tl;dr: Wife is behaving badly/having an affair, I want a divorce. She is batshit crazy and I have to plan my steps carefully. May take months, how do I deal and put up with her until I get out?

What happened:

Classic story from what I’ve read here: I started becoming even more beta (I was a BB from the start), sex life tapers. Three months ago she starts keeping her phone close and shows interest in getting in shape and her appearance. On Monday she tells me she made plans to celebrate NYE out with her friends instead of me, never happened before. She asked if it was ok ("don't you trust me?") and it was framed in a way that if I said no I was a control freak and she would make me pay for it. I didn't stop her, the day after, no sign of her at 10pm so I call to see what’s up. No answer, I get a text back at midnight saying basically “So sorry, change of plans I’m staying here until Sunday. I will make it up to you, please forgive me.”. I'm wondering "staying where"? That’s enough for me - even in the slimmest chance she isn’t riding Chad right now, it’s just unacceptable behavior.

Background:

We’ve been married 3.5 years, both in early thirties with no kids. About 2 years ago there was an incident where she was getting texts from an ex and answering them. I don’t remember exactly what the content was but it was serious text flirting. She may even have met/slept with him, but there was no evidence at the time. I blew a gasket and started talking about splitting up. She went totally insane, threatened suicide, tried to cut herself. I had to physically wrestle the knife out of her arms, she then ran to the balcony and tried to jump off. They were not feigned but very deliberate actions, I really think she would've gone through with it. I managed to calm her down saying I was overreacting. While thinking of how the extricate myself from this situation she mentions that I if ever abandon her she would show up at my work and make my life difficult and so on.

Now, I’m from country A living with her in country B where she’s from. I have a great job making serious money but I’m on an expat contract through an employer from my country and the visa doesn’t allow me to work for anyone else. Leaving on short notice would’ve have meant a big financial loss, going to a much lower paid job and forfeiting stock options. While looking for a way out things calmed down, she was back to her normal self and I kind of mentally blocked out that it ever happened.

This time my mind is made up, I’m out, but I’m dreading facing her to avoid a repeat of what happened. The legal system in this country is unfamiliar to me and I’m afraid she can get me in all kinds of trouble as well since it's a corrupt country.

Basically I'm applying for jobs outside this country (preferably where she can't get a visa), wait for anything to come through and pack my bag and take off. She’s almost never away for longer periods so even that will be difficult to do and I would have to leave most my possessions. I have one opening in April when she will go abroad for a couple of weeks, and I’m doing all I can to line up something until then. I get that I may be a considered a coward, but I'd rather be that than be around when she hurts herself (or me) or gets me in jail.

I will not be able to file for divorce here unless she agrees. Even if I don't want to ask, it would be unlikely she would agree considering she wouldn't get much. Back home I can get a contested divorce and while the law is more biased towards women, the concept of alimony doesn't exist and since we don’t have kids or a house, I will not be severely raped. She is still entitled to half of what I’ve made since the marriage. Together with the “cross-border” legal process it’ll probably cost me at least $40-50k...

I have already been lifting heavy for more than a year and in pretty good shape, big issue is beta behavior. I just found TRP a week ago and it was an eye-opener. So many things makes sense now. Looking back there were several red flags that I willfully ignored.

What do I do Sunday when she’s back? How do I deal with her for possibly months to come? I don't feel interested in saving the marriage, especially after obsessively reading hundreds of horror stories here. Just focusing on getting through to the next day. Any input would be appreciated.

Thanks.