyone else is there to provide for their ego and their wants? A two-year old child, that's who. Oh, and a modern entitled woman. Congrats on sacking up and succesfully parenting your toddler captaining your ship.
/r/MarriedRedPill10/09/15 01:48 PM
4

There's no arguing that the PUA tactics are effective. But the truth is that a lot of guys go for PUA because they want a "trick" to overcome a weakness. That weakness may be social skills, self confidence, inability to have a strong honest relationship, secret desire and belief that pussy is the be-all and end-all of life, or whatever. You're that guy. Use the experience to crack open the door to fixing yourself, and fixing your weaknesses at the ground level, rather than papering over them wit…
/r/MarriedRedPill10/09/15 01:34 PM
2

Oh, the rage in this post. Nothing good will come from large, melodramatic gestures and decisions made while you're angry. What's happening now with you trying to fix your marriage by taking back your balls is akin to throwing a little kid off the end of a dock to teach him to swim. The two of your are floundering around, gasping for air, flailing your arms randomly. There are a lot better, slower, more reasoned ways to achieve it. Don't make a list of ten things. That's bullshit. What will it d…
/r/MarriedRedPill10/09/15 01:16 PM
1

As far as the "it's for the kids" card, couldn't she still use that even if we weren't living together? Of course. After I wrote my last comment , I realized that I was really just describing my own weakness and inability to set boundaries in my old Nice Guy life, not necessarily an insurmountable problem with the arrangement. It's an added pressure, that's all. And are you suggesting not driving the kids to school No, not at all. Just saying that the more little things you decide to take on, th…
/r/MarriedRedPill10/09/15 01:00 PM
1

I believe it may have actually come in a comment to this post. Most of the posts earlier used "rock" and "oak" more or less interchangeably. Now the I usually read the terms such that "rock" is all alpha, while "oak" is alpha wile simultaneously comfort-giving (beta).
/r/askMRP09/09/15 01:09 PM
1

I realize the second part is based on sex, which is a nice visceral way to present things. But my experience with even trying to stay "close" or "friends but not married" while not living together anymore or however you want to phrase it was complicated. On the surface, it was good and the kids saw both of us; I'd drive them to school every other day, once in a while we'd get together for a meal (borthdays and such). But I think the kids hung onto a residual belief that we'd get back together, a…
/r/MarriedRedPill09/09/15 01:29 AM
1

Solid realization, dude. Too often we live our lives in a bubble of sameness, where even though there may be marital fights and conflicts, our real underlying selves never get challenged in such a direct way, or we never actually take the time to examine the challenge and deal with it on an honest level. Sometimes the thing we need is a swift kick in the pants. Grats to you for making the effort to e honest with yourself, and having a little personal growth moment. Keep doing exactly this.
/r/MarriedRedPill08/09/15 02:18 PM
2

And when she looks into that child's eyes for the first time, she'll thank you for giving her that wonderful gift. LOL, that's what I thought once too. Then I listened to years of her screaming at a four year-old for being a stupid loser because said four year old couldn't find her proper school shirt in the mountainous pile of clothes that mommy couldn't be bothered to fucking wash for a month. Never underestimate the degree of useless cuntedness that may lurk behind that smile.
/r/MarriedRedPill07/09/15 08:36 PM
2

i listened to the Stephan Molyneux podcast he referenced long ago, last year. There's a stark contrast between the podcast and the TRP post. As vocal and impassioned as Molyneux can get, he makes a point of defending his thesis with rational arguments, studies, and statistics, and a plausible chain of inference. The TRP post was nothing more than a rabid caricature of the podcast, lacking in depth or reason. While I don't mind being sent back for a refresher course to the hard-core basics now an…
/r/MarriedRedPill07/09/15 08:32 PM
6

The roomates things is a bad idea. My ex proposed roughly the same thing when we split. I was beta enough to consider it but never actually went ahead with it. Yeah, being around your kids is good; it's a definite positive. But the amount of self respect you will lose, the amount of freedom you lose without any reciprocated benefits, and the model you'll be showing for your kids are serious, serious negatives. You will, in all honesty, become the babysitter. She will be "free" of you now in her …
/r/MarriedRedPill07/09/15 07:33 PM
1

Here's the filter for emotionally charged topics: Do I have a definite objective for this communication that I am confident will make one or both of us better off? If not I bite my tongue until later. Great advice. Wish I knew that little tidbit years ago.
/r/MarriedRedPill05/09/15 08:13 PM
29

the officers ask me if I want to press charges. My response? "You bet your ass I do." Ahhh... finally one of these stories with a happy ending. Nice.
/r/TheRedPill28/08/15 01:00 PM
4

They don't know your talking dries up their vaginas. Nor do they know that their talking has a tendency to chip away at whatever sense of attraction you may have at one point had for them. Come to think of it, maybe the thing to do is to take mutual vows of silence after the wedding, and live your married life like some kind of deranged mute Buddhist fuck-monks. Next time around...
/r/MarriedRedPill27/08/15 02:20 PM
2

A couple random thoughts. My kids are teens now. When they were little, they needed attention all the time. As they grow up, they don't need that 24/7 attention wherein every minute of the day you expect them to be breaking something, needing help with XYZ, or bursting into the bedroom. That translates into more time for doing your own thing, gym, hobbies, travel, whatever. Having kids is a different process at every age, so your experience and perspective and expectations of them now will be di…
/r/MarriedRedPill27/08/15 02:15 PM
2

I'm glad that you feel IDGAF. It's powerfully liberating. I admit there are a lot of days when I still do GAF and have to remind myself not to do it so much. But behind that IDGAF I still hear some anger, and when you said "IDGAF if MRP approves of me texting her or not", well, that's a good step. But at the same time you have to be cognizant of the reasons we say these things and whether or not there's a fundamental principle behind them, that will result in a disfavourable outcome to you wheth…
/r/MarriedRedPill26/08/15 04:55 PM
2

Anecdotal, but I found way more gains with iron that with BWF. The bodyweight routines appealed to me for the same reasons you described, and I was doing them for a while too. It was a rush to be able to do 60+ pushups in a row. But after going to the gym regularly and letting the BWF slide, the difference in muscle growth was noticeable. Never had her in bed stroking my chest and biceps with a lusty look in her eyes during the act when I was only doing pushups. For every BWF vegan calisthenics …
/r/askMRP25/08/15 10:08 PM
2

Nice to hear a little breath of fresh air. I like the incarceration quote.
/r/MarriedRedPill25/08/15 09:51 PM
11

Do you think she was "sharing" this with you because you're important to her, it affects the relationship, yadda yadda? Bullshit. Her ego was pumped through the moon by the attention from the gym dudes. She was high on validation and vanity and, like a giddy child, thought she would start burbling about it. Yes, she threw two shit tests at you: first the fact of their attention, and the second, when she failed to get your goat, about the ED. You fumbled, but at least you didn't outright smack he…
/r/MarriedRedPill25/08/15 03:27 PM
8

It's a term from the book WISNIFG on the sidebar. Basically meaning that you keep your cool and respond calmly to any truth she throws at you but ignore any BS or loaded statements she tries to guilt you with. I think the term was "it's like she's punching into the fog" - her arms flail around but she doesn't hit anything. If she talks about insecurities, she might say "I feel alone, you never tell me you love me when I need to, you never read my mind, and why do you think you get to go to the g…
/r/askMRP24/08/15 05:00 PM
1

I have no game, minimal emotional stability, and even less confidence. This is what you need to work on. Funky threeway sex will last an evening, but what is in your head - your sense of self and identity - will be there for the rest of your life. The payoff will be huge. Starting points are the three books in the sidebar here. Read up on stoicism. You self-diagnosed yourself as codependent; read some self-help books on the subject then and start making changes. Challenge yourself to do things t…
/r/MarriedRedPill24/08/15 12:02 AM
1

So how exactly do you think her super-bitchiness and not-nice treatment of you will change once you get married? Some kind of magic? By putting a ring on it you're showing her that you accept her and love her soooo much just the way she is. Good luck with that.
/r/MarriedRedPill23/08/15 09:29 PM
2

OP steps onto the ice under the bright lights and 20,000 fans; the national anthem plays It is almost as she has adapted to my red pill strategies and now uses them against me; OP blinks, momentarily wondering why this guy Crosby with the 87 jersey is flying past him with a hockey stick. OP's tennis racket glistens; he's been polishing it all day. and sometimes she will let me go solo. Crosby's skates bite into the ice with a muscled crunch. The snow flies as he powerfully and purposefully gains…
/r/MarriedRedPill22/08/15 03:00 PM
8

This principle is absolutely true. When I first heard it, a bunch of my old pre-TRP relationships came perfectly into focus and I had one of those "Awww... fuck me, what an idiot I am !" moments. It's paradoxical in a sense, that as the higher-invested partner, the more effort you put in, the weaker and more vulnerable you become. It's kind of like the monkey-trap, where the harder the monkey tries to hold onto the food, the less chance he has of freeing himself.
/r/MarriedRedPill22/08/15 01:54 PM
3

The "victim puke" is a term from the book No More Mr Nice Guy (on the sidebar). You should read it. Being "stoic" can have two meanings: a common meaning that just translates to "calm or emotionless" and Stoic as in the philosophy. The book "Art of Stoic Joy" has a lot of good advice for how to step back, see the big picture, remind yourself that things could be worse, and keep in mind that you can;t devote unlimited time and effort to worrying about things outside of your control. I had that fe…
/r/askMRP20/08/15 01:50 PM
5

At least, if her mom has half a brain. I've seen a variant of this sentiment at least four times in the responses here - the hope that the parents see her for who she is. The thing is, in my experience, the women who are nasty, entitled, and prone to threatening outbursts, are even less likely to have sane parents with a well-balanced and objective worldview. (In short, all of them.) You guys with parents and in-laws like that, well, lucky you. You don't go all Red Pill to try to save your marri…
/r/MarriedRedPill19/08/15 03:35 PM
2

I doubt whether she actually sees you as "abusive". It sounds to me like with all the changes you've been making, and the changes in the power dynamic, there's something there she doesn't like but she can;t quite put her finger on it. She doesn't like losing the power, she doesn't like seeing that she can't control you anymore. That feeling of discontent just sits there like sugar in a super-saturated solution. Then all of a sudden comes along a seed crystal of a magazine article and then, BOOM,…
/r/MarriedRedPill19/08/15 02:17 PM
2

I really liked the waterline analogy from /u/uemcgill in the comments of your linked post. Right now you have a hole below the waterline and you have to fix it. I get where you're at - my ex-wife did exactly what you're describing and I stupidly let it persist. All it did was to saddle me with years of paying off half of "our" debt in convenient monthly installments to the bank after the divorce. Fuck me. Make sure your paycheck doesn't still get auto-deposited anywhere she can access it (i.e. t…
/r/askMRP18/08/15 11:03 PM
1

What's easy is doing the reading. What's a little harder is believing that what you need to do, are allowed to do, and should do, are so opposed from what you've been doing so far. And what will be hard is actually acting on the knowledge and doing it. The only thing that makes it easier is actually doing it - it sets up a positive reinforcement feedback loop where your actions have good results that make the belief easier that in turn makes the action easier. In the short term, the results may …
/r/MarriedRedPill17/08/15 02:15 PM
1

We are talking zero feedback here. No sounds at all. Hardly a facial expression. OK, if that's what it's like, then I get you. That would be totally a boner-killer. If she's into you (wet), willing (on demand BJs and anal) but not even acknowledging that she and you are having a great time, that's messed up. I mean, I give my girl massages now and then when she looks like she's in pain from a work out. Doesn't do anything for me sexually, and I'm totally doing this for her, but I still like to t…
/r/MarriedRedPill16/08/15 01:05 PM
2

You seem like a pretty self-aware guy. From your post history you've felt yourself struggling with porn addictions not to mention some personal issues for which you went into therapy. (No disrespect for the therapy; on an individual basis with the right therapist it can be gold. Been there done that too.) You can obviously see the convert contract here: "I alpha'ed up; therefore she has to act like Jenna Jameson". But the deepest thing I've seen you write was in another comment here: I think my …
/r/MarriedRedPill16/08/15 01:27 AM
3

I was thinking of getting her a gift such as a pearl necklace. Hell yes. A pearl necklace would set the tone perfectly.
/r/MarriedRedPill14/08/15 07:13 PM
2

Had a blowout with her last weekend. Lot of issues came up. Tried to mix in some comfort (open communication, reassurance) with the firm knowledge in my mind that I alone define what I want and whether I am willing to stay or not. Not a full on loss of frame but there were bad moments for sure. The make-up sex was mind-blowing, though, and has kept going. Kind of hard to explain but I feel like a tectonic plate in my head is shifting and I'm moving into a new place in my mind. Need to spend a li…
/r/MarriedRedPill12/08/15 02:32 AM
1

LOL... this is so true. When I was long-distance dating this one girl years ago, I remember one Friday night, after putting in an early and hectic day at work so I could leave right at 5:00, fight metropolitan traffic for an hour then drive two more hours to her city. I even picked up flowers on the way (cringe). When I arrived, kinda burned out, she just announced in this bored tone - "OK, you're finally here. Now entertain me."
/r/MarriedRedPill11/08/15 07:14 PM
1

Like they say about the horse and the water... Sometime I think you need to have been burned bad to "get it". Certainly a few terrible relationships in my youth and a divorce put me in the frame of mind to see things differently. I've been talking to a guy at work, who's been going through a divorce. Now I've never uttered the words "Red Pill" or "hypergamy" to him, but have been describing all the SMV concepts, the emotion-over-reason women exhibit, framing all the complaints he has about his e…
/r/MarriedRedPill11/08/15 06:27 PM
-3

If the government has that gun... you need one too. My thoughts exactly. I've been importing uranium on the sly for years and once I abduct a few more disillusioned cold war-era soviet nuclear scientists to work in my abandoned research shed, I'll finally reach parity with the damn Air Force.
/r/TheRedPill11/08/15 06:16 PM
3

The word you're looking for is "tenet". Not "tenant".
/r/TheRedPill11/08/15 06:03 PM
4

Lead. Lead in all things. I find there's an obvious and a more subtle leading that happens. The obvious is stuff like throwing her over my shoulder, fireman carry-style, and carrying her upstairs to the bedroom. But last night she said something really interesting. She said she had a really good day and was in a really good mood, better than she had been in a couple days. And she thought it was because I was in a really good mood. Fuck me! She can't even have her own moods now and has to steal m…
/r/MarriedRedPill11/08/15 03:46 PM
5

Lovers first, H&W second, Parents third. This is excellent advice. Back in my shitfuck of a marriage, the ex-wife's old mantra "the kids always come first, no matter what" was always used as the stick. (And there was no carrot, LOL). In hindsight it had NOTHING to do with making a solid family with tangible benefits for the kids and EVERYTHING to do with keeping me down and putting me in my place. Like BPP said a couple days ago, I sit here cringing when I think "was I really like that?". Ouch.
/r/MarriedRedPill11/08/15 03:32 PM
1

Excellent! When a man needs life advice, he should listen to a blue pill dame with a major in weed-smoking, and a minor in detecting emotional abuse. Bzzt. Want to try again for a chance to win a set of steak knives? But ad-hominems aside, how the fuck do you get from a guy trying to fix up his sailboat to "emotional abuse"? FFS.
/r/MarriedRedPill10/08/15 11:27 PM
1

How would MRP handle it? What about just plain ordinary common sense? How do you think it would be if the tables were turned? Would you expect her to consider you a trustworthy life partner if you had told her that you occasionally got a hand-job from this cute guy at the gym, and it was waaay better than hers and made you so fucking hot you thought about him all the time? Big, big difference between mutual exploration of your sexuality (planned three-way or some such), and her getting into a se…
/r/MarriedRedPill10/08/15 04:18 PM
2

Glad to hear you're still hanging in there. You've fixed a big part of your problem (your nonstop arguing and walking on eggshells with the wife). But gaining weight and not excercising says that you still haven't taken control of your life to the extent that you can and you should. If you start to get fat and lazy and backslide, your wife will notice and your relationship will suffer. But more than that, your sense of self worth will suffer. You remember back at the beginning, how radical the i…
/r/MarriedRedPill10/08/15 02:48 PM
3

don't look to women for emotional support. This in a nutshell. If you need support in a concrete way, frame it as such: I'm maxed out at work for the next month and I'll need you to take care of dinners and grocery shopping until this project is done. If you need to de-stress, make it a plan for yourself (like go fishing for a day), get lots of excercise, and also ensure it contains lots of old-fashioned sexy-times. If you need to have her hold you in her arms and tell you everything is going to…
/r/MarriedRedPill10/08/15 01:57 PM
2

This went great. I think you handled it well, especially your description of calm, cool, non-judgmental, non-whiny conversation about the way you see things. That's frame - being able to handle whatever gets thrown at you, calmly, according to your own values. When you wrote about the things she has said in the past, being locked into your brain forever, it resonated with me. I used to have stuff like that stuck in my head too. But at some point you have to let it go. I wrote this in another thr…
/r/MarriedRedPill08/08/15 07:24 PM
1

You're deep into the anger phase. This is normal, and is the result of the dissonance between how you thought the world was, and how it actually is. And the vacuum created by this loss of your old artificially imposed structure can be a little disorienting, and it can leave you feeling a little adrift in the ocean. However, the flip side is that (as you're discovering by applying yourself to school and lifting), the world is your oyster. You can drive your life where you want it to the absolute …
/r/askTRP08/08/15 07:05 PM
1

Models was pretty good. Read it back in my starting-to-wake-up days. I downloaded one of Deida's newer works as well, but it was starting to get really new-agey and semi-mystical. It was a rough go. Zen and the Art is a great novel in it's own right, layered with science, deep thought, guy stuff, and a search for a father-son connection. But even though I read it probably a dozen times throughout my life before TRP, I wouldn't have called it especially Red Pill. Next time I read it I'll look for…
/r/MarriedRedPill07/08/15 11:06 PM
2

Saw this today in the paper.
/r/MarriedRedPill07/08/15 07:23 PM
9

The look on my therapist's face suggested I'd just said something insane. Context is everything. She was probably hearing you make a classic "I have no self-worth" statement. Which is different that what you're trying to convey. But at the same time, I think you want to be careful how you phrase this, even to yourself, to avoid building limiting negative self-beliefs. It can be a fine line. When you said " I don't feel that I'm high-value enough to be desired by a woman with her head on straight…
/r/MarriedRedPill07/08/15 07:05 PM
1

Defend, explain, excuse, rationalize. And to expand on this a little, the reason we say not to D.E.E.R is that by defending your actions to her, by feeling that you have to explain your behaviour, you're implicitly accepting that she has the power to judge you (it was wrong of you to leave without a full explanation and without a long goodbye kiss and all the usual routine). Where in fact, you are the one who ultimately judges for yourself if your actions are up to your standards or not, and who…
/r/MarriedRedPill07/08/15 05:05 PM
2

It's a little bit of a broad concept, encompassing both your control of your emotions, your vision of what you want, and the knowledge you need to understand your world. To be the cool collected man who knows what he wants and how to get it. Complete opposite of hot-headed, grovelling, wishy-washy sycophant. These are two awesome posts on the subject from /u/strategos_autokrator and /u/whinemoreplease . https://www.reddit.com/r/marriedredpill/comments/37jtue/difference_between_frame_and_being_st…
/r/MarriedRedPill07/08/15 05:00 PM
3

and the bait comes out. Ahhh, but you are no longer the prey. You are watching the lioness detachedly, from a distance, hearing Marlon Perkin's voice in your head. "The male, seeing that there is no actual threat, retires to sleep, renewing his strength for the morning's hunt." You're on the right track here. You don't have to go full explanation about the meeting and the late wake up and all that... just say "yeah, had some stuff to take care of at work", or even just "nope, all good". You CAN …
/r/MarriedRedPill07/08/15 03:31 PM
2

Solid plays. Nice FR. I loved the spanking exchange. Agree with everyone about playing very carefully with that stuff at work, but it really goes to show the difference between what's supposed to be appropriate behaviour with m'lady, and what actually gets her crank turning.
/r/TheRedPill07/08/15 11:47 AM
3

Yeah. It's a slippery slope. It's only a short step from swearing, to doing whatever he wants to do with his own life and expressing himself as he feels fit. </s>
/r/TheRedPill07/08/15 11:43 AM
3

Damn. You captured a moment perfectly. So when does the novel come out?
/r/MarriedRedPill07/08/15 02:04 AM
1

Your ex-wife never, ever even had the right to decide that you were going to see a therapist and book an appointment for you and tell you to go to it. Let alone now that you've split. Therapy can be a useful and productive thing, with the right therapist. But do it because of YOU and under your own steam and with someone that YOU decide is a good fit. Good luck with it man.
/r/MarriedRedPill06/08/15 03:13 PM
1

Thanks for the thoughtful reply. As far as the communication goes, my opinion is of course coloured by my own experience. I'll digress a little and describe where I'm coming from. I started out my LTR with a much more open communication ideal. Both about sex, but also about (like you mentioned) past relationship, reasons for old marriage imploding, etc. While it did lead to some good discussions and some intimacy (along the lines that /u/IanIronwood described in his excellent response to this th…
/r/MarriedRedPill06/08/15 01:02 PM
1

Exactly. Same thoughts I had.
/r/MarriedRedPill06/08/15 05:15 AM
1

I just had a similar experience a couple days ago but the opposite side. (Was almost thinking to write up an FR about it in fact). My girl found out something I had done and flipped her wig about it, getting very angry and upset at me. I stayed cool and just told her that there is no changing the past. I don't owe her an explanation or an excuse for it. I understand why she might not like to think about it happening but I'm not going to be judged by her for something that happened years before I…
/r/MarriedRedPill05/08/15 10:10 PM
1

Old Monty Python skit.
/r/MarriedRedPill04/08/15 12:50 PM
2

Fair enough. The emotional thing was my Achilles heel back in the day and I'm probably more prone to see it in others. Your clarification makes sense.
/r/MarriedRedPill01/08/15 09:47 PM
12

Four things stand out: she's a princess, you handled this okay (probably better than you thought), you're still wrapped up in emotion, and your vision is weak. She's a princess. You said this (probably in resentment and anger), but it's actually true. Daddy paid of 40K of CC debt? Holy WTF! Consider that YOUR wedding present too, because if not for that gift, YOU would be paying it down as we speak. Would have cost at least 350 a month for the last ten years. The statements about how "it's not f…
/r/MarriedRedPill01/08/15 02:11 PM
3

I don't see a problem She asked you to do it. She at least recognizes that it's a time-wasting habit and feels like she needs external motivation to kick it. But don't block all the naughty websites from the house all the time.... maybe you two want to watch something hot and steamy together one of these nights...
/r/MarriedRedPill30/07/15 03:49 PM
2

Shit, man, this is deep. I really like the distinction between the Rock and the Oak. I know there were some threads several months back about "Oak" with a game theory slant, but this is a nice presentation. It's like a much better terminology and explanation of what I might have previously called "responding while in the anger phase as a sort of ignorant dick" and "responding as an integrated self actualized Man" or some such psycho-babble.
/r/MarriedRedPill30/07/15 03:37 AM
7

If you respond with logic, you usually fail. In the immortal words of a very wise man, 'Hamsters eat logic and shit more hamsters" - /u/strategos_autokrator
/r/MarriedRedPill30/07/15 12:48 AM
5

WISNIFG = the sidebar book "When I Say No I Fell Guilty".
/r/MarriedRedPill28/07/15 02:46 PM
2

I like all the advice here. Made me think of something else, too. Recently, my girl started giving me shit because I was talking to someone I knew from years back in a bar without me giving her a full introduction. Impolite? Maybe. My bad. But getting all wound up and trying to bitch me out over it? Female insecure behaviour.
/r/MarriedRedPill28/07/15 02:45 PM
8

"Are you doing this 'standing up to me' thing? Because if you are I really don't like it." If you haven't already read WISNIFG, it will explain a lot about this. She's trying to impose her standard of judgement on you, and them shame/bully you into accepting it. Aka her frame over yours. For your own desires and wishes. For which only you can judge. I'm happy with myself and what I want to do. Damn right. Baby steps, but the right mindset. Good stuff.
/r/MarriedRedPill28/07/15 02:39 PM
5

Really trying to leave the past behind The past already is behind. Has been for years, in fact. Don't believe me? Then in the spirit of the OYS thread, write me up your concrete plan of action to change it. I remember your posts and your situation. You seem to be clinging to this sense of "woe is me" like a crow to a piece of roadkill. I understand where you're coming from - really, I do. In my old marriage there was stuff that happened that I carried around in my head like burning coals. Every …
/r/MarriedRedPill28/07/15 02:24 PM
1

Goddamn. This has been stuck on my head for the last half hour. The last thing I want is for her to be genuinely scared that I'd ever hit her. But where the fuck is her reciprocal feeling? Where is the part where she says "The last thing I want is for him to think that I'm a violent bitch and prone to physically assaulting him over a trivial matter, or for that matter, over anything at all"? Huh??? Huh??? Jesus fuck, man. You're making excuses for her and white-knigting even through the midst of…
/r/MarriedRedPill27/07/15 10:07 PM
1

This is brutal. Water in the face? Maniacal nasty shrieking? Hair-pulling? Pinning you onto the bed? This is deep in the red-flag, "it ain't gonna end well for you" relationship zone. My gut says that you will be much, much, better off without someone like that in your life. Let me dig into a couple other things, though, too. Everything was great up until[...] she begins her usual nagging routine (this is a huge deal for her, she hates waking up to an accidental alarm on the weekend). The last t…
/r/MarriedRedPill27/07/15 09:22 PM
3

I thought this community was about encouragement It's also about truth. Telling it like it is, and calling people out when they're bulshitting themselves, or letting themselves be taken advantage of. We will always encourage you to better yourself and your situation, increase your awareness, and live the life you want to lead. But nobody here will give the old "atta-boy, good job!" when they see you being played or doing something that clearly won't end well. Not because we're assholes, but beca…
/r/MarriedRedPill27/07/15 07:28 PM
24

but she's made the offer in the hopes that it helps bring us back together. No, she's made the offer to ease her own guilt. Nothing to do with you or your relationship.
/r/MarriedRedPill27/07/15 04:10 PM
1

I suck at controlling it at the moment and not satisfying my inner white night. Baby steps. Each time you can control it and speak your mind honestly, you will see that it's OK, and not the end of the world and that sense of guilt and programming will start to fade. my FEAR is that when I do say what I want it comes off HARD. This is losing frame, too, in the same way as biting your tongue and doing what she wants you to do is. Basically a victim puke coming from being overly emotional. Like man…
/r/MarriedRedPill27/07/15 01:40 PM
2

Echoing what /u/mrpCamper noted about tendonitis. I went to my doctor, too, when I had this. And you know what he gave me? A printout of the same excercises that I found myself on google. You don't even need weights to do them to start - you can use an ordinary hammer or even a frypan for the twisting and pronation. When your arm is that bad, it's hard enough to do a 16 oz hammer let alone a dumbell. Just do them in your living room when you're watching TV. but I still felt good about saying som…
/r/MarriedRedPill27/07/15 01:33 PM
10

1. Lift (verb). A prescribed course of action. A derived general principle based on analyzing empirical evidence. Theoretical results are easily tested in the field, and have been shown to be repeatable by third party experimenters. Geez, almost makes you think TRP is a science.
/r/MarriedRedPill27/07/15 12:01 PM
0

Wow, the BP vote brigade is doing some powerful work in this thread. Gold star for you guys and girls. Is there an analogue of Goodwin's Law which explains how every discussion of a relationship problem involving a man's sexuality on the internet will eventually be framed as rape and/or sexual assault?
/r/MarriedRedPill25/07/15 02:17 PM
3

This is a solid piece, and it's pretty much on the money on all counts. As much as the topic seems obvious now to me, I remember how radical ideas like this were to me when I first started. I think a lot of new people stumble across MRP or TRP and are turned off by the somewhat jargon-heavy posts and acerbic way of referring to the uninitiated. A little rabid and extremist even. My first exposure to the Pill came via a random PUA forum that came up on a google search and I was thinking "what the…
/r/MarriedRedPill25/07/15 01:59 PM
0

Not taking that chance however, will end up with failure from the beginning. You miss 100% of the shots you don't take. Wayne Gretzky
/r/TheRedPill25/07/15 07:36 AM
2

If woman bores the fuck out of you then why the holy hell would you want to LTR her? Standards, man, have them. You vet someone based on your needs and your wants, and make it plain that you expect those needs to be met. If she has covert plans otherwise, you make it known that your own covert plans won't include her.
/r/MarriedRedPill25/07/15 07:13 AM
4

I'd probably whack you if you repeatedly told me to calm down, too. Yeah, because you have no agency and your body takes action of it's own volition. Fuck that excuse. Bullshit.
/r/MarriedRedPill25/07/15 06:56 AM
1

That's a good goal but it's far from the total MRP package. An important part, but just a part. I was exposed to the fact of the "dynamic" versus a simple "she's a bitch and I'm just reacting to it" mode of thinking years ago by a psychologist. It was a very eye-opening revelation, but I still held onto the BP fem-centric women-elevating system of values for years afterwards, and that prevented me from actually taking ownership of my own life. To fully "self actualize" or whatever you want to ca…
/r/MarriedRedPill24/07/15 06:31 PM
1

This is what holding frame means. More than just biting your tongue. It's not a two-state option where you either keep it all in or you go nuclear and tell her to STFU.
/r/MarriedRedPill24/07/15 05:44 PM
2

Hindsight is 20/20.
/r/MarriedRedPill24/07/15 05:36 PM
2

Beta mindset. Just because you life doesn't mean you understand abundance, have high standards, and put yourself first. For some guys, getting fit is just a way of getting a little closer to the pedestalized pussy. Even if it's grossly overweight, it's still pussy, right?
/r/askTRP24/07/15 05:21 PM
5

What is the solution? If any one of the individuals in the relationship game would give up their role then the game would change. This is exactly why we say "work on yourself" - that's the only variable in the feedback loop that you actually have control over. Changing your outlook, behaviour, and expectations is exacatly that - giving up the role. From a mathematical control systems perspective, there are a lot of feedback systems (motor controllers, chemical reaction controllers, etc) that are…
/r/MarriedRedPill24/07/15 05:15 PM
2

Laying out the plan in an email seems avoidant to me. Stuff that really needs some real-time feedback and gauaging of reactions should be done in person. If you have a plan that needs to be on paper I'd print it out then have the discussion face to face. And echoing what others have said, this is your vision. Best to get the FO on board with executing the vision if possible, less desirable is just telling FO "my way or the highway". Sounds like she actually wants the same thing, but the expressi…
/r/MarriedRedPill24/07/15 05:02 PM
7

Just read it too, and it resonated with me as well. There are a lot of men out there with experiences similar to his. One book you might want to read that will probably resonate as well is "No More Mr Nice Guy" by Dan Glover. Well respected mainstream psychologist, covers a portion of the same ground as TRP does so you know we're not all a bunch of bitter nut-jobs. Also, for help in getting your balls back in general, the book "When I say No I feel guilty" by M Smith is terrific. Good luck man, …
/r/askTRP23/07/15 02:23 PM
1

Marriage 2.0 is like starting a game playing against rook odds. You'd have to be Alekhine to win. Not sure if the analogy continues to hold given that Morpheus is inside each of us, while Alekhine isn't.
/r/MarriedRedPill23/07/15 04:15 AM
1

Don't talk "feelz" with women. It gets right in their business, Never wrestle with a pig. You both get dirty and the pig likes it.
/r/MarriedRedPill23/07/15 02:53 AM
2

The person you're looking for to get help from is located within..you are Morpheus. Yes! Your edit nails it.
/r/MarriedRedPill21/07/15 03:23 PM
1

I'm extremely needy and seek validation for everything I do. but I need someone to be able to talk to about shit when it gets to me, You sound like you understand the situation, the realities, and the plan. And done the reading. That's pretty solid. Part of the hard part about this, though, is that nobody can do it for you. Standing up for what you never stood up for before, saying those uncomfortable things that you've never had the guts to say before, all that comes from you, not us. Sorting t…
/r/MarriedRedPill21/07/15 03:22 PM
2

Yeah, it's a little bit of a whine-fest. But you are owning your own shit here so that's great - admitting your part in getting out of shape. But don't focus 100% on the weight and fitness. You have to get your mind right, too - being assertive, decisive, and clear in your communications. Internalizing all the power in the new you. This is just as important as the body, and you can start working on this today as well. WISNIFG is a great book for getting your mind in order. Someone posted a comme…
/r/MarriedRedPill21/07/15 02:28 PM
2

I honestly wasnt angry, I was just tired of it, and finally realized I could just go do other things. So simple but so powerful. It's been sitting in plain sight all along, all these years :-)
/r/MarriedRedPill21/07/15 02:26 AM
3

Solid, solid realization. This is it exactly. The easy part is "just reading" especially if like me, you're a fast reader. The hard part is actually connecting the stuff you read to your own life, and overcoming your inertia, habits, and anxiety about changing. And then internalizing the changes. A good analogy is this video - (you can skim through this one without feeling guilty !) a car owner never changed their oil and the mechanic spent hours and hours disassembling the engine and cleaning t…
/r/MarriedRedPill20/07/15 01:00 PM
2

The beauty of this is that it was the TRP attitude that turned the presence of these chicks into flirty experience, reinforcing the abundance mindset. It's a positive feedback cycle, a gift that keeps giving. Imagine driving these groups as a socially awkward whipped beta. You never would have turned it into a positive, self affirming experience. Cool stories.
/r/MarriedRedPill20/07/15 12:38 PM
1

I'm listening to Robert Greene's "48 Laws of Power" on audio right now. It's pretty good. I remember starting it before finding TRP and it didn't click at all, but it makes more sense now. I listened to a lot of Stephan Molyneux's podcasts when I started into TRP. He has a lot of political/financial/anarchy stuff doesn't interest me as much, but he also runs a neat call-in show. The great call-in episodes are where he'll dig into someone's relationship problem, analyse it from a very Men's Right…
/r/MarriedRedPill20/07/15 12:28 PM
0

It's pressure that comes from accepting that women's judgement of your actions is important. To women, being alone is the sign of a loser, the sign of someone unfulfilled in their life, the sign of someone who needs fixing. My own judgement is that being alone is perfectly OK for me. Done it before, could do it again. Adding a good woman on top is just an improvement, not an essential. Discounting your own judgement is a bad move.
/r/MarriedRedPill19/07/15 02:35 PM
2

I could use some support right now as I am in a very dark place mentally. I get that. Divorced too, after a decade, then found TRP. Like others described, your emotions will be going to hell and back for the next little while. It's great to envision being 100% stoic and composed but the reality is totally different. Just let the emotions happen, ride them out, and each time it will get a little better. what I'm looking for from you guys is confirmation that I did the right thing. No way I can te…
/r/MarriedRedPill19/07/15 02:27 PM
1

Damn! This is nice to read! It's so cool how fixing you leads to fixing up so many other aspects of your life. Sounds like you're doing things right, but like the others say, don't let yourself slide or get complacent. Keep it up with the banter, teasing, kino, etc.
/r/MarriedRedPill17/07/15 03:30 PM
2

Look, there's some terminology we use that might seem a little off-putting at first. Just take it for what it is - a shorthand for a lot of ideas that have been hammered around at length by many. If /u/strategos_autokrator 's comment had avoided the lingo and read "This is how a person speaks when they are acting as an advocate for the status quo, in which women have elevated status and men are taught not to be assertive and independent", would your hackles have been raised to the same degree? I…
/r/MarriedRedPill16/07/15 08:30 PM
1

I hear you can make pretty good money working in porn :-) But seriously, I'm not sure there are really RP-centric jobs out there short of being a "subversive" marriage counsellor/therapist. Instead, use your knowledge that You Are In Charge to make sure you own this transition in your life as much as possible. Plan your strategy, research, expect for finances to fall short and make contingency plans. Know as much as possible about wherever you will be going beforehand. Spend some time really get…
/r/MarriedRedPill16/07/15 07:55 PM
2

Understand. Good that she recognized her part in it. And yes, she's testing you to see if your frame is solid. And part of her is still pissy about the whole thing and she wants to get that bad energy out and you're a handy target. Just stay cool and unfazed and don't get sucked into a fight. Sounds like she likes drama in general - that shit is like crack for a lot of women, so they try to generate it any way they can.
/r/MarriedRedPill16/07/15 03:56 PM
1

Actually not sure what you're asking. Generally, though, questioning part of your behaviour. You're still drawing a bath for her (a.k.a. "being really nice") after she unilaterally cancelled your weekend and got your mom in a snit? Rewarding bad behaviour is not productive. Telling her you want more blowjobs is good - sounds like you're making baby steps in asserting your needs and it feels strange. Telling your needs, though, not asking or begging to have them met, though - a big difference. Ag…
/r/MarriedRedPill16/07/15 03:42 PM
3

You can give a deadline or not give a deadline. Giving a deadline and then assuming it's a "no" because she didn't get back to you is still lame. Is she absent minded? Being passive-aggressively late in replying? You don;t know. If it's important, take a few minutes and follow through. If you want to make the weekend go smoothly, then take responsibility for making it happen. Clear definition of responsibility, no ambiguity. And generally, the responsibility should fall on you (or you should sie…
/r/MarriedRedPill16/07/15 03:31 PM
1

One-itis is the idea that there is only one woman out there for you. Out there somewhere is The One. And that if you lose The One there will never be another. Such romance. So lovey dovey. But complete BS. There are 3.5 billion females on the planet. At least some of them will be relatively sane, in your age bracket, live nearby, be attractive, and be a wife/LTR candidate. Not just one. And when you get one-itis, you've lost sight of your own goals, you're living in her goals. And you start doin…
/r/MarriedRedPill16/07/15 03:22 PM
3

A couple great posts on this topic in Dalrock's blog. Starting with this one and there were a few recent updates if you scan through the last month or so of his posts. The basic mistake you're making is letting yourself get put in the middle by listening to the bitching, and letting your wife make the judgements that she expects you to conform to. And being afraid to change the status quo by talking to either of them honestly and assertively. Your wife is bitching to you about your mom in order …
/r/MarriedRedPill16/07/15 03:06 PM
2

Once you are in the right place (and it sounds like you're approaching it now), those three books on the sidebar (NMMNG, WISNIFG, MMSLP) have the power to change your life. Read them.
/r/MarriedRedPill16/07/15 02:46 PM
2

I was bullied in school, and it's tough. In hindsight, and in the spirit of owning my shit, a lot of it stemmed from me. Yeah, the others were assholes, but I played a big role in it too. Kids will pick on anyone they see as different or weak. I was kind of an outcast because I wasn't the typical farm kid - my parents not only raised me with different life goals than most of my peers, but taught me that the stuff the others did was low-value. I internalized that and turned it into snobbery. They…
/r/MarriedRedPill16/07/15 02:16 PM
2

If I were to tell ten-years-ago-me the honest truth about how I was acting back then, what I was thinking, and how I was living my life backwards, I would have probably called current-me an asshole, too. And current-me wouldn't care, because I would see that as an emotional reaction to someone pointing out things that I didn't believe and/or didn't want to hear. But it would have been worth trying to drive it into ten-years-ago-me's head, because even though I thought I had other shit to do, I w…
/r/MarriedRedPill16/07/15 01:54 PM
3

Ex-wife rolls her eyes and says "Why do you have to do that?" 'Because I want to fuck you, stupid.' would be the obvious answer but I don't say that. You know what to say but you don't. +1. My thoughts exactly.
/r/MarriedRedPill16/07/15 01:22 PM
3

This woman brought out the beta in me. Own your shit, dude. You brought out the beta in yourself; you fanned the beta spark, your nursed it into full strength conflagration. She just egged you along a little. You need to kill this tendency in yourself, since it's still there. Maybe you were "alpha" before, maybe not. It sounds like this case of one-itis is preventing you from seeing clearly. You claim to know all this TRP stuff but seem completely incapable of applying any of it (except for a mi…
/r/MarriedRedPill16/07/15 01:17 PM
1

(b) give me kids. This is not often a positive strategy designed to improve your relationship. It's often a "trapping" strategy now that she sees a serious threat that you might leave. It hangs the burden of additional guilt and additional child support dollars around your neck should you leave, thereby attempting to tether you.
/r/MarriedRedPill14/07/15 10:14 PM
1

Pick her up. Give her a big passionate kiss at the airport with a firm hug. Get her home. Use PUA skills, kino. Read the sidebar for that. Then lead her to the bedroom. Absolutely this. In fact, this should be your new normal. You are a flirtatious, fun, guy with a voracious sexual appetite. Not a guy who sits around wondering how his wife will react and hopes she gets turned on enough if he butters her up enough first. And if she's not into it there's always something else you'd rather be doing…
/r/MarriedRedPill14/07/15 09:20 PM
15

It's not the dishes themselves that's the issue. It's the underlying covert contract that kills ("look honey, how nice I am to do the dishes for you! Now can we get it on? was that enough of a display of worth for you?"). Do any given task if you want to but never for the wrong reasons.
/r/MarriedRedPill14/07/15 09:05 PM
2

Finger pointing sets up a cycle. She does X, you do Y, she does X but harder, you say Y but more aggressively, etc etc etc. The cycle takes two people. And the harder you try to "win", the stronger the cycle gets. Even if you really "win" by going hard, you still "lose" because she just winds up burying more resentment for the next time the cycle flares up. One aspect of STFU and NGAF is that it breaks the cycle. It's not that you're changing her, or that she's winning the fight she wants to sta…
/r/MarriedRedPill13/07/15 05:52 PM
2

This is a really terrific FR. Both for the effect it seems to have had on improving your relationship, but also for the amount of thought and effort you have put into yourself and improving your mind, your confidence, and your self-image. This is where all other things stem from. Improve my IDGAF. I still feel butt hurt when my wife is unfair or unreasonable. I don't act like it as much anymore, but I need to internalize AWALT to the extent that I do not resent her for acting like a woman. Depen…
/r/MarriedRedPill13/07/15 05:40 PM
-5

I remember reading this comment a couple days back. Struck me as deep. It's the perfect way to explain it.
/r/MarriedRedPill11/07/15 03:33 PM
7

On a scale of one to ten, a woman wanting to see a dumb male stripper movie ranks about 1 or 2 on the irritation axis. Your level of butt hurt is about an 8. Should have joked about it or used the fact that she's all wound up to make sexy time a little hotter. Hell, laugh at her and moan "ohhh. . Fuuuuuucckkkk. ... Channing baby" during sex.
/r/MarriedRedPill11/07/15 03:28 PM
5

I could have written this exact post a few years ago. Once the anger passes (and it will, after you take charge of yourself and feel your own power again), you will be in a place where you can make the decisions you need to make. Your marriage may or may not survive but it will be happening because you want to go in one direction or the other, not because you feel guilty or pressured. You can't change the past. Learn from it but don't beat yourself up over it. All you can do is act in the moment…
/r/MarriedRedPill11/07/15 03:17 PM
1

I feel it's a trap, but whenever this happens things go well, she doesn't 'use it against me' later or anything. Don't overthink it. Like /u/TrainingTheBrain mentioned, it's a shit test. You know how we always talk about "alpha", from the alpha male of the wolf pack? Think of the wolf pack - the others in the pack will occasionally snarl and growl at the alpha just to see if he's going soft and there's a chance they might get to the the lead animal. The alpha ignores them, growls back, or whatev…
/r/MarriedRedPill10/07/15 03:40 PM
1

It's not a "this" versus "that". Make yourself a better man. Own your shit. Get your head on straight. And seriously ask yourself if following the "rules" that you've been fed for years about women's roles and specialness have led you to a happier place in life or not. You should be doing this reflection and development anyway, as part of your maturation as a rational and self-directed human being. Don't let the idea that you don't agree with some of TRP hold you back. If you adopt the attitude …
/r/MarriedRedPill10/07/15 03:35 PM
1

There's no coming back from it later? Holding onto grudges is whiny and unattractive behaviour. If there's something that needs to be said, it's almost always best to say it in the moment. Caveat: in the moment you need to be cool headed and in charge of yourself, not being snippy and a little bitch yourself because she got under your skin.
/r/MarriedRedPill10/07/15 03:11 PM
5

Nice inspirational introductory post. I LOL'ed at the "now take my hand" part.
/r/MarriedRedPill10/07/15 03:05 PM
1

The tough part of this is I find RP stuff to not be tailored for married guys. RP is a worldview that encompasses a realistic view of male-female dynamics (the Wall, SMV concepts, take the pussy off the pedestal, put yourself first once in a while dammit!) as well as a more grounded masculine view of your own mind (self-improvement-- assertiveness, stoic outlook, calm in the face of the storm, working towards executing your vision of your life). Married or gaming bar chicks, the basic ideas are …
/r/MarriedRedPill10/07/15 03:03 PM
1

Work on the basics, your foundation. Then crank up the dread.
/r/MarriedRedPill09/07/15 07:18 PM
1

I try to figure out if it's related to my actions, Slippery slope... the more you start trying to figure out what's she's thinking, the more you start living in her head, and you lose track of your own. If you can do this in a perfectly detached, clinical, cause-and-effect kind of way, go for it. But primarily worry about what you need and want instead of what she's maybe thinking (which will change in half an hour anyway).
/r/MarriedRedPill09/07/15 07:17 PM
2

From your cat story, I think you should pay more attention to the NMMNG/WISNIFG side and less to the Art of War/Laws of power. You come across as a little butt-hurt, aggressive, and hair-triggered. All things to work on in yourself before you go trying to mold the world into your shape. Without actually hearing her tell you not to stand by the window myself, was it actually in some kind of shitty tone, or are you just so generally unhappy in your relationship that you turn a simple comment about…
/r/MarriedRedPill09/07/15 07:12 PM
1

The good news is that's she's still willing enough/invested enough to be having the sex to begin with. The attitude probably reflects a lack of underlying lust for you. I'm not sure I'd call it a power play if it's just the case that she doesn't find you generating that raw excitement hormonal response. Those come from being "hawt" (lift, eat right, etc) and being The Man: able to keep your frame and actually be confident, collected, awesome, and in charge.
/r/MarriedRedPill09/07/15 06:58 PM
3

LOL. Nice troll reply.
/r/MarriedRedPill09/07/15 01:05 PM
2

You handled it well. Agreed. And that's a great post you linked, it really puts things into perspective.
/r/MarriedRedPill09/07/15 01:00 PM
28

You have taken something away from your life without replacing it with something new yet. You've taken away the external validation, the expectation of reciprocal "love", the belief that your woman "completes" you, all that shit. You've taken away the framework that being a nice guy pays off. So there's a hole in your life right now. You need to fill that hole with YOU. Fill it with doing awesome stuff for yourself. Fill it with the knowledge that even though you now know that nobody else out th…
/r/MarriedRedPill06/07/15 01:40 PM
3

Instead, I would much prefer to continue in this relationship where I will forever have the upper hand as the non-cheater. So what you're saying is that you'll lay a perpetual guilt trip on her, for the rest of your married life? That's pathetic and pathological. The respect, submission, and politeness that a man deserves in a relationship comes from being a man WORTHY of being respected, submitted to, and polite himself. Not from manipulation through guilt and the unspoken threat of physical vi…
/r/MarriedRedPill06/07/15 01:28 PM
1

Fair enough. I was reading the line as having more emphasis on the "she has" (meaning HER reason) as opposed to "a good reason" (which is good independently of who originally spelled it out, and as such should obviously be considered).
/r/MarriedRedPill04/07/15 04:02 PM
2

don't let her tell you can't do something unless she has a good reason. FTFY
/r/MarriedRedPill04/07/15 03:32 PM
3

Great username for an opinion! More of a tai-goshi guy myself. But there should not have to be a justification, a series of excuses. That is classic beta unassertive DEER (defending, excusing, explaining, rationalizing). What's wrong with him just saying "this is what I want to be doing"?
/r/MarriedRedPill04/07/15 12:49 PM
2

That was a great post - it really hit a chord with me when I first read it. And it was the first thing that came to mind when I saw the OP's title.
/r/MarriedRedPill02/07/15 09:25 PM
1

If you feel like you need something to counter the feminist agenda inside the church, take a read at Dalrock's blog. Not a church guy myself but it's a very insightful blog.
/r/MarriedRedPill02/07/15 05:52 PM
1

Are you fucking insane? Not even about the "don't get married" or the illegal immigration aspects. A chick who's willing to pull a stunt like that to "get ahead" will quickly figure out all the other ways she can get ahead by exploiting you and the rest of the world even further. Leaving a trail of blood in her wake.
/r/askTRP02/07/15 04:54 PM
9

Here are a couple good posts to read. https://www.reddit.com/r/marriedredpill/comments/2qygv7/i_love_the_silent_treatment/ https://www.reddit.com/r/TheRedPill/comments/2eszp0/what_power_does_she_have_over_you/ And yes, you're right on the money - she's trying to punish you through emotional manipulation. She will succeed to EXACTLY the extent that you allow her to succeed. Begging, explaining, going super beta will bring you the same success you've always had. I.e. a short term relief of your ow…
/r/MarriedRedPill02/07/15 03:15 PM
1

That story was legend-(wait for it)-ary. For some people the RP reality comes slowly, after long introspection and slowly being exposed to the truth. For others, they come to the truth after taking one solid two-by-four to the side of the head. A brutal wake-up for this guy, but that brutality will keep the truth in his thoughts for the rest of his life.
/r/TheRedPill02/07/15 01:57 PM
1

LOL. Been there, done that. It takes a little bit of time and it feels like you're fighting against the current to change that behaviour and that attitude. But at least you can see the pattern in action and call it what it is now. Keep plugging away, keep improving yourself.
/r/MarriedRedPill02/07/15 01:25 PM
1

I tried talking to her about it, which I now think was a bad move, as my confusion without an answer made me appear as a rudderless captain. In the movies, the woman is a fountain of understanding, a wealth of secret knowledge about all things emotional. In the movies, an ugly fat guy bags a supermodel too. She ain't a magician of the heart. I've tried this too in the past. What did I get - blank looks, her jumping down my throat about was I blaming HER for it, and aggressive "well what's WRONG …
/r/MarriedRedPill02/07/15 01:23 PM
1

https://www.reddit.com/r/TheRedPill/comments/2pb4fs/everything_you_need_to_know_about_shit_tests/ Check this out, seems like a pretty good intro.
/r/MarriedRedPill02/07/15 12:58 PM
1

The changes that occur as a result of TRP are as much about fixing yourself to the point where you're confident, collected, and in charge of yourself as they are about sexual strategy. If you show up at your office and treat the women there with an attitude of unconditional obedience, giving them undeserved "breaks", and generally sucking up, that's not a very effective way to get respect. You need to take all that self confidence you gained, those balls you grew, that "no worries, I got this" a…
/r/MarriedRedPill02/07/15 12:56 PM
7

" its really hard to take part in this act when you havent explained your behavior on sunday" Oh, the self-rightous, wounded-bird, manure and guilt spreader is out in full force! Who says you have to explain shit to her? Who gave her the gavel and the scales of justice to demand you explain all your perceived faults to her? Like UEMcGIll mentioned, this is WISNIFG territory straight out. This guilt trip/judgement thing only works as long as you buy into it. It's a feedback cycle: she exerts powe…
/r/MarriedRedPill01/07/15 12:17 AM
2

Defend Explain Excuse Rationalize. In other words, getting sucked into an argument where your back is against the wall and you're on the defensive, rather than refusing to engage in the argument in the first place.
/r/MarriedRedPill30/06/15 08:24 PM
-3

I'd like to translate this post. At first glance it looks reasonably well written and she makes a lot of points which tug at the heartstrings. But then I started to realize that it sounded just like the stuff I got from my ex-wife for a while, and thought some decoding might be in order. For the new guys. So I'm home from work and have been really sick for 3-4 days due to pregnancy. Smells and tastes are causing painful dry heaves and my body is one big cramp. I was on our desktop, I was bored a…
/r/MarriedRedPill30/06/15 05:09 PM
5

A little slice into everyday life. Hehe. I heard a lot of petty jealousy in there. From both you guys. I get what you're saying about the manipulation, and I agree that you can counter it. "Glad you like it son. Did you know I was selected to be the head cook for the international space station, but then I got a better offer from the white house? I got tired of it though and let your mom cook now, she's getting pretty good!" Or some random funny bullshit story - A&A. You're letting her break you…
/r/MarriedRedPill30/06/15 04:24 PM
3

A bad move on my part. It set her off. Since when is her emotional reaction supposed to be a guide for how you behave in your life? She said that I should just automatically notice that our daughter is getting on her nerves. Bro, do you even read WISNIFG? This is her, making up arbitrary rules and standards and expecting you to live up to them, then you get defensive about her judgement? Fuck that... a bullshit judgement doesn't need counterargument, it needs to be shut down and ignored. Arbitra…
/r/MarriedRedPill30/06/15 04:28 AM
3

FFS. Whinemore comes across as a dick sometimes but he's an honest, straightforward dick. Which is both valuable and a lot more than you can say about most people in your life. I respect him for that. What I read was that you had a headache and acted irritated because of it. Sometimes things really aren't any more complicated than that. Get a grip. And yes, you are spending a lot more time overthinking things than you need to. Thinking about too many things from her perspective. Sometimes you ju…
/r/MarriedRedPill30/06/15 03:51 AM
1

Great FR. Kept your head, kept your sense of humour, kept your perspective, kept your frame through a very stressful time. Props.
/r/MarriedRedPill29/06/15 06:05 PM
6

Here goes nothing: I am was until recently a dumb fucker. FTFY. The past is the past - unchangeable. Don't beat yourself up over it - learn from it. The only thing you can change is what you're doing now, and it sounds like you're doing a lot of the right stuff. That's great news. You sound really depressed and angry - the negative phrases you use to describe yourself, the violent imagery, the shame over jerking it. Tough emotions. But at the same time, your rational mind is starting to catch on…
/r/MarriedRedPill28/06/15 01:33 PM
2

I remember your saga. Thanks for the post. Divorced guy myself, I can relate to a lot of your story here. Just wish I had done it with half the cool and the solid mindset you display here. Loved the fact that you laid your cards on the table at the end and got a nice solid confirmation of what she was really made of. Good luck to you, and stay manly.
/r/MarriedRedPill28/06/15 12:58 AM
1

This is a great list. When I read "inner" and "outer" I realized I have been thinking along the same lines for a while, but with a bit of a different twist. I think of the "inner" stuff as the stuff that you can't fake, because it's the truth YOU see inside, the truth YOU know about yourself. You can deny it all you want but deep down you know what it is. Your actual beliefs, your actual confidence, your actual gut reaction, your true feelings. Whereas the outer stuff is what you attain just by …
/r/MarriedRedPill25/06/15 02:09 PM
2

Perhaps AWALT. "Perhaps"... dude, what planet of denial are you living on? My ex wife did exactly the same shit to me... we were at the time approaching 5 figures of personal credit card debt, I couldn't even buy a fucking sandwich for lunch in the company cafeteria because my CC was declined and had to borrow five bucks from my co-worker. It turns out she was siphoning like 1K a month out of our account for her personal "emergency fund". AWALT.
/r/MarriedRedPill25/06/15 01:04 AM
4

LOL. Not posted to give you shit, but it was a great thread and had a lot of insightful replies. OP could learn a lot from browsing the archives here.
/r/MarriedRedPill25/06/15 12:40 AM
2

I will never be fully repaired, Dammit, man, that's some serious pussy talking. I grew up for years thinking this way, that I was "broken" and there was something magical about a woman accepting the broken me despite all my flaws, and that the right woman would love me and help me heal. You know what? Fuck that noise. I am who I am and I like me. The only personal growth I've done is because of the hard reflection of being ground down and shit tested and dumped on by women, not because they've h…
/r/MarriedRedPill25/06/15 12:18 AM
1

The TRP end goal is to have both confidence (call it being a solid dude, having your head on straight, call it inner game, assertiveness, frame, whatever) and "game" with women (doing all the counterintuitive stuff like not buying them flowers and begging for sex). For me the inner game is the real prize. One way to start to build the confidence is through outer game, but what I read here is that, despite all this outer game work you've done, you still don't seem to have the balls to tell your w…
/r/MarriedRedPill25/06/15 12:10 AM
1

I really am excited about this though and can't wait to see where I am in a year. That's the spirit - this is the long game. If you play it right, YOU will be a much better man in a year. That's job one. And no more "deals" until you get your head straight and can see when it's bullshit judgement from her that you're blindly accepting (WISNIFG), and when it's part of an attempt to negotiate desire.
/r/MarriedRedPill25/06/15 12:02 AM
13

I want to state that I was not a beta as they are normally defined here. And I have a flying pony. I stumbled on TRP about two weeks ago Two things: this is about fixing YOURSELF first and foremost. Once YOU are OK, your life will either fall into place or you will shed the stuff that doesn't. It's not about fixing her or fixing your relationship. These are side effects. Second thing - go the fuck slowly. Don't be the guy who reads TRP on Wednesday and goes into full deployment Thursday. And me …
/r/MarriedRedPill24/06/15 11:55 PM
1

It is complicated. Oh, it's complicated? Poor you. Let me give you a hug. her strength has been pretty good and helping repair my psyche as well. Maybe. But at the point where your psyche is actually, really and truly repaired, you will know you don't actually need whatever strength she may have. It sounds like her main strength is in rejecting you and making your life difficult.
/r/MarriedRedPill24/06/15 11:25 PM
3

Outside of our relationship I can be pretty RP, I call bullshit. All the stuff you describe (car, money, fitness, SMV) is all exterior stuff. Outer game, if you will. Not one single thing you've written in this thread indicates any inner game. The only possible exception is the way you tried to initiate for a BJ in responding to the "wat do you want for dinner" comment, but in reading all your other comments I'm thinking that's fake outer game and she will smell that. I suspect that you're not a…
/r/MarriedRedPill24/06/15 11:14 PM
1

However, she made it crystal clear that it should be ME doing the "nice surprises" for her (rather than the other way around). I'm reading maybe 1% comfort, 99% compliance test. She doesn't like the changes, and like a toddler seeing how far he can push his bedtime back, she's trying to test your boundaries and see if you cave just like you always did. I kept my mouth shut on this subject. Generally not a bad idea. Better than expressing your hurt feels at being taken for granted. You show her t…
/r/MarriedRedPill22/06/15 05:36 PM
1

Yeah, it sucks. But pain and anger can be an amazing tool for growth. A man won't change himself or take that long hard look at what he needs to be doing if he's all comfy and happy and eating Doritos in front of Netflix. If you use this stage in your life right, there will come a time when you will look back on those old times, and this feeling you have now, as a valuable lesson and as the catalyst for becoming the man you are proud of being. Not necessarily with pride and happiness and glowing…
/r/MarriedRedPill22/06/15 05:27 PM
1

Your initial reaction is pretty much on the money. Check out these old threads on the same subject, lots more of you search for them. http://www.reddit.com/r/TheRedPill/comments/34nll8/the_dad_bod_dont_you_fucking_dare_buy_into_it/ http://www.reddit.com/r/marriedredpill/comments/36m15y/dad_bod/ http://www.reddit.com/r/marriedredpill/comments/35mpaa/brofessor_dom_takes_on_the_dad_bod_and/
/r/MarriedRedPill22/06/15 05:16 PM
5

generally conditioning me to be very weary, almost stressed Been there, done that. I feel you. In fact, one year my ex wife wrote me a full-page formal letter of rejection of my anniversary card to her, deeming it "not sincere enough" because it was bought only on the day before. The only way to win a pissing contest is not to play. Or to not play by her rules - play by your own. If you don;t want to spend hundreds, and you don;t want to risk rejection, then... DON'T!!! It's that simple. Get som…
/r/MarriedRedPill20/06/15 01:34 PM
3

Arrrgh.. this is almost too painful to read. He almost nibbles on a little grain of truth with "The more I think about it, the more I realize that much of this is about self-confidence more than sex." But then quickly lays it at his wife's feet and deems it unsolvable. In the immortal words of Winston Churchill, "Men occasionally stumble over truth, but most of them pick themselves up and hurry off as if nothing had happened."
/r/MarriedRedPill19/06/15 03:32 PM
5

Your emotions are what happens when reality (your wife saying shit, traffic being backed up, crisis at work) hits your beliefs. If your beliefs are fucked up (OMG I can't stand up to the wife, she's unstoppable, she's right to judge me, traffic always fucks up my weekend - it's like God's plan that I shouldn't succeed even in getting home on time) then you'll have these big-assed negative emotions come up. Harder to hide them. When your beliefs become more solid (I have the right to stand up for…
/r/MarriedRedPill19/06/15 02:58 PM
2

I'd expect that result from anyone but the awesomest of wives or an experienced professional. It looks like you view sexual interaction as an unusual expectation for a married couple, if only "awesome wives" or hookers put out like that. Your mind and your beliefs are incredibly powerful in creating the world you find yourself living in. If you believe this is true, it's hardly a surprise that you find yourself living it. Most women I've encountered recoil with shock/disgust if you walk up to th…
/r/MarriedRedPill16/06/15 04:12 PM
3

I decided the only way it could work was if I OWNED this. Not erased it, not deleted it from memory, I had to OWN it, and so did she. This is intense, and absolutely right IMHO. Even had you chosen to end it, you still have to own the shit in your life that way. This is some pretty intense stuff to go through in just a couple of days, and it wouldn't surprise me if at some point when you cool down a little more, and the hatefucking gives way to regular fucking, you might start to second guess yo…
/r/MarriedRedPill16/06/15 03:18 PM
2

Ouch. At first she will decline with disgust. Putting yourself in her head, anticipating her reactions. I know she will want to. You do, do you? Putting yourself in her head, anticipating her reactions. Nothing good ever comes from living your life in someone else's head. Live in your own head. I would have normally whined . Not a peep. Didn't mention it at all Monday. Good, but these are just baby steps. Here you are still thinking about her rejecting your advance two days later, like it's stil…
/r/MarriedRedPill16/06/15 03:05 PM
1

Solid work. Thumbs up.
/r/MarriedRedPill16/06/15 02:55 PM
3

Running away to a hotel is not dominance. It's a petty attempt to punish her back in the same way she's punishing you. Mutual manipulation. Read more on the 12 stages of dread, improve yourself, and understand the difference between leaving a situation to (1) withdraw comfort/create dread (short term) or hold frame/not engage with bullshit and (2) play petty punitive games and bring yourself down to her level. Big difference. The other women thing is flagrant bullshit. She's either (1) looking f…
/r/MarriedRedPill16/06/15 02:53 PM
1

Even though my girl is pretty much as RP as it gets, I still don't talk to her about fight club, or lay out the groundwork of my worldview explicitly like that. It will come off to her like you're throwing a wet blanket on her feelings and your relationship. For me, knowing that I am a strong fucker who is full of confidence and that I have my head on straight (after years of warped nonsense) is something positive and strong that I can look at in myself. Looking at the oak in myself, I can remem…
/r/MarriedRedPill16/06/15 02:36 PM
2

There's a neat autobiography on Amazon by a guy named Bernie Lau. He was a serious student of aikido back in the 60s/70s and later became a cop/undercover detective. He writes about how he was surprised when he started to have trouble applying the stuff he learned in the dojo to the guys he was arresting, and how he had to modify both his techniques and his mindset/strategy. For all the time I've spent studying martial arts, I still agree with the key sentiment in most of this thread: don't get …
/r/TheRedPill15/06/15 02:28 PM
2

.regardless of where the seed was spilled. Taking this logic to it's extreme, if a guy's wife jerks him into a kleenex it's an inevitable risk that he becomes a father, but if he takes care of it himself into a kleenex it would be a surprise? I think I'm going to have to call BS on this one. However, this does not excuse her behavior. OK, well at least one thing we agree on here when natural occurrence actually happen its like we are being robbed. Having the wife smear your cum into her cooch fo…
/r/MarriedRedPill15/06/15 01:38 PM
1

Frame isn't just about your relationship with the wife. It's the whole package - wife, kids, work, annoying neighbours, in-laws. Your whole life. Recognizing your over-reaction and loss of frame is the first step to fixing it. Next step is to develop the mindset that the stupid actions of your colleagues on Friday aren't going to drag you down into anger any more than the shit-tests and BS from your wife will.
/r/MarriedRedPill15/06/15 12:44 PM
2

Holy shit. That's tough. First advice is don't make any life-altering decisions in the heat of the moment - take your time here. So this was almost ten years ago, and before you were married and before you became the man you are now... that counts for some grace in my books. What matters is where you want to go now and who you are now. That being said, if you can't see a way forward without this hanging over you forever, then make your call - after you're cooled down. You cannot live in the past…
/r/MarriedRedPill14/06/15 11:17 PM
2

You're afraid that your new gf won't let you. Because she will judge you negatively for doing what you've always dreamed of. People who don't want for you to succeed in living the life of your dreams have no place in your life. You've got one shot at this life, dude... live it. "she got pissed"... and you reacted by considering throwing your dream life on a meat hook. Again. What kind of frame is that? Fuck that... I gave up on one of my dreams, too, after a couple years of marriage to placate t…
/r/MarriedRedPill12/06/15 07:30 PM
10

Bill Burr has a funny routine on exactly this. He likens a woman witholding sex and you then being able to masturbate, to a woman trying to starve you by chaining the refrigerator door shut while you still have a sandwich in your pocket. A never ending sandwich.
/r/MarriedRedPill11/06/15 12:22 PM
3

This doesn't have a good smell to it. Does she expect that you'll be the sober responsible stay-at-home dad while she goes out and playfully deflects all the ego-stroking drunk-guy attention she'll be getting? Just to bring home a few extra bucks a week that she'll probably want to spend on designer purses or some shit? You say married for five but recovering for three years. Were you two a couple of partiers for the first couple years, or was it just you doing the drinking? Does she have memori…
/r/MarriedRedPill10/06/15 02:42 PM
4

YOU chose her as a wife not the other way around. This right here. When she said "I am regretting choosing you as my husband, because you don't appreciate me" I would not have been able to keep my laughter in. Who works, pays the bills, takes the risk of losing half your life savings/work product in a divorce, and is responsible for running the ship? You look at him in the mirror every day. And you're supposed to feel GRATEFUL to her for picking you? LMFAO... other way round!! The entitlement, a…
/r/MarriedRedPill10/06/15 12:56 PM
2

This. Seriously, get out. Then get custody for the sake of the kid. Any estrogen-based parasite who punches holes through walls and says she's "sick of this worthless fucking child" is not fit to parent.
/r/MarriedRedPill08/06/15 12:39 PM
2

Agree with the simple courtesy/logistics comments being posted. Are you sure you didn't this because you were afraid of the confrontation that might have happened? Sounds like you're still having a hard time justifying working late to yourself, let alone being comfortable asserting that desire to your wife.
/r/MarriedRedPill05/06/15 11:05 AM
1

I deleted some apps from my phone that I was wasting time on. On my laptop I installed some browser extensions that will block sites you set at various times, e.g. no logging onto stes X,Y, and Z between 9 and 5. It's just a little reminder when that autopilot of "go scan youtube" kicks in. Get a decent book on time management. For me it helps to break big tasks up into small tasks (like 15-20 minutes of work subtasks - write an introduction, read chapter 2 for the first time, solve the first pr…
/r/MarriedRedPill02/06/15 03:28 PM
2

At the moment the difference between a shit-test and disrespect is a blurry line for me to draw. It might not help as much "in the moment", but a lot of times tests come in a form that trigger you based on your emotional state, or experiences, or "hot buttons" you have. They wouldn't be shit tests for someone else, because the other guy wouldn't have the same hot buttons. When you have hot buttons, she pushes them to see how easily manipulated you are. These are places where re-framing your outl…
/r/MarriedRedPill02/06/15 01:38 PM
5

"You're just a fucking loser". Not a shit test. Just plain shit. A test has some unconscious ulterior motive of proving that you're a solid guy. Just plain shit is just that - just plain shit. You wouldn't allow shit on your carpet, on your dinner table, or on your pillow. Don't allow it in your relationship. You can avoid being angry at tests because you know they're really something else - maybe it looks dirty, but it's really her dirty hand clutching and flailing to feel your strength. But I …
/r/MarriedRedPill02/06/15 01:16 PM
1

Good stuff. This was holding frame well - not just the part about you dealing with the waterworks without losing it (little picture, in the moment), but keeping on point and asserting your wants and vision regardless (big picture). These episodes look like such small things to someone on the outside, but when you've been living in fear and under her thumb for so long, it really is a big deal and it feels so unreal to have a calm and positive resolution. So yes, definitely progess.
/r/MarriedRedPill02/06/15 11:39 AM
3

I'd encourage everyone to take a look at LCR's submitted posts and see his history and the progress he's made to understand the context better. Absolutely. This isn't just getting a nice goal, it's getting the game-winning goal, shorthanded, on your way to the ice from taking an illegal hit.
/r/MarriedRedPill28/05/15 03:56 PM
5

I was laughing (in a good way) all through the donut story. He joked with the girl at the counter. And didn't try to run off with his tail between his legs and hide afterwards. What part of that is traumatically disrepectful to his wife and child?
/r/MarriedRedPill28/05/15 03:43 PM
23

From David Deida's "The Way of the Superior Man": Perhaps you have been working towards some financial goal, and finally you have succeeded. After months or years of effort, you have creatively earned a large amount of money. You feel happy, full, successful. You feel great. You come home to your woman and want to share the news with her. "I just made a million dollars today." "That's nice." "That's nice!!?? You know how hard I've been working for this." "I know. It feels like I haven't seen you…
/r/MarriedRedPill28/05/15 03:27 PM
2

One thing that really blew my mind when I first had kids was just how much daycare costs, if you both work and have to have the kids looked after from 9-5. And also what the waiting times were to get into one (like 6 months to a year). If you think this may be in the cards, spend a half hour, call a couple daycare centres and get some real numbers to plan with.
/r/MarriedRedPill28/05/15 01:45 PM
3

You want to be in control of this and have a realistic plan, or at least be going into it with an accurate sense of the risk and payoffs. That's the RP take. My take is that debt is bad, bad, bad. Your incoming is going to decrease, your expenses (tuition and baby stuff) will increase. So you need to cut cut cut expenses. Second car is expensive. Even a first car may be expensive - if you live in a city consider moving close to school and bike there. Figure out what possible child care options a…
/r/MarriedRedPill28/05/15 01:14 PM
2

I agree with you - both in that WMP created an excellent post and in your point about advising to remain calm. For me, I definitely conflated the two when I started, and just being able to handle a full fontal shitsorm assault without losing my temper was a big deal, and I thought it was "holding frame". But in reality it was just keeping my emotions in check and keeping my mouth shut until I could walk away. But in my head I was still silently justifying my actions and boiling mad from feeling …
/r/MarriedRedPill28/05/15 11:39 AM
1

at least when you can smack them on the helmet and make them run laps. I am just guessing you don't do that in class and that the girls changes the dynamic quite a bit. You CANNOT smack a girl on the helmet nowadays. “(U)nder no circumstances should there be contact with the players, in any way,[...] tapping them on the helmet, NOTHING, this can make some of the girls uncomfortable and you won’t know which ones, so no contact, period.” Source.
/r/MarriedRedPill26/05/15 02:56 PM
2

I'm not going to be able to forget the things that have happened and at the same time I don't want to forget it. It's a part of me. It's my burden. There used to be a whole smorgasbord of things I thought I would never be able to forget. The more I kept them inside and locked them down, the more I ruminated on them and the stronger they got. That's a one way ticket to a stressful and painful life. Talk it out with someone trained - counsellor, PTSD therapist, someone like that. Working through t…
/r/MarriedRedPill26/05/15 01:16 PM
2

Dude... glad to hear you woke up. You may think she's unique. But unique only in decoration, not in essence. Same age bracket as you... you can be at your peak if you chose to be. But for God's sake make your major life decisions based on you, not on her.
/r/ThankTRP25/05/15 04:57 AM
1

suddenly you're an "ass hole". LOL... except for the last ten tears... you're forgetting that you've been one for a long time too!
/r/MarriedRedPill25/05/15 04:50 AM
2

The reality is that kids will spends huge amounts of time with people other than their parents, being taught both explicit and implicit knowledge and values. So it's important to take the chance you have to make a difference. The tendency I see today where I live is not only towards feminism but with a lot of leftism and socialism as well. Of course, these go hand-in-hand. "Everyone is special and equally so." Perverting confidence building into denying objective reality. "People deserve to be h…
/r/MarriedRedPill23/05/15 04:36 PM
1

"On a scale of one to ten? At least six! Maybe even seven." (with a big smirk).
/r/MarriedRedPill23/05/15 02:23 PM
1

Simply "holding frame" isn't really much of a negative consequence to her for shitty behaviour now, is it? No consequence = no change. Homework - Leave with the kids. They can finish their homework at the public library with you, and print it there too in most cases. Forgot homework? Too bad, you can still spend some time with them at the library teaching them math problems or some shit. Or just looking at a science picture book or something. Printer out of ink - take 25 bucks out of your wallet…
/r/MarriedRedPill22/05/15 02:29 PM
1

working hard at it though and have rewired my brain over the past 2 years Yes, it's little steps all the way - the big flashes of insight and change are rarer and farther apart. But it'll come as long as you keep doing the work. And I wasn't just being rhetorical about the self sabotage. Maybe you were just really naive, but it's not usually the way things work. Actually ask yourself what you are getting out of this fight, which at a subconscious level you knew was going to happen. Do you get th…
/r/MarriedRedPill22/05/15 02:17 PM
2

Check out the edit to the original post. Update's there. She's crying through out most of this and I'm just still holding her close and running hand through her hair. Truthfully I'm not sad or mad. I really feel I've done nothing wrong and that these last two weeks have made me feel better about myself than doing anything else. Hell, yeah. This is where it's at. Excellent update and good response to the afterwards.
/r/MarriedRedPill22/05/15 01:23 PM
2

This is why TRP is first and foremost about fixing YOURSELF. The "M" in "MRP" doesn't change that core fact. But after you started hitting the gym and doing some reading, you went off and tried to fix HER. One tenet of the Pill is that women are all about the feelz and much less about the rational side. In fact they're generally the anti-rational ones. (I mean anti-rational in the same sense as The Anti-Christ). And yet not only did you try to fix HER, but you introduce her to TRP through the ra…
/r/MarriedRedPill22/05/15 01:17 PM
2

Sounds like you took a long hard look at yourself and learned something along the way from some honest feedback. Then you formed a plan. Respect to you, man, that's how it's supposed to work.
/r/MarriedRedPill22/05/15 12:10 PM
8

This is her deciding what you will do and how you will do it. This is her disapproval of you looking for a tangible form. You don't owe her an explanation, or a long soulful discussion. Talk if YOU want but keep it short and sweet. You owe yourself a deep conversation with your own history, psyche, and identity before you owe her anything.
/r/MarriedRedPill21/05/15 11:22 PM
2

Isn't it amazing how the same patterns show up over and over again? This also describes my ex-wife. At some point I remember looking back over the trail of emotional debris left behind her and counting up the sheer number dysfunctional relationships resulting in near-alienation - with her parents, best high school friends, cousins, people at work, distant relatives, doctors, basically everyone. And I realized that there was a slim chance that maybe I wasn't really the one to blame for all the pr…
/r/MarriedRedPill21/05/15 02:01 PM
2

Terrific story. The paragraph where you describe the evolution of your frame - from being about her, to being attractive to her, to being about you - is deep. Nice job.
/r/MarriedRedPill21/05/15 01:53 PM
6

She says all this shit in order to piss you off, start an argument, make you feel bad, and lord her supposed superiority over you. Creating drama and an emotional thrill ride. All win-win for her so far. Then you come up with a nasty line and piss her off, start an argument, make yourself feel some schadenfreude, and give her a sense of self-righteous indignation. She still gets the emotional thrill ride and you're no further ahead. Women gonna fight nasty and then get upset? Welcome to the worl…
/r/MarriedRedPill21/05/15 01:49 PM
3

I didn't want to miss an opportunity with my wife. I've only initiated three times in the last 4 months. Holy cognitive dissonance Batman!
/r/MarriedRedPill20/05/15 11:20 PM
3

it's going to come from a place of stone cold reason. You keep blowing it because you're so anxious about her mood, and letting the upset build inside you, then you let the emotions take over. Deal with the emotions somehow but don't let them own you. Keeping your reason is essential.
/r/MarriedRedPill20/05/15 11:10 PM
5

I know where you're coming from; I had a similarly catastrophic couple of beta days I posted about a while ago. It's a setback but at the very least it's a learning opportunity. Let me throw in a couple of things that stood out: I started to grow discouraged. I despaired that I'd ever get her on board Your moods tied to her behaviour. I could charm her out of it for very short periods You trying to fix her moods so that you can feel good. You're dependent on her good mood. Once she's calmed down…
/r/MarriedRedPill20/05/15 11:05 PM
1

"Moving on" from something means that you can still see it in your mind, you can look at it and reflect on it, but it doesn't have the same emotional sting and hurt that it initally did. You can function normally even while knowing this thing exists. The way to have something not sting is to examine it from different angles, to examine what might not be so bad about things as they are. And of course, to let time pass. Anger is real, you have to experience it and let it burn out. That takes time …
/r/MarriedRedPill20/05/15 03:41 PM
1

OK, makes more sense now. In general, I agree with your assessment. Maybe he was one of those guys who read something about TRP but stayed stuck in beginner mode (anger, over-exaggerating being a dick ALL THE TIME etc). Or maybe he just totally shut down from the relationship for his own reasons, not ever hearing about TRP. She was a bitch, he was a dick. Probably not all the time, but enough. Like always, it takes two to really make the relationship deeply and resoundingly a trainwreck.
/r/MarriedRedPill20/05/15 03:20 PM
1

Edits? Formatting? Can't make heads or tails of this as is.
/r/MarriedRedPill20/05/15 02:40 PM
1

This is pure fucking gold. Words to live by indeed.
/r/MarriedRedPill20/05/15 12:27 PM
3

Realizing is the first step. Good stuff. Now act.
/r/MarriedRedPill19/05/15 11:22 PM
5

Are you insane? Waiting until tomorrow to do something as simple as a couple pushups? I just did a set of 20 now to burn of the angry energy of how much that idea pisses me off. I think I need to do a couple more. Drop and start NOW.
/r/MarriedRedPill19/05/15 11:18 PM
2

This only matters to you because it matters to you. Can I put it any more simply? This is it, exactly. OP is creating his own shitstorm in his own mind because of his own beliefs in some kind of magical purity. The only thing that's actually changed in the last month is inside his own mind, and he better get a handle on it before he goes nuts. Because even if he dumps her for this perceived "sin" and nukes his marriage, as long as he holds onto this, the longer it will continue to fuck him up in…
/r/MarriedRedPill19/05/15 11:12 PM
2

It's a term from the book "When I say no I feel guilty". If you haven't read it there are a lot of tactics for holding your ground, as well as some good general advice on your outlook. Fogging is basically a way of answering, acknowledging any truth in what she said, but nothing more, and not getting your back up. It's like she's trying to punch a fog bank... she can see it but she can't hurt it. Highly recommend the book.
/r/MarriedRedPill17/05/15 09:54 PM
1

It's a bullshit feel-goody quote. Your emotions happen after your experiences are processed by your beliefs. They will not lie to you as far as telling you that your experiences are in conflict with your beliefs (anger, sadness, etc) , or that they are in accord with your beliefs (happiness, excitement, etc). But whether or not your beliefs are true or not is another matter. You can get very very upset about a trivial matter, for example, because you wrongly believe it to be important. (If my gi…
/r/askTRP16/05/15 12:28 PM
2

Plus we like to travel and accumulate airline miles - can't do that with cash only budget. The actual percentage you get from using air miles (e.g. spend $20, 000 to get a $250 ticket) may well be down in the noise versus the benefits of curbing spending with cash. I mean, if you just prevent her from overspending $125 a month by sticking with cash, that's your $250 ticket paid for itself six times a year. Don't go chasing pennies while you're hemmorhaging C-notes.
/r/MarriedRedPill15/05/15 07:47 PM
1

From a strictly financial perspective, 1500 bucks is 1500 bucks. Doesn't matter if it was malicious or just poorly tracked. It's gone - same thing. Got to deal with it either way.
/r/MarriedRedPill15/05/15 12:44 PM
1

I came to this thread having interpreted the title as it being a done deal, and to be reading an FR about it. And I was going to say something along the lines of "good for you for asserting what you know in your heart that you want, and for standing up for it." Just my 2 cents.
/r/MarriedRedPill15/05/15 11:35 AM
3

Shouldn't his (relatively) higher SMV translate into improving the marriage? If he's one the of the few percent that knows what he's doing, then probably yes. But if he has been henpecked into being a good little bitch, then she just gets angry and insecure that she's on the decline, takes it out on him more, he feels worse. And the relationship just goes deeper into the hole according to the TRP beta bux model.
/r/MarriedRedPill14/05/15 07:01 PM
4

“Good judgement is the result of experience and experience the result of bad judgement.” ― Mark Twain
/r/MarriedRedPill14/05/15 05:48 PM
5

I'm a little older (mid 40's), and as I went through my life, I saw different "phases" happen. First all my friends got into serious relationships. Then a few years later they were all getting married. Then a few years after that, they were all having their first kid, then their second. A few years down the road and I started to learn how unhappy people were in their marriages. Then a few years down the road I started to watch the divorces and separations occur. These phases are all tangible, re…
/r/MarriedRedPill14/05/15 05:46 PM
2

This is a good story of a little signpost along the way. But as I was reading it, I couldn't help but be reminded of how bad a marriage can be, that simply having your wife empty a garbage can becomes a noteworthy and empowering moment in it. I don't mean that in any negative way towards you. It's just a sobering thought and a reminder to never let myself go anywhere near that place again. Thanks for the post.
/r/MarriedRedPill14/05/15 04:59 PM
1

This sounds pretty reasonable and is a good insight. I was curious and reread your whole posting history, and wow, sounds like you've been in a living hell. You mentioned in one post that she just shut down one night on you "cold and distant" and this was a few nights after actually having sex. If she really is this damaged inside from abandonment and feeling insecure and so on, she may have been thinking that the sex would somehow improve the relationship and make her feel better. But afterward…
/r/MarriedRedPill14/05/15 03:47 PM
1

You can just plain dirty talk (I love the feel of my dick deep inside you, I love how your mouth feels on my dick) without going all "slutty whore". Or do it in total silence, just staring deep into her eyes the whole time. (Not necessarily all mushy-like, although you can be that. But with a dominating frame, conveying "you're gonna cum for me"). And variety can come in other ways than verbal. Think doing it in the kitchen, bent over the counter.
/r/MarriedRedPill14/05/15 03:11 PM
2

A lot of great insights there. Silence, not preoccupying yourself with her emotions, not rewarding bad behaviour, working on YOURSELF first, and actually coming to an understanding of why you used to be where you used to be. Good work.
/r/MarriedRedPill14/05/15 03:03 PM
4

If you do this, she'll freak out. She'll throw a shit storm at you To the OP: Very likely indeed. But remember - so what if she does? You'll have some anxiety about doing it, but only by doing those things that make you anxious, but you KNOW are right, will you learn how to handle them. Also, consider the following: if someone told you that they would pay you $1500 to listen to some random stranger from the street bitching you out, it would be a no-brainer. Excellent return on investment. You co…
/r/MarriedRedPill14/05/15 02:55 PM
5

A lot of threads on this topic here over the last few months. The general consensus is that, as much as Glover hit the nail with everything else, that recommendation to share is still a little blue pill. My advice keep it quiet and just work on your self for your own reasons. No need to make a big production over it with the Mrs. Might work in some cases but not necessarily all.
/r/MarriedRedPill13/05/15 09:27 PM
3

Beautiful. It's so important to just be able to play around like that in a relationship. Keep it up.
/r/MarriedRedPill13/05/15 09:22 PM
2

I think your last paragraph is good. But like /u/strategos_autokrator pointed out, don't focus too much on the tests, focus on being your own adult self. I read a lot of things in your description that made me cringe a little - not moving the fan, closing the window for her, her giving you shit about not asking how she slept (like that's your job?), and describing her having a simple cold as being a "health issue" right up there with pregnancy. But the good factor is that you seem to be realizin…
/r/MarriedRedPill13/05/15 01:59 PM
2

Good post. I can relate 100% to this - I've come to the same general conclusions as you and my texts are now pretty much exactly like you describe. If she does want to get into something over text, I'll just reply with a "we can talk about it when we get home" (but make sure to follow through on this), or else give her a phone call. I like the bit about texting inherently being in her frame - never thought about it like that but it makes sense.
/r/MarriedRedPill13/05/15 12:43 PM
2

I know how that is... sprained my thumbs badly last summer by being a meathead doing weapons work and couldn't even open a doorknob for a month. But was still able to run, and skate. Training around makes good sense.
/r/MarriedRedPill13/05/15 12:34 PM
5

I guess I will see when I get home from work tonight what mood she is in I used to think this was all the time. All the fucking time. But really, why is is so important what kind of mood SHE is in? Isn't it important that YOU are in a good mood? And that if she isn't happy, then you can move onto whatever it is that you want to do tonight anyway? You're viewing your coming home as time where you're on the defensive against her mood. That's letter her mood control you. Live in your own head, not …
/r/MarriedRedPill12/05/15 05:21 PM
8

Humans love habit. It makes it a lot easier to deal with life when you don't have to think, and can just react. So we fight it subconsciously when the habit changes. Any change - for good or for bad. Habits can be simple things like biting fingernails, or can be more complicated like a relationship dynamic (she nags, you react, she gets indignant, you get butthurt... a pattern of habit). Subconsciously she is fighting the change in the relationship dynamic just because it's different. Your fitne…
/r/MarriedRedPill12/05/15 03:58 PM
2

It is a pitiful and lonely existence after separation/divorce. Hang in there buddy. I hear you - I was in a pretty bad place too around the time my first marriage ended 6 years ago. But trust me, it can and does get better. I felt all kinds of things - depressed, like a failure to my marriage, failure to my kids, failure to my whole idea of what I believed I was supposed to be. But with time, and with a LOT of self reflection and trying to figure out how I got where I was and who I REALLY was (n…
/r/MarriedRedPill12/05/15 12:44 PM
3

Holy crap. A lot of really dumb shit happening there, and like everything, there's not really one single root cause but a whole collection of stupid all rolled into one cupcake. It's not just women/bluepill that's gotten broken in society, but a lot of other common sense as well. Like George Carlin said: "Think of how stupid the avarage person is, then realize that half of them are stupider than that." Glad you made it out, and you can be proud of your wife too for listening to you and acting on…
/r/MarriedRedPill11/05/15 10:20 PM
9

This was great, and I agree, lots of truth there. In a nutshell "Question: What do girls really want out of a relationship? [...] They want the upper hand".
/r/MarriedRedPill11/05/15 08:05 PM
2

IMHO you are completely off course here. His problem sounds 100% psychiatric. Dreading a normal guy won't make him fall in love with you more, it will just piss him off. On someone who's a psych patient... that's like pouring acid on a car engine that won't start. Not only a bad idea in general, it has no bearing whatsoever on the problem. At the risk of reading too much into things, you berate the RPW women for being quirky and being in love with non-mainstream things for their own sake. But yo…
/r/MarriedRedPill11/05/15 02:15 PM
1

the little voice in my head tell me I am being an asshole. [...] How do I change that mind set? By doing it anyway. That voice that tells you you're being an asshole was TRAINED to be there by conditioning from your wife, from society, and eventually, from your own inner voice. The good news is that you can UNTRAIN that voice and make it tell you positive, strong, reinforcing things instead. You just have to show it enough contrary data -i.e that when you don;t fix her food, she might be mad, bu…
/r/MarriedRedPill11/05/15 01:37 PM
5

Not easy but staying the same is not an option. This is great. So many people are unhappy, whining, but stuck - and never change. You have to have that moment that says "no more!" and act on it. And as far as "RP being crap"... we have exact names for most of the things you write about already, they're such common patterns. "I was platonic friends for years" = "beta orbiter". "I did whatever it took to make her happy" = "putting pussy on a pedestal". That behaviour is predicated on one idea - th…
/r/MarriedRedPill11/05/15 01:30 PM
1

I was actually at a wedding last week where one of the readings was Ephesians. I was shocked. But talked to the groom after and he said he explicitly wanted it there. Surprising since the whole relationship so far has a weird beta dynamic to it. Maybe he figured that was his last line of defense.
/r/MarriedRedPill11/05/15 01:09 AM
1

Thanks. Good to know some people can relate. And I like your statement - never thought about personalizing it like that. I had been telling myself that already, but always in anger and resentment, and not grasped until now that it's also a statement of power and freedom.
/r/MarriedRedPill09/05/15 06:56 PM
1

nothing wrong with genuine masculine anger but this was a victim puke. Oh yeah, I was a complete little bitch. I can laugh at myself now though. And I'm in a much better place to own the rest of my shit from here on in. Thanks for the feedback from you and all the rest of the community. You guys have built something pretty special here. I owe you all a lot.
/r/MarriedRedPill09/05/15 06:50 PM
3

We all know this isn't true. [...] Those people care about you. True, but I can't expect it or rely on it for my own well-being. It's great if it's there but I need to be my own caretaker first and foremost. When adopting MRP, does this mean that we can no longer share our fears, struggles, successes and general emotional shit? Damned if I know, but "less is more" works for me.
/r/MarriedRedPill08/05/15 10:44 PM
2

Take this realization and remember it everyday like a mantra. You will find true happiness with it. Thanks. Good advice. And everyone has a basis of self-interest... it doesn't have to be bad, or good, it's just the way it is.
/r/MarriedRedPill08/05/15 10:35 PM
2

Yeah, I was trying to convey the realization, not to justify being such a miserable wretch. I just feel kind of peaceful now.
/r/MarriedRedPill08/05/15 03:59 PM
8

Thanks. You're dead right - I did almost nothing in an RP manner there. But as a result of a few days of catastrophic BP backsliding, I had a moment where all the truths of the sidebar hit me, harder and deeper than ever before. You're right on the money about conditional love. Never thought about being depressed - maybe, but I actually feel pretty good right now. Will work out tonight - it's been two days already.
/r/MarriedRedPill08/05/15 03:24 PM
7

Yes, that's exactly what I realized. Don't know why it took so long.
/r/MarriedRedPill08/05/15 03:18 PM
13

I got the sense that he's excited about holding frame over the dishwasher attack. And connecting the BJ to a general improvement after holding said frame. Sure, a tiny thing, but the journey of thousand miles starts with a single step and all that.
/r/MarriedRedPill08/05/15 03:04 PM
2

The house is a mess. Our stuff owns us. This is a great realization. (I assume you're alluding to the George Carlin skit). Look into minimalism - it was a big inspiration for me to get my home in order. You wouldn't believe how many thousands of kilos of stuff I've thrown out, sold, and donated, and the thing is, my life isn't really any the worse for it. In fact, no clutter, no half-finished projects sitting on shelves crying for attention, there's even room in the cupboard for ALL the coffee m…
/r/MarriedRedPill08/05/15 01:49 PM
2

Great work. I love stories like this - finally decoupling and getting back into your own head.
/r/MarriedRedPill06/05/15 01:35 PM
6

One person can cause a lot of damage in a relationship. But to really fuck it to the stars and beyond takes cooperation from both. For every bad action she took, you watched it happen, agreed to let it happen, did nothing (other than complain passively) to prevent it from happening, and then blamed the wife. It's either passive-aggressive on your part (watching your joint finances and happiness burn to show your wife a lesson - heh heh that'll teach her) , or you're just weak and afraid to step …
/r/MarriedRedPill06/05/15 12:29 PM
2

A lot of health insurance plans will cover psychotherapy too. Look into your options with your employer's plan. The things I learned there were pretty obvious and simple in hindsight. But having someone who would keep beating them into my head helped a lot. Just reading them in a book wouldn't have been nearly as helpful because I wouldn't have seen how they actually related to me and wouldn't have been able to internalize them. If you can make it happen, do it.
/r/MarriedRedPill04/05/15 11:56 PM
1

She physically bars you, so you pick her up and move her, effectively physically breaking her frame and physically bringing her into yours. The only possible way I see this ending well is if it's done from a position of total calm and ownership of your emotions. With a little slightly annoyed but bemused look. You grab her and move her while you're angry and pissed off - weak. And like people say a slippery slope to DV.
/r/MarriedRedPill04/05/15 11:35 PM
3

Trying to pick up your wife, who you believe to have the power to injure you due to size and martial arts training, and carry her off to bed during a heated fight that's starting to turn physical. Sounds like it will end one of two ways and I'm not liking the odds it will end the happy way. I think this is a terrible idea, personally. BPP nailed it with the post on warning, recording, and keeping your cool. The hardest part is keeping cool but it's 100% in your power to do it.
/r/MarriedRedPill04/05/15 11:25 PM
1

I can hear the echoes of a lot of my own lost years here. Glad to hear your story and really happy it's working out for you. A real shame your epiphany had to come after a near death experience but I guess that's why they're so powerful. Your story made me think of a recent post in TRP about a guy whose dad married a stripper who basically near killed him and then left him to die. Glad you turned yours around. Keep your head up and your soul intact. Carry on, brother.
/r/MarriedRedPill26/04/15 01:44 AM
2

a decade of pedestaling his wife. I think this is the key point. I get what you're saying, whine, that banging a hooker would help the process of depedestalizing. Just not sure that's the specific tactic I'd advise ATM. The thing is, that all this angst he's feeling now is the result of a conflict between his beliefs and his current reality. The belief is that virginity is above all else. The belief is that her purity is the only thing that matters. The belief is that the woman's touch is magica…
/r/MarriedRedPill25/04/15 03:58 PM
4

Solid post. I think you hit most of the bases. One thing that I think falls under "physical" is projecting dominance/alpha/confidence through your physical presence. This includes but is not limited to posture. I'm thinking specifically about eye contact, relaxed attitude, hands wide open claiming space instead of closed tight in to your body, not being afraid to "man-spread" when you sit down and so on. There's a lot of good starting material in some of the PUA books and blogs out there the goe…
/r/MarriedRedPill25/04/15 01:33 PM
2

how do we reconcile these two contradictory sentiments? I'm not sure the two are entirely contradictory. Both sides make sacrifices for sure - the woman leaves the carousel and whelps out a litter. The man splits up his resources - time, money, and everything else. But your (and Rollo's) statement comes as a shocking revelation because it goes contrary to the social narrative. Men appreciate the sacrifice in both RP and BP framework. BP sees it as a fair and equitable trade but the man still nee…
/r/MarriedRedPill25/04/15 12:36 PM
2

Good plan. And make sure you include WISNIFG in your reading list.
/r/MarriedRedPill25/04/15 02:10 AM
3

Hey LCR - still working on it, eh? Good for you. Yes, your responses were weak but you're trying. I'm going to focus on something I see that I think underlies your frame problem - you are still totally buying into her worldview. Being stoic and being calm - these are just tools. But you want to use these tools to achieve a goal - projecting your vision and your life forwards. Applying great behaviours to a goal is still counterproductive when that goal is tainted. And I think she's tainting your…
/r/MarriedRedPill24/04/15 07:17 PM
2

Seriously - if you're both happy and have a great sex life then you're in the top, what, 5% of marriages in the west? Don't start thinking you have to rip that all up. Just use the knowledge to better yourself and to make sure you stay on track, and be vigilant.
/r/MarriedRedPill24/04/15 06:18 PM
3

This is a great reminder. I did that about 5-6 years back, and filled up a couple of journals. I came across them again while cleaning up last year and holy fuck were they ever a bunch of whining self absorbed crap. (I mean, I'm pretty self absorbed now, but those were over the edge). Exactly like you're saying - looking at things with some distance and without the FEELZ going on really gives a different perspective.
/r/MarriedRedPill23/04/15 07:49 PM
4

Nothing sets a man above the crowd like a firm grasp of Epictitties.
/r/MarriedRedPill23/04/15 03:27 PM
1

Totally agree with you. This is incredibly true, but so damn hard to really internalize (at least for some of us).
/r/MarriedRedPill23/04/15 03:01 PM
3

OK, wall of text. I have two big ones I'm still working on - emotional response, and Not Letting Things Go. We've generally get along great - she's a pretty solid RPW, all good times, and so on. But we've had four or five big blowouts over the last year or so, and most of them were about 50 times worse than they could have been by virtue of me not applying the Stoic principle of deciding not to be angry, and instead losing frame and throwing a fucking tantrum. The thing is that the fights all ce…
/r/MarriedRedPill23/04/15 02:30 PM
2

"So you've got more than one!? I will have to sniff you when you get home" <Unzips pants, turns toward her with a big leering grin> "Why wait... you can do it now!" I think you did pretty well, and agree with your assessments. What I really like about this FR though is that you're reflecting hard on yourself and your interaction with her, the principles at work, and applying feedback to yourself. That alone puts you in the top few percent of men, and makes me confident that you're going to come …
/r/MarriedRedPill23/04/15 01:43 PM
3

I did fell good to have a spine even though it was extremely difficult for me. Every time you do a little thing that is difficult for you, it gets easier. You're fighting all this anxiety that you're doing the wrong thing, that she's going to disapprove, that there will be "Consequences" from her. All the anxiety is made-up shit in your own head - it's your programming that creates that fear. Anxiety and fear doesn't have to control you or direct you just because you feel it. Concentrate on how …
/r/MarriedRedPill22/04/15 06:31 PM
1

Holy shit, this, this, and this! LMAO.
/r/TheRedPill22/04/15 03:03 PM
2

I now believe that the once a week sex she claims to need is basically the amount she's willing to give to someone who doesn't excite her but that she has kids and a home with. Sounds like an accurate assessment. You're seeing the dynamics for what they are now.
/r/MarriedRedPill22/04/15 01:35 PM
1

It was an interesting book for sure, but I read it well before I stumbled across TRP. There was an interesting discussion on the main sub about this topic a wile back.
/r/MarriedRedPill21/04/15 05:28 PM
3

Solid. Very solid. Congrats, /u/whinemoreplease!
/r/MarriedRedPill21/04/15 03:23 PM
1

WHAT WOULD BE THE 1 LINK YOU WOULD RECOMMEND FOR HIM TO START RED PILL? The Rational Male - the book (kindle download is pretty cheap). That's the book that really cracked the door open for me, then I moved onto the subreddits here. But there are loads of options. Any of the sidebar sites on TRP are great too.
/r/MarriedRedPill21/04/15 01:14 PM
1

I am a mountain of a man, strong, stoic and unmovable. Congratulations on seeing the light. Your story sounds very similar to mine in many ways, and it's great to meet a fellow traveller who has seen some of the same sights of the world, and come to the right conclusions. To forgive her so that I could focus on myself. It took me too many decades to learn this lesson. But you have it right. An inspiring story of strength and vision. Best of luck in the rest of your travels through life.
/r/TheRedPill21/04/15 12:49 PM
1

we mean that developing your Frame means to improve your personality so you are strong, masculine, confident, and attractive. I can buy into that. psychological self help people I guess I've been implicitly viewing self-help psychology through an RP lens for a while then. I ignore the fem stuff but I think there's still a lot of valid and useful material to assist with your introspection. But you're right - you want to keep in mind your goal of searching for the masculine essence while you decid…
/r/MarriedRedPill21/04/15 01:28 AM
2

It probably means nothing, but I'm going to continue keeping my texts to a minimum. I'm an obsessive texter. Doesn't mean cut her off or deny affection - you guys are long distance so you still need some of that. But I'd do the lovey dovey stuff by voice or video rather than text. You can see my shift in texting behavior after "the incident". You sure about that? All I see is a short-term lull followed by a pickup of the usual pattern.
/r/MarriedRedPill20/04/15 10:27 PM
2

TLDR: Your frame is who you are and what you are all about. This is exactly true given strategos' proposed scope of frame. This then leads to the question - what is the difference between "frame" (which to my mind, we've generally been using as a specific, particular aspect of your personality) and the concept of your whole, healthy, well-adjusted manly psyche? If we say that they are one and the same, then discussions of "how to hold frame" are really discussions about "how to improve your over…
/r/MarriedRedPill20/04/15 09:36 PM
1

It was in a response to your "Owning my shit out of panic attacks". Glad it was a useful contribution.
/r/MarriedRedPill20/04/15 06:44 PM
2

NMMNG was like a two-by-four to the head for many of us here. But the thing is, that it really just cracks the door open to a bigger change in how you view yourself. If you let it. I found it well over a year ago and I'm still constantly re-evaluating and reframing myself and working to identify and drop old programming, and make sure I'm leading my own life. 13 days of life-changing thought - sure. But there are many many more changes to come for you. get drunk, go driving, and get sloppy road …
/r/MarriedRedPill20/04/15 06:23 PM
1

Makes sense. For me, I think I had OK physical frame for quite a while, and had much better body language from learning PUA stuff a couple years back. But like you said, getting past the emotional in the arguments was the tough one. Your description of just standing up and giving a smirk is great, though.
/r/MarriedRedPill20/04/15 01:45 PM
3

It's hugely important but I would not go as far as saying number one. The most important aspect IMHO is changing what's in your head. Almost all the points you make are ways in which lifting improves what's in your head - it's an incredibly powerful tool in your self development, but isn't quite the main thing.
/r/MarriedRedPill20/04/15 01:30 PM
2

This is a really good presentation. It fits really well together but it also highlights a point you made - that since no one really knows exactly what it is in precise words, it's a little different for everybody. For me, I felt that "frame" was very close to being synonymous with the "assertiveness" concept that psychology books like WISNIFG discuss. Perhaps that is because one of my biggest weaknesses in the past has been to be able to assert myself and calmly stay on point without getting suc…
/r/MarriedRedPill20/04/15 01:23 PM
1

Nailed it on all counts. Thanks for the reminder to always keep it grounded and real.
/r/MarriedRedPill19/04/15 02:14 PM
3

Can I fix this without changing my relationship worldview? Ummm... so you want to keep doing the same exact thing you've been doing but expect things to get better. Just maybe tighten up one of the bolts an extra quarter turn. No. You fear changing your worldview - in fact you lump our worldview right up there with scientology. Look around at all the people you work with, who are stuck in dead end jobs with a wife who doesn't love them and constantly puts them down, but are stuck because of the …
/r/MarriedRedPill19/04/15 01:58 PM
1

A long time ago I used to debate over whether we were products of nature, or products of nurture. But there's a third element - choice. We have a choice to take the path we decide to, and this makes all the difference.
/r/TheRedPill18/04/15 02:21 PM
1

The big picture for you isn't just "how to get over the ex since my plates aren't as attractive", but "how to get over the ex". Period. You are still comparing every new plate to this ex in your head. It sounds like you believe she was of really high value since she was so good looking. And by extension, you were pleased with yourself and got some validation from the fact that you had such a hot gf. But to rely on external things (the hotness of your gf) to derive your own feelings of satisfacti…
/r/askTRP18/04/15 02:12 PM
2

Some of his behaviour you can talk about rationally, like pointing out the likely consequences of his actions. But some of his behaviuor likely stems from how he feels about life and himself - like he feels unvalued at home, or unhappy at school, or feels a need to conform to a group to get some external validation for himself. These are harder to address, but you want to show him that being his own man, thinking for himself, valuing himself, and setting his mind to achieving something is both w…
/r/askTRP18/04/15 02:01 PM
3

People who have low self confidence and self esteem feel like they need to make the world less hurtful to themselves, so they try to changing everything around them rather than improving their own selves. This is the heart of SJW-ing. These same people who suffer from insecurities and low self valuation will take less care of themselves., believing that somehow they deserve to look this bad or they stop giving a damn about how they look/how much they weigh. So for these people, the two phenomena…
/r/askTRP18/04/15 01:56 PM
1

The Gervais principle - yes, that's a great read. If your head isn't already spinning enough from NMMNG and TRP this will give it another few turns counterclockwise.
/r/askTRP18/04/15 01:50 PM
3

Going to agree with everyone else: saying "I did not know" wasn't a bad response - it's simple truth. And you're trying to take responsibility for her when you bug her about antibiotics. You want more separation of your own self from her own self. Don't spend too much time wondering what's going through her head. Don;t spend too much time getting all misty eyed about the prospect of the goodbye kiss. You can't force her to give you a long loving kiss. You're looking for validation from her that …
/r/MarriedRedPill17/04/15 11:40 PM
3

You are BLIND BLIND BLIND if you think she loves you. She loves what she gets from you - money and some validation. You are BLIND BLIND BLIND if you think she's a decent person. A decent person doesn't go exchanging fucking nudes with random dudes while she's married.
/r/askTRP17/04/15 11:23 PM
4

Destroying the lives of my kids and that of my Mom and Wife? That's some seriously messed up thinking. Standing up for what you believe and know to be true is not "destroying" anything. You're letting your indoctrination talk for you.
/r/MarriedRedPill17/04/15 01:41 PM
1

There's a fine line between doing approaches to boost your confidence, build abundance, and drop your fear of rejection and having approaching becoming an addiction. If you're "compelled" then you're not doing it from a solid self-aware place - you're at the mercy of some internal demon which craves validation or something like that - /u/jacktenofhearts pretty much nailed it in another reply here.
/r/MarriedRedPill17/04/15 01:36 PM
1

This is a terrific analysis and I think there's a huge amount of truth to the general idea. As with so many thing in life, there are layers on layers and wheels within wheels. My general take on RP is that in any relationship there are two general layers: the RP principles, and also the individual psychological issues of the two partners. Learning the RP principles is the first step in fixing things, and if the other issues are small we can chalk it up to a simple RP success story. But when ther…
/r/MarriedRedPill17/04/15 01:28 PM
1

I act nice = they're an asshole --- I am an asshole = they're nice Read the book "No More Mr Nice Guy". Explains a lot of stuff.
/r/TheRedPill16/04/15 06:01 PM
1

how the fuck does "Dread Dread DREAD DREAD MOAR DREAD LEVEL 9000 DREAD" help? You've captured and elucidated pretty much the same thoughts I've been having in reading more than one thread. At the risk of sounding (heaven forbid) Purple, I agree that there has to be some nuance. There's a lot of prescription for Dread that reads a lot like "if you only have a hammer, every problem looks like a nail".
/r/MarriedRedPill16/04/15 02:08 PM
2

She needs to be weaned from my text validation. Or do you need to be weaned from your desire to show how caring you are by validating her? It's tough to let those blue pill habits die, isn't it?
/r/MarriedRedPill16/04/15 02:02 PM
1

Been there too. My experience was that a lot of the depression was due to the shit in my head and less due to hormones or neuro-imbalances or whatever. The stress of a bad marriage coupled with a lot of shit from my past led me to therapy. It's been a long road but cleaning up my head, working through some shit from the past, and finally taking ownership of myself as much as I can now, has improved my mindset infintely. I know it's hard to see that it will improve some days, but believe me, the …
/r/MarriedRedPill16/04/15 02:00 PM
2

That's a tough situation for you, and I hope you come out on top at the end of the day. Sounds like you have a good attitude about it though. Classic RP theory says that the longer you expose weakness to your woman (weakness meaning self-doubt, loss of resources/income, showing signs of stress) the more you will erode the "supportive nd understanding" capital you've managed to build up. Stay strong and keep your head up man.
/r/MarriedRedPill16/04/15 01:56 PM
1

So recognizing and killing the beta (Kill it With Fire!) is a good thing and a great start. But a couple things tell me that you and her both have a lot of unfinished business with your own childhoods to deal with as well. In my mind, half of RP is understanding the sex dynamics, not putting her on a pedestal, learning tactics to pass shit tests etc. But the other half is becoming a solid fucking Man in your own right. That means you don't carry around grudges from your childhood, and you don't …
/r/MarriedRedPill16/04/15 01:50 PM
6

" a logical mind"... good one. Women are known for their intuitive grasp of Boolean propositional logic. It's only patriarchal societal programming that represses it.
/r/MarriedRedPill16/04/15 01:23 PM
1

Yeah, there's more than once way to read into those comments. I think there's a bit of both man-shaming and child-pity in there nowadays, whereas you're right, 50 years ago it would have been wife-shaming and and man-blaming is a more reasonable porportion. And the child-pity nowadays is not revolving around how the child will be damaged by not having a strong rational fatherly role model, or how messed up the kid will be after being raised by the self-indulgent emotional rollercoaster that char…
/r/MarriedRedPill16/04/15 01:17 PM
6

You need to also demonstrate MOOD independence. This is a really, really good way of putting it. Just replacing "argue back during an argument" with "silent treatment back after a silent treatment" doesn't change the underlying dynamic. There's still an air of emotional investment and proof to her that your moods are contingent on and reactive to her feelings. Exactly where you don't want to be,
/r/MarriedRedPill16/04/15 01:11 PM
1

This is a great post - very good ideas. One nuance, though - I find that it can be fun and rewarding to be decisive over little things too, to display your sense of determinism. It's been touched on before in the 'sphere, but making sure you assertively tell her "the red one, not the black one" when she asks you which top looks better when she's getting dressed, instead of "they both look good, hun, whichever you like". But it still falls in line with the principle of your post, which is to avoi…
/r/MarriedRedPill16/04/15 01:02 PM
3

if I buy a $500 suit and I make $50/hour, that suit cost me 10 hours of work This is a great way to look at things - I've been using this method too just to put things into perspective. How many hours a week are you working just to cover the "fixed costs" - utilities, mortgage insurance, etc. How many hours are you working to saving? How many against a luxury purchase ( book, fine scotch)? It helps you get a better view on what your time is worth.
/r/MarriedRedPill15/04/15 08:52 PM
5

Listen to some of Stephan Molyneux's call-in shows where he really gets going on single motherhood. "The Dangers of Dating a Single Mother" comes to mind, "Trapping Men in Fallopian Tubes" and "Estrogen Based Parasites" are also ones that were pretty good IIRC. His take is basically that since the woman is the gatekeeper for sex and therefore reproduction, the fact that the family breaks up falls largely on her. She had an almost infinite number of guys hitting on her, wanting to date her, wanti…
/r/MarriedRedPill15/04/15 08:38 PM
2

There are two facets of this: who you judge, and the standards you use to judge. WISNIFG clarifies that you judge yourself and not others, and that others don't act as your judge. But the topic of having sane, rational, and positive standard to judge yourself against rather than arbitrary childhood and neurotic bullshit is what is needed to make you into the whole package.
/r/MarriedRedPill14/04/15 07:23 PM
3

Everybody loves a cunning linguist.
/r/MarriedRedPill14/04/15 07:21 PM
1

The answer is right here: and its not a tit for tat thing [...] it just kind of happens naturally That's your wining ticket right there.
/r/MarriedRedPill14/04/15 04:04 PM
3

Good luck. But they say that luck favours the prepared mind, and now you have some more knowledge, so maybe you won't need luck. All the best to you, and keep getting better.
/r/MarriedRedPill13/04/15 08:08 PM
4

Holy shit, talk about trial by fire. That eye-opening "i've been doing everything wrong" moment is something everyone here can probably relate to, so... welcome. Good news is that your wife saw and accepted and reacted positively to your epiphany. You don't need to share all your new perspective with her - let your actions speak more than your words. It's going to be a tough road both with her illness and with your romantic history. Use the challenges that will undoubtedly come up as learning ex…
/r/MarriedRedPill13/04/15 06:04 PM
3

Amen.
/r/MarriedRedPill13/04/15 02:16 PM
3

Except now I'm irritated with you Yeah, it's hard not to be. But they're just words. Why would you give some shrew the power over you that she can fuck up your whole afternoon with something trivial like "go have a shower"? They're just words. They only mean what you choose to let them mean. One stoic approach to insults is to consider where they come from and what they say. If it's truth - why should it be an insult? If it's from someone you respect who has more knowledge and judgement and skil…
/r/MarriedRedPill13/04/15 01:56 PM
2

I think you sounded like a complete asshole. But an asshole who is finally speaking his mind and willing to call a spade a spade. It's amazing what you can finally do with your life once you have that mindset.
/r/MarriedRedPill13/04/15 01:48 PM
2

If it were truly left entirely up to me, OK, this gives me a lot of hope for you because you know down inside you still have a sense of what you want. You may have repressed it, smothered it, fought it, but the embers are still glowing. You just have to blow on them a little to get the fire going right again. But by changing everything out, the paint, the windows, the rims, the tires, etc. etc. is it even the same pinto anymore? This is a good question. And the deep answer is that the doors are …
/r/MarriedRedPill13/04/15 01:40 PM
2

Internet, electronics, physics - you're missing the point. Science is NOT technology. Science is the idea that when you think you know why something happens, you try to test it in the field and fix your theory if it doesn't seem to work right. Science is in the MIND. There are many many people I know who work in high-tech who have technical skills but no science. They constantly do the same stupid things over and over again and wonder why it doesn't work. We've had a glorious renaissance of scie…
/r/MarriedRedPill12/04/15 06:30 PM
3

In theory, if there is one "sociological mechanism" that should be able to overcome feminist vested interests it is peer reviewed science. "In theory, there is no difference between theory and practice. In practice, there is." - Yogi Berra It's a nice thing to dream of, though, right up there with the dream of the supportive woman who's always on your side.
/r/MarriedRedPill12/04/15 04:51 PM
17

You should apologize and buy her flowers. Then maybe take her out for a really nice dinner. LOL. Not everything has to be a shit test. You just have totally different values here - she has some artsy vision of how a room should flow and you have a masculine vision which emphasizes efficiency, space, and organization. But you let her have her vision, bought into it enough to put the bed together, all the while hating it, then at the last minute tried to sabotage it? Classic BP. But we all have st…
/r/MarriedRedPill12/04/15 04:37 PM
0

Your title is great, but your supporting evidence is very weak. You're right... just a long rant. If you want a great discussion on why single moms are detrimental, try Stephan Molyneux. It's long (an hour) but a great listen.
/r/TheRedPill12/04/15 02:45 PM
-6

Changes I have noticed since I [..] started visiting prostitutes. You should probably see your doctor about those sores.
/r/TheRedPill12/04/15 02:39 PM
1

You wrote a few things in other replies that speak volumes. I look put together on the outside but I'm still broken. I know it. inside, I'm still beta at heart, just pretending This view of yourself is the only thing that matters. Do you think quitting your job will fix you looking for external validation? Do you think taking steroids will change the fact that you don't feel worthy without some idealized married life fantasy you've cooked up in your head? Do you think being flirty will take the …
/r/MarriedRedPill12/04/15 02:33 PM
6

Solid gold right here. Can't upvote this enough.
/r/MarriedRedPill12/04/15 02:20 PM
3

This is a pretty good response. It says YOU are taking responsibility for YOU. But it leaves a lot of room for her to try to dig the hooks in... "what are those changes? See how you aren't communicating with me!" or "How are you working on our relationship when you won't even tell me what you're doing?". OP will need to make sure to use all the assertive tactics (broken record etc) to avoid getting sucked into a long discussion and justifying things - sounds like this is a bit of a problem in ge…
/r/MarriedRedPill12/04/15 02:17 PM
17

OK, a couple things stand out. You sound very angry and frustrated. And rightly so. But you're still in her frame. SHE scheduled the appointment for you? And now it's a done deal and you have to figure out how to manage the therapist? That's ass backwards. No way... she does not get to schedule therapy appointments for you. If you want to go, then go. If you don't, then don't. Your call. Recognize that the counseling suggestion is not to improve your communication. It's a big stick that she beli…
/r/MarriedRedPill12/04/15 02:13 PM
1

this cognitive dissonance of understanding clear headed reality but keeping up the charade of the old order What is this "keeping up the charade" nonsense? You're angry. And you're trying to re-fit the pieces of the puzzle back together again. I understand that. But don't go living a charade... for god's sake that's just throwing all your hard-won enlightenment down the crapper. Live true to yourself. And at twenty-five, you've got your whole life ahead of you. Take it from an old guy. Don't scr…
/r/MarriedRedPill12/04/15 05:22 AM
3

One saturday morning I simply sat her down and very calmy informed her that if she wasn't going to fuck me and was going to be a nagging shrew I wanted out of the marriage. This is the part where I cheered out loud. "Yeah, fucking take THAT bitch". You stood up for yourself. You had goals and you stated them simply. You had expectations because... well, you deserve to get something out of this. Goddammit we need more guys like this in the world. As others have mentioned, stay on your toes and do…
/r/MarriedRedPill12/04/15 05:11 AM
3

It's not to late - you're still approaching your prime. Hell, it wouldn't be too late to improve yourself even if you were 75. The books suggested are good. Definitely you want to read NMMNG. Depending on where your head is at, you might also want to check out "When I Say No I Feel Guilty" if you don't find yourself assertive. Also, listen to some Stephan Molyneux call-in shows where he gets going on relationship issues. The guy's got a lot of good perspective and ideas. And to begin... just pic…
/r/askTRP11/04/15 12:11 PM
1

But I sure feel better about myself. Excellent. This is a great story of your awakening. And the changes all come from inside you, doing healthy and intelligent things. Good luck, and I raise an internet pint to you.
/r/MarriedRedPill11/04/15 11:34 AM
1

Yeah, the same thing with my kids (and I'm divorced). Always fireworks and head-butting at their mom's house. But over here, it's all good. Look at the basic parenting principles though - if she won't allow discipline, or all the discipline turns into idle threats (no follow through, so the kid knows that no matter what, he's never losing the computer), then what incentive does he have not to keep pushing the limits? None. Same shit happens at the ex's house with mine. But then the ex goes 180 d…
/r/MarriedRedPill10/04/15 07:42 PM
2

I love my kids very much, but are they worth sacrificing what I want? When you put it this way it sounds like an all-or-nothing tradeoff. I would never lightly advocate leaving a marriage (for all the obvious reasons) but I've done it myself and survived. Lots of things about it sucked. And I hate knowing that the semi-crazy ex is still pulling shit and I'm not around to put a stop to it before it starts to affect the kids. But they know they're welcome here, and loved, and there's peace and tra…
/r/MarriedRedPill10/04/15 07:32 PM
2

It's the thrill of something new. She means nothing... let it go. Fuck the sock thing - that's your own hamster running at 120%. I'm not going to say you fucked up for wanting to flirt and chase a little. You had a taste of something exciting. But you fucked up by propping a hand grenade at the edge of your marriage. Now you are thinking of branch-swinging for the hot chick. Sheesh. And by getting out of control pass-out drunk with a strange chick. That's the exact opposite of being in control, …
/r/MarriedRedPill10/04/15 04:55 PM
2

Two quick comments. One - there was a really great post here a couple months back with a title something like "why I love the silent treatment" or "why I don;t fear the silent treatment" - a great way to get your head wrapped around it so you don;t let it get to you. I mean, why should it, after all? Two - if your kids are acting up/acting out, they're probably picking up on a lot of the negative vibes and crap that's been going through the house from their mom over the last year. Many people ha…
/r/MarriedRedPill10/04/15 04:46 PM
10

Eighteen going on nineteen? Awesome, man, just keep your eye on the ball and you've got it made. Fuck, if only I had known this stuff thirty years ago.
/r/TheRedPill07/04/15 01:23 PM
4

This is not your problem. Exactly. You shouldn't feel obligated to make anyone else's problems your own, no matter what genitalia they have.
/r/TheRedPill07/04/15 01:13 PM
1

I'm still using her for validation of my feelings. This is the kind of insight that you're working towards. Beautiful accomplishment. Despite identifying a flaw in yourself, the great thing is that 99.99% of the people in the world can't even be bothered to think about what's going on in their own head to even half this extent. And without identifying a flaw, a person will never get the feedback needed to fix it. So keep working through it and keep reflecting on yourself. This is the end-game. A…
/r/MarriedRedPill06/04/15 06:59 PM
3

Your whole post revolves around the concept of competing with others. Dividing people into groups and "winning" those groups you want to "win" by alpha. The true change needed is to focus on the internal - the competition with yourself - and not competition with the external. Be the best you can be, for yourself, because you want to be. Then it doesn't matter is it's crazy uncle eddie or the president you meet next - you really don't care if you AMOG them or not. Like that old Zen adage about ho…
/r/MarriedRedPill06/04/15 12:28 PM
1

She was so pretty though, no wonder she got away with it. LOL... this is so true. What a sad,sad world we live in.
/r/TheRedPill05/04/15 03:56 PM
11

Holy fuck dude. I hardly know where to begin with this. There are two separate things going on here. Thing one is that you're trying to assert yourself, handle shit tests, hold frame, and so on. All the good RP stuff. These are all skills you need to have and learn. But thing two is that YOUR FUCKING HOUSE IS ON FIRE RIGHT NOW. Let me summarize the highlights of the relationship you're in: your wife has only has sex with you twice in two years she hits you ,throws furniture, and threatens self-h…
/r/MarriedRedPill02/04/15 05:50 PM
7

Yes. If you think it'll get better, it won't. You'll just be pissed off and angry. OP - listen to this. It's Truth.
/r/MarriedRedPill02/04/15 01:07 PM
2

Okay, so the guy parrots the shit his fiancee gives him which justifies her not being attracted to him, and the appropriate response is to react to validate it? The complaint is a sympton, a result... not the cause. If he wants to hold back a little, fine, but I wouldn;t expect that to change one damn thing about her not being attracted to him "in that way".
/r/MarriedRedPill02/04/15 01:02 PM
3

I call her mainly to help with her loneliness, So this is YOU trying to fix a problem that is HERS, and that you can't even fix to begin with. If she's just sitting there alone in the kitchen looking at her tea, tears brimming up in those lost, soulful eyes as soon as she gets off the phone with you again, then you haven't solved her loneliness problem, have you? If she didn't want to be lonely (and can't tolerate 8 hours by herself) she should have married someone unemployed. Or a trust fund ki…
/r/MarriedRedPill01/04/15 07:07 PM
3

BSG I think it refers to the recently minted Beta Shit Goblin.
/r/MarriedRedPill01/04/15 06:15 PM
2

Overcoming fear is much easier said than done. But at a bare minimum you have to see it for what it is, and then you have to start doing what you want in spite of it. You have to train your subconscious "fear generator" that it can shut off now. Each time you do something and that little voice in the back of your mind says "danger, danger, she's going to be unhappy with me", it's an opportunity. You do it anyway, and show yourself you did it and the world didn't end and you feel better anyway. T…
/r/MarriedRedPill01/04/15 03:57 PM
8

At this point I said "fuck this coupon bullshit". Not from a place of anger at my gf, or even a place of anger at all, just because I realized I didn't need a coupon to get laid, and it was a good feeling, I had a smile on my face. That's a hell of a great thought. Love the story, and most of all, love that YOU are improving yourself first and foremost for YOU. Damn fine work.
/r/MarriedRedPill01/04/15 03:52 PM
2

The other posts about paternity, violence, pregnancy are all spot on. I have had sex a grand total of two times in my life (she too), Yeah, "she too" only did it twice. Because you know you can trust her to be straight up with you because she respects you. The same respect that she shows by hitting you. Yeah, that woman respects her husband and will be open and honest with him. but I'm scared it will lead to fights. The word "scared". This is the fucking root cause of your whole situation. If yo…
/r/MarriedRedPill01/04/15 01:22 PM
1

It sounds like things are generally going well for you, which is great, and that this was a one-off kind of thing. Taking that at face value, and accepting that getting it in the eye is worse than say, a hook that landed on your shoulder, let me submit that in general I just got pushed to a bad reaction. is still blaming her for your response. Your response is in your court. Always. I know I'm guilty of thinking this way still from time to time, but usually after a few days I recognize that I co…
/r/MarriedRedPill31/03/15 08:42 PM
1

Terrific story. I suspect more than one of us can recognize shades of our past in there. Congrats on the turnaround.
/r/MarriedRedPill31/03/15 12:50 PM
3

Or even "Vag Oil"... perfect!
/r/MarriedRedPill30/03/15 08:52 PM
3

Wow. That "ugh" thing is actually kind of funny, though. Did she threaten to hold her breath until she passes out too? But I feel for you. Passive-aggressive behaviour from her really calls for assertive clear behaviour from you. (WISNIFG is a great book for tactics to deal with the whole passive-aggressive thing). Obviously I have no idea what triggered this. But in general, do NOT throw back emotionally charged replies, like getting snarky and acusing her back of being passive aggressive or "y…
/r/MarriedRedPill30/03/15 07:37 PM
2

I agree completely - this is pretty much exactly what I would have written if I had the ability to write so clearly. One of the ten-second mantras here is something along the lines of "be the best possible person and the chicks will come naturally". There's a lot of truth to that, but like many truths, the real depth is both completely obvious and at the same time not apparent to the casual newcomer. "be the best person you can be" certainly has components of going to the gym, taking control of …
/r/TheRedPill30/03/15 05:17 PM
2

This could describe me as well. Erie how often some of these scenarios play out exactly the same.
/r/MarriedRedPill30/03/15 04:57 PM
2

I agree that one-size fits all is sub-optimal. Knowing as much as you can about the real underlying reasons and then reacting from your position of awareness and strength is what it's all about.
/r/MarriedRedPill30/03/15 03:56 PM
1

The idea of the reversal of the M/F roles causing trouble is dead accurate. I've thought this often. And I'm not necessarily disputing your idea, just poking at it for soundness. In the beginning there were Shit Tests. Some of these fractured off into Comfort Tests. And now some of them fracture off into Dominance Tests. The taxonomy of Shit.
/r/MarriedRedPill30/03/15 03:30 PM
2

Short post, my ass. But direct and clearly presented. The dynamic is pretty accurate in a lot of ways. Basic psychology makes sense. In fact it's a general rule that when there's conflict of problems, it's almost never just one party doing something wrong. Rather there's a feedback loop that gets set up - his wrong action causes more of her wrong provocation which causes more of his avoidance and so on. The only question is whether "dominance" is the root motivator of her pings. It's a fairly pl…
/r/MarriedRedPill30/03/15 03:07 PM
2

By unconscious I mean that she does something which she can't even understand because she doesn't know her own mind. She makes a completely unwarranted nasty remark to you. Which you can look at in the context of the evening and realize that X,Y, and Z set off her insecurities, and she's also a little bit jealous of Y, and so when you said "boo" an hour later she jumped 10x higher and lashed out. Doesn't make it okay, but at least you understand where it's coming from which helps you to handle i…
/r/TheRedPill30/03/15 02:28 PM
2

This is brilliant. Your description of authenticiy is right on the mark. I think it's very strongly related to assertiveness, which is one thing that most BP guys give up and have to be re-taught when undergoing their TRP internship. Its about self control, self improvement and proper self-valuation. This, this, and this again. The gaming, the cocky funny, the tactical side of TRP is all well and good. But the real thing you want out of life is to master and improve yourself.
/r/TheRedPill30/03/15 02:15 PM
1

This makes sense, and puts a little more context to your other comment about not wanting to "be emotionless in a reltionship". #1 shows you have no control over your own emotions, and try to blame them on her. #2 means you think her emotions are your problem. #3 means you know each of your emotions are your own to deal with but there's a barrier there. #4 can only happen safely if you have achieved that level of understanding your own emotions and have proper boundaries. Then you can chose how m…
/r/TheRedPill30/03/15 02:09 PM
2

LOL. I get the idea, but seriously, that was too painful to finish watching... only so many times I can listen to a beauty school dropout rhyming about mofo pussy ass niggas.
/r/TheRedPill30/03/15 01:46 PM
4

Yeah... what's interesting to me is that this assumption lies on the borderline between "western feminized society female entitlement" and the basic universal sexual marketplace: as gatekeepers of sex, women can just generate a pool of candidates and accept or reject as desired. The assumption is based on a kernel of actual truth.
/r/TheRedPill29/03/15 09:24 PM
2

My take is, no, not a power play. But you are absolutely right... you can never take anything for granted. Only thing I can do is keep improving myself. And if she really really wants a rich guy instead... well then, I guess she was the wrong woman for me in the first place.
/r/TheRedPill29/03/15 09:21 PM
2

I don't understand having no heart to hearts, and being emotionless. The goal is not being emotionless... farthest from it. But your emotions are fundamentally just things that you experience and manage on your own. Some of them you may choose to share and some of them you just need to work through on your own. Once you do that you might even realize some of them were total bullshit and not worth revisiting ever. Choosing to manage your own emotions rather than sharing them immediately with your…
/r/TheRedPill29/03/15 09:16 PM
2

It REALLY bothers me. she doesn't have power over me. You see the contradiction here, right? As long as you have a trigger point that lets her get your back up, she has power over you. But you are the only one that can neutralize the trigger point, realize that you have the power to ignore it, realize that even though it seems like a strong attack it's actually a pathetic reveal of her own weaknesses. Whatever kind of understanding you can come to about it... once you get there and master your o…
/r/TheRedPill29/03/15 09:04 PM
1

OP may be starting to get it but still has sentimental attachments to things (the shop). And hold onto the belief that the actions of his ex can change the value he places on this coffee shop. Placing unwarranted sentimental attachment on external things is kind of like one-itis. It's putting yourself off balance. If he likes the place, make it his and forget about whether she likes it or not.
/r/TheRedPill29/03/15 07:32 PM
5

LOL... a bit delusional. In extent, perhaps. But the thing is, that the delusion is grounded on a kernel of truth, which is that beauty gets traded for beta bucks all the time. But you make good points.
/r/TheRedPill29/03/15 07:14 PM
5

Tough situation for you. What I'm learning from TRP is about knowing what the right thing is for you and having the guts to do it. From a solid, truthful, and rationally self-interested perspective. Not out of pressure, rage, or fear of anyone's responses. Good luck on working through your relationship with your mom and figuring out what you need to do.
/r/TheRedPill29/03/15 04:21 PM
2

basic social skills are the iceberg, and game techniques aka "flirting" is the tip. Good point. And I like to think that the iceberg of TRP consists of self-awareness, self-improvement, assertiveness, and internalizing the reality of the world and gender dynamics. Social skills is one of the tips of this iceberg. Like the old lady said, "It's icebergs all the way down..."
/r/TheRedPill29/03/15 04:14 PM
7

If a richer version of you came along it would be audios amigo. Modest reminder to self: never stop being this awesome!
/r/TheRedPill29/03/15 04:08 PM
194

LOL... started reading "my mom does the same thing" and I was like "I don't want to know how this guy knows about his mom's starfish sex..." Sorry... couldn't help it. But yeah, accusing to provoke - it's a common theme.
/r/TheRedPill29/03/15 04:01 PM
19

Can a dude be gaslit? Are you kidding me? That's pretty much the definition of gaslighting. A smart man doesn't believe what a woman says anyway. A smart man takes it all in, male or female, weights it accordingly, and then does what he needs to do from his own place.
/r/TheRedPill29/03/15 03:56 PM
2

This is a really cool idea and a good way to think about it. I suspect though that it may cover, pick a number, say, one third of the cases of shit tests, while the other two thirds are provocation, or perhaps even purely unconscious. But it's a neat trick and I'll try to keep it in the back of my mind.
/r/TheRedPill29/03/15 03:54 PM
13

Great story and another high five. Thanks for posting. What I love about this is that it's so completely antithetical to the bluepill mind that you would be allowed to act like this, or have the audacity to act like this. But in reality it's just basic self respect and assertion of what you will and won't deal with. It still blows my mind that for men in modern culture, basic self respect and simple assertion of your expectations is somehow a wildly unreasonable thing. So unreasonable in fact th…
/r/MarriedRedPill29/03/15 03:46 PM
1

Yeah I know...it's just that every now and then I relapse into a "why can't they just actually be on my side" fantasy and have to vent. My bad.
/r/MarriedRedPill29/03/15 02:56 PM
5

Nice work. This is like Chicken Soup for the RP Soul.
/r/MarriedRedPill28/03/15 05:54 PM
1

LOL... I stand corrected. Somehow, somewhere, some woman has undoubtedly turned fellatio into a shit test. We so cutely refer to this part of the female psyche as the hamster, but it's worth remembering that this is just a convenient abstraction for a more Lovecraftian creature, rising from the deep where dead Cthulhu waits dreaming.
/r/MarriedRedPill28/03/15 05:53 PM
6

If her lips are moving but your pants are still on, you know it's a shit test.
/r/MarriedRedPill28/03/15 04:43 PM
1

Fair enough. Re-read the post a couple more times and your other comments - I think you did pretty well overall. Good stuff.
/r/MarriedRedPill28/03/15 02:10 PM
7

Women will absolutely not understand nor respect logic. They despise your hurt feelings Fuck me. I fucking hate this so much. But it's so true.
/r/MarriedRedPill28/03/15 01:13 PM
4

Nice story, and BTW there's no need to be self-conscious about your grasp of English - it's great. You still bought into their frame to the extent that you accepted defeat instinctively. That's the only problem I see. But you forced yourself to say IDGAF and went for it anyways, so top marks to you for that.
/r/TheRedPill28/03/15 12:38 PM
1

I agree with this. While you did great at wielding your new tools - holding frame, setting boundaries, and acting on your beliefs - make sure you keep the big picture in mind as you're doing this. When you have a new set of tools... well when you only have a hammer, every problem looks like a nail. I like the firm response MarriedAsFuck suggested, and in the event that she still tries to dilly-dally you can just tell her "I meant it when I said I had to pack. I'll catch up with you and the kids …
/r/MarriedRedPill28/03/15 12:21 PM
1

All this stuff is tough and takes a whlie to internalize. It sounds like you've been starting from the SMV/sex angle. At least you're starting somewhere! But it's a whole package - you can't just improve your SMV (be fit, attractive, well-dressed and have cool skills like jiu-jitsu for example), but at the same time have your own attitude full of guilt, resentment, unresolved anger, and succeptibility to being emotionally manipulated. I think that's where you're hobbled an imbalance in your self…
/r/MarriedRedPill28/03/15 12:15 PM
5

there is life after marriage and that I can be happy again. This, this and this again. It doesn't mean you have to use the option, but at least you know that you can use the option and it'll be OK. Most guys on the sub will advocate for giving it a go, and I can;t necessarily argue them. But I was in a shitfuck of a marriage for well over a decade, had kids, and then divorced. I figured it would be the end of the world but at least it would be better than living the way I had been. But...after I…
/r/MarriedRedPill27/03/15 11:22 PM
1

So I really like how you've written in the past about the levels of dread, and the "flowchart approach" - assess the current situation, decide what level it corresponds to, and apply level N Dread. It's clear, simple, and seductively linear. In that context, it's clear that OP is at the top end of the scale in self improvement and just has to locate the appropriate Dread category. But simultaneously, I tend to think of a relationship as water flowing from her to you. The water has to want to flo…
/r/MarriedRedPill27/03/15 02:55 PM
1

Hey, I'm glad you're taking a view of the TRP through the long game here. But I just have to ask - and I'm really not trying to be a dick by asking - if one major aspect of TRP is about taking responsibility for yourself and your life and your direction and your goals, how does an arranged marriage fit in? I don't know that much about the culture, but it seems to me that an arranged marriage is basically throwing your determinism, your self governance out the window in a big way. I know you can …
/r/MarriedRedPill27/03/15 02:43 PM
1

If she can take Chateau Heartiste, then you know you have a keeper. LOL. So many guys out there would wind with a fork through their eyes after showing their women CH. I don't use any RP terminology with my woman, or show her anything in print or on the net. But I share openly how I feel about gender roles, self responsibility, and boundaries - all the key concepts. In fact, when I recently assessed her friend who's getting married soon as a manipulative, spoiled leech on her fiance (in basicall…
/r/MarriedRedPill27/03/15 02:37 PM
7

Hey... welcome aboard and thanks for sharing your story. When you are starting from scratch a lot of these things are really eye-opening. The books NMMNG and WISNIFG are great for some general psych perspective on how most of us got into this mess in the first place. And the Rational Male book is a great way to put the relationship mess into a more solid framework. i started to realize that in the overall scheme of things she had more to lose than me Damn straight. YOU are the prize here. Intern…
/r/MarriedRedPill23/03/15 02:46 PM
2

Welcome! Those old programmings can be pretty strong and buried pretty insidiously deep in your brain. But now that you have a better perspective, you can remain vigilant and when you make your next mistake of some type (and you will... we all will), you will be able to own it, analyse it, and learn from it to make yourself a better man. Your situation sounds horrible - that sucks that your mother is such a nutbar. But we can't chose our parents, we can only chose our own thoughts and decisions …
/r/MarriedRedPill23/03/15 01:48 PM
9

The poor husband wrote: Her explanation made me feel cold and empty inside: He's starting to get it, but if only he knew how deep the rabbit-hole goes...
/r/TheRedPill22/03/15 02:23 PM
1

definitely never sleeping on the couch again. Thumbs up. And reposting this clip... Bill Burr gives great redpill advice (disguised as comedy) https://youtu.be/NqCZvIwrpZw
/r/MarriedRedPill20/03/15 08:33 PM
1

I know exactly where you're coming from. By hanging out here you're doing the right thing. A couple perspectives: need to get to a place where I don't think about those things. It's hard not to get so angry. It's not that you have to suppress the thoughts. Forcibly suppressing them will just make them stronger. What you have to do is get rid of the anger. Then the thoughts will naturally peter out, and if it does cross your mind again in future it will just be as a neutral memory. To get rid of …
/r/MarriedRedPill20/03/15 08:08 PM
3

Hmm... toxic, psychologically out of whack parents. And now you come stumbling in the door of the RedPill Saloon looking like something the cat dragged in, asking for help with your bad marriage. I'm thinking you have a lot more than an awkward bapstism visit to thank your parents for here. Say... maybe decades of your misdirected life energy? But I digress... good on you for starting to unplug. Sounds like you're on the way. My take on this is that I am to take responsibility over the things I …
/r/MarriedRedPill20/03/15 07:29 PM
2

First and foremost it's about control and domination of your own self over your own life. Something that's lacking from the lives of so many men married to a harping shrew. And the respect that you build for yourself from doing that, and the respect that will follow from that.
/r/MarriedRedPill20/03/15 03:15 AM
2

then rage that i didn't know LOOL. The old "if you loved me you would be able to read my mind" shit test.
/r/MarriedRedPill18/03/15 02:08 PM
4

There's not getting into a pissing contest by always agreeing, then their's not getting into a pissing contest by not engaging and doing what you know is right. This right here is a key thing to remember. It's not all fight (argue back) or flight (yes dear, running from the argument). You can just ignore the tiger, realizing that it's just paper.
/r/MarriedRedPill17/03/15 02:16 PM
1

Keep in mind what you control and what you don't. Very true. You can do as much as you can but no more. Also keep in mind that you can't force your values on anyone else: I value physical and mental fitness to be the highest form of self worth and living an optimal existence. If you aren't training your body and your mind you are wasting your life. You can't expect to force this down anyone's throat. And it's pretty damn obvious that they don't share even one iota of this value with you. You can…
/r/MarriedRedPill17/03/15 01:59 PM
2

the next morning I was a bit resentful, hamstering, and having beta-bitch thoughts. I caught myself Was going to comment on the exact same line. Was there myself a couple days back, went to bed pissed off and woke up even worse, ready to snap and lash out. A week ago we had an argument that kind of lingered in my head. Then on Friday I told my LTR I wanted to go ice skating for a while after work, but then she made her puppy-dog eyes voice over the phone and I said what the hell, let's go to din…
/r/MarriedRedPill17/03/15 01:51 PM
3

It sounds like the day went pretty well and you did some good stuff to make it happen. But on the flipside, it sounds like you had to really made a serious effort to make it happen, and had to plan about six different diversions to get through this one meeting. You're way too hung up on this chick still if you need so many crutches to deal with her. One-itis. Kill it with fire. You don't need it, you don't need her.
/r/MarriedRedPill17/03/15 01:31 PM
1

You are far from the first man who thought your woman was on your team. There's a lot of sad, sad, truth to this statement. If only I could kick my own ass hard enough to go back in time 20 years and give myself a good shaking... LOL.
/r/MarriedRedPill17/03/15 01:21 PM
3

Some excellent analysis in the replies (looking at you, /u/strategos_autokrator) , so I'll skip the direct answer and go tangential. I'm curious about your story since you talk about something your dad told you, and how it (probably) had stuck with you for a long time and then you discovered why or how it's a flawed sentiment/bad advice/whatever. It's excellent that you're looking critically at the statements your father taught to you. My own father was raised by a single mom after his dad walke…
/r/MarriedRedPill17/03/15 01:10 PM
15

"You can't really blame her, I'm a great catch." Beautiful response. And it's so funny to watch theory work in real-time. Nice job.
/r/MarriedRedPill16/03/15 12:46 AM
1

There is no arguing to be done here. This. To flesh it out a bit more from my perspective: the thing is, that what you want is something that comes from inside of you, it's an innate desire of yours. It's not something you rationally decided on, and are open to changing upon presentation of a valid counter-argument. This puts it into the category of something that comes from your own self, and you don't have to justify, explain, or argue with anyone why you want what you want. You just want it, …
/r/MarriedRedPill15/03/15 02:55 PM
3

Yep. I hear you on that one.
/r/MarriedRedPill13/03/15 01:34 AM
2

If you think the battle is anywhere outside of your own skull then you're not applying all the effort you need. Perfectly put and right on the money.
/r/MarriedRedPill12/03/15 06:19 PM
5

You nailed it. Even though I cut my teeth on the main TRP sub, you've captured exactly why I always feel a little out of place reading too much stuff there... not the blatant "just fuck more bitches" stuff, but the whole feel of the place. I wrote it off as a lack of personal relationship perspective and the collective cluster-group-think-fuck that goes on there sometimes, but I think you really hit it with the responsibility and own-your-shit comments.
/r/MarriedRedPill12/03/15 12:04 PM
2

Best of luck to you, my man. I don't give a fuck if it's my inside hamster or not, I'm going to marry her soon. [...] And these tools and MRP will help stay me on target. Sounds like you're in a pretty good place to succeed.
/r/MarriedRedPill12/03/15 11:58 AM
5

On first reading the title ("three dysfunctional captains and first officers") I was kind of expecting a Penthouse Forum tale. But this is better. Waaaay better. Holy shit, /u/jacktenofhearts, you knocked it out of the park with this one. Solid, solid, post. And seriously, who told you about the ground beef thing? That happened to me too, once, in the dark mists of time. You're no longer knee-jerk following Her Plan For Us (or really, Her Plan For Herself and You As Long as You Agree With Everyt…
/r/MarriedRedPill12/03/15 11:43 AM
1

Glad to hear you are on a path, with a vision. Sounds like you now have a way to turn your experiences and hardship into wisdom, instead of bitterness and defeat. Best of luck to you!
/r/TheRedPill07/03/15 07:29 PM
2

/u/kurwazinho wrote she's nervous about making her own decisions. I agree with this, and also agree that even though it's really so insignificant it could be solved by a coin toss, you can use this as your chance to be the one who's confident and leading.
/r/MarriedRedPill07/03/15 03:41 PM
3

using fapping to fix bad/no sex is like turning up the music to drown out the noise your car has been making. Great analogy. And the beauty of it all is that once you start to have a decent relationship again, the need to buy your right hand a nice dinner, a few glasses of wine, some cheap flowers, and then take advantage of yourself goes away pretty much completely.
/r/MarriedRedPill07/03/15 04:37 AM
3

I stumbled on this earlier today too and agree it's worthy of sharing. He has a really thoughtful way of making his arguments, and I really liked his perspective on this.
/r/MarriedRedPill07/03/15 04:31 AM
2

I feel for you. Been there in the past. And I say, so you're reneging? Damn she has selective memory. There was a sub-thread in this same thread where /u/strategos_autokrator was talking about backrubs, and how his wife offered it but didn't really man it; just meant it in the moment, as a way of making herself feel good by offering a token of support, but then the moment passes and it;s vanished. Something along those lines - he said it way better than me. But anyways, replace anything with bac…
/r/MarriedRedPill07/03/15 04:28 AM
2

Ahh, the sweet sweet smell of success! I love everything about the story. And agree with your bullet points whole-heartedly. The pictures document a pretty cool transformation. Thanks for the contribution, it's an inspiring model for everyone starting out here.
/r/MarriedRedPill05/03/15 10:07 PM
3

OK, at least it's a start. But..... You're killing me here. You write she makes me come to the bedroom No she doesn't. She doesn't make you do anything. SHE whines and YOU give in. YOU give in. That's YOUR fault. YOURS and YOURS alone. Stop talking like you have no control over your own destiny. The more you keep talking like this the less chance there is of you every digging yourself out from this hole. She doesn't agree that I want to have personal space and freedom. She can agree or disagree …
/r/MarriedRedPill05/03/15 07:06 PM
46

The idea of the woman being your rock is a new one, and it needs to die. Amen. Hell, even the equal partnership and support thing is a stretch. You need to be your own rock.
/r/TheRedPill05/03/15 03:33 PM
14

The more you rely on the military anything outside of your own self for your personal well being, the more you will be let down. This is my number one takeaway from TRP.
/r/TheRedPill05/03/15 03:31 PM
1

asking what should I do, just say 'looks like you're upset'? She actually thought this was a good idea. You sound surprised at this response. She's upset, sure. But that does NOT mean you have to react to it. It does NOT mean you have to soothe her emotions for her. It does NOT mean you have to avoid her, or avoid mentioning her state. It just means she's upset. You're spending way too much time thinking about responses to her being upset, which tells me that the fact of her upset is affecting y…
/r/MarriedRedPill05/03/15 03:14 PM
8

You know what the hot-crazy scale is, right? I'm really hoping that she's a 10, otherwise she's definitely in the no-fly zone. 20 hours a day on video games. Accusing you of physical assault. Getting free gas and car insurance off you. Where did you find this little gem? First off, good for you for being here and trying to make some changes. But that's enough hugs and feelz for you today. You screwed up in a couple of major ways. In no particular order: making excuses for not working out. Diet? …
/r/MarriedRedPill05/03/15 03:01 PM
1

However, when women are trying to muddle things up, I think that the way to keep frame IS to address first the stuff we want to stop because we don't like. Yes. I like your actionable and concrete advice on this point, about addressing the aspect that bothers YOU the most first. Keep the frame... dig down to your own bedrock and put the foundation there.
/r/MarriedRedPill05/03/15 02:39 PM
1

Logic can't survive against the hamster because the hamster eats logic and shits more hamsters. I just spit my coffee on the table laughing at this. But in all seriousness this is some great analysis. But I always wonder how much the mental structure we put around these ideas might be misleading us. I mean, the whole dichotomy of shit- vs comfort is purely an intellectual framework that we impose on some underlying reality which consists of hormonal emotional and irrational individual programmin…
/r/MarriedRedPill05/03/15 02:06 PM
5

Women don't want us to solve their problems. They just want us to make them feel that we listen to their emotions. This made things so much simpler when I learned and internalized it. Not only did it save me the frustration that resulted from my wasted efforts, but I didn't have to expend that effort in the first place.
/r/MarriedRedPill05/03/15 01:50 PM
3

Good to see you posting here. Sometimes you need to really hit the bottom before you start to change, or see things differently. It sounds like you recognized that everything you had done up to that point was just pure shit, and you finally woke up to the fact that doing things the same way you've always done them will lead you to the same unhappy results you've always gotten. Seeing things differently in your own mind is key, and it sounds like you've started to internalize it. Listen to /u/str…
/r/MarriedRedPill04/03/15 05:20 PM
3

Yeah, I can see you holding on to that backrub like a dog holds onto a bone, dragging it through the house and the yard forever. The backrub thing is kind of like deja vu for me. Let me ramble a bit on a prime example of how miserably out of touch I was decades ago when I was married and totally bluepill. My (at-the-time) wife offered me a backrub after my black belt grading. The one day of my life where I put in the most insane amount of physical effort and pain in a decade, and I was hoping fo…
/r/MarriedRedPill04/03/15 05:02 PM
2

I think you're doing great. I hear that finally you're decoupling the shit she's throwing at you (crying, pushing, shouting, claims of this or that) from your own reaction. You're just seeing it for what it is without needing to jump in and respond to each little thing, and without taking it as your problem. All the advice from the rest of the guys here is spot-on. Stay strong and good luck.
/r/MarriedRedPill04/03/15 02:46 PM
1

Wow. What a story. The more I look at my own life and the lives of the people close to me, the more I realize how much shit gets passed on from generation to generation. What's modeled by the parents informs the children's choices. From my great grandmother's suicide to my grandmother's complicity in child abuse to my mother's suicide attempts to my own fucked up world view for a large fraction of my life. Just one chain of shit passed down like a septic torch. It's not just a blue-pill red-pill…
/r/MarriedRedPill04/03/15 02:42 PM
7

Jesus, /u/En_sigma. This brings tears to my eyes just reading it. Yes, brother, you do. You really nailed it with this. And my condolences.
/r/MarriedRedPill04/03/15 02:35 PM
3

That strength comes from your strong vision of what is important to you, and it is independent of the details of what shit your ex throws at you. This right here. It's a hard thing to do when you haven't been living that way. But this in a nutshell is your goal, OP.
/r/MarriedRedPill03/03/15 04:10 PM
3

you failed the DEER test. You went into full justification and explanation role This x10.
/r/MarriedRedPill02/03/15 02:52 PM
1

His shows are long. Like an hour spent with a single caller digging into childhood, parenting, and how the caller has a backwards view of relationships and/or women (think BP vs RP). The tl;dr might be - you got yourself into this mess by your own decisions. Until you figure out why you made those decisions (the underlying wrong beliefs, the feminist value system, the mommy/daddy issues etc) you will keep making bad decisions. And you will have no one but yourself to blame. A couple cool shows w…
/r/MarriedRedPill02/03/15 02:40 PM
3

Beautiful post, and so much clarity, peace of mind, and truth comes through. A little retrospection and a victory lap is certainly in order after all the work you've done. And it's really kind of cool to see that all the work has been done on yourself, not on your wife. Validates all of the principles. Stay strong, and don't get complacent!
/r/MarriedRedPill02/03/15 02:28 PM
2

LOL. It's moments like this that you realize how great the divide really is between RP and mainstream society.
/r/MarriedRedPill02/03/15 02:20 PM
3

I know what you mean about identifying with the melancholy. For me it was Offspring's "No Self Esteem". The line "the more you suffer... the more it shows you really care" resonated back in the day. Could have been my own personal anthem in a lot of ways. Fuck me... if only I had a time machine to give myself a good talking to!
/r/MarriedRedPill01/03/15 06:58 PM
2

Similar story here - kids, then divorce, then lots of contact about the kids, then an LTR. Found TRP after a few years after getting divorced. Dealing with the ex has been challenging to say the least. It started out amicably enough, but over the course of the last couple of years I've realized that the "amicable" was really just an excuse to phone me constantly, bitch about random stuff with the kids, waste my time, and try to inflict her control strategy and judgment on me from a distance. It …
/r/MarriedRedPill01/03/15 01:21 PM
3

Today I begin a two week clean eating diet. Gym every day. No excuses. Ignoring plate. Mostly ignoring wife. Awesome! Sounds like a great plan. I wish I could just count on support from women when I need it. But I cant. I hear you. But you'll find there's 10x the strength of support you need inside your own self compared to what anyone else can give. And it sounds like you're ready to tap into it.
/r/MarriedRedPill28/02/15 08:54 PM
2

Hey, congrats! It's like a whole new world opens up once you start digging deep into your subconscious after spending a lifetime in the same bullshit patterns. Keep at it, thus journey is all about getting yourself sorted out. This is a great first step. It's not done by a long shot but stick with it. About the guilt...the best thing to do is exactly what you did there. ..acknowledge it but don't let it control you. Your conscious mind now knows it's a crock. The way to get your subconscious to …
/r/MarriedRedPill28/02/15 08:48 PM
9

Neo: "Why do my eyes hurt?" Morpheus: "Because you've never used them." Vent away, man. Part of what you're saying is true - it's lonely, it's disheartening in the beginning, it's a big change in how you view the world. But the good news is that by realizing what had really been motivating you so far, that by realizing that this has not been all about you yet, you have learned something real. The fact is that now you really know in your gut what you have to do next. Do these things for yourself.…
/r/MarriedRedPill27/02/15 02:50 PM
1

Some people write about cutting porn and no-fap as a contributing factor to a better relationship. For me it was the other way around. By finally getting into a relationship that suited me, with a quality woman, who is just as interested as I am in loads of fun time in the bedroom (and in the kitchen, and the laundry room, and...) I really don't feel the the need to jerk or watch porn. There's no issues in my life anymore of sex denial, or of control, or passivity, or any of the other psychologi…
/r/MarriedRedPill27/02/15 02:42 PM
1

Sorry for your loss. This must be a hell of a time for you. But I'm going to reiterate what has been said here a few times - don't make any big decisions right now, until after you have some time to deal with your father's passing. While strong emotional crises can sometimes make things very clear to you, it's best to keep the things you've discovered or realized now in your head until the dust clears, then act on them. Reading your post in /r/divorce makes me think there's very little red pill …
/r/MarriedRedPill27/02/15 02:36 PM
4

I laughed out loud at this. That was pretty sweet. Great post, it's a nice reminder to keep the big picture in mind.
/r/MarriedRedPill26/02/15 02:08 PM
1

Not contentment, by any means. But peace. I hear you. It may not be fair, or right, but it's the way it is. It's good to understand the world, but just when I finally think I see the matrix, I realize that I'm missing another part of it. There are so many layers and facets to RP. Even though I knew all the individual facets on an intellectual level from reading shit in the manosphere, they just didn't sink in until I actually had some kind of personal experience with it. I learned about Game, bu…
/r/TheRedPill24/02/15 09:28 PM
6

First the rah-rah stuff. Good job on the quick recovery. In the grans scheme, this is just a blip on the radar, a little bit of background noise. Perfect response to all situations doesn't even exist, let alone come to any mortal in real-time. So don't beat yourself up too much. OK, so she got under your skin with the shrug and the "I don't care". It sounds like an attack - like she's telling you that she doesn't give a fuck about how you value your time, which is precious to you, because she su…
/r/MarriedRedPill24/02/15 02:59 PM
6

I'd get some bedroom rewards. * SHE would get some bedroom rewards. Fixed that for you. Attitude, man, attitude.
/r/MarriedRedPill23/02/15 09:28 PM
6

If you don't ever leave your comfort zone, how do you expect anything in your life to change? You can afford to spend a little more time taking care of your own needs and feelings and a little less time analysing how she sees things or how she judges you or how her insecurities manifest themselves. It's a good thing.
/r/MarriedRedPill23/02/15 09:25 PM
1

For the first time in a long time, I'm pretty happy. And not because my marriage is working. It's that my marriage is working because I'm happy. Congratulations! This is a beautiful story and an inspiring amount of progress. About the shades of one-itis over the mistress... all I can say, is, sure - it's a bit of an ego boost to have someone wanting you. But keep in mind the lines from your own post that I just quoted. You're happy because of you, not because of the external validation of your w…
/r/MarriedRedPill22/02/15 10:57 PM
4

She picks up on what I'm doing pretty quickly Being a smart, well educated person doesn't necessarily mean someone sees the real truth. A lot of times, it just means they're quicker to connect things they observe to patterns they already believe exist. The fact that the patterns only exist in their own mind, or society's hivemind, doesn't occur to them. rather than recognizing that I only wanted to fix our marriage and sex life. This is you expecting something from her (appreciation) in response…
/r/MarriedRedPill20/02/15 03:59 PM
1

YOU are the prize. Not her, not any woman. The sweet sweet music of The Truth. Great grand finale points, BPP!
/r/MarriedRedPill20/02/15 03:51 PM
5

...and I came to this divine conclusion ... God, it's so satisfying to hear people talk about their A-ha moments. Something glorious about knowing that people are waking up and growing. True, you made a lot of mistakes - everyone does - but more importantly, you're studying them, understanding their causes, and identifying how you can improve yourself so as not to make them again. And I don't mean just blind avoidance, but actually correcting your thinking and improving yourself. I hear a lot of…
/r/TheRedPill19/02/15 03:23 PM
2

He proposed at Christmas, hours after being told that she was disappointed because she thought this year was the year. Jesus. If he can't see that this is setting the tone for the rest of his married life, then I... I...I'm just speechless. I'm cringing both in envisioning your brother, but also in remembering my own past. Can tell you from experience that he's not happy about it. He just doesn't see that there's a really, really, simple way out. Or he just doesn't believe in it. So he has to pu…
/r/TheRedPill19/02/15 03:01 PM
2

This is really well put and helps put some of my own experience into perspective. I think the RP stigma of marriage comes from two distinct sources. The first being the obvious imbalance built into the system (state enforced resource gabbing, etc). The second being the endless agonizing litany of horror stories from the BluePill-o-sphere. I think it's a mistake to attribute the BP pain to the institution itself, where it should really be attributed to the BP mythos surrounding the institution. I…
/r/TheRedPill19/02/15 12:54 AM
3

Again, I realize that getting upset because she's upset is in itself wrong. Front of the class! We're making some progress here... glad it's sinking in.
/r/MarriedRedPill18/02/15 11:19 PM
3

Being Alpha doesn't mean you can't cuddle Exactly. I cuddle all the time but it's because we have a very close physical relationship, and not because I'm trying to do any of the old BP things derived from or related to cuddling. Such as, to put her in a better mood because I thought that was my job, or to show her how caring I was so that she might start being nice to me for once.
/r/MarriedRedPill18/02/15 11:15 PM
3

You have always been alone and she can't possibly love you as you expect to be loved. As I read this, I envision a single solitary tear rolling down my cheek. But that's just the shadow of the old me that bubbles up now and again. Yeah, it's fucking lonely. But at the same time, by changing my expectations, it shifts more control of the relationship and how I feel about it, right back to my own self. Which is where those things belong. In that loneliness there's a lot of freedom and power too.
/r/MarriedRedPill18/02/15 11:11 PM
4

I'm afraid that I'm supporting what my parents did, and if I say something supporting my parents she'd get into a fight, so I'm playing it safe by being noncommital. So by saying you want to be "playing it safe" you already acknowledge that getting involved is a no-win proposition. You know that something smells bad about the situation. But you're still feeling that it's your problem. Only somehow you're shuffling off the responsibility of dealing with your problem by being noncomittal. But that…
/r/MarriedRedPill18/02/15 11:01 PM
4

Bananas...this sounds like a minor point, but think about it. Why do you think a grown-ass woman past the age of majority can't keep track of her own stomach/bananas/ulcers/whatever? Patriarch hit it right when he said she responded correctly. If you were hurt by the response, ask yourself why you felt the need to get involved with that at all... to be the loving caring whit knight she needs so that you get some brownie points? That's a covert contract right there. Plus, it's a win-win for her: …
/r/MarriedRedPill18/02/15 10:50 PM
7

It's hard and frustrating to realize how the things we've been doing for so long have been so destructive and counterproductive. And it leads to a lot of anger, sometimes so much that instead of fueling the positive step of questioning and re-evaluating everything in a new way, it becomes just defeatist and bitter. Just remember that working on yourself, understanding covert contracts, how to hold frame, and asserting your own needs are lifelong skills. Skills that every man should have, regardl…
/r/MarriedRedPill18/02/15 10:33 PM
2

LOL. This is so true. A friend at work used to call his wife "She Who Must Be Obeyed". (I gather it's a reference to the TV series Fawlty Towers). But I can't imagine the fun home life set himself up for!
/r/MarriedRedPill16/02/15 02:21 PM
2

living unhappily as disrespected, nagged-to-death, henpecked timid loser betas in mostly-sexless marriages to ungrateful bitches. Ashamed as I am to admit it, that describes my first marriage to a T. In hindsight so many things make so much sense now through the RP lens. One thing I should point out is that there are two big factors at work in a case like this: the social conditioning, and the serious psychological problems they each likely have. The "lapsed alpha" is likely only dealing with a …
/r/MarriedRedPill16/02/15 02:12 PM
1

saddled with a quarter of a million dollars worth of student loan debt. This the the one single most important thing I think you left out of your original post. This seems to be the root of your frustration - makes more sense now. She has no business spending like a drunken heiress. This is in a nutshell what the "quantifiable negligence" comes down to. For other the 99% of the world, living on $500 a month and spending $550 is unsustainable. For you guys, so is living on $10,000 a month and spe…
/r/MarriedRedPill07/02/15 03:08 PM
2

Our fear of disappointing them IS what disappoints them. This is insanely profound. Bluepill in a nutshell, really. I love this line.
/r/MarriedRedPill05/02/15 04:46 PM
2

I had the same realization a while ago that just an unqualified 'I'm sorry" is pretty self-blaming, buying into someone else's frame, beta, yadda yadda. So as an alternative, I started saying 'I'm sorry your stomach hurts". "I'm sorry to hear your boss was such a bitch to you today." and so on. Making it clear that I'm offering a sympathy "sorry" rather than an apology "sorry". But then I started to realize that a lot of times there's this passive-aggressive "sorry that you feel that way about w…
/r/MarriedRedPill05/02/15 04:06 PM
3

The beta behaviour is to think that this is your problem to "solve" in the sense of getting each other to like each other, or to live in endless fear of setting the other woman off. The RP answer is to not buy into a problem that's being manufactured outside of you. Realize that this behaviour is coming from their own insecurities. If they were each healthy, emotionally well-adjusted people they would actually expect that you would want to have a normal fulfilling relationship withe the other - …
/r/MarriedRedPill05/02/15 03:42 PM
5

Well put. Going forward into a marriage with all this unresolved tension is just a recipe for more problems down the road. Dread? Ridicule? I think just plain communication works here. Face it head-on, make your expectations clear. Tell your fiance that her attitude is completely unattractive to you and when she acts like a spoiled jealous brat it makes you think twice about your future with her. Clearly, you can't force them to become best friends - you can't force anyone else to like something…
/r/MarriedRedPill05/02/15 02:58 PM
8

Yep... it's a small thing but also a big thing. When I first started learning Game (through PUA stuff) I realized how timid someone comes off as with poor eye contact. Now it's second nature to walk down a street or through the mall and just hold my head high and look people in the eye, because, well just fucking because that's how I roll now. And to see the little furtive glances and averting of other's eyes... it seems so funny. Good reminder on what it brings to your relationship. Eye contact…
/r/MarriedRedPill03/02/15 02:12 AM
1

Great to know things are turning around for you after all your efforts. And congrats on your new little 'un.
/r/MarriedRedPill02/02/15 06:30 PM
4

Is there a more appropriate way to go about this than [...] teaching her that i will not be manipulated Well... (sarcasm voice) ... you could instead continue to show her that she can manipulate you. Report back here in a month and let us know how the improvement is progressing. But seriously, her response is passive-aggressive: passive since she's tellling you (verbally) to ignore her wants, and (under the subtext of guilt) aggressively accusing you of hurting her by ignoring them. She's also p…
/r/MarriedRedPill31/01/15 01:35 PM
1

But don't do it for her. Do it for you. Beautifully put and a great story.
/r/MarriedRedPill28/01/15 11:18 PM
2

I still feel shame today, very real shame, It was understandable that you chose the way you did. That's how you were taught and programmed. You don't need to feel the shame anymore - it's long past. It sounds like you've spent the last 20 years punishing yourself in your own mind for the choice. Do you really want to spend the next 20, 40, 60 years doing the same? Just forgive yourself - yeah, it was a bad choice and now you're where you are. But killing yourself over and over again on the past …
/r/MarriedRedPill28/01/15 11:17 PM
5

It sounds like you have two "grudges" going at once. ("grudges" isn't quite the right word but I'll use it for now). Grudge one is with her behaviour over the weekend. Grudge two is a general weltschmertz triggered by the first. If you chose to communicate with her, you need to boil down what she did to it's essence and why exactly you have a problem with it. Define to yourself exactly where grudge one ends and grudge two begins. Do this for your own sake anyway, even if you don't decide to call…
/r/MarriedRedPill28/01/15 10:55 PM
3

Firstly, I'll reiterate that the books everyone keeps mentioning are going to help. Secondly My natural inclination is to [...] argue back [..] always. Keeping solemn and maintaining frame is not what I was brought up with. [...] you must dish it back By saying "always" and referring to "what I was brought up with", you're putting yourself in the role of having no choice... it's simply what you "must" do. In fact, you have the complete choice to engage in the argument, to silently listen, nod, a…
/r/MarriedRedPill28/01/15 10:27 PM
3

Right now I just want to sit around, drink whiskey, skip the gym, and wallow in depression. Been there too, but glad I left. Depression sucks, but it's really a vicious feedback loop. You just get more depressed because you don't feel up to doing anything about it, so you wind up... (wait for it...) more depressed. Pushing yourself to go to the gym despite feeling like crap is awesome - it shows you still have that kernel of strength inside that you can use to get through this. You wrote earlier…
/r/MarriedRedPill28/01/15 02:09 PM
1

Can vouch for this. We were cozy together on the couch last night, talking about all the places in the house we'd "christened" so far, and she brought up the last time I picked her up and carried her upstairs to the bedroom. The look in her eyes while she was telling me and remembering it... it was pure gold. Tingles and more tingles.
/r/MarriedRedPill25/01/15 04:07 PM
1

The biggest thing for me was to just be less angry in the first place. Call it building inner game, call it dealing with your childhood shit, call it getting your act together, call it recovering you alpha frame... whatever. Reading a lot of sidebar and re-analysing your life, doing some individual therapy, whatever it takes to get you there. If you have a lot of stress and anger in your life in general, you're going to be more prone to go off because any little thing might be the straw that bre…
/r/MarriedRedPill25/01/15 03:54 PM
4

But then again, I rarely have any type of negativity in my life because of the way I try to do things I've noticed this too... by cutting out BS everything improves all around... positive feedback, and the benefit just grows and grows.
/r/MarriedRedPill25/01/15 02:22 PM
3

Let me see here. On the surface, the writing of EnderVaped appears to be framed as a rational counter-argument. In fact, there are bullet points quoted, individual responses framed to the bullet points, and even an attempt to factor a proposition into sub-propositions ("you guys have 3 options...") and analyse recursively. Clearly painted as a dialectical framework. However, read between the lines. Invoking Naziism. Implication that the other party is not an adult. Accusing the other party of be…
/r/MarriedRedPill23/01/15 06:38 PM
2

Good points, both of them. I stand by my position that I enjoy being challenged, but admit that the risk of BP'ers destroying the signal-to-noise ratio on this sub is too great. Bar the door, cock the shotgun, and pour another round for the regulars.
/r/MarriedRedPill23/01/15 03:33 PM
-2

Personally, I propose that we permit Blue Pill comments and criticism and even permit comments negative about Red Pill practices in specific cases just as we permit female comments- so long as they are respectful, not argumentative or snarky, and are limited to a specific point. I second this. I like to hear some well-framed and valid counter-arguments. They make me think and that's a good thing. But wading through a sub-thread of "that's just emotional abuse, get some therapy" and "why don't yo…
/r/MarriedRedPill22/01/15 06:44 PM
2

I have a feeling that this will end the marriage, and that isn’t what I want until I’ve exhausted all other options in trying to fix what is currently wrong with it. This confuses me a little bit. It sounds like there are two show-stoppers here. The first is that you're not happy in the relationship (at least as far as sex, which will over the years grow to become more and more unhappiness unless you fix it). The second is that you don't want kids but she now does. Your statement makes it sounds…
/r/MarriedRedPill22/01/15 12:07 AM
3

I just posted this comment on emotinal abuse on the OP's predecessor thread but I think it's equally applicable here. Furthermore, I think the use of the phrase "passive aggressive" falls into the first facet of what I'm referring to. Emotional abuse... this is an interesting argument. I admit, it took me a minute to see what the problem with framing it this way was. The wikipedia entry clarified things, though. Calling it abuse is basically a carte blanche win-win situation for someone who want…
/r/MarriedRedPill21/01/15 11:31 PM
3

Emotional abuse... this is an interesting argument. I admit, it took me a minute to see what the problem with framing it this way was. The wikipedia entry clarified things, though. Calling it abuse is basically a carte blanche win-win situation for someone who wants to attack the advice given, or in fact to attack any advice given, RP or not. There are two facets to this - I'll address each in turn. Firstly, it contains an attack - the term "abuse" is of course a Bad Thing, so by applying your a…
/r/MarriedRedPill21/01/15 11:10 PM
4

Wife cheats but OP's the asshole. This, this, and this. What we have here in this sub are some incredibly insightful people, working hard to understand relationship dynamics and reinvent themselves based on a better understanding of their own psychology. And in the other corner, a bunch of knee-jerk mis-red-anthropes going out of their way to wilfully misinterpret the context of the discussion and the statements theirein. Sigh.
/r/MarriedRedPill21/01/15 06:33 PM
1

Like I've said before, Clint Eastwood hits the mark pretty often. Some more ideas here: http://www.reddit.com/r/TheRedPill/comments/2pyqev/what_are_some_good_films_tv_series_and_books_with/
/r/askTRP18/01/15 03:42 PM
5

Drop the pillows on the floor quietly [...] if they bug you so much. But this is exactly what the OP stated he did not want to do in response to the wife's aggressive expansion into his territory. Appeasement doesn't work. Didn't work for Great Britain and the western powers after Germany annexed the Sudetenland. Doesn't seem like a good idea here either.
/r/MarriedRedPill18/01/15 03:35 PM
3

Definitely lawyer up. As far as your options of kicking her out or moving out - forget the RP aspect for a minute. Moving out may lose you the ability to file for custody since you're no longer a 100% parent. Not a lawyer but you should talk to one. Sympathies to you, OP, this is a shitty spot to be in. The deck is stacked against you with the courts and the expectations of society. Keep in mind that now you know what she thinks she can pull. Now you know what she thinks she can get away with. N…
/r/MarriedRedPill11/01/15 06:17 PM
1

It's not the words themselves that are the problem. You can quite easily use comparatives like "like" or "kind of" properly. The problem is that you're using filler words to begin with. This language pattern itself is the issue. It's a kind of verbal diarrhea.
/r/askTRP11/01/15 04:14 PM
2

when you realize that a woman's default position is dissatisfaction. You could do everything right and after a while she'll become too comfortable and will eventually be dissatisfied yet again. BAM! A little nugget of truth like a 2x4 to the side of the head. Well put.
/r/TheRedPill10/01/15 10:22 PM
4

I think you handled this pretty well. I know how weird it may have felt to start saying stuff like "our marriage can't be held hostage by your feelings" but it's one of those obvious truths that unfortunately sometimes needs to be spelled out just like you did. Good stuff. One minor critique, though. Throwing in that bit about talking the kids for ice cream almost seems sneaky - as if you're trying to guilt her into agreeing with you in order not to be seen as the bad mom who prevents the ice cr…
/r/MarriedRedPill10/01/15 05:33 PM
2

So why didn't you do a quick clean up, So she expects him to help cleanup, then when the answer is no, throws a crying jag. And the feedback she should receive for throwing a crying jag in order to get her way should be... getting her way? Doesn't this just reinforce the idea that a crying jag is still a trump card, in the same way that throwing a tantrum and screaming used to be the trump card? Sure, some things are molehills. But let enough molehills pile up and before you know it, there's a m…
/r/MarriedRedPill10/01/15 05:06 PM
7

if anything I'm faster to walk away now that I know how fast you can take life changing damage. Absolutely in agreement here. One good slice to an artery and all those years of training will only make you a reasonably fit-looking corpse.
/r/TheRedPill10/01/15 04:48 PM
1

Thanks for breaking it down. Your analysis makes really good sense. I think I get what you mean, and I have experienced similar things, but I hadn't really thought about them to that extent. Initially I feel elated about the positive result of an action I took that I would have never taken before (actions like holding my ground, assertively saying that X and Y bother me, or whatever). Or else feeling amazed after the fact that I was able to detach myself from a situation, look at it as just an e…
/r/MarriedRedPill08/01/15 06:12 PM
1

The book has introductory chapters that spell out the vision, and keeps referring to it as the book progresses. But it's still very much a hands-on book. You referenced assertiveness as being a core part of TRP, and I can't agree more. I came to TRP after spending some time learning Game, and some PUA stuff. And as I was rereading the section about assertive body language versus passive body language, I had this deja vu moment where pretty much everything I read in the TRP/Game context about bod…
/r/MarriedRedPill08/01/15 05:51 PM
2

I'm inspired by your description of "I can't explain it, but every time I just realize the real feeling underneath, I can make everything coherent, and I feel a little high". It sounds almost mystical, like achieving satori. It's inspiring to know that there is more to all of this at the end of the road than just tactics and behaviour modification... there's some very powerful self knowledge. Your statement about congruence of all factors - words, actions, posture, gives me a lot to think about …
/r/MarriedRedPill08/01/15 03:22 PM
6

it seems like I can't follow my morality and achieve what I want from this world. Au contraire. Following your own code of ethics, and achieving things for yourself are in fact just about the only two things that you have the power to do in your life. You can do both. Knowing that you have all the power to guide your own life can be lonely and difficult, true, but it's also very liberating when you see that freedom as opportunity. Trying to frame your life as "be moral or else screw everybody" i…
/r/askTRP08/01/15 02:44 PM
3

I hid my fear with a mask of anger, and that always meant losing frame. It is very easy to just explode like an asshole and use TRP to feel entitled by it, but ultimately, it is losing frame. This is pretty deep. I never really thought about that "asshole justified by TRP" aspect but it makes a lot of sense. I've been working through a book called "Assertiveness Workbook"... a lot of similar concepts to WISNIFG but with a different slant. I think what you're describing as you new mode of being i…
/r/MarriedRedPill08/01/15 02:28 PM
1

I want nothing more than to be there for her as a friend. If it's in the back of your mind that maybe oneday, she'll sleep with you and you two will fall into a fulfilling relationship, that's not having a friend. That's forming a covert contract. It will end badly. Reread NMMNG. Alternatively, when you do meet a great new girl and form a relationship, there will be this shadow of you having an emotional bond with this previous woman. New chick will be jealous You'll eventually realize it's not …
/r/askTRP07/01/15 02:27 PM
2

It is in someways like you are still married and you can't fully just move on with your life. This hits the nail on the head. I can vouch for this. A timely comment actually - even though it's years after the split, still spent half the afternoon today on a grueling phone call with the ex, practicing my fogging technique, practicing my "if you can't stop screaming I'm going to hang up and we'll talk about this later" frame. Certainly easier now than it used to be but no picnic either. As much as…
/r/MarriedRedPill06/01/15 10:25 PM
5

A man sits in a prison cell, watching the rats come in and out. He loathes these rats, his constant companions, his scourge. He usually bats at them and twitches away when they nibble at his feet in the night. But not tonight. There is something different about the man now. Tonight he sets his mind to steel and resolves not to flinch, not to give the rats any sense of victory, to show no fear. As they nibble the flesh of his foot he laughs at their feeble attempt to feast on him. By sheer force …
/r/MarriedRedPill06/01/15 06:21 PM
8

Wow. That's a really tough situation and I know some of where you've been. Throwing things, tantrums, insane credit card debt, alienating family... check, check, check, check. Caveat with this advice: when I was married (12years) and divorced I was BP through and through. But there were a couple of really solid truths that came to me that guided me, even through the thick haze of my BP programming . At the time I felt torn, like you, between putting up with crap and trying to just suck it up and…
/r/MarriedRedPill03/01/15 04:25 PM
15

Holy fuck. I read this post and it just blew my mind and brought me back 10 or 15 years to the worst fucking insanity period of my own life. I don't care how fucking upset she is, it's up to HER to manage HER OWN fucking emotions. Know this and understand it's meaning. THIS IS NOT FUCKING NORMAL. YOU SHOULD NOT HAVE TO PUT UP WITH THIS KIND OF SHIT. Lying on the floor, banging her hands having a temper tantrum? That's some seriously dysfunctional shit there. Not just run of the mill "she's a wom…
/r/MarriedRedPill02/01/15 01:53 AM
3

she is a different person and there have been so many opportunities but she hasn't done anything. So not to make her feel like a whore when I bring this other guy up. As a slight tangent, when I read this I see two things simultaneously. I see your BP interpretation: "I'm doing something wrong by bringing this up. I'm bad. I need to be careful not to say stuff like this because I buy into the idea that I'm doing something awful and making her feel like a whore. Even though I now am starting to s…
/r/MarriedRedPill01/01/15 07:47 PM
1

This is an awesome story. It's great that you had the catalyst of a silent treatment period to discover and internalize this. It's a shame that so many people don't realize this from the get-go, and that it takes some kind of major event before they wake up and smell the freedom.
/r/MarriedRedPill01/01/15 05:20 PM
3

I think there are a lot of specific forms and different backgrounds that go into what TRP considers to be a "bad marriage" - whether the badness takes the form of dead bedroom, constant nagging, mountainous credit card debt spent on shoes and scrapbooking supplies , or what have you. But at the heart of all of them seems to be a power inversion where the woman has more power than the man. Not that in an ideal marriage the woman is powerless, but when she wants to wear the pants instead of the ma…
/r/MarriedRedPill30/12/14 03:12 PM
7

First point: Jesus Christ. This morning I woke up but wanted Cheerios. But then I realized I didn't have Cheerios. But I had Shreddies. I used to like Shreddies because they're a comforting memory from childhood (we used to eat them with stuff on them, like blueberries and bananas). But then i didn;t have any milk so I was thinking of getting some but then I had to drive to the trains station instead and so I had a piece of chocolate because it was after Christmas and there's always Christmas ch…
/r/MarriedRedPill29/12/14 04:34 PM
2

Good for you to stand up for yourself and say what you want, clearly and simply. It's step one of the rest of your life. One thing that bugs me about your story though, is that despite all the yakking (see Archwinger's comment), the only time I saw your wife cede a position to you was after her sister intervened. It still doesn't sound like you're wearing the pants - but keep trying; you will get there!
/r/MarriedRedPill29/12/14 01:19 PM
14

There's a difference between angrily sulking away if she doesn't want sex after you initiate, and just playing it cool and going off and doing something else you want to do instead. The second shows outcome independence - it's not punishing, it's not sulking, it's not playing any part of the game. It's simply demonstrating that you can handle yourself, and you can deal with her shit without throwing a little-girls hissy fit. That's my take on the reconciliation.
/r/MarriedRedPill26/12/14 12:12 AM
2

Wow. You could be speaking for me here. This resonates in so many ways with my own experience. All I can add is that, once in a while, if you keep working at it, you will realize something deep about yourself and your behaviour that will let you drop some of the weight you're carrying. It's not going to be anger and resentment forever... time and wisdom helps you unload it.
/r/MarriedRedPill26/12/14 12:07 AM
2

On average I find people in T.O. are less friendly in everyday ways (smiling on the street, saying hi as you pass, etc). The city also seems to be the nexus of a lot of socialism and liberalism - of the bad, dysfunctional, Atlas Shrugged caricature kind. Coming from somewhere more rural you're more likely to have been exposed to a lot more conservative (but mixed with blue pill) culture. This kind of environment breeds these kind of people. All this is on average, though. There are still lots of…
/r/askTRP23/12/14 02:16 PM
13

"Cognitive dissonance? We don't need no stinking cognitive dissonance here!"
/r/TheRedPill23/12/14 01:36 PM
3

hell I don't even know what boundaries are or ones I should have... I hear you on that. I spent over a decade browbeaten and depressed in a catastrophic death spiralling marriage. I finally got out of it, did some therapy, and then really started working on myself. After spending all those years feeling like everything I did was going to be judged, criticized, or shamed, it really felt like there was all of a sudden this giant vacuum in my life, a big hole that was wide open and unexplored. The …
/r/MarriedRedPill22/12/14 09:51 PM
2

I tell her if I had known she'd have such a strong reaction, I wouldn't have watched it. Women have strong reactions to a lot of things but that doesn't mean your own behavior is wrong. OP demonstrates again that he is influenced by the emotions of his GF and that in the future he will base his decisions on his GF's capricious emotions. This. This. And this again. You cannot let yourself be held hostage by someone's reactions, emotions, or tantrums. This is not just true for LTR game or in the c…
/r/askTRP21/12/14 03:20 PM
6

Watch Clint Eastwood in "High Plains Drifter". The man simply doesn't give a fuck.
/r/TheRedPill21/12/14 02:53 PM
2

It all starts with inner game and having your own head in the right place. For me that's been unlearning a lot of this shit programming I received during my old life - a lot of personal growth, introspection, self development, whatever you want to call it. The trp sidebar is great, the books referenced in /r/marriedredpill sidebar are also great. One podcast I've been listening to is freedomain radio, by Stephen Molyneux. He has a great way of deconstructing relationship issues and boiling thing…
/r/askTRP21/12/14 02:44 PM
2

This is an inspirational story. Thanks for sharing and congratulations on your growth and on getting your act together. Ome thing that really strikes me is that even though there's a huge gender interaction component to TRP, self knowledge and personal growth is equally huge. I was programmed to self-destruct and live a miserable life, This is a really powerful way to put it. It really resonates with me, and probably will for anyone who grew up under the shadow of some shit (read: anyone who eve…
/r/TheRedPill20/12/14 01:32 PM
3

Jesus no. What you feel is your own. Yes, you need to work through issues. Yes, you need to improve yourself. Yes, you need a new understanding of how things work. But it does not all need to be done at the feet of the wife. Pick and chose but do not show weakness or insecurity. Get your shit straight, then talk to her. Even with a girl who's close to 99 precent red pill.
/r/MarriedRedPill19/12/14 03:39 AM
3

To her, any reaction at all is overreacting. If I even stand my ground her hamster goes into overdrive But now you are reacting to what you think she will think about your actions - that's like three levels of thinking removed from your actions. When you start thinking about what she will do, what she will think, what she will feel, you are living her life, not yours. Worse than that, you're living inside a fantasy world of what you think she is, not even what she actually is. As Stringray says,…
/r/MarriedRedPill18/12/14 08:57 PM
4

If she's trying to get me riled, it's up to me to not get riled. This. Since realizing this, I've watched so many little things that might in the past have turned into a real shitstorm of fighting or bad feelings just slide by. Simply by acknowledging a sentiment or just replying calmly rather than getting all butthurt over it. It's amazing to realize how much you really are in control of your own self. Basically everything you feel - anxiety, nervousness, insecurity, anger - is 100% in your own…
/r/MarriedRedPill18/12/14 02:41 PM
-3

Just went over to take a glance at that subreddit. And felt a little more sadness at the state of the world cross my soul. Sigh...
/r/MarriedRedPill18/12/14 02:14 PM
2

The analysis by /u/strategos_autokrator is a thing of beauty. Cutting through the crap like a hot knife through butter. Nothing I can add to that. But what I read from your response, cegh, is still "But my wife's feelings"... "But what the MiL wants"... "But rocking the boat"... "But..." "but... but". Step back for a minute and realize that your own feelings and desires are at least as important if not more so (at least to you) than everyone else's. Not that you have to be a total dick and roll …
/r/MarriedRedPill16/12/14 05:39 PM
1

I also read the post in asktrp earlier. One thing missing from the story so far is what the MIL is like in general - is she always a massive cunt or was this just a little bit of a drunken nasty outburst. If this is a one-time thing then just play it tit-for-tat: "I didn't realize the double clink was such a big deal for you. Sorry that you took it so hard. But I'm not OK with being invited over for dinner then told to fuck off." Her attitude will determine if you want to go back or not. But if …
/r/MarriedRedPill15/12/14 08:13 PM
2

I'd say this was an excellent outcome and you handled it great. As I read the part where you stated how you found the witholding aspect unacceptable, it brought to mind a comment someone made here several months ago: about how standing up for yourself, how being clear in your communication, and not putting up with shit, doesn't have to just be about your wife or LTR - it's really common sense about how to live your life as a man in general. You can wrap some female-specific strategy around the w…
/r/MarriedRedPill15/12/14 03:11 PM
3

You can't ever not be awesome again, Spot on. It's good to be the lead, don't get me wrong, but it gets tiring sometimes...
/r/MarriedRedPill15/12/14 03:05 PM
2

A good first start is to take control of yourself FIRST. If you can't do this, how do you expect others to trust you enough so they follow you? This is a long process, it is a life-long process. This process of growth is what being a man IS. There is a lot of wisdom in these comments. The big picture here is not the wife or the marriage. It's the OP's entire life - of which there are a good 30-50 years left depending on is choices and the whims of nature. I came from a very similar situation to …
/r/MarriedRedPill15/12/14 02:57 PM
2

Ding ding ding din!g !!! We have a winner. Until you realize this, all you do is just decoration. Glad this hit you.
/r/MarriedRedPill12/12/14 09:17 PM
42

Nothing to do with what they need. In Canada at least, government guideline recommended child support is basically a sliding percentage of the payer's income. Doesn't matter how much the ex wife makes or if she won the lottery or married a millionaire. I basically pay one third of my after tax paycheque income to her even though she remarried and is doing just fine financially. It's a strong disincentive to work harder- a 1000 dollar bonus will see me pay 400+ in income tax and in theory at leas…
/r/TheRedPill11/12/14 02:23 AM
28

This, bitches, is science at it's best. There's a theory. You tested the theory against some existing data. You're making some predictions about what will happen in your next relationship experiment. You'll use the theory and gauge your results. You'll refine and improve as necessary. Basic fucking scientific method, baby! This is one of the things I love about TRP - leave the feelz, faith, and crying at home.
/r/TheRedPill10/12/14 01:26 PM
1

For me it was just a lot of self-realization. The more you long for something outside of yourself (the unicorn), the more power you give it and that takes away from your own strength. Focus on yourself. Read as much as you can about redpill, all the books in the sidebar and in the married red pill subreddit sidebar, read "The Rational Male". Once you start to realize just how much of what you were raised to believe is actually a complete load of fantastical shit, you can start to ask yourself: h…
/r/TheRedPill08/12/14 05:11 PM
3

And even if you don't beat her over the head with it constantly, make damn sure you know it in your own mind. A lot of guys seem to think that once they're in, it's game over and the cost of leaving or breaking it off is just too much. Keep asking yourself, "Am I still getting what I need, is this still a worthwhile exchange?". Every day of your life, you're trading a day of your life for the experience you just had. Make damn sure that you can sleep every night knowing it's been worth it.
/r/TheRedPill08/12/14 04:39 PM
2

If you don't have sex, you start to miss it, yearn for it, and do things to get it that you might not normally do in a healthier state of mind. Same goes for missing out the relationship/emotional/closeness aspect. It can cloud your thought process just as bad if not worse. It sounds like you might have been really off balance - it seems premature and maybe even a little desperate to start thinking of a girl you only dated twice and got peck on the cheek from as candidate for an LTR.
/r/TheRedPill08/12/14 04:29 PM
2

In the immortal words of George Carlin: 'Think of how stupid the average person is, and realize half of them are stupider than that.'
/r/TheRedPill08/12/14 04:17 PM
2

This is really well put, and solid advice. Thanks for relating your experiences and the analysis. I'll also put in a vote for "When I say no I feel guilty" - it really helped to reframe how I viewed my interactions with the (now) ex.
/r/MarriedRedPill04/12/14 02:07 PM
5

"on a leash for you" Nitpicking on phrasing: that reads like you're agreeing that you're living in captivity. I'd say something like "I chose to be with you" or 'I chose to sleep only with you." - more active and shows more self-determination. Then "Why don't you remind me why I made the right choice...". The hair thing... I think you want to concentrate your attention on notching it up when she's awake!
/r/MarriedRedPill03/12/14 05:01 PM
5

All the advice on here so far is spot-on. But from my perspective: She makes it always come off as I'm being rude or mean in my talking. "rude",... "mean"... those are emotional words. She's trying to bring the discussion into her territory. You can respond without getting sucked into an emotional response, or getting your buttons pushed. Always keep in the back of your mind that you are now a better person than the reactive adolescent you were a few short years ago. You know what you want and y…
/r/MarriedRedPill03/12/14 04:49 PM
2

Can't agree more with this piece of advice- doesn't matter how good your triangle choke is, when you're on the ground trying to apply it and there are a couple guys behind you putting it to you with size 12 work boots. Training gives you two pieces of useful but counterbalanced life skills: the ability to feel confident about physical confrontation, and the ability to realize just how deadly one slip-up can be, and as a corollary, to realize that sometimes just getting the hell out of there is y…
/r/TheRedPill26/11/14 04:25 PM
5

This is a really inspiring story. Both because it resonates with me on so many levels and also because it's a powerful positive tale of victory. Despite all the anger phase posts here, finding these great motivators makesTRP like a little surprise pocket of warm sun on a bitter winter day. Glad to read you're doing better, mate. Good on ya! ( and would love to hear the backstory...)
/r/TheRedPill22/11/14 01:35 PM
88

No. Just get that shit out of your head now. Even if she seems to understand or empathize with you, one day you two will be having a conversation and she'll turn it around on you and stab you in the face with it. And you'll be sitting there with a stunned 'what the fuck' look on your ugly mug. Even the one you thought might be the closest chick to unicorn hood. Been there. Done that. Just find a drunk at the bar, spill your guts, and forget about it.
/r/TheRedPill19/11/14 03:13 AM
2

I think you handled this in a sensible way. And that "snappy tone" shit... geez, I hate that nonsense. But one thing in your post bugs me: you describe "The pattern is...she has decided that I'm going to fight her about something.". It sounds like you are creating a model of what's going on in her head, which people are prone to do, but be careful how far you go with this. The more you try to interpret what's in her head, and then react according to what's in your own head about what's in her he…
/r/MarriedRedPill07/11/14 03:26 PM
2

It's like in the old movie "Summer School" when teacher Mark Harmon gives these two half-witted stoners identical marks at the end of term, and drily comments "makes sense... you share the same brain". Same-brain theory applies to a lot of women - once one knows something, they all do.
/r/TheRedPill28/10/14 01:54 PM
1

Part of the cultural narrative is that a pregnant woman is to be catered to even beyond the extremes that a regular woman expects. Be watchful of that but still be sane. Don't do it just because of the narrative. If you want, do it because you honestly see her tired out, or because you just want to give her a break. There's nothing intrinsically wrong with helping out around the house a bit (unless you're trying to drive towards a 100% 'get me my slippers and a drink' kind of marriage). Just mak…
/r/MarriedRedPill23/10/14 02:21 PM
3

I hear you and sympathize. I lived a similar life but didn't find RP until after the divorce. What really struck me was one "a-ha!" moment I had while married. I was at the lowest point ever and suddenly realized "If I still feel this way when I'm 80 years old and ready to kick the bucket, then I will have failed at my life. Not just my marriage, but my whole life and I've only got one of those. And I'm damned if I'm going to waste the next 40 years living like this." So my advice is that while …
/r/MarriedRedPill22/10/14 03:12 PM
4

Trained in classical JJ (not BJJ) 20 years here. You're right, on the mats there's no BS - better technique, strength and skill beats false bravado and cockiness any day. But saying your ego is shattered does a disservice to the experience. That's a negative takeaway. What you're really taking away from the training is a much better understanding of the reality of the world at least as far as physical fighting/interaction goes, and a sense of the actual limit to your skills. Accepting the true n…
/r/TheRedPill12/10/14 03:21 PM
–

I read this post shortly after I read the one where the guy stated he had sex with his wife three times in two years. And I couldn't help but think that if this is the worst of your problems, well, I think you know you've got it made. Let this be an inspiration to the newbies here.
/r/MarriedRedPill
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You can get as little or as much out of therapy as you choose. It's up to you. But it's not inherently a bad thing. Being RP means 1) that you see the nature of the sexual market, know the Game and all that stuff, but it also means 2) you have your own shit together in your own head and can live the way you want to, not living by reacting to all sorts of toxic bullshit (resentment,triggers,anxiety,whatever) that's been planted in your head by society, parents, crazy ex'es, and so on. It can be v…
/r/askTRP
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Let's assume you didn't come here out of a subliminal desire to get all the feedback that you know you're going to get about not moving in with her, and skip to financials. If you're of the TRP mindset then you should be interested in learning as much as you can about how it works to own a house. You want to make a financial decision based on understanding your obligations, your budget, where the extra fees come from, and so on. Learn how much interest you will pay on a mortgage over the years a…
/r/askTRP
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