Constant Critic

stonepimpletilists · 2015-11-05T13:18:52+00:00

I do tend to be quite critical, but its just my iterative nature toward everything in my life

Are they valid? Is it direction (leadership) or critisism (nagging)?

Are you a high SMV man that a woman would want to be her best around? Or are you still the same schlub that has an ego?

I know in the main sub, a lot of guys talk about what she "should" be doing. Thats a shit cop out. Live like you were single.

If she isn't doing laundry, then get it done, because you're not a slob.
If she isn't cooking, then get it done, because you're not a slob.
If she isn't cleaning, then get it done, because you're not a slob.
If she isn't financially contributing to the home, then get it done, because you're not a slob.

After that, then ask yourself. Why are you here woman? If it was just great sex on tap, check out the redonculous.com video on cost benefit analysis. A hooker 3 days a week is cheaper in the long haul, not to mention the time gained in less cleaning and cooking for 1.

To reiterate the point above. You're the captain, you will have a harder go, nature of the beast. Through that harder road, you are able to call for people who add value to your life to stay, and leechers to leave.

Are you that man? Are you trying to be?

strategos_autokrator · 2015-11-05T14:56:06+00:00

A Captain has to know when is his turn to micromanage, and when can he delegate and trusts. For example, one way is to assign a task, explain the desired result, and not care for the method. If results are met, good. If not, clarification is asked, and a reevalulation of delegation might be needed. THe rest is irrelevant.

If you are micromanaging about things that don't matter, then you aren't being a good leader. If you are micromanaging about things that DO matter, then ignore her complain, you are doing the right thing.

BluepillProfessor · 2015-11-05T15:58:02+00:00

Appreciate any advice.

Sure! Knock off the passive/aggressive bullshit, and stop criticizing your wife like you are a whining woman, bitching and moaning about the failings of your partner.

Try to be a strong, affirming presence with leadership instead of bitterness.

Is it simply a matter of acta non-verba?

Yes.

marxistbacon · 2015-11-05T18:34:49+00:00

My wife feels

Yeah? Good for her. How do YOU feel?

I do tend to be quite critical

Does being this critical make your life better or worse? In your own opinion (which may factor in the interactions you have with others, but is not defined by them).

Is it simply a matter of acta non-verba?

Usually, yes.

MRPguy · 2015-11-05T15:04:40+00:00

Your wife is a grown woman and as such you need to let her make her own decisions and choices. Leadership is not you telling her what to do all of the time. Leadership is you setting such a damn good example and being so damn successful and being so damn happy that she wants to follow you because it's an amazing adventure.

Lots of talking about random and useless shit that doesn't really matter in life is what the female hamster does. Your wife thinks less of you every time you do that.

ThatOtherMarriedGuy · 2015-11-05T16:31:31+00:00

My wife is a super-sensitive type who acts as if every criticism or disagreement leveled at her by anyone, not just me, is some sort of personal attack.

I had no idea how to handle it until I found MRP. Even after I started, I tried to fix her while I was starting to fix me. Dumb.

Now I mostly just STFU about correcting her or criticizing her unless it's a real problem or she's about to do something that makes no sense. Then I just (mostly) say, "don't do that any more, it's unacceptable," or "no, we're not going to do that." Then back to STFU.

Quit trying to change her. Change yourself. Make yourself more awesome, and she will start to change.

mrp_fan · 2015-11-05T18:02:40+00:00

Is it direction (leadership) or critisism (nagging)? Great line to consider before chiming in.

Does being this critical make your life better or worse? For sure I air internal dialogue more than I would to any other person. Like I should be able to let the filter down with her. That's just not polite.

I totally forgot about the Captain / first mate model. Lead and trust.

BluePillProfessor! I'm not worthy!!

ThatOtherMarriedGuy, I also make the mistake of projecting "what I would do" to her mentality. When she's not looking for that kind of input.

You really can't relax in this for a while huh?

Title	Constant Critic
Author	mrp_fan
Upvotes	4
Comments	9
Date	November 5, 2015 12:58 PM UTC (10 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/askMRP
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/askMRP/comments/3rmgix/constant_critic/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/askMRP/constant-critic.207934 https://theredarchive.com/post/207934

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